Sunday, 22 April 2018

ten, nine, eight...

Seven, six, five...

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

GERMINATION!

We HAVE germination, my friends.  I repeat, WE HAVE GERMINATION.

MOUSES!

And the peep didn't think I could do it.

Well I sure showed her wrong.

Ha!  Silly ol' peep.

MOUSES!

As many of you know, my Peep #1 is totally useless when it comes to growin' the nip.  And when I say totally, I mean, TOTALLY.  And when I say useless, I mean...

Well...

Well I mean WORSE than useless, for sure.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, a couple months back, I decided to take nip growin' matters into my own four paws and start growin' the nip, myself, on account of my bein' a cat that REALLY NEEDS his nip.

And also on account of the peep not bein' able to grow it for me.

MOUSES!

Now my fur-sibs had their doubts 'bout my nip-growin' skills, as did the peep, but I figured that whatever happened, I was bound to do better than Ol' Peepers, on account of her total lack of nip-growin' skills, causin' her to be able to grow absolutely nothin'.

And when I say nothin', I mean NOTHIN', as in a nadda wadda nincompoop, nothin' at all.

And speakin' of nincompoops, you've met my first peep, have you?

MOUSES!

But back to that nip.

My fur-sibs were sayin' stuff like, Seville, if the peep can't grow nip, how will you?  And, But Seville, you don't even know HOW to grow the nip.

Well I thought 'bout what they were sayin' for a bit before giving 'em a reply, and my reply was, How HARD can it be?  I just have to do the exact opposite of whatever was done by the peep.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, I got myself some plant pots, and filled 'em with bags of pottin' mix.

Interestin' fact:  Did you know that bags of kitty litter look a lot like bags of pottin' mix?  Yeah, neither did I.  BUT I DO NOW.  MOUSES!

Well I tossed out that ol' litter and filled up the plant pots with the proper pottin' mix, planted me some nip seeds, and set the pots outside on the veranda.  Then it was time to play that ol' game called, waiting.

Interestin' fact:  Did you know that the waitin' game is not an actual game?  Not only that, it's not the least bit fun to play.  Yeah, neither did I.  BUT I DO NOW.  MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, I settled myself down, and started to wait.

And wait.

AND WAIT.

I waited for like an ETERNITY, for sure.

In fact, I waited so long, I was beginnin' to think our house must be jinxed or something, 'cause absolutely NOTHIN' was happenin' at all!  I was even startin' to think that maybe - just maybe - the peep's inability to grow the nip was not entirely her fault.

MOUSES!

But then the other day, my prayers were answered, my friends.  My prayers were answered, for sure!  The other mornin', I went to check on my nip pots - as I have been doin' every day, twice a day, for I don't know how long - and...

And I found little bits of green comin' out of the soil!  Yes, my friends, little bits of nippy fresh green!

Well I did a little jig.  Right there on the spot!

Interestin' fact:  Did you know that a cat doin' a gig on said cat's front veranda attracts the attention of all said cat's neighbours?  Yeah, neither did I.  BUT I DO NOW.  MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, I finished doin' my gig before shooin' away those gawkin' neighbours, then dashed inside the house to tell everyone the good news.

WE HAVE GERMINATION!  WE HAVE GERMINATION!  THE NIP SEEDS ARE GERMINATIN', FOR SURE.  MOUSES!

Yup, that's just what I said.  I said it exactly like that, too.

And ANY DAY NOW, I'm expectin' my first crop of nip, and...

What?  What's that?  What's that you're babblin' on about now, Peepers?

What chickens?  I don't have no chickens.  And why should I be countin' chickens I don't even have?

I should be countin' their eggs?  No, the eggs in the fridge?  Peepers, do you need me to count the fridge eggs for you, so you know how many you have?  Are you plannin' on makin' me a nip omelet or somethin'?  Maybe a souffle?  Can you not count those eggs all by yourself?  Do you not have enough claws with which to count?

What?

WHAT?

Awww...  MOUSES!

Apparently, accordin' to the peep, this nip growin' business is not as easy as I first thought.  APPARENTLY, gettin' the seeds to germinate was only the first step.  Now I have to GROW the plants to a harvestable size.

There's always a catch, my friends.

ALWAYS A CATCH.

MOUSES!