Sunday, 5 April 2020

three weeks

Three weeks.

One million, eight hundred and fourteen thousand, four hundred seconds.

My gosh, that's a whole lot of seconds.

MOUSES!

How did I calculate that, you ask?  How did I calculate how long the peeps have been home here with me in self-isolation?

Well...

Well I multiplied three by seven, then by twenty-four, then...

Scratch that.  I actually called out at the top of my lungs, HEY PEEPERS!  HOW MANY SECONDS HAVE YOU BEEN AT HOME HERE CRAMPIN' MY STYLE?  FIGURE IT OUT, WOULD YA!  FIGURE IT OUT NOW!

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, since we're talking 'bout math and stuff, see if you can answer me this:  What is the difference between one and two?

Anyone have an answer for that?

I know, I know...  I know that most of you do.

But...

But there are still a few stragglers out there who don't.

MOUSES!

One is like...  Well...  Well one.  It's like...  Like one.  As in uh...  One.   AS IN ALL ALONE.  All by itself.

Two, on the other paw, is more than that.  Two is...  Well...  Two.  Like in not one.  It's NOT all alone.

Two does NOT equal one.

I'm a cat, and even I know that.

MOUSES!

SO ATTENTION ALL PEEPS OUT THERE:  When goin' out to do your weekly shop, DO IT ALONE.  That means, ONLY ONE.  One.  Got that?  ONLY ONE!  Only one peep per family needs to go to the store.

MOUSES!

It only takes ONE PEEP to get in the car and go to the store, to pick up the weekly supplies of treats and nip.  ONLY. ONE.  You don't need to shop in twos or threes or packs of four.  You can do it alone.

And let me tell you somethin', if you can't pick up that itty-witty tin of beans all by your lonesome, you've got BIGGER problems than you know.

MOUSES!

In these trying times, we're all wantin' to keep ourselves and our families safe, and our neighbourhoods, too.  If two peeps go shopping at once, they DOUBLE the chances of bringin' COVID-19 home.  If they go out in threes, they TRIPLE that chance.  WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO DO THAT?

Select - or elect, if you're into that sort of thing - ONE peep PER household to run those absolutely necessary errands, and that ONE PEEP then goes out on their own.  Those left behind can help out later, by cookin' dinner or washin' up, or you know...  IMPORTANT stuff like waitin' on your cats paw and paw.  That sort of thing.

BUT ONLY ONE PEEP NEEDS TO GO TO THE STORE!

There's no need to be shoppin' in packs.

LIKE DOGS.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!