good work, Saffy

Good work, Saffy.  Good work.

Now THAT'S how you do it, for sure.

MOUSES!

Saffy really has got the hang of this stuff.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, it was rainin' today.  Not pourin', mind you, but rainin' enough so that if a kitty were to go outside for a bit, a kitty might get some rain on his furs.

And, of course, Saffron went out.

*sighs*

MOUSES!

But a little while later...

A little while later, Saffron came back in.

And he was all covered in rain.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin' it was really silly of Saffron to go out in the rain.

And truthfully, I was kinda thinkin' the same.

MOUSES!

But you remember how I said it wasn't actually pouring out there?

Well...

Well, that is totally true.  It was rainin' but not pourin', so...

So although Saffy was covered in rain, the water was sorta kinda in-a-weird-but-wonderful-way just lyin' there on the surface of his furs.

Cat probably didn't even realise he was wet.

MOUSES!

But once he was inside, Peepers - bein' a peep - went and told him how wet his fur was, and...

And then, of course...

He knew.

MOUSES!

Now in a situation like this, I, myself, enjoy a good rub down with a pillowy soft towel, but Saffy?

Nope, Saffy took a more immediate route.

He wasn't waitin' for no towel.

MOUSES!

Saffy, Saffron, Sassisfras - INSTEAD OF USIN' A TOWEL - decided to rub himself dry on the legs of Peepers' dry pants.

As well as the sleeves of her top.

And who knows, whilst I wasn't lookin', maybe even her shoes.

MOUSES!

And once Saffy had managed to dry himself off...

Peepers had to go change all of her clothes.

'Cause then PEEPERS was the one who was totally wet.

MOUSES!

Oh my mouses, my friends, what fun ol' Saffy did have.  And I had some fun, too.  It's fun listenin' to peeps mumble and grumble...

'BOUT SOMEBODY ELSE, and not you.

MOUSES!

Bottom line is: Saffy got dry, I had some fun, and...

And Peepers had extra laundry to do.

MOUSES!

the ol' peep is snorin'

It's rainin', it's pourin'...

THE OLD PEEP IS SNORIN'.

Bwhahahahahahahaha...

My gosh I crack myself up.

MOUSES!

Well, at least yesterday is was.  Rainin', I mean.  And yesterday that ol' peep was surely snorin'.

Oh, wait a minute.  That mightta been me.

Purrrumphumphumphumphumph...  Umphumpumphumphumph...

MOUSES!

But it was definitely rainin'.  Yup, definitely rainin', for sure.  And it's a good thing, too, on account of my bein' awfully tired of havin' to go out there in the garden and drag that ol' garden hose here and there, not to mention way over yonder, to water.

Oh, wait a minute.  That might not have been me.

BUT I AM surely tired of havin' to watch Peepers haulin' that ol' hose all over the place so that she can water this and that and all sorts of gardeny stuff.

Tires me out just lookin' at her, it does.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, like I said, yesterday, it rained.

And we needed it, for sure.

MOUSES!

But do you know what happens when it rains, my friends?

DO you?

Well in case you don't, I'll tell you.

THERE'S NOT A SINGLE SOLITARY SUNPUDDLE IN SIGHT.

MOUSES!

And the thing is, not only was it rainin' yesterday, but it was kinda chilly, too.  At least it was chilly compared to the day before.  The day before we were roastin' like a pack of hotdogs - veggiefied, of course - on the barbie.

BBQ, that is.  Not a plastic doll incapable of wearin' flat shoes.

'Cause tryin' to cook veggie dogs on a plastic doll doesn't actually work.

Or so I've heard.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, I was talkin' about how it was kinda chilly yesterday.  And how there were no sunpuddles to be found on account of the rain.  And the thing is...

The thing is...

The thing is, on a chilly rainy day, a kitty sure could use a sunpuddle or two to warm themselves up.

But alas, due to the lack of sunpuddles, Saffy and I had to resort to curlin' up next to the peep.

AND IN CASE YOU HADN'T HEARD, she snores.

Okay, so again, that mightta been me.

Snorin', I mean.

But how would I know?  I was curled up in a ball, sound asleep, SO HOW THE MOUSES WOULD I KNOW IF I WAS SNORIN' OR NOT?

HOW?

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

SO YOU SAY.  You might SAY you don't snore, but there's no proof that you don't on account of the possibility that you could have been snorin' whilst I was asleep.  And since there are no earwitnesses willin' to testify that you weren't...

Well, ipso facto dufuncto, odds are YOU WERE SNORIN' AWAY.

At least that's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

MOUSES!

Oh for mousin' out loud, Peepers.  Just go with the flo.  It's rainin', it's pourin', the-gorgeous-guss-of-a-marmalade-cat-named-Seville-who-has-never-ever-said-a-wrong-word-in-all-his-nine-lives is snorin' is simply too unbelievable for words.

Well maybe not too unbelievable for words.  Maybe it's just that there are TOO MANY words to make that work.  Kinda puts the rhythm off, I think.

Plus, a cat could faint tryin' to sing all that in one breath.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

impressive

It was impressive, Saffy.  It was very impressive, for sure.

MOUSES!

Oh yeah, that was a REAL stinker.  Stinkier than I even thought you could stink!

MOUSES!

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

NO, I am not talkin' about Saffy's bathroom habits.  Why on earth would you be thinkin' I was talkin' about that?  I don't go 'round sniffin' the air after cats and peeps use the facilities, you know.

Do YOU?

Valid question.

MOUSES!

What's that, Peepers?  You still babblin' on, over there?

Of course you are.  It's what peeps do.

MOUSES!

WELL IF YOU REALLY MUST KNOW, I was talkin' about the ol' stink eye Saffron gave you, yesterday afternoon.  Saffy and I were reminiscin' about how he really stunk up the veranda, yesterday, with that ol' stink eye of his.

I didn't know he had it in him, to be honest.

That good of a stink eye, I mean.

MOUSES!

What's that, Peepers?  You don't think reminisce is the right word for me to use?

Hmmm...

Well, I suppose when you're on the receivin' end of a stink eye, you wouldn't.  That's true.  But I wasn't on the receivin' end, you see.  I was just there enjoyin' the show.

MOUSES!

I see you openin' and closin' your mouth there, ol' peep of mine, but I don't actually hear any words.  Have you been rendered speechless, my peep?

My gosh, had I known how to do that before, I could have saved myself a whole lotta grief over the years.

And still no sound.

MOUSES!

Well the thing is, Peepers, you DID deserve that stink eye you were given, yesterday afternoon.  You definitely deserved it, for sure.  I would have given you one myself, had I not been enjoyin' myself so much, just watchin'.  'CAUSE LET ME TELL YOU somethin', ol' peep of mine: watchin' Saffron givin' you the stink eye IS VERY ENJOYABLE, for sure.

'CAUSE IT WAS RAININ', that's why.  THAT'S why you were so deservin' of the stink eye you were given.  And before you start talkin' about how mild the temperature was...  And before you start sayin' Saffron was under the veranda and not one single drop of rain got on his dark smokey grey with the platinum halo highlight furs...  And before you mention how you asked him if he'd like to come inside 'bout a million trillion times...  

Well before you start goin' on about any of that, there's somethin' you need to understand.  It was rainin', Peepers.  RAININ'.  And Saffron doesn't like the rain.  Plus, he kinda thinks you have the ability to turn off the rain as one turns off a tap and that you weren't doin' so just to be annoyin'.  SO OF COURSE he was mad at you 'bout it rainin' so hard.

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about NOW?

WHY does Saffron think you have the ability to turn off the rain like one turns off a tap?

Well if I were to hazard a guess...

It's probably 'cause I told him you did.

MOUSES!

Well look at that.  Peepers can give a pretty good ol' stink eye, too.

Who knew?

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

not again

Not again.

NOT again.

Again?

Again.

MOUSES!

For mousin' out loud, the sayin' really is true.  It never rains but it pours, my friends.

Continuously.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin' that it wasn't all that long ago when I, Seville the Cat, was beggin' - BEGGIN! - for rain.  And you know what?  You're right.  That's exactly what I did.

But...

But I had good reason to be beggin' for rain, back then.  My fair province of Nova Scotia was on fire.  On fire, I say.  On fire!  There were out-of-control wildfires all over the place.  And although the firefighters were workin' like mad and doin' as best as anyone could, what we really and truly needed was rain.  Lots of it, too.  Yup, what we needed back then was lots and lots of rain.

MOUSES!

But...

But that was then and this is now and let me tell you somethin', my friends: I swear it hasn't stopped rainin' since it started a few weeks ago, and...

Okay, so it has stopped rainin' a bit.

Now and then.

For maybe a second or two.

But no sooner does it stop, then it starts rainin' again!

MOUSES!

And this is causin' me great grief, to be sure.  For starters, Peepers hasn't been goin' for her mornin' walks like she used to do, which has made her more than a little grumpy as of late.  But more importantly, I COUNT ON HER GOIN' FOR THOSE WALKS to get her out of my fur for an hour or two.

I swear she's been underpaw for weeks.

I believe her not wantin' to walk in the rain is on account of the well-documented phenomenon that occurs when peeps melt after gettin' wet.

Saw it on The Wizard of Oz so I know it absolutely must be true.

MOUSES!

Or...

Or maybe she's afraid of accidentally participatin' in a wet t-shirt contest!

Could be either one, I suppose.

MOUSES!

But meltin' peeps and wet t-shirts aside, facts are facts.  AND THE FACT IS, like I said, Peepers has been underpaw for weeks AND IT'S DRIVIN' ME CRAZY, for sure.

MOUSES!

And then there's the shortage of sunpuddles which is makin' me a tad grumpy, I'm afraid.  That's right, there isn't a sunpuddle in sight around here.  Nope, not a one.  Oh sure, there are puddles, all right.  There are puddles all over the place.  But they're puddles of the water kind and the sun kind are nowhere to be found.  And although I enjoy a good drink of puddle water as much as the next cat, now and then, what I really like doin' is to lie out in the sun.

And believe-you-me, you DON'T wanna accidentally mistake a water-filled puddle for a sunpuddle, my friends.

It's not a pretty sight.

Right, Saffy?

MOUSES!

So Mother Nature, if you're listenin', PLEASE STOP WITH RAIN!  Try to exercise a little moderation now and then, would ya?  There are plenty of places in Canada that are in dire need of the rain and I know I speak for all Nova Scotian kitties when I say, WE KITTIES WOULD BE HAPPY TO SHARE.

So please send a few of those rain clouds to Ontario and Quebec.  At least for a week, or two, okay?

Good gosh, at this point, I'd be happy for one day.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

it's rainin', it's pourin'...

THE OLD MAN IS SNORIN'.

Yeah, that's how the song goes, right?  It's rainin', it's pourin'.  And the old man?  Well he's a snorin'.

MOUSES!

Thing is though, I don't hear anyone's snores.

And who is this old man, anyway?  And why does he snore?  Maybe he could do with one of those special anti-snoring pillows, of which I've heard tell.  It's definitely worth a try.  I should send him one as a prezzie.  I WOULD send him one as a prezzie if I had his address.  If I even knew who he was, that is.

MOUSES!

But all kiddin' aside, it has been rainin' on and off here in Nova Scotia since the end of last week AND THANKS BE TO GOODNESS FOR THAT.

Why, you ask?

Well...

Well my fair province has been battlin' wildfires, as of late.  I don't think we had all that much snow over the winter and when spring came, the snow melt wasn't...  Well for the most part, it just wasn't there!  Then the month of May was dry, too.  Lawns were crunchin' underpaw and seeds were scared to sprout lest if they did they'd shrivel up and die.  And the forests were absolutely tinder dry.  Any little spark made by anythin' or anyone was likely to result in an out of control fire.

Let me tell you, IT WAS SUPER SCARY, for sure.

But Friday brought rain.  It rained.  Then it poured.  Then it rained some more.  Then poured!  But the old man, whomever he is...  He didn't snore.

MOUSES!

And when the rain DID come...

Saffy, Saffy, Saffy...  *shakes head*  WHAT CAN I SAY?

SAFFRON, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STOP PLAYIN' IN THOSE PUDDLES!

Yeah, that's what I had to say.  And I had to say it more than once, too.

For the love of mouses, my friends, I have a brother who thinks he's a duck.

Or a fish.

Or maybe a peep toddler in a raincoat and wellies.

MOUSES!

That darn cat is out there, right now, playin' in puddles.  Dunkin' a paw in and splashin' it about.  Not drinkin' from the puddle like a normal cat might - WOULD - do, but playin'.  Playin' in puddles, he is.  PLAYIN'!  Playin' while I, Seville the Cat, watch and have to give my head a good shake.

And what AM I to do?  Do I ignore him?  Do I scold him?  Do I stick a big box over him in an attempt to cover the whole embarrassin' situation up?

Well...

Well I did think about the cover up scenario 'cause it's coverin' up stuff - not to mention payin' peeps off to keep quiet - that seems to be all the rage, these days.  You hear 'bout it all over the news.

But then I thought...

Then I thought, nah, coverin' up Saffron's duck-like tendencies with a box would be ONE GIANT WASTE OF A REALLY GOOD BOX.

Not to mention, I'd rather use the hush money to buy lots more boxes than to pay anyone to keep quiet 'bout what they saw Saffy doin'.

MOUSES!

So then I thought...

Then I thought, I am Seville.  Seville the Cat, I am.  I have a blog.  I have an audience, too!  Why not make use of my brother's weird behaviour and instead of coverin' it up...

WHY NOT PROFIT FROM IT, MYSELF?

Well not so much profit as expose.

Well maybe not so much expose as uh...

Hmm...

Okay, FINE.  I really just needed a good laugh.  And watchin' my brother, who is apparently a two-year-old toddler duck with wellies and some fish-like tendencies playin' in puddles, has proven to provide a very good laugh, for sure.

For me.

Not quite sure if Saffy will be laughin' once he finds out I've told the whole wide world all 'bout his new past time, though.

'Cause it's very embarrassin', you see.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

like a fine wine

Saffy, what the mousie mousin' mouses do you think you're doin'?  What are you doin'?

No, seriously, ol' brother of mine, what ARE you doin'?  Neighbourhood cats see you doin' stuff like that and we'll be the talk of the town, for sure.

And not in a good way, either.

MOUSES!

Saffy, I asked you, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

MOUSES!

Yeah, yeah, I know you've seen me take a drink of puddle water now and then.  Probably more than now and then, for sure.  In fact, one might even say that I, Seville the Cat, am a connoisseur when it comes to the water of puddles.  THERE'S NO TAP WATER FOR ME!

Okay, so fine, it is usually tap water that I get; but that's not to say my sophisticated palate doesn't appreciate a fine vintage of puddle water, to be sure.

MOUSES!

But the key word there is vintage, my friends.  VINTAGE!  Vintage, as in...

Well...

Well, vintage as in old.  Scratch that, vintage as in aged, to be exact.  Like a fine wine, or somethin' like that.

MOUSES!

But Saffron, you've never, ever, EVER seen me drinkin' from a puddle that was just newly made.  And you've NEVER seen me drinkin' from an artificially made puddle, either.  And you've CERTAINLY never seen me drinkin' from a newly made artificial puddle, for sure.  Never in all my nine lives have I been caught drinkin' from a puddle Peepers just made waterin' plants like...  Like five minutes ago, or somethin' like that.

Five minutes does NOT a vintage make.

FACT.

Yeah, yeah, I KNOW it's been super dry here for ages, and there are no naturally formed puddles to be found.  I know all 'bout that.  I know the province of Nova Scotia has been dry as a bone for goodness knows how long, but still...

Still...  

YOU STILL DON'T DRINK FROM FAKE PUDDLES LIKE THAT.

It's terribly unbecoming for a sophisticated cat.

MOUSES!

***********

Hey pals!  Just to let you know, this here post was written on Thursday when our fair province of Nova Scotia was tinder dry and puddles were practically nonexistent.  Thankfully, since then, we've had rain.  Lots and lots of rain with even more to come!

Just don't get me started on what I observed Saffy doin' on Friday when it started to rain.

Savin' that for a later post.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

wanna come with?

Hey Peepers!  Saffy and I are headin' out for a bit of a wash.  Wanna come with?

Hmmph, no answer.

HEY PEEPERS!  SAFFY AND I ARE HEADIN' OUT FOR A BIT OF A WASH.  WANNA COME WITH?

Don't look at me like that, Peepers.  It's a solid plan, for sure.

MOUSES!

Okay, so you work on reattachin' your lower jaw to your upper one while I explain.  It's like this: the rain is comin' down in sheets out there and I was thinkin', instead of Saffy and me doin' all the work of bathin' ourselves usin' our own spit and polish, we could take advantage of the weather and let the rain wash off all the dirt and grime we may have accumulated on our gorgeous kitty furs.

AND I WAS ALSO THINKIN', since you've still got a whole lotta muck on your clothes and uh...  Um...  Hmmm...

ASSUMIN' THERE ARE FEET under that layer of soil and dirt, since you've still got a whole lotta muck on your clothes and feet, you, too, could take advantage of the weather and let the rain wash off all the dirt and grime and...

WELL OF COURSE you can't just go outside and stand out in the rain.  You have to lather up with some soap, first.

Silly peep.

Saffy and I will be skippin' the soap, however.   As we always do.

MOUSES!

Don't look at me like that, Peepers.  Truth is: you're filthy.  You were out in the garden - actin' like a fool - before the rain got really bad, and managed to get yourself all covered in muddy ol' dirt.  It's high time you cleaned yourself up.  AND SINCE IT'S RAININ'...

Again with the stupid stare.

AND SINCE IT'S RAININ' and said rain is comin' down in sheets, why don't you just go outside and let the rain do the work of cleanin' you off?

You know, like a shower.

Only better.

On account of it not bein' an actual shower.

MOUSES!

Okay now, Peepers, you head on out there.  You'll find a bottle of shampoo and a bar of soap on the veranda, and...

*slams door*

AND DON'T EVEN THINK OF COMIN' BACK INSIDE UNTIL YOU'VE WELL AND TRULY CLEANED YOURSELF OFF!

In the meantime, Saffy and I will enjoy a nice little nap on the couch, free from the threat of bein' picked up and cuddled by a peep covered in grime and dirt that might get on our gorgeous, clean furs.

You didn't really think we cats were gonna go outside in that rain, did you?

In case you hadn't heard; CATS DON'T LIKE THE RAIN.

MOUSES!

**********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

happy now, Peepers?

Are you happy now, Peepers?  Are you happy?

Well are you?

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', Peepers has gone and done somethin' stupid.  AGAIN.  And you know what?

You would be right.

MOUSES!

So here's the thing.  Peepers has been beggin' and pleadin' and implorin' for rain.  The grass is dry, she says.  The tomatoes are stunted.  I'm tired of watering every day.  We need rain!  This is what I've been hearin' day in and day out.  Stuff like this has been assaultin' my ears.

Oh, and along with all the beggin' and pleadin' there have been accusations made every time the weatherpeeps SAY we're gonna get rain when we don't.  Or when it does rain but it's not much more than Mother Nature's spit.

And I'm gonna be honest here, my friends.  I'm gonna be as honest as I've ever been in all my nine lives.

I'M SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT THE LACK OF RAIN.

As long as Peepers waters my nip plants when I tell her to, everythin' is hunky dory with me.

MOUSES!

Well we finally had some rain the other week.  Peepers even got caught in it which was pretty funny from my perspective, for sure.  I mean, it's not like I was the one who got caught in the rain.  It's not like I was the one who ended up drippin' from head to toe.  That, my friends, would not have been funny at all.  But seein' the peep lookin' like she needed to be wrung out like a soppin' wet sponge was just about as funny as funny can get.  Know what I mean?

But unfortunately, for me, the rain we got wasn't enough.  Nope, not even after we wrung out Peepers' stupid ol' hair.

Why was this unfortunate for me, you ask?

Well...

Well 'cause I'M THE ONE who had to listen to all her complaints.

MOUSES!

But last night took the cake, for sure.  Apparently all that beggin',  pleadin', implorin', and stuff did not go unheard.  Sometime 'round suppertime last night, it started to rain.  Just a little at first.  But it kept comin', you see, and started accumulatin', which, I suppose, was not a bad thing, but then...

But then...

But then the skies let loose and it started to pour.

Now I'm not talking 'bout the normal kind of heavy rain here, my friends.  No sirree.  Nope, I'm talkin' about bucket after bucket after bucket of rain fallin' from the skies, nonstop, almost right through the night!

It was like all the rain in the world fell last night and it all happened to fall right on top of my house, and...

And...

And on my nip plants out in the yard.

That darned rain practically pounded my plants right to the ground!

This is not good, my friends.  It's not good at all!  I'm not sure what can be salvaged when it dries out but it's not gonna be a lot, and...

And...

AND IT'S ALL THAT DARNED PEEP'S FAULT.

If she hadn't been beggin' and pleadin' and implorin' over and over and over again with Mother Nature for rain, my nip plants would be doin' just fine.  They were bloomin' and everythin' AND EVERY CAT KNOWS that the bloomin' nip buds are the best a nipmeister like me can possibly get.

But now they're all just one big ol' soggy ol' crushed-up mess.

So listen here, Peepers.  Listen here good.  IF MY CROP CAN'T BE SALVAGED, YOU'LL NEVER EVER EVER HEAR THE END OF IT.  You hear?  And in the meantime, do somethin' useful and try seein' if a blow dryer will help.

How do you KNOW blowing 'em dry with a blow dryer won't help?  How do you know?  You don't, do you, 'cause you've never bothered to try.  Well I need you to get off your lazy tail, Peepers, and go try right now.  And don't come back inside until you've made a valid attempt.

Jeesh!  Some peeps, huh?  They go and make a downright horrible mess of a cat's nip crop and then don't wanna bother cleanin' it up.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

weather witch

Oh go get a grip, woman, would ya?

MOUSES!

Hopin' for rain in October.

Of all the stupid, moused-up things.

The woman is obviously nuts.

MOUSES!

Now don't get the wrong idea.  I like me some good puddle-water as much as the next cat does, but that doesn't mean I actually want it to rain.  'Cause you know what's better than puddle-water, my friends?  Well, DO you?  Sunpuddles, that's what.  And when the days are cool and the sun is in short supply, sunpuddles become all the more precious.

MOUSES!

Hmm...  Perhaps I should start this ol' story at the beginnin'.

Okay, so yesterday - October 12th and most definitely fall here in Nova Scotia - Peepers went into the all-out gardenin' mode.  She was luggin' soil here and luggin' plants there.  She had the ol' spade practically attached to herself.  It was like the calendar had fallen from the wall, and when Peepers went to put it back up, she mistakenly opened it to May.

Of all the stupid peeps.

MOUSES!

But that's not the worst of it, my friends.  Nope, that's not the worst of it, at all.

When Peepers was done for the day...

When Peepers was done for the day...

When Peepers was done for the day, she went lookin' at the weather channel and tried to channel some rain.

In October.

MOUSES!

Now like I said, sunpuddles are far too precious a commodity in October to be wishing 'em away.

And I told Peepers just that, I did.  Yup, I told her to smarten the mouses up and stop wishin' for rain.

And do you know what she did, then, my friends?  Well, DO you?

Well I'm not exactly sure what she did, but this mornin'...

IT RAINED.

It's like she's some kinda weirdo, wacky weather witch; or somethin' like that!

MOUSES!

Thankfully, after a smacky-paw or two to the face...

Okay, so I didn't actually smacky-paw my peep, on account of smacky-pawin' peeps never bein' a good idea.  You know, don't bite the hand that feeds you and that sort of thing.  BUT I DID give her the ol' stink eye, for sure.  Oh yeah, I gave her the stinkiest stink eye, ever.

And do you know what happened next, my friends?  Well, DO you?

Well...

Well the rain stopped rainin', the sun came out, and I got my sunpuddles after all!  Actually, it has turned out to be a GLORIOUS day.

MOUSES!

Is it possible that I, Seville the Cat, might be some kinda moused-up weirdo, wacky weather witch, too?

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

it's rainin'

It's rainin', it's pourin'; the old man is snor....

Actually, it's not.  Not rainin', I mean.  The rain has finally stopped.

MOUSES!

BUT YESTERDAY...

MOUSES!

I'm tellin' ya, it rained so hard yesterday, I thought the house was gonna get up off its foundation and float, float away.

Either that, or sink.

MOUSES!

AND THE WIND?

I'm actually kinda amazed our house didn't lift off the ground and take flight!  The wind blew and blew and BLEW, then blew a bit more.  And it went on like that for hours.  DAYS.  WEEKS!

Okay, so maybe that's a tad of an exaggeration.  The wind blew for 'bout twenty-four hours.  BUT IN CAT TIME, you've gotta multiply that by nine, so by MY calculations, it had to have been blowin' for approximately a week, two days, five hours, and fifteen minutes, give or take a second or two.  Or nine.

MOUSES!

Then this mornin', Peepers had to go out and check for damage in the yard.  I would have gone with her but the ground was all wet and icky, and I like to keep my paws dry.

Heeheehee...

HEEHEEHEE...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

You want in on the joke?

Of course you do.

MOUSES!

When Peepers came back inside this mornin' - you know, after her checkin' in the yard for wind damage - her shoes were so sodden, she could have wrung 'em out and collected a gallon of water.

Yup, the ground was that wet.

PUDDLES EVERYWHERE!

Wait.  Wait a minute.  You just hold on there, ol' peep of mine.  PEEPERS!  PEEPERS!  Peepers, there are puddles out there?  PUDDLES?  YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!!!  Puddles are full of puddle water and I love puddle water.  Love it?  No, I ADORE IT, for sure.  I, Seville the Cat, AM A CONNOISSEUR of the puddle water, you see.

COME ON PEEP.  Grab those soakin' wet shoes of yours and put 'em on your paws...  I mean, feet.  There's puddle water out there just waitin' for me.

MOUSES!

 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

it rained

It rained.

IT RAINED!

IT RAINED!

And there were boomies, too.

MOUSES!

Peepers was SUPER PLEASED 'bout the rain, on account of us not havin' had any in like...  Like a billion, gazillion years, or somethin' like that.

Gazillion years...  Couple weeks...  Whatever.

MOUSES!

Personally, I didn't care much.  I mean, I was inside when it started pourin', so you know...

It didn't affect ME.

MOUSES!

But I'll tell you what did affect me:  One minute I was hangin' out in the livin' room with my favourite nip mouse, and the next...

I WAS RUNNIN' FOR COVER!

Why does thunder have to be SO loud?

And why does a  kitty run so low to the ground when runnin' for his life?  It really slows ya down, you know?  And at a time when you really don't wanna be slowed down.

And WHY do peeps laugh when they see you runnin' like that?

Okay, so they didn't laugh, really.  It was probably more of a smirk.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, PEEPERS.  I SAW YOU SMIRKIN' AT ME.

Just you wait 'til I see YOU runnin' for your life, and I'm gonna smirk right back at ya, for sure.

MOUSES!

And do you know somethin'?  It turns out, thunder is just as loud in the family room, as it is in the livin' room.

MOUSES!

Oh sure, I could have jumped up into Peepers' arms for comfort, or somethin' like that, but you seem to be forgettin'...

SHE SMIRKED.

She smirked AT ME.

I SAW HER.

MOUSES!

Plus, the pink chair was closer, and I needed to take cover, fast.  Like, really, really fast.  Like instantaneously, my friends.

MOUSES!

But after the rain and the boomies were all over, I...

Well actually, after the boomies were over.  I didn't care 'bout the rain, remember?  THE RAIN wasn't terrifyingly loud.

So after the boomies were over, I stretched out under that ol' pink chair and had a little snooze, and I dreamt of sugar plums and fairies and...

GOTCHA!  Cats don't dream 'bout those kinds of things.

Well we sometimes dream about fairies.  We sometimes dream 'bout them, wonderin' what might happen if we were to accidentally catch one in the garden and uh...  And see if it's true what they say.  You know, 'bout them tastin' like chicken.  That sorta thing.

But I was dreamin'!  I was dreamin' of nip mice and chasin' butterflies and the like.

AND I WAS WONDERIN'...

I was wonderin' why ol' Peepers had wanted it to rain so much in the first place.

She SAID it was 'cause the garden needed it, along with the wildlife.  And the forests were all so dry...

BUT I'M THINKIN'...

I'm thinkin' she KNEW it would be accompanied by those boomies, and wanted the boomies to scare me half to death like they did.

Stupid peep.

Thanks be to goodness I still have eight lives left.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to MASK UP, too.

drip, drip, drip

*drip, drip, drip*

Ugh.

*drip, drip, drip*

UGH.

*drip, drip, drip*

Oh my mouses, that there drippin' must be what they call water torture, for sure.

PEEPERS!  PEEPERS!!!  Get your tail in here, would ya?

FINE.

PUH-LEASE?  Would you please get your tail in here, Peepers?

Oh good, you're here.  Peepers, you think you could do somethin' about that constant drippin'?  It's drivin' me up-the-wall and around-the-bend batty, for sure.

MOUSES!

What dripping, you ask?  What do you mean, what dripping?  THAT dripping.  Are you deaf, woman?  ARE YOU DEAF?

MOUSES!

Yeah, that dripping.  That gosh darn it, confounded dripping.  Just listen to it, Peepers, drip, drip, drippin' away.  Drip after drip after drip after...

Oh good, you're hearing it now, too.

SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, PEEPERS?  WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

Isn't there someone you can call?  A plumber, perhaps?

What do you MEAN plumbers don't deal with drips like that?

No, seriously, what do you mean?  Plumbers work with water, right?  And drips are...  Well...  Water.  RIGHT?  So therefore, ergo, ipso facto...

What do you MEAN I'm being redundant?

No, seriously, what do you mean?  You're not thinkin' of making ME redundant, are you?  'Cause seriously, Peepers, you'll never find another cat like me.  Never, I say.  NEVER!   And NO, Peepers, that is most definitely not a good thing.

MOUSES!

But back to this torturous dripping water that is assaulting my ears.  What are you gonna do about it, Peepers?  WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?  If you're not going to call the plumber, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

Hey!  Where do you think you're going?  We're not done talking about this, yet.  And FYI, you still haven't fixed the problem.

Of all the no good for nothin'....

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, I did some research and it turns out the peep is right.

Gosh darn it, there's a first time for everything, I guess.

Anyway, it turns out the peep is right about plumbers not dealin' with this particular kinda drippin'.  Apparently, one does not call a plumber when it rains and a kitty is bothered by the dripping noises of said rain, outside.

At least, that's what the three plumbers I called said.

Said..,  Claimed...  Made up flimsy excuses...  Whatever.

MOUSES!

So anyway, I think my next plan of action should be to call a weatherpeep.  Maybe he - or she - can fix this blasted, torturous drippin' problem I have.

OH MY MOUSES WHAT WAS THAT?  Thunder and lightning?  Oh my gosh, IT'S AN ELECTRICIAN I need to call, for sure.

MOUSES!

it rained

What the mouses?

WHAT the mouses?

What the mousie mousin' mouses is she doin' now.

MOUSES!

"Hey Mason!  COME GET A LOAD OF THIS."

And...  She's down.

Probably slipped on a death fish or somethin'.

Or maybe some seaweed.

Serves her right for bein' out there in the first place, playin' in that ol'...

"Do you think we should go help her up?" asked my sister Mason.

We looked at one another.  "BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" we cried, both rollin' on the floor, laughin'.

And...  She's up.

Guess you really can't keep a good peep down.

MOUSES!

So...

So I bet you're all wonderin' what happened, at my house, the other day.

Well it all began...

It all began a couple weeks ago, when the hot and steamy weather moved in without an invitation.  The weatherpeeps kept sayin' it was gonna rain.  The weatherpeeps kept LYIN' is more like it, for rain, it never did.  The forecasted rain, it appeared, was fake news.

MOUSES!

Until Sunday.

MOUSES!

For on Sunday, it rained.

Scratch that.

On Sunday, it poured.

And poured.

AND POURED.

It poured so hard, a little lake formed right there on our driveway.

LITERALLY!

Yup, literally.  I LITERALLY mean LITERALLY.

It was a lake all right.

A lake!

On our driveway.

LITERALLY.

Hmmm...

Can a lake be just a couple inches deep?

I'll have to think on that.

MOUSES!

And then there was the peep.

Oh yeah, she was there.

In all her glory.

Out there, out on that ol' the lake.

Well in it, actually.  Yup, she was literally IN the lake.

MOUSES!

You should have seen her, my friends, wadin' through the two inches of water, movin' her plant pots about.  Movin' her plant pots that were fillin' up with the rain.

Now two inches might not seem like a lot of water to some of you but as a cat, I can tell you with one hundred percent certainty, it is.  I certainly wasn't plannin' on goin' out in it.

As for the peep...

Well...

Well the peep was out there, sloshin' about in that ol' lake!

FYI, her shoes are never gonna be the same.  They are a lost cause, for sure.

I think they drowned or somethin'.

The shoes, I mean.

In the lake.

MOUSES!

And then there were the fish.

Okay, so I don't actually know if there were any fish out there in that ol' lake or not.  I don't know for sure, on account of my not bein' willin' to go out there and check.

My fur-sibs weren't willin' to check, either.

I asked.

I DID!

And they all rolled on the floor, laughin'.

MOUSES!

But I'm thinkin'...

I'm thinkin' that where you have a lake, you have fish, too.

Small fish, of course.

'Cause only a small fish can fit in a couple of inches of water.

Guppy-sized fish, I suppose.

But guppies ARE fish.

Kinda.  Sorta.  You know.

But as for the peep...

Well the peep, bein' a peep, played out in that lake for a bit.

Then she came inside and dripped water all over the floor.

Then she threw out her shoes.

AND THEN...

Then she complained 'bout gettin' all wet while playin' out in the lake.

Well what the mouses did she THINK was gonna happen?  You play in a lake, you get wet.  If you don't wanna get wet, DON'T PLAY IN THE LAKE.

I'm tellin' ya, some peeps.

Excuse me, my friends, while I again roll on the floor, laughin'.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Phew, I needed that.

MOUSES!

another one bites the dust

IT RAINED!  And not a moment too soon. Perhaps you had heard? Another one bit the dust.

Oh yeah...

And another one gone, and another one gone. Another one bites the dust.  Yup, do do do do do.  Don't know any more lyrics...  Oohhh...  do do do.

ANYWAY...  As I was sayin', another one bit the dust.

Now I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin'...  Why isn't that Seville the Cat a rock star like the peeps in Queen or somethin'?

You mean you're not thinkin' that?  Awww...  MOUSES!

Seriously though, you're probably thinkin' how it must be super dusty 'round here as it hasn't rained in almost three weeks and there have been forest fires blazin' out of control.  And if you are thinkin' that, well..  You'd be right on that account, for sure.

But even though the ground is really sandy and yes, DUSTY as all get out, it was not the ground that bit the dust.  No sirree.  It was the...

Can you guess?

No?

Okay, I'll tell you.

It was the sprinkler.

Now this was not the first sprinkler to bite the dust this year.  Nope.  Peep #1 is on sprinkler number three.  MOUSES!

And it's only mid-August.  MOUSES!

Yup, Peep #1 goes through sprinklers like some peeps go through...  underwear?  Okay, maybe not as frequently as that but still, three sprinklers in one summer...  Well that's gotta be a record, I should think..

If there were an Olympic medal offered for destroyin' sprinklers, Peep #1 would be winnin' gold, for sure.  MOUSES!

I really don't know how she does it.  Really, I don't.

Last year, she only went through two sprinklers. Needless to say, she never leaves the sprinkler out overnight anymore.  Last year, some rocky raccoon went and sat on it or somethin' and practically snapped the plastic bits in two, 'cause you know... He was a little on the heavy side.

Well that's the story we're goin' with, anyway, although many people are saying, there was a long-haired marmalade lad spotted sittin' in the general vicinity of the sprinkler one night, immediately prior to said sprinkler's demise.  MOUSES!

Anyway...

Anyway, this year, there were no rocky raccoons or long-haired marmies spotted sittin' on any sprinklers 'cause like I said, Peep #1 no longer leaves the sprinkler out overnight.

But she still breaks 'em!  And that, my friends, is for sure.  MOUSES!

We started out the season with sprinkler number one and everythin' was goin' hunky dory until one day, it kinda blew up.  Yup, it's true.  The end of it blew right off where it was supposed to be, and the next thing we knew, the sprinkler was spewing out a torrent of water out its side.

And the peep was spewing steam outta her ears!  MOUSES!

Actually, the peep and sprinkler number one resembled one another more than you might think was even possible.  Hmmm...  MOUSES!

Enter sprinkler number two, stage right.

Well just the other day, Peep #1 set sprinkler number two to sprinkle but...  But it was refusin' to sprinkle back and forth.  It just kinda stayed in one spot.

Now I know from personal experience to always watch from a safe distance, when the peep is havin' sprinkler issues, so watch from a safe distance is just what I did.

The peep fiddled with sprinkler number two for a bit and finally got it to move but it wasn't goin' all the way back and forth.  Just kinda half-way back and forth, and it didn't do even that for very long. Five minutes later, it stopped entirely.  It was sprayin' water out at a forty-five degree angle but the peep wanted it to do a full one-eighty.

Well..  Well that's when the peep fiddled with sprinkler number two a bit more and then...

Let's just say, I'm glad I was watchin' from a safe distance.

Next thing I knew, Peep #1 was bein' blasted with water...  RIGHT IN THE FACE!

Oh, you should have seen her.  Remember how she had steam blowin' out her ears after the demise of sprinkler number one?  Well same thing after sprinkler number two, too.  Of course, this time, she was a much soggier peep, for sure.  MOUSES!

And you should have heard her yell mouses!  Maybe you did.  MOUSES!

So now we've moved onto sprinkler number three.

So far, so good.  No blowing itself up or parts of it blowing off or anything like that.  And no steam blowin' out the peep's ears.  No irate cries of MOUSES!, either.

Of course, sprinkler number three has not been around for very long.  She has only had it for a couple days.  Give it time.  Give it time...

But for today, there will be no sprinklin' with sprinklers 'cause like I said earlier, last night, IT RAINED!  MOUSES!

                                   ***************************************

I just wanna add that Peep #1 only uses the sprinkler when she absolutely has to, to prevent the trees and plants in the garden from dyin'.  And most of our lawn isn't really grass.  No, there are more violets than grass 'cause they seem more drought resistant and have flowers each May for the bees.  And when she is usin' the sprinkler, it's hooked up to the sand-point (instead of the drilled well), that draws water from the water table that sometimes floods our basement in the spring 'cause it's too high for our house - or probably our house it too low for it - so really, by usin' that water now, maybe we'll have a dry basement next year.  MOUSES!