Sunday, 29 March 2020

two weeks


Two weeks.

Two. Whole. Weeks.

Fourteen days.

Three hundred and thirty-six hours.

Twenty thousand, one hundred and sixty minutes.

One MILLION, two hundred and nine thousand, six hundred seconds.


Multiply that by nine to translate into cat time...

I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH CLAWS TO ADD ALL THAT UP.

MOUSES!

This self-isolatin' business the peeps are doin' is for the birds.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of birds...

Did you know that birds don't know how to self-isolate?  And they CERTAINLY don't know how to practice social distancin'.

Or maybe they do, but are choosin' not to.

Hmmm...

I'M GONNA CALL THE POLICE ABOUT THEM, FOR SURE.

MOUSES!

Scratch that.  So I'm not gonna call the police on account of my not wantin' the police to know 'bout my catnip plants.

Catnip isn't illegal, you know.  IT'S PERFECTLY FINE for a cat to be growin' a little nip on the side.

But...

But a cat doesn't want to take any unnecessary chances, you see.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of unnecessary chances...

Those birdies at the feeders should be stayin' six paws apart in order to abide by social distancin' protocols.  But are they?  OH NO, they're sittin' on those feeders, side by side, wing by wing, their feathers touchin' each other and everythin'.

MOUSES!

But if I'm not gonna call the police on 'em, I'm gonna have to take matters into MY OWN FOUR PAWS, for sure.

Be right back.

MOUSES!

That did it.  That dealt with the problem at paw.  One can always count on Seville the Cat to instil social order when social order is in need of instillin'.

What did I do, you ask?

Well...

Well I marched right out onto the veranda and I puffed out my chest, and I let those birdies take a good look at ME, the resident cat.   Next thing I knew, the birdies flew off.

Good thing, too, on account of my havin' to hold my breath in order to puff out my chest, and a kitty can only hold his breath for so long.

MOUSES!

Uh-uh...

Drat, there are currently restrictions on travel.  Peeps aren't supposed to be flying 'round unnecessarily.  Wonder if that also applies to birds.  More to the point, I wonder if I'll get in trouble for making 'em take flight.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember peeps:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures.

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!