Sunday, 5 December 2021

ninety weeks


Now let's see...


There are seven days in a week...


Carry the one...


Three, four, five...  Other paw...  Six, seven...


Multiply the whole shebang by nine, and...


MOUSES!  That's a whole lotta cat seconds, for sure.  Four hundred and eighty-nine million, eight hundred and eighty-eight thousand of 'em, to be exact.


Give or take a few.


But like I said, MOUSES!


Yup, so the peeps and I have been dealin' with this ol' pandemic thingy here now for four hundred and eighty-nine million, eight hundred and eighty-eight thousand cat seconds; and I can tell you with absolute certainty that it's a whole lot harder on me than it is on them.  'Cause you know how it is, right?  Spendin' time with ME is pure and unadulterated JOY, so the peeps havin' to spend the last ninety weeks with me has been nothin' but a PLEASURE and PRIVILEGE for them.  Why, it's probably like bein' on vacation!


I, on the other paw...


Well my havin' to spend ninety weeks cooped up with a couple of good-for-nothin' peeps has been anythin' BUT pleasurable, for sure.


MOUSES!


And let me tell you somethin' else: Saffron agrees.


Kinda.


Sorta.


Maybe.


No, he's not inside yet.  But Peepers picks him up OUTSIDE all the time, now.  And when she does, she holds him tight and warms his paws and snuggles him and smothers him in kisses.


And she wonders why the cat refuses to come inside.


MOUSES!


The thing is...


The thing is, when peeps get bored, peeps persistently pester us unsuspectin' cats.  Yup, they grab us and cuddle us and cover us in kisses.  They get their ol' peep germs all over our beautiful furs.  It's totally disgusting and gross.  Generally speakin', those peeps are a pain in the...


Tail.


MOUSES!


And Saffron isn't helpin' matters, either.  That cat actually purrs when the peep gives him kisses.  That's right, he PURRS!


Silly ol' cat.


Then he squirms.  Squirms right outta her arms.  But the purrin' prior to the squirmin' sends mixed messages to the peep, and if there's one thing peeps don't understand, it's mixed messagin'.  I've tried to explain this to Saffron but so far it's done no good.  He's still purrin' when Peepers first picks him up.


Well just wait 'til he IS indoors.  That cat keeps purrin' like that and he's gonna end up smothered like no cat has ever been smothered in kisses before, for sure.  Death by a hundred kisses, or somethin' like that.


Oohhh...  That would be a good name for a book.  I must keep it in mind.


But back to the peep and her kisses.  Peepers keeps this up and in all likelihood, she's gonna get a good smacky-paw or two.  A peep can't keep accostin' a cat like that without some kinda retribution comin' her way.


*scratches behind an ear*


Perhaps I should remind Peepers what a smacky-paw feels like.  You know, so she's not too surprised when Saffron decides he's had enough of her kisses.  'Cause you know that's gonna happen, for sure.


What do you think?  Should I smack the ol' peep or not?


I'm sure she has it comin' for SOMETHIN'.  Peeps usually do.


MOUSES!


***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.