Sunday, 27 September 2020

twenty-eight weeks

Well here we are, twenty-eight weeks into this ol' pandemic thingy.  One hundred and fifty-two MILLION, four hundred and nine thousand, six hundred cat seconds into it, and...


And do you know how we're celebratin'?


We're celebratin' by Peep #1 havin' a birthday!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEEPERS!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


How does it feel to be one hundred and twenty-two million years old?


You're NOT?


Hmmm...  Hold on a sec.  Let me check my math.


Okay.  I've got it sorted now.  I forgot to carry the nine.  How does it feel to be three hundred and seven million years old, Peepers?  HOW DOES IT FEEL?


What, AGAIN with the complaints 'bout my math?


Never pays to argue with an old geezer, I guess.


Geezerette?


Whatever.


MOUSES!



So anyway, I've got it all planned out.  I'm makin' Peepers a special birthday dinner today, in honour of her special day.  First I'll open up a tin of salmon and shrimp feasts of the fancy, then...


Yeah, yeah, I know.  I know Peepers is a vegetarian and doesn't eat those kinds of things.


That just leaves all the more for me.


MOUSES!


Then after we..  I mean, I polish off the appetiser, I'll open up a tin of the fanciest of the feasts beef.  I was gonna go with the chopped grill selection, on account of my lovin'...  Um...  On account of it bein' such a wonderful variety that I enjoy and thought the peep might, too, but the word "chopped" sounded kinda common, you know?  And today IS Peepers' birthday, so I figured beef flavour might be better.  I'm gonna serve it with a creamy nip sauce which'll fancy it right up for her.


MOUSES!


Yeah, yeah...  I know!  I know all 'bout Peepers bein' a vegetarian.  Didn't we discuss this before?


So anyway, after the salmon and shrimp appetiser and beef flavoured entree, for dessert, I have catnip ice cream.  Mmmm...  It's gonna be absolutely delicious, I am sure.


Yup, I made that ol' ice cream all by myself with my very own catnip.  I even milked the cow and everythin'.


OKAY, so I didn't actually milk the cow, on account of my not havin' a cow to milk.


I don't even know any cows.


MOUSES!


But nevertheless, I DID make the ice cream.


And it's gonna be DELICIOUS, I tell you.  DELICIOUS!


I added tuna water for extra flavour.


MOUSES!


And what if the peep doesn't like catnip ice cream, you ask?


Well...


WELL THEN, ALL THE MORE FOR ME!


MOUSES!


And for her prezzie, I'm givin' Peepers the gift of my company.  Yup, I'm gonna let her tickle my tummy and give me chin scritches, and everythin'.  Might even let her scratch behind my ears!


After all, I do like all those things.


SO I'M THINKIN' PEEPERS WILL LOVE BEIN' ABLE TO DO THEM FOR ME.


I know, I know...  I know you simply can't get over what a thoughtful kitty I am, can you.


Not a question.  Statement of fact.



MOUSES!


So what do all you cats out there do for YOUR peeps on their birthdays?  Same as me?  I highly recommend it, for sure.


MOUSES!


 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.