Nerissa's Life

I'm bein' bullied.

Cyber-bullied, that is.

MOUSES!

Well technically, it's the peep who's bein' bullied.

No... No, I think it might be me.

Or maybe it's actually us both.

MOUSES!

So anyway....

So anyway, this is the message Peepers found over on FB, the other day. "Learn how to write English. You're such a liar. First you claim to be a university graduate, then you claim to have an award winning blog. Both are lies. Canada doesn't give awards to blogs and you never even attended highschool. You can't even write English. I'm going to report you."

Now, as you can imagine, Peepers was pretty upset by this whole thing, as was I. Peepers was so upset, she had to break into a fresh package of mint-chocolate Oreo cookies. Thank goodness she had 'em on paw. But bein' a cat, chocolate stuff doesn't appeal to me. I will, however, admit to gettin' a little... Scratch that. I will, however, admit to gettin' a LOT nipped. Oh yeah, I got super duper nipped after readin' that message, for sure.

MOUSES!

And now let's take a closer look at this message, shall we?

First of all, I know how to "write English" but, as you're all aware, I'm also a cat. We cats often take a few liberties when writin' and, bein' cats, WE'RE ALLOWED to do just that. Bein' cats, we're allowed to do anythin' we like! Kinda goes without sayin'.

MOUSES!

Secondly, I never ever claimed to be a university graduate. Not even once! I'm a cat. Cats don't go to university and that's a fact. Okay, so one or two kitties MIGHT have snuck into a university class here and there, to watch a professor professorin' whilst sittin' on a vacant chair but I, Seville the Cat, have never done anythin' like that. I'm not allowed to cross the road, you see, and there'd be a whole lotta roads to cross for me to get all the way to a university. Peepers, however, did graduate from university. She has one of those paper scroll thingies and everythin'.

MOUSES!

Now 'bout my havin' an award-winnin' blog. Everyone knows I won the Nose-to-Nose Best Blog Writin' Award at BlogPaws way back when, right? No, it wasn't a Canadian award; the Nose-to-Nose Awards were global. Nerissa's Life IS an award-winnin' blog and I have a nice shiny trophy to prove it.

FACT.

Highschool? I think she meant high school 'cause highschool isn't a real word. But did I attend? No. Same thing that applies to universities also applies to high schools. Cats don't need school. Peepers did go to high school, though, and graduated, too.

MOUSES!

Now about this reportin' me thing.

Hmmm...

Well all I've got to say 'bout that is...

You guessed it...

MOUSES!

But the big ol' bully didn't stop there. OH NO, she went further still, leavin' messages on Peepers' Facebook profile like, "Award winning blog? Please don't make such a statement, there's no such thing as an award winning blog. How dare you make such a claim. Are you an attention seeker?" and "I just read this blog. What a bunch of nonsense and you can't even write English. Award winning ... Yeah, for worst blog ever!!!"

MOUSES!

Again, Nerissa's Life IS an award-winnin' blog - FACT - which is why I can make such a claim. Am I an attention seeker? OF COURSE I AM! I'm a cat. Attention seekin' is kinda what we cats do. Cats are always lookin' for attention, especially of the chin tickles and behind-the-ear scritches kind. And I believe we've already discussed how we cats take liberties when writin'. We get to. We're cats.

As for winnin' an award for the WORST blog ever...

Well...

Well, I'll take what I can get. If this bully wants to give me a nice shiny trophy for winnin' the Worst Blog Ever Award, I'll accept it. Trophies are always nice. But it had better be shiny. Really shiny, for sure. And big, too. And I think there should be some kinda monetary prize accompanying said trophy. That would be nice. BUT, bein' the easy-goin' kinda kitty that I am, in lieu of a monetary prize, I'll gladly accept a nice big bag of the nip. After all, I'd probably take the money and use it to BUY nip, anyway. This way, we get rid of the middle man.

MOUSES!

So yeah, I've got a big ol' bully on my paws, it seems. A big ol' bully, for sure. What I'm gonna do about this, I don't yet know.

But just to be on the safe side...

Just to be prepared...

Well, for starters, I'm savin' up all the litter from the ol' litter box. USED litter, that is. A few more trips to the little boys' box and I'll have enough to ship off, SPECIAL DELIVERY, just for her.

Which brings me to the question...