Wednesday, 16 October 2019

BREAKING NEWS...

BREAKING NEWS...

BREAKING NEWS...

I have BREAKING NEWS, my friends.  Yup, news breaking right here and right now, in...

Duh duh duh DUH....

MY FAMILY ROOM.

MOUSES!

No, the peep didn't finally break down and dust the mantle, but yeah, that would have been EVEN BIGGER breakin' news for me to report.

But the news I have is pretty big stuff.  Pretty big stuff, for sure.  Stuff you don't hear 'bout just any ol' day.  Stuff you've probably never even heard of before unless, of course, you're a fan of Star Trek or Doctor Who and in that case, you may have heard 'bout this kinda stuff  - although on Star Trek and Doctor Who this kinda stuff is what we in the know call SCIENCE FICTION, my friends, whereas the stuff I'm talkin' about is really real and like uh...  FACTUAL, SCIENTIFIC FACTS.  Facts that are REAL.

MOUSES!

Okay, so are you ready?  Are you sittin' down?  Are you prepared to hear what I'm gonna say?

Last night, I discovered a two-dimensional universe.

In my family room.

MOUSES!

It's true, my friends.  It's really, really true!  Right there in my family room, a two-dimensional universe was discovered, last night, by me.

Word on the street is, this somewhat small - as far as universes go - two dimensional universe has been surreptitiously hanging around...

Scratch that.  Word on the street is, this somewhat small two-dimensional universe has been LYING ABOUT on our family room coffee table since sometime late in September.

FACT.

Yup, it's a fact, all right.  It appeared right around Peep #1's birthday, late in September of this year - for she's a Libra, you see, although that is neither here nor there for the peep's astrological sign has nothin' at all to do with my scientific discovery.

I don't think.

Anyway, this recently discovered - BY ME, Seville the Cat - two dimensional universe has been lyin' about on the coffee table for the last few weeks.

And how in the mouses did I discover it, you ask?

GOOD QUESTION my friends!

Late last night, the peep was sittin' on the chesterfield when she reached over and picked up a so-called birthday card.  Now I say so-called, on account of it lookin' like a birthday card, but in reality...

Duh duh duh DUH...

In reality, it is clearly a force field of some sort, used to contain the recently discovered two-dimensional universe, discovered by me.  Me, Seville the Cat.

My gosh, I sure do hope the other media outlets get the spelling of my name right.

MOUSES!

So the peep reached over and picked up the paper force field and opened it up.  Then, like the instructions...

'Cause apparently force fields come with instructions these days.

Then, just like the instructions said, she pulled on the string attached to the picture of a birthday balloon.

Apparently, force fields also come with strings - due to string theory, I suppose - which is weird, but no more weirder than what happened next.

What happened next, you ask?

ANOTHER GOOD QUESTION, my friends!

Next thing I knew, the two-dimensional cats (Yes I said cats, for apparently the dominant life form in this recently discovered, obviously superior, universe is cats.) livin' within the two-dimensional universe started singing the song, Happy Birthday.

MOUSES!

Well let me tell you, my friends, I was up on that couch like cheese on a hot nip pizza.  I stuck my nose into that card...   I mean, paper force field, and tried to investigate some more.  Then I pawed at it, and slapped it down to the ground - well couch cushion, actually - and examined it inside and out.  I walked around the perimeter of the paper force field a number of times, constantly pawing at it, sniffing it, and attempting to find a way inside.  Then all of a sudden...

All of a sudden, the singing...

Stopped.

MOUSES!

And I said to the peep, "Play it again, Sam..  I mean, Peepers."

So the peep pulled on that string...  I mean, inter-dimensional key, once more, and the cats started singing again!

Well I repeated the experiment a good nine times.  Obviously, when usin' the inter-dimensional key, sound waves from within the previously undiscovered, two-dimensional universe inhabited by two-dimensional cats, can escape into our universe.  So far, however, I have found no way to access this mysterious universe, myself.  I'm thinkin' maybe a could slip a picture of me in there or somethin' like that.

Drawing my picture is now next on my to-do list.

Right after havin' a snack.

I shall report back after further experimentation.

MOUSES!