Wednesday, 2 July 2014

Nerissa for Senate

I've been thinkin' about somethin' for a long time now.  I've been debatin' it back and forth in my mind, considerin' all the implications and whatnot.  I even talked it over with the peep...  briefly. Finally, I put my paw down and said to myself, a cat has gotta do what a cat has gotta do.  I'M GOIN' FOR IT!

There have been so many Canadian kitties enterin' the political world, as of late.  Really, it's a great thing.  I mean, who better to rule than cats and yes, that IS a rhetorical question.  Why shouldn't I, Nerissa the Cat, get in on this act, too?

But runnin' a campaign is a big deal.  There are all those photo shoots and although extremely photogenic - 'cause I'm a cat, I really don't like havin' my picture taken.  I try to avoid it at all costs. This is probably the reason Peep #1 has so many pictures of the back of my head.  MOUSES!

And then there would be interviews and press conferences and the like.  Even debates.  Havin' been born feral, I'm still a little shy when it comes to strangers.  I'm thinkin' that there might be a whole lot of strangers at some of those gatherings.  One or two of those strangers might even be strange! Nope.  Not the thing for me.

Plus, I'd need a campaign manager.  I really doubt that Peep #1 is up to it.  I mean, the woman can't even get a decent picture of my face.  How on earth is she supposed to run a campaign?

So I thought and I thought about it and then I thought some more and it occurred to me that there's more than one way to skin a politician.  Not every politician in Canada in elected.  Some of 'em are appointed.

And that's when I realised...  I COULD BE A SENATOR.

That's right, the Senate of Canada is not elected.  Senators are appointed by the Governor General on the recommendation of the Prime Minister.  No elections required.  All I need is the support of the Prime Minister.

I immediately went on-line to see if I had the necessary qualifications.  Turns out, I do.  I have qualifications in spades.  Not the diggin' kind of spades - although I am a cat and cats do like to dig - but rather, the qualifications kind.

In order to be appointed to the Senate, one is supposed to be a Canadian citizen.  At least I think that was what all that gobbledygook and mumbo-jumbo meant.  I don't think one has to have actually been born in Canada which is good 'cause although I WAS BORN IN CANADA, I don't have a birth certificate provin' it.  You know, 'cause I was born feral in a neighbours' woodpile and whatnot. MOUSES!

One must also be thirty years of age.  Hmmm...  Well, I'm only eleven but in cat years, I'm far older than that.  So if we go with the cat years, I qualify.  Plus, due to my lack of a birth certificate, who's gonna know any better?

The third qualification is that one must own property.  Done.  I own three condos.  They may be kitty condos but they're condos, nonetheless.  Also, I own a couple of peeps who have a house so ipso facto, I own that, too.

Lastly, in order to be appointed to the Senate, one must live in the province which he or she is supposed to represent.  I'm a Nova Scotian kitty.  I was born in Nova Scotia and have lived here all my life.  Clearly, I would qualify to represent this beautiful province.  Not every Senate appointee has been able to say the same.  MOUSES!

And speakin' of this fair province...  We Nova Scotians are currently underrepresented in the Senate. There are supposed to be ten Nova Scotian Senators but at the moment, there are only eight. That's not fair.  That's not fair at all.  The whole point of Nova Scotia havin' ten senators is so that the smaller provinces have equal representation in Ottawa but if we don't actually have ten Senators, we don't have equal representation, either.  Clearly, the Prime Minister needs to do somethin' about this. He needs to appoint two more Senators.  MOUSES!

And who better to appoint than a cat?  The Senate is supposed to represent the rich diversity of Canada.  So far, all members of the Senate have been peeps.  Not a cat among 'em.  Well that just smacks of speciesism, that does.  Don't you agree?

It did occur to me that perhaps cats were not allowed to be Senators like in the case of when my pal Stan ran for Mayor of HRM and I heard - on CNN, I think - that it was discovered that there was some stupid law on the books sayin' that cats couldn't run for mayor.  MOUSES!  But I dug and I dug and I dug and as deeply as I dug, I couldn't find any reference to cats bein' excluded from Senate nominations.  Nowhere, to my knowledge, does it say that a cat cannot be a Canadian Senator.  Nowhere at all.  And that means that we can.

Generally speaking, cats are perfect for the Senate.  We're highly intelligent and cute.  That's a tough combination for peeps to master.

As you know, lately the Canadian Senate has been rife with scandal.  But no one handles scandal better than a cat.  When scandal occurs, we charm the pants off everyone with our magnetic purrsonalities and if, by chance, that fails...  we pee on 'em.  You can talk to any veterinarian for confirmation on this.  We cats take no guff from the opposition.  MOUSES!

Personally, I believe that the Canadian Senate is supposed to make decisions independently of the House of Commons.  They're not supposed to just go with the flow.  They're supposed to be representing the people of the province they represent.  They're not supposed to be representin' the leader of the political party to which they're affiliated.  That was never their purpose at all.  And although cats aren't necessarily independent, we're certainly very indifferent.  Indifference to those who insist upon goin' with the flow could very well lead to independence.  Don't you agree?

Finally, there's the whole Governor General thing.  Remember that?  Members of the Senate are appointed by the Governor General on the recommendation of the Prime Minister.  But the Governor General is the representative of the Queen.  And you do know what they say about that, right? They say, a CAT can look at a Queen.  Never heard that said about peeps.  Nope.  Not once.  Never at all.  It's almost like cats are SUPPOSED to be Senators.  It's almost like the Senate was made for us.

So what I need now is a recommendation from Prime Minister Stephen Harper.  I need him to recommend me to the Governor General to represent the Province of Nova Scotia in the Senate of Canada.

So hear ye, hear ye!  NERISSA FOR SENATE!  is the cry we all must make. Come on all you kitties out there! Come on peeps!  Come on doggies and bunnies, too.  Let Prime Minister Stephen Harper know that you think that I, Nerissa the Cat, would make a great Senator.  And feel free to tweet him with the hashtag, #Niss4Senate.  I'm sure he'd love to hear from you.  I read somewhere, he likes cats.

39 comments:

  1. Oh Gosh Nissy,I so wish I could help you but we're not on twitter,but if you have another way for me to contact him I'd be more than happy to tell him you're the best kitty for the Job!xx Speedy

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    1. He's probably on Facebook somewhere. And then, of course, there's always the House of Commons in Ottawa. purrs

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  2. Absolutely this is speciesism at its ugliest! We fully support your goal. Except we aren't Canadian kittehs so this may not count for much.

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  3. It's about time a cat was represented in Canada, Nerissa! And who better to do it than you?

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  4. That sounds like a great idea. We are not on Twitter much either. Hope you can get the campaign going. Good luck.

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  5. I know you would be better than any Senator the U.S. has fur sure!

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  6. That's a great idea ! Angel Loupi was candidate for the Feline Pawty, and so did our aussie furriend Mr Bumpy to become Prime Minispurr in Australia ! All the campaign here : http://www.mrbumpycat.com/p/feline-pawty.html Good luck to you, Nissy ! Purrs

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  7. Nova Scotia is already Mom and Dad's favorite place....think how much better it would be with you in the Senate!

    The Florida Furkids

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  8. dood....we will bee mor N happee ta vote for ewe if thatz what it takes N like whooz gonna noe we iz knot livin IN canada at de TIME oh R vote.... coz may bee we just dee sided ta go two niagra falls for sum fishin...then sum one stopped by N said vote for nissy ? N we iz like ewe betcha...N then like ...ther.... it.... iz...just like polo ticks !!!

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  9. You're a shoe-in, Nissy! We think you'd be a pawsome Senator.
    Furthermore, we think you would be a great one over here in the U.S., too! (couldn't do any worse, that's for sure -mol!)
    Good luckl!
    NISSY FOR SENATOR!

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  10. Nissy I hear politics is a bit like cat scratching so I think you could shape those other Senators up real fast!

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  11. Oh, Nerissa! You would be PURRFECT in that role. You are such a smart kitty. I wish you the best of luck.

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  12. I think you have the best chance of being a senator if we get a liberal or NDP government. teehee!

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  13. I fink ya would be a pawsome Senator!

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  14. We're not Canadian, but we would love for you to be a Senator, Nissy.

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  15. Don't know if non-Canadians have any sway, but we are 100 purrcent for you becoming a senator, Nissy, XO, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calisya Jo

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  16. You are looking like a well qualified candidate to me Nissy...go for it

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  17. Just tweeted to harper!!! Haha check it out!!
    Go Niss!!!!!!
    ღ husky hugz ღ frum our pack at Love is being owned by a husky!

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    1. You did? YES!!! Thank you. purrs

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  18. #Niss4Senate - I do hope I can get a badge with that on??

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    1. You bet! Feel free to download the picture in my side-bar and spread the word around with any means possible. purrs

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  19. You are an inspiration, Nerissa! Today, Canada...tomorrow....!

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  20. You'd be a great Senator and although we aren't Canadian we'd be happy to rally support here in the US :-)

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  21. We think you'll make a great Senator, Nissy!

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  22. I can see it now - a tense debate in the Senate. Nerissa clearly states a logical, well thought out position that is fair and effective. Some pompous politico tries to dispute it. Nerissa calmly rolls and in the most eloquent Ignore in modern times, begins to lick.
    ~Vicat

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    1. Oh yeah... I can totally see that, too. purrs

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  23. Done! MOL!
    Check your Twitter!

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  24. Meez finks yous wuld make a gweat senator. Go fuw it. MOL

    Luv ya'

    Dezi

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  25. Hey, Nerissa, so glad you threw your hat ... er, collar into the ring. We hope you get an appointment soon. For the Senate, not for the v-e-t.

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  26. We're convinced that you would soon have all the politicians under your paw Nerissa and so no one could be better than you to be a Senator.
    Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx

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  27. Well WE think a Nova Scotian Kitteh would be PURRfect for Senator!

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  28. Happy Belated Canada Day!
    We had a houseful of our Canadian relatives here on the 1st!

    Good luck with the senate bid! You'd be pawsome!
    : )

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  29. You would make a pawsome Senator, Nissy! We could totally see it!

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  30. You will make an excellent Senator. Good luck Nerissa and Happy belated Canada Day

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  31. I think you would be great in Senate Nissy! If we lived in Canada we would be sure to jump on your campaign wagon!
    Marty and the Gang

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  32. Go Nissy Go! I would vote fur mew if I was a Canadian citizen... :D

    Happy Wednesday

    Bestest purrs

    Basil xox

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