Wednesday, 18 April 2018

knittin' tv

So.

So last night...

So last night, the peep decided she was gonna do some knittin', and I, Seville the Cat, was given a stern warnin' that my assistance was not gonna be required.

Can you believe it?

MOUSES!

What nerve, thinkin' she didn't need any help from me.

What's more, imagine her assumin' I was gonna help her in the first place.  It's not like I don't have better things to do than help the peep, you know.  I have nappin', I have nippin', I have snackin', and a number of other things in my daily planner, all of which are far more important than helpin' a peep with her knittin'.

MOUSES!

I was so annoyed.  Well, I decided to nap right there on the big chair, right in front of her.  Take that, Peepers.  Take that!

Well next thing I knew, the peep's knittin' needles are goin' clickity-clack, and clackity-click, just like a train on the ol' train tracks.  Except minus the train, of course.  Minus the train tracks, too.

MOUSES!

So I closed my eyes, and listenin' to the clickin' and clackin' of the peep's needles, I started driftin' off to sleep.

Moments later, I awoke with a start.  "Seville, I told you I didn't need any help!" I heard.

"WHAT THE MOUSES ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT, WOMAN?" I asked, half awake, half still asleep.  "I know I'm by far the smartest member of this here family, but even I can't assist you with your knittin' while I'm fast asleep on the other side of the room on this chair.  MOUSES!"

"I'm sorry," the peep apologised.  "It wasn't you tugging at the yarn, after all."

"Well I should think not!" I scowled.  Raisin' my head, I peered across the room.  There on the floor, next to the peep's feet, was that long-haired freaky marmie brother of mine, Anderson.

And what was Andy doin', you ask?  Well I'll tell you what he was doin'.  He was lyin' there like a lion, wide-eyed and bushy tailed, which, as you know, comes kinda naturally to him on account of his really bushy tail.  And he was lookin' all innocent and stuff, as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.  Well that was my first clue that he was up to somethin' no good, for sure.

MOUSES!

I looked closer and sure enough, there was the peep's yarn, danglin' from either side of Andy's mouth.

MOUSES!

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:  Playin' with yarn can be very dangerous for cats and therefore, cats should never be left unattended with yarn, wool, string, or anythin' of the like.  The swallowin' of such things can lead to life-threatenin' situations.  MOUSES!

Well the peep huffed and she puffed, like a wolf visitin' little piggies.  Then she retrieved her slobbered-upon yarn from Andy's mouth.

MOUSES!

"That had better not be a nip mouse you're knittin' for Me, Peepers!  Bad enough when Andy slobbers on my nip mice AFTER they're stuffed with the nip.  I sure don't want one that's been slobbered upon beforehand, too.  MOUSES!"

Havin' retrieved her slobbered-upon yarn, the peep grumbled a second poor excuse of an apology to me for her false accusation of my bein' the one who had done the slobberin'.  Then, feelin' the cold, wet slobber now coverin' her yarn, and realizin' just how much slobber Andy is capable of producin'', she uttered a sound of disgust.  Then she went back to her knittin'.  "Don't worry, Seville," she said.  "I was making a knitted bag for myself."

"YOU'RE MAKIN' YOURSELF A NIP MOUSE?" I cried.  "A peep-sized nip mouse will use up all the nip we have in the house.  You can't possibly be thinkin'..."

"A purse," she interrupted.  "It's a knitted purse.  There will be no nip inside."

"Oh, well in that case, go ahead," and I settled down to go back to my nap.  "But you know, Peepers, you should really think about givin' that purse to somebody else.  Somebody who is unaware of it bein' all covered in Andy's slobber, you know?  MOUSES!"  And with that, I let out a big sigh, and drifted back to sleep.

Moments later...

"Andy!" I heard, again awakin' with a start.  I opened one eye, then opened the otherr.  There on the floor, lyin' by Peep #1's feet, was my brother Anderson, with the peep's yarn securely anchored under one of his paws.  "I told you NO, before," scolded the peep.

"Uh, to be fair, Peepers," I began.  "To be fair, earlier this evenin', you told Andy not to slobber on the yarn.  You said nothing 'bout his not catchin' it with his paws."

The peep gave me a weird look.

"I'm only tryin' to help, Peepers.  Take it from me, when it comes to Andy, you've gotta be really specific with your instructions.  And you usually have repeat 'em a couple times.  MOUSES!"

Ol' Peepers then uttered a sound soundin' somethin' like a growl, only...  Well...  Only it was kinda stupid soundin' on account of peeps not knowin' how to properly growl.

"Don't look at me like that, Peepers," I complained.  "You weren't specific enough with Andy.  This is totally your own fault."

Then I heard that pseudo growlin' noise again.

"And quit your gripin', woman.  That's TWICE now you've woken me up from my nap.  Do you hear ME complainin'?  MOUSES!"

"Sorry," the peep grumbled again.

"AS YOU SHOULD BE.  And by the way, Peepers, you might wanna..."  I stopped mid-sentence, pointing a paw over at Andy.  He was sittin' up now, and next to him, was my other freakishly long-haired brother, Rushton.  Rushy was clearly lookin' to get in on the action.

"I give up," the peep growled - Kinda.  You know, best growl she could muster. - and started to gather up her yarn, to put it in her knittin' bag.

Well that's when...

That's when Ol' Peepers there discovered that Rushy, bein' a Rushy, was actually sittin' on the bag.

"Bwahahahahahahahaha!" I laughed aloud.  "Looks like the cat is out of the bag!  Not that he was ever in it, but you know..."

Well the peep lifted Rushy off the bag.  She then turned to reach for her yarn, only to find Andy now holding it securely with BOTH his front paws.  So she lifted Andy off the yarn and went to stuff the yarn into the bag, only to find Rushy back on the knittin' bag again, this time chewin' on its straps.  So she picked Rushy up once more, grabbed at the knittin' bag, and started stuffin' it with the knittin', only to be stopped, when...

When she felt somethin' tuggin' on that yarn.

The peep looked down.  There were Rushy and Andy, together, hangin' onto the other end of the yarn, danglin' from her hands.  One had the very end held tightly under a paw, while the other was attemptin' to get as much slobber over the taught cotton as was felinely possible.  It was excellent teamwork, for sure.

MOUSES!

By this time, I was sittin' up on all fours, wishin' to goodness I had a bag of nip-seasoned popcorn, for watchin' the peep wrestle her knittin' away from my brothers was the best entertainment I had had in ages.  Oh, it was an Oscar-worthy performance, for sure, even though...

Even though, the peep, bein' a peep, had clearly forgotten all her lines.  Well she must have forgotten 'em, SURELY, 'cause all I heard comin' out of here were grunts and cries of frustration.

Meanwhile, my brothers were havin' the time of their lives.

MOUSES!