duh

Duh.  Of COURSE I do, Peepers.  Of course!

Kinda goes without sayin', you know.

MOUSES!

Umm...  That's not a few.

NO.  No, it isn't.  Two is not a few.  Two is a couple.  Everyone knows a few is more than a couple.  A few is more than two.

Don't you know anythin' about treats?

MOUSES!

Okay, so TECHNICALLY, I suppose, three might be a few.  Three is more than two.

Barely.

But techno mumbo jumbo aside, three will simply not do.

MOUSES!

Yeah, yeah...  Yeah, that's right, Peepers.  When Saffy and I ask for a few treats, we're thinkin' more along the lines of seven, eight, nine...  Maybe two dozen.  

You know, that sorta thing.

So three doesn't cut it, you see.

MOUSES!

I DON'T CARE what the package says is a serving size.  Packages can be wrong.

PLUS, I've seen YOU eatin' cookies.  

Okay, so I've never actually seen you eat two dozen mint-chocolate cookies, Peepers.  You do have me there.

BUT...

BUT IF I DID see you sit down and eat two dozen mint-chocolate cookies, I wouldn't give you a hard time about it.  Nope, I wouldn't do that, at all.  I, Seville the Cat, would NEVER give you a hard time 'bout eatin' two dozen mint-chocolate cookies all in one go.

'Cause that would be stupid.  Givin' you a hard time 'bout eatin' so many mint-chocolate cookies, I mean.  Nope, I'd be far better off takin' notes, gatherin' proof, and usin' said proof to my advantage when the need arises, and...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

OF COURSE I WOULD USE proof of your mint-chocolate cookie-eatin' habits to my advantage.  What kinda cat do you think I am?

Don't answer that.

I'll give you an answer to use.

Smart, Peepers.  Smart is the word for which you're lookin'.  A smart kitty like me gathers proof and sets it aside to use at a later date, and...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about NOW?

It. Is. NOT. Blackmail.  It's uh...

Well um...

Hmm...

Okay, so blackmail it is.

MOUSES!

And now that we're on the same page...

Kinda.

So now that we're on the same page, Peepers, let's just assume I have hard evidence of your mint-chocolate cookie-eatin' habits.  

NOW PAW OVER MY TREATS.

And don't you dare stop at a few.

MOUSES!

good work, Saffy

Good work, Saffy.  Good work.

Now THAT'S how you do it, for sure.

MOUSES!

Saffy really has got the hang of this stuff.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, it was rainin' today.  Not pourin', mind you, but rainin' enough so that if a kitty were to go outside for a bit, a kitty might get some rain on his furs.

And, of course, Saffron went out.

*sighs*

MOUSES!

But a little while later...

A little while later, Saffron came back in.

And he was all covered in rain.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin' it was really silly of Saffron to go out in the rain.

And truthfully, I was kinda thinkin' the same.

MOUSES!

But you remember how I said it wasn't actually pouring out there?

Well...

Well, that is totally true.  It was rainin' but not pourin', so...

So although Saffy was covered in rain, the water was sorta kinda in-a-weird-but-wonderful-way just lyin' there on the surface of his furs.

Cat probably didn't even realise he was wet.

MOUSES!

But once he was inside, Peepers - bein' a peep - went and told him how wet his fur was, and...

And then, of course...

He knew.

MOUSES!

Now in a situation like this, I, myself, enjoy a good rub down with a pillowy soft towel, but Saffy?

Nope, Saffy took a more immediate route.

He wasn't waitin' for no towel.

MOUSES!

Saffy, Saffron, Sassisfras - INSTEAD OF USIN' A TOWEL - decided to rub himself dry on the legs of Peepers' dry pants.

As well as the sleeves of her top.

And who knows, whilst I wasn't lookin', maybe even her shoes.

MOUSES!

And once Saffy had managed to dry himself off...

Peepers had to go change all of her clothes.

'Cause then PEEPERS was the one who was totally wet.

MOUSES!

Oh my mouses, my friends, what fun ol' Saffy did have.  And I had some fun, too.  It's fun listenin' to peeps mumble and grumble...

'BOUT SOMEBODY ELSE, and not you.

MOUSES!

Bottom line is: Saffy got dry, I had some fun, and...

And Peepers had extra laundry to do.

MOUSES!

and in other news

Didn't snow today.  Peepers didn't have to shovel.

First time this week.

MOUSES!

And in other news...

And in other news, on account of the peep not havin' to shovel, she busied herself munchin' on tea and some crumpets.

Whatever those are.

The crumpets, I mean.

MOUSES!

I'm not sure she - Peepers - knows, either.

MOUSES!

But speakin' of crumpets...

Speakin' of crumpets, imagine, if you will, crumpets that were actually trumpets.  And imagine if Peepers ate those.  And imagine if kitties did, too!

And imagine if said kitties ate crumpets that were actually trumpets and were made outta cheese.

They'd be a-toot-toot-tootin' those cheesy crumpety trumpets, for sure.

On account of the lactose, you see.

My gosh, we'd hear 'em from here to the moon!

We'd probably smell 'em, as well.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of cheese...

Did you know that kitties in my house aren't allowed to eat cheese?

Yeah, one too many tooty-toot-toots put paid to all that.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of puttin' paid...

Well, GETTIN' paid, I should say, 'cause I've been in conversations with the peeps about how they should be payin' me to do my catly duties all 'round the house.  Catchin' mice and all that.  I figure I should get quite a bit for keepin' our house free of mice.

But APPARENTLY, Peepers says that since there aren't any mice...

I'm obviously way too good at my job.

MOUSES!

So I'm thinkin' of investin' in a mouse family or two.  Mice I can have over and entertain, makin' sure the peeps get a really good look.

AND THEN I'll get paid to remove 'em, for sure.

Of course, I'll just ask 'em to hide out in another room, for a bit, where I'll serve 'em more cheesy crumpets, all decked out like trumpets, with multiple pots of strong tea.

'Cause I'm no fool.  Nosirree.

I'm not workin' myself out of ANOTHER job, by demousin' the house, once more.

Not that we ever had any mice.

'Cept for the ones Nissy brought in.

Nope, no...  Nissy liked chipmunks.  Yeah, he only ever brought chippies into our home.

But maybe I could get paid for dechippin' the house, too!

'CAUSE I NEED TO GET PAID SOMETHIN', methinks.  I need to get paid somethin', for sure.  Valentine's Day is later this month and from what I've been told, Peepers doesn't want a used, slobbered over, half torn up nip mouse, again.

My gosh, a kitty gives his peep a slobbered upon nip mouse, burstin' at the seams, for Christmas one year, and a kitty never hears the end of it, for sure.

You'd think those peeps had never heard of the three Rs:  Reduce, REUSE, and recycle.

Did she honestly think I should give her a new one?

Apparently so, WHICH IS WHY, I'm in need of a paycheque, for sure.

But if all else fails, a horked-up hairball might do.  As long as I don't place it INSIDE one of her shoes.

It's thoughtful touches like that, that matter the most.

MOUSES!

don't do it

Don't do it, Saffy.  Don't do it!

I said, DON'T DO IT.

Gosh darn it, he went and did it, after all.

MOUSES!

Don't go lookin' all surprised and stuff that Peepers yelled at you, Saffy.  Besides, she didn't really yell.  It was actually more like a...

Umm...

Well...

Well, more like a squeal.  

Yeah, liked a high-pitched, piglet-like kinda squeal, indicatin' her experiencing some sorta sharp and sudden pain.

MOUSES!

Quit your gripin', woman.  I said, like.  Piglet-LIKE.  I didn't say...

Oh, never mind.

MOUSES!

And stop listenin' in on Saffron and my conversations.

MOUSES!

Saffy, Saffy, Saffy...

Saffy Saffron Sassifras...

It's not like I didn't warn you.

MOUSES!

What?

Hmmm....  Well that puts a whole different perspective on things.  I shall inform the peep, at once.

Yes, Peepers.  Yes.  Yes, I am now talkin' to you.  NOW.  Now, you may listen in.

MOUSES!

So it turns out, Peepers, Saffron didn't grab hold of your hand with his claws and go to bite you out of anger or annoyance or anythin' like that.  No, he actually did it out of love.

Don't give me that look, Peepers.  I'm just repeatin' what Saffy has said, and to tell you the truth, it makes total sense.

AGAIN, quit it with the stupid looks, there, Peepers.  You keep that up and your face is gonna stick like that, forever.  You'll end up lookin' like one of those peeps we see on the news, with perma-scowls glued onto their face.

And we wouldn't want that now, would we.

I'm not lookin' at a face like that, day in and day out.

MOUSES!

But back to what I was sayin', ol' peep of mine.  Saffy grabbed hold of your hand with his claws and went to bite you out of love.  He was treatin' your hand just like he treats his nip mice and biff bags and stuff.  And we all know how much he loves his toys filled with the nip.

If anythin', Peepers, you should take it as a complement of sorts.  And you should be grateful, too.  Extremely grateful, for sure.  Why, you should be grateful that...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

Yes, GRATEFUL.  That is what I said.  You should be grateful that although Saffron loves you as much as he loves his biff bags, which is a lot, he still has the ability to show restraint and not turn his hind legs on that arm of yours, too.

'CAUSE WE ALL KNOW HOW DESTRUCTIVE THOSE HIND LEGS CAN BE.

Which reminds me, Peepers, there's some catnip spillage upstairs.  Catnip spillage, just outside the sewin' room.  Torn cotton fabric, frayed beyond repair.  Catnip pretty much everywhere.

You might wanna get that cleaned up before there's nip scattered through the rest of the  house.

MOUSES!

I'm back!

Okay, so I wasn't actually gone.

I just took a day off, you see.

You know, on account of my regular postin' day bein' on Christmas, this year.

MOUSES!

Truth be told, I was plannin' on postin' the very next day instead of waiting until now, but...

But the thing is...

The thing is, the day after Christmas was Boxing Day, and...

Well...

Well Boxin' Day is important, too.

Boxing Day: the day of the box.

Did I happen to mention it involves boxes?

MOUSES!

But back to the business at paw.  I hope everyone had a great Christmas.  Everyone who celebrates Christmas, of course.  And for anyone who doesn't, I hope you had a good day, too.

And as for the ol' Boxing Day...

WHO THE MOUSES DOESN'T CELEBRATE THAT?

Again, did I happen to mention it involves boxes?

MOUSES!

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

WHAT?

Oh, for the love of mouses.

So apparently, accordin' to Peepers (if she is to be believed), Boxing Day ISN'T celebrated by EVERYONE, all around the world.  Really only in the UK, and a number of Commonwealth nations, such as Canada.

But it most definitely does involve the givin' of boxes to cats.

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about NOW?

THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS GIVE US CATS THE BOXES.

MOUSES!

So apparently, accordin' to Peepers (although I really don't think she is to be believed), the origins of Boxin' Day do not revolve around the givin' of boxes to cats.

Proof positive that Peepers is definitely NOT to be believed.

MOUSES!

But all that nonsense Peepers is spoutin' aside, Saffron and I spent most of Boxin' Day, this year, hangin' out in some really lovely boxes.

AS ANY SELF-RESPECTIN' CANADIAN KITTY WOULD.

MOUSES!

And word of warnin', as this comin' Wednesday is New Year's Day, I'll be takin' the day off then, as well.  First day of the year is a very important day for us kitties, you see.  It's the day when we start the year as we mean to go on, which involves assertin' ourselves as the true rulers of the world, and...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about NOW?

FINE.

Peepers says the best I can do is assert myself as the true ruler of my own kingdom: my house.

PEEPERS,THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS GIVE ME ABSOLUTE CONTROL OF MY OWN HOUSE!

And as you can see, I'm gonna be pretty darned busy New Year's Day, catsplaining the way of the world to my peeps.

MOUSES!

And don't forget to spend some time on New Year's Eve or New Year's Day readin' about my adventure, way back when, when Nissy and I were summoned to London, England, to save the brinin' in of the New Year.  You can read all 'bout it in "Like Clockwork" by clickin' right here:  HERE

And in case we don't chat between now and January 1st...

May you all have a joyful and prosperous 2025.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

the to-do list

So she - Peepers - had a list.  A list of things to do.  A to-do list, one might say.

MOUSES!

The list was pretty long.  She - Peepers - had a whole bunch of things listed on said list.  A whole bunch of things she needed to do.

MOUSES!

And one by one, she scratched things off her list; and the list grew shorter, day by day.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin' that Peepers was steadily gettin' through her to-do list; and at the rate she was goin', she was gonna get everythin' done by Christmas.

And I was thinkin' the same!

But do you know somethin', my friends?  Do you?

Well...

Well, we were ALL TOTALLY wrong.

MOUSES!

Now like I said, I, too, fell for her crap...  I mean, poopies.  There I was, thinkin' that Peepers was really outdoin' herself this year, and that THIS year was THE YEAR she was actually gonna get everythin' done.  THIS year, Christmas Day was gonna arrive and Peepers wouldn't still have a long to-do list that was only half done.  THIS year...

Well, there's really no point in draggin' this on.

Bottom line is, I found Peepers early one mornin', to-do list in paw.  Yup, in her left paw was a cup of tea and in her right, her list.  AND I KNOW FOR A FACT that all she had done that mornin', so far, was make herself the tea.  Nothin' else.  Woman hadn't even combed her stupid hair.

But there she was, standin' in the kitchen with her list.  And thinkin' no one was lookin' - 'cause I had pawed lightly into the kitchen without makin' a sound, she set that list down, picked up a pen, and started scratchin' stuff out.

MOUSES!

That's right, my dear friends.  That's right!  I caught her in the act, and everythin'.

MOUSES!

I suddenly realised that Peepers' to-do list was not gettin' shorter on account of her gettin' stuff done, but rather...

But rather...

But rather, she was selectively scratchin' stuff off the list, WITHOUT GETTIN' ANY OF IT DONE.

Sheer utter and complete madness, for sure.

Next thing you know, she'll be puttin' her socks in her pj drawer and her pjs in the one for her socks.

MOUSES!

So yeah, she's gonna get through that ol' list by Christmas, all right.  But she's gonna get through it without half of it bein' done.

And I'm pretty sure that that is some kinda cheatin'.  Some kinda evil, dastardly cheatin', for sure.  So I was thinkin'...

I was thinkin'...

So I was thinkin', do I tell Santa how naughty Peepers has been?

OR...

Or do I just keep quiet 'til there's somethin' I, Seville the Cat, need to have done.  Like a new nip bed all dug up.  Or my knitted blankie finished a whole lot faster than it's happenin'.  Or free access to the plastic money when Treats-R-Us is havin' a sale.  Or...

Well you get the picture, I am sure.

What to do...  What to do...  There are always decisions I must make.

MOUSES!

One thing I DO know, however, is that some of you might be wantin' easy access to my Christmas adventures from Christmases past, so MY to-do list is easy, for sure.  The only thing on MY list is to share my adventures with you, and I'll share 'em right here.

So happy reading, my pals, and a Very Merry Christmas to you all.

PURRS

2013:  Home in Time for Christmas

2014:  The Naughty List

2015:  The Mysterious Ornament

2016:  Reindeer Dust

2016:  Seville Saves Christmas

2017:  Santa's Mail Train

2017:  Mason to the Rescue

2017:  The Shelf Elf

2018:  'Twas the Night Before Christmas

2019:  The Santa Sack, part I

2019:  The Santa Sack, part II

personal day

A personal day.

Hmmm...  I think I can do better than that.

A PURRsonal day.

Now that's the ticket, for sure!

Yes, indeedy, a PURRsonal day was needed.

MOUSES!

First of all, I must apologise, my dear pals.  I must apologise for not publishin' a post on Wednesday.  I know I almost always publish on Wednesdays and Sundays; and I know you've become accustomed to that.

But this past Wednesday...

Well, this past Wednesday, a PURRsonal day was needed.

MOUSES!

Things are busy 'round here.  Things are super busy, for sure!  Why, it's been so busy, I've actually had to cut my daily naps down to seven.

Can you believe it?

MOUSES!

But my sheer exhaustedness due to bein' so busy and my lack of nappin' aside, I have to admit, Peepers has been quite busy, too.  Busy enough for her to be cranky, in fact.  And we all know a cranky peep is somethin' to avoid.

MOUSES!

Why just the other day, she actually raised her voice to Saffron on account of Saffy windin' himself 'round her legs over and over again.  He was in need of treats, you see, and that's usually the best way to get 'em.

But he got a raised voice, instead.

"Don't get under my feet when I'm workin' at the stove," she said.  "I'm making candy and it's hot," she said.  "Go over and bother Peep #2 in the family room, where it's safer," she said.  "Don't...."

Well you get the picture, I am sure.

BUT DOES THE WOMAN NOT UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN A KITTY NEEDS TREATS, HE DEFINITELY NEEDS 'EM?

Even if it is the ninth helpin' of treats that day.

MOUSES!

There was a whole bunch of other stuff goin' on, too.  Christmas preparations of various kinds.  Knittin' to finish; prezzies to wrap; shoppin' to do...   You know, those sorta things.

So I figured, it would be of great help to the peep if I were to assist!

Which is why...

Which is why, a PURRsonal day was in order.  A day I could spend just helpin' the peep.

MOUSES!

Well, APPARENTLY, my help wasn't welcome when I tried to detangle her yarn for knittin'.

Detangle...  Slobber upon and tangle up in the first place...  Whatever.

Nor was my help welcome when I tried to assist her prezzie wrappin' by holdin' the gift wrap in place.

Holdin' in place...  Lyin' on, rollin' all over, and crumplin' up...  Whatever.

And my help was especially not welcome with the shoppin'.

Hmmm...

Nope, that wasn't it.  I would have liked to have helped with the shoppin' but as you all know, I don't do cars.  So I simply REFUSED to offer that sorta help.

MOUSES!

But even though I didn't help with the shoppin'...

And even though my help with the gift wrappin' and knittin' wasn't appreciated...

I still managed to help by supervising.

TURNS OUT SUPERVISIN' IS MORE TIRESOME THAN HELPIN'!

All that supervisin' wore me right out, it did.

Some purrsonal day for me.

And yes, I am bein' sarcastic.

MOUSES!

So now...

So now, my dear pals...

So now, my pals, I'm gonna need another PURRsonal day very, VERY soon.

And this one is gonna be just for me.

MOUSES!

still on the run

Hey ho, Sivvers the Cat here, reportin' from  sunny SNOWY Nova Scotia.

MOUSES!

That's right, my dear pals.  That's right!  The snowfall I reported on the other day, melted and disappeared; but pretty much as soon as it was all gone, it went and snowed all over again.

There's a whole whack of the white stuff all over the ground.

MOUSES!

And just what is a kitty to do when it's below freezin' outside and the ground is covered in snow?

Well...

Well surf the net, of course.  What else?

MOUSES!

And whilst surfin' that net, I found me some breakin' news.

Okay, so it was actually breaking 'bout a week ago; but if it's new to me and you, it can still be considered as news.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, APPARENTLY, there's a shoe thief on the loose in Japan.

It's true!

Yup, accordin' to multiple news reports from various news agencies, there was a shoe thief on the loose in Japan.  Shoes belongin' to kindergarten students were bein' stolen left, right, and centre.

Police were called in.

Security cameras were installed.

Surely the culprit was BOUND to be found.

Well...

Well, the culprit was caught on camera, all right.

And said culprit turned out to be a...

Wait for it...

Weasel.

MOUSES!

There on the security footage, for EVERYONE to see, was a furry little weasel with a shoe hangin' outta its mouth.

"It's great it turned out not to be a human being," Deputy Police Chief Hiroaki Inada told The Associated Press Sunday.  Teachers and parents had feared it could be a disturbed person with a shoe fetish."

Hmmm...

But a disturbed WEASEL with a shoe fetish is okay?

MOUSES!

And as I previously mentioned, said weasel is STILL on the run.

MOUSES!

But have no fear, my dear friends.  Have no fear.  This kinda stuff is never gonna happen 'round here.

'Cause you see...

'Cause you see, those of you who are familiar with my blog, already know that most weasels in Canada belong to the well-known criminal organization known as The Weasel Syndicate.  They don't go around stealin' peeps' shoes.  A stolen shoe here and there is small potatoes compared to the criminal activity weasels get up to in this country.

But just to be safe...

Just to be safe, if you happen to come across a weaselly-lookin' character sellin' kids' shoes on a street corner...

Make sure they're selling 'em in pairs.

'Cause what's a kitty gonna do with only one shoe?

MOUSES!

runnin' amok

They were runnin' amok.

MOUSES!

No actually, they were hamsters.

MOUSES!

That's right, my dear pals.  That's right!  An airplane was grounded for several days after...

Wait for it...

After airport employees went into the cargo hold...

AND FOUND HAMSTERS RUNNNIN' AMOK.

MOUSES!

I don't think they were violent or anythin'.

The hamsters, I mean.  Not the baggage handlers who found 'em.

Yeah, I don't think they were violent.  After all, they're kinda cute, fuzzy little things.

Again, I mean the hamsters.  I doubt any baggage handler wants to be described as a cute, fuzzy little thing.

MOUSES!

But although probably not violent, they - again, the hamsters, I mean - must have been runnin' about.  Maybe even goin' berserk!  I would be, too, had I been put on a plane against my will and then let loose.

MOUSES!

Okay, so they weren't actually LET loose.

Actually, they escaped.

MOUSES!

That's right, my dear pals.  That's right!  Accordin' to multiple news reports from various news agencies, no fewer than 132 hamsters managed to escape on that plane, by chewin' through their cages.

BEFORE RUNNIN' AMOK.

MOUSES!

One wonders exactly what kinda cages those were.  And why-oh-why were they so tasty?

The cages, I mean.  I'm not talkin' about the hamsters.

This time.

MOUSES!

Although on the other paw...

Nah, hamsters are way too cute and too fuzzy for tastin'.

MOUSES!

News reports also indicate there were ferrets and birds on the flight, as well as a number of passengers, aka peeps.  No mention of the ferrets or birds gettin' loose.

No word on the peeps.

MOUSES!

But to tell you the truth, the peeps weren't in cages.  Oh sure, they were probably belted in, 'cause airlines are sticklers 'bout those kinda things, but I'm pretty sure no peeps chewed through their seatbelts.

Although on the other paw...

One never really knows with peeps.

MOUSES!

Nah, I'm thinkin' they just clicked on their seatbelt buttons to undo 'em.

Probably.

MOUSES!

But as for those hamsters who were runnin' amok, the airplane had to be grounded even after all of 'em were found, 'cause if the hamsters had chewed through their cages, they might have chewed through wirin' and stuff.

ESPECIALLY if the wirin' was as tasty as the cages.

Again, I really wanna know what those cages were made of.

'Cause if the cages tasted like salmon or tuna...

I MIGHTTA CHEWED THROUGH 'EM TOO!

Especially if I had previously been imbibin' in catnip and had a big ol' case of the munchies.

Hmm...  Do hamsters like nip?  Could that have been it?  Could those hamsters have been all nipped up, got the munchies, and then started to chew?

Methinks this warrants further investigation.

Most definitely, and for sure.

MOUSES!

how illuminatin'

Well, well, well...

How very illuminatin', indeed.

MOUSES!

Not the first time I've received an invite like this.  Probably won't be the last, either.

'Cause you know, I'm a very popular kinda guy.

MOUSES!

Now for those of you who follow my fan page, Nerissa's Life, over on Facebook; you already know all about this.  But not all my pals are on the ol' book of faces, so some of you may not have heard.  But whether you have or have not yet heard, what I'm about to tell you bears repeatin', for sure.

MOUSES!

About a week ago or so, I received an invitation from someone named Alicia B.  I had previously received somethin' similar over on the ol' bird app.  Apparently, Alicia and her co-conspirators are now tryin' to infiltrate Bluesky.

MOUSES!

Illuminati invitation:  Based on the membership criterion of the Illuminati, we find you are of great interest in possession of a good mastery of manual dexterity and academic proficiency.  With this, we look at you as the class that will be the platform for which you stand to meet the wealthy people who can raise you to wealth, power, fame and glory.  I strongly recommend that you join us in the Illuminati.  Joining us you become wealthy and live the life you desire.  Do you accept the offer?

WHO THE HECK FALLS OF THIS KINDA LITTERBOX POOP?

MOUSES!

My first hint that Alicia B was a scammy scammery scammer type was pretty obvious.  I really don't think The Illuminati are out there tryin' to recruit peeps on social media, AND I DEFINITELY don't think they're tryin' to recruit cats.

On the other paw...

On the other paw, boostin' the feline membership of their organization would be a massive improvement, for sure.

After all, we are cats.

MOUSES!

But odds are, they don't think like that.  They probably don't even KNOW I'm a cat.

Which brings me to the second hint this Alicia B is some kinda scammy scammery scammer type: She SHOULD know I'm a cat.  If she's smart enough to be in the Illuminati, she should be smart enough to know that someone named Seville the CAT is a...

Well, you know...

A CAT!

But apparently not.

MOUSES!

And my third hint Alicia B is a scammy scammery scammer type is her poor use of the English language, especially for someone in the Illuminati.  There's only ONE criterion they're lookin' for, for potential membership?  Should there not be multiple criteria?  There's a whole sentence in there that makes no sense, whatsoever.  Nope, I can't make head nor tail of it, at all.  And as a cat, I HAVE a tail, which should give me some kinda advantage, for sure.

AND FOR MOUSIN' OUT LOUD, HAS THE WOMAN NEVER HEARD OF THE OXFORD COMMA?

MOUSES!

But of course, after receivin' the invitation, EVEN THOUGH I KNEW BETTER, I must admit I was kinda hopin' it was real.  After all, joinin' the Illuminati would be super prestigious, for sure.

If it were real.

If it were real, what a coo it would be to join!

And this...  This feelin' of bein' recognised and appreciated and singled-out as bein' special, my friends, is the very reason cats and peeps might fall for these scams.

But then I remembered, as a cat, I ALREADY AM a member of the most prestigious organisation out there, to be had.

IT'S CALLED CAT.

I don't need no stupid Illuminati to tell me how wonderful I am.

'CAUSE I'M A CAT.

I AM ALL THAT.

So please, take it from me and don't be fooled by the likes of Alicia B.

MOUSES!

catfishing

Catfishin':  The activity of catchin' catfish.

Hmmm...

Nope, I don't think that's it.

Catfishin':  Fishin' for cats.

Now, is that an instruction manual for cats who wanna be fishers?  Like Fishin' for Dummies, perhaps?

Probably not.  After all, we cats don't need to fish.  We delegate that kinda work to our peeps.  After all, that is what they're there for.  PLUS, we are anythin' but dumb.

MOUSES!

Or could fishin' for cats be the act of peeps tryin' to catch cats.

Nah, I really don't think is was that kinda catfishin', either.

Although I, Seville the Cat, am a cat.

And they were kinda fishin'...

So maybe...

Nope, I'm just gonna put it out there and say he was not fishin' for cats.

MOUSES!

Catfishin':  Lurin' someone into a relationship usin' a fictional online persona.

Hmmm....

Yeah, THAT'S what he was doin', for sure.

Although not all that successfully, I'm afraid.

MOUSES!

Hey Christopher!  I'm not interested.  Your kinda fishin' sucks.  Talk to me when you've caught an actual fish.

FYI, I enjoy salmon.

MOUSES!

Gonna say it again.

MOUSES!

Has that ever happened to you, my dear friends?  Has that ever happened to you?  Have you ever received DMs over on the ol' bird app or on Bluesky, from peeps WHOM YOU DON'T KNOW FROM A HOLE IN THE WALL who just outta the blue, send you a message sayin' hi or how ya doin'?  Or friend requests on Facebook from doctors and lawyers and exceptionally high-rankin' military personnel?  Has it?  Has it happened to you?

Well it happened to me just this mornin'.  Yup, just this mornin', I received a message from some Christopher guy, wantin' to say hi.

I looked at his profile.

Man doesn't even live with any cats.

MOUSES!

And a couple days ago, some woman was doin' the same!

Don't think she lives with cats, either.

MOUSES!

These catfishers can be problematic, for sure.

But not to me, of course, 'cause I don't fall for their tricks.  I don't even answer!  I just block 'em and run.

Well...

Well I might first mock 'em a bit.  Mock 'em right here on my blog.

'Cause mockin' peeps is kinda what I do.

USUALLY, I stick to mockin' my own peeps; but some of these catfishers, even though I've never met 'em or anythin', are just BEGGIN' to be mocked, to be sure.

AND WHO AM I TO REFUSE THEIR REQUESTS TO BE MOCKED?

Bwahahahahahahhaha...

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin' that with a handsome and angelic face such as mine, I'm pretty irresistible AND IT'S NO WONDER these peeps are wantin' to say hello.  They just wanna get to know me.  Say they've rubbed shoulders with Seville from Nerissa's Life.

Yeah, you could very well be right, 'CAUSE I AM irresistible, for sure.

But unless they're plannin' on sendin' me broiled catfish with creamy nip sauce on a platter, they're into the wrong kinda catfishin' for me.

MOUSES!

1. 
   

play stupid games...

Not my fault.

I said, it's not my fault.

And I repeat myself once more: IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', it's never my fault.  And you know somethin', my friends?

YOU WOULD BE RIGHT.

'Cause bad stuff never is my fault.  And as for when good stuff happens, believe-you-me, you'll hear me takin' credit for it before you even know it's happened.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, methinks I should explain.

Okay, so last night, Peepers came into my office without botherin' to turn on the light.  I wasn't in the office at the time but moments after her intrusion, I did hear her cry out, "MOUSES!"

Or somethin' like that.

Then the next thing I knew, the lights were all on and she had brought out the broom.

'Cause you see...

'Cause you see, about a week or so back, Peepers had filled a couple plant trays with pottin' mix and set 'em on the floor next to where she plants seeds and pots up stuff and whatnot.  She was gonna use 'em later that day.  But when later that day arrived, she changed her mind, decidin' to plant what she was plantin' in proper pots, instead.  The trays were pushed aside, and left on the floor.

Her new plan was to empty out the trays with the pottin' mix into the compost bin, but it's been kinda rainy and wet all week, sometimes pretty chilly, and sometimes milder but still miserable, so... 

So said trays of pottin' mix stayed on the floor.

Like I said, she had pushed 'em to the side, outta the way.  But then yesterday mornin', Peepers needed somethin' or other outta the cupboard behind where those trays had been sittin'.  So she moved 'em over a bit.

Well!

Well surprise, surprise, Peepers: Play stupid games and you know what you get.

MOUSES!

That's right, Peepers was playin' stupid peep games when walkin' into my office without turnin' on the light.  It's not like she's a cat, you know.  We cats have superior night time vision.  Peeps don't.

So...

So the one tray that was sittin' on top of the other, got knocked over when she practically stepped on 'em both, and pottin' soil - 'cause after a week it had all dried out - got scattered all over the floor.

MOUSES!

Luckily for the peep, the part of the floor where it all landed was the uncarpeted bit.  Then out came the broom, and before anyone knew it, everythin' was swept right up.

Into a nice little pile.

Kinda in the middle of the room.

Now as late as it was, and totally dark outside, Peepers knew she had to get rid of that mess the next mornin'.  I mean, it wouldn't do for her to get lost out in the dark, headin' over to the compost bin.  Remember, as a peep, she has inferior night vision.

MOUSES!

But sometime overnight...

Sometime overnight, either Saffron or me, mightta kinda walked right through that ol' pile of dried up pottin' mix.

Walked...  Ran...  Jumped up and about in...  Whatever.

MOUSES!

Bottom line is, this mornin' there was dried up pottin' mix ALL OVER the place, includin' the carpet on the other side of the room.

But like I said before, IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

First of all, I'm not even sayin' they were my paws that messed everythin' up.  I really do think it was Saffron.  But secondly, neither one of US left the pile of dirt just sittin' there, ASKIN' to be tossed all about.

That, my dear pals, was Peepers.

So ipso, facto, defuncto:  THE FAULT IS ALL HERS.

MOUSES!

And remember, you can now find me on Bluesky, where the skies are friendly, sunny, and blue.  Just search for Seville the Cat or @nerissathecat 'cause that, my friends, is where I'm now at.

MOUSES!

and speakin' of flittin'....

And speakin' of flittin'...

Okay, I guess that for some of you, that kinda came out of the blue.  But if you remember, I've started flittin' over on Bluesky.

Flittin'...  Skeetin'...  Whatever.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, like I was sayin', I've been flittin' like a butterfly over on Bluesky.

'Cept, of course, I'm a keyboard flitter and not an actual flitter, on account of my not havin' butterfly wings.

'Cause as you all know, I am a cat.

MOUSES!

But all this talk of butterflies flittin' and stuff, reminded me how in the summer, there were butterflies flittin' here and there, amongst my nip plants.

They - the butterflies, I mean - do seem to like spendin' time with the catnip, as do the bees, although I've never seen any of 'em actually nipped.

I don't think.

MOUSES!

Although truth be told, once I get into the catnip, myself, I might not be able to tell.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, I thought I should tell you what Peepers gave me the other week.

No, not my Bluesky account.  YES, she did open that up.  But today I'm gonna tell you 'bout somethin' ELSE she gave me, as well.

Are you ready?  Are you sittin' down?

Peepers gave me...

A nip bed.

MOUSES!

No, a nip bed is not a knitted or sewn bed stuffed to the brim with catnip.

Although now that I think about it, a knitted or sewn bed stuffed to the brim with the nip would be grand.  I'll have to mention that to the peep.

Or Santa.

Or anyone else who might be listenin'.

MOUSES!

But back to the subject at paw: Peepers has given me one of her new raised beds so that I can grow even more of the nip.  And the best part is, it's filled with catnip already!  Yup, there are dozens of the little nippers (pun intended) already growin' there.

MOUSES!

You see, last year, Peepers built and filled some new raised beds.  Three of 'em were sixteen square paws, whatever that means.  And one of those sixteen square paw beds JUST HAPPENED to end up with some catnip seed gettin' ACCIDENTALLY scattered 'mongst the calendula and borage and stuff.

Well...

Well the  ACCIDENTALLY scattered nip seeds started - unbeknownst to the peep - to grow.

Then a couple weeks back, Peepers was preppin' her beds for the winter and realised gettin' rid of all those nip plants, whose roots are now well and truly established - on account of my havin' tended those plants I ACCIDENTALY planted, with such tender lovin' care - was just too time consumin' to do.

Or somethin' like that.

So now...

So now, Peepers has GIVEN the whole bed to Saffy and me.

Can you believe it?

MOUSES!

Yup, my catnip plantation is expandin', for sure.

I am gonna be so nipped, ALL of next year.

MOUSES!

And remember, you can now find me over on Bluesky.  I'm easy to find.  Just search for Seville the Cat or @nerissathecat 'cause that, my dear pals, is where I'm now at.

MOUSES!