my gosh, that was tirin'

Well THAT was exhaustin', for sure.

MOUSES!

Oh my mouses, my pals, I've never felt so tired in all my nine lives.  What a workout, I had!  I'm gonna have to go take a nap.  A really nice long one, too.

MOUSES!

So yesterday, Peepers had a few errands to run.  Bank, post office, grocery store for oranges and bird seed...  Silly errand stuff like that.

WELL!

Well, things didn't work out as planned.

MOUSES!

Out the door, Peepers went.  Into the car - after clearin' off the snow from the day before, she did crawl.  Key in ignition.  Engine turned on.  Backin' up she did start, and then...

And then...

And then stuck in the driveway, she was.

MOUSES!

Yup, she managed to back out a few feet, but then all of a sudden...

All of a sudden...

All of a sudden, everythin' stopped.

Kinda.

Well not really.

MOUSES!

The car wasn't movin' but the front passenger-side tire was a-spinnin'.  Spinnin' like a neutron star on steroids, for sure.

MOUSES!

So shovel in tow, Peepers cleared away more snow.  Chipped away at the ice she thought might be the problem.  Then spread half a bag of kitty litter around ALL FOUR tires.

Nothin'.  Nothin' but spinnin' tires, she did have.

More shovellin' ensued.  More chippin' at ice.  Then shovellin' and chippin' again.

Still nothin'

MOUSES!

In and out of that car, ol' Peepers went.  She tried movin' the car so many times, I lost count.  And I was countin' with ALL FOUR of my paws!

MOUSES!

Finally, she gave up, and walked down to get the mail.  Then returned to try all over again.

I don't know for how long Peepers was out there.  An hour?  Probably two.  And then, one last try and miraculously, she got that car to move.

Of course, by then, the bank and post office had both closed.  Peepers did, however, manage to go buy bird seed and oranges, along with some other stupid things.

MOUSES!

Peepers didn't return until well after dark, when she found me sound asleep in one of my favourite sleepin' spots.  My back and neck were so sore, havin' had to crane my neck in weird positions in order to see her, from where I had sat, earlier, on the windowsill.  I was tired and achy all over from watchin' her work with that shovel.  Even my tail was sore from thumpin' it on the wall in aggravation!

Not to mention the sheer exhaustion I felt from all the laughin' I did.

Hmmm...  Perhaps I SHOULDN'T mention the laughin' bit.

MOUSES!

So that was yesterday, my pals, and today...

Well, today...

Today, she needs to go back out to run the errands she didn't get done, yesterday, so I had best rest up the rest of this mornin'...

...IN CASE I'M IN FOR ANOTHER TERRIBLY EXHAUSIN' AFTERNOON.

Methinks we need to ship some more of this wintry weather, southward.

I hear snow golf is gonna be the next big thing.

MOUSES!

still on the run

Hey ho, Sivvers the Cat here, reportin' from  sunny SNOWY Nova Scotia.

MOUSES!

That's right, my dear pals.  That's right!  The snowfall I reported on the other day, melted and disappeared; but pretty much as soon as it was all gone, it went and snowed all over again.

There's a whole whack of the white stuff all over the ground.

MOUSES!

And just what is a kitty to do when it's below freezin' outside and the ground is covered in snow?

Well...

Well surf the net, of course.  What else?

MOUSES!

And whilst surfin' that net, I found me some breakin' news.

Okay, so it was actually breaking 'bout a week ago; but if it's new to me and you, it can still be considered as news.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, APPARENTLY, there's a shoe thief on the loose in Japan.

It's true!

Yup, accordin' to multiple news reports from various news agencies, there was a shoe thief on the loose in Japan.  Shoes belongin' to kindergarten students were bein' stolen left, right, and centre.

Police were called in.

Security cameras were installed.

Surely the culprit was BOUND to be found.

Well...

Well, the culprit was caught on camera, all right.

And said culprit turned out to be a...

Wait for it...

Weasel.

MOUSES!

There on the security footage, for EVERYONE to see, was a furry little weasel with a shoe hangin' outta its mouth.

"It's great it turned out not to be a human being," Deputy Police Chief Hiroaki Inada told The Associated Press Sunday.  Teachers and parents had feared it could be a disturbed person with a shoe fetish."

Hmmm...

But a disturbed WEASEL with a shoe fetish is okay?

MOUSES!

And as I previously mentioned, said weasel is STILL on the run.

MOUSES!

But have no fear, my dear friends.  Have no fear.  This kinda stuff is never gonna happen 'round here.

'Cause you see...

'Cause you see, those of you who are familiar with my blog, already know that most weasels in Canada belong to the well-known criminal organization known as The Weasel Syndicate.  They don't go around stealin' peeps' shoes.  A stolen shoe here and there is small potatoes compared to the criminal activity weasels get up to in this country.

But just to be safe...

Just to be safe, if you happen to come across a weaselly-lookin' character sellin' kids' shoes on a street corner...

Make sure they're selling 'em in pairs.

'Cause what's a kitty gonna do with only one shoe?

MOUSES!

it snowed!

IT SNOWED!

Nope, that's not right.  Sounds way too cheery to me.

IT SNOWED.

Better, but uh...

Gosh darn it, woke up this mornin' to the white stuff.  'Cause it snowed.

Yeah, that's about right.

MOUSES!

You heard it right here, folks.  You heard it right here!  Last night, it snowed.

MOUSES!

Now it wasn't a lot of snow, mind you.  In fact, it wasn't very much, at all.  But it was most definitely snow.  

And what's more...

It was cold.

Felt it on my paws when I stepped outside, and everythin'.

MOUSES!

But the sun was shinin' and made the snow look all sparkly and whatnot.  And to tell you the truth, it did look kinda nice.

Kinda.

But not really.

'Cause it was cold.

I, SEVILLE THE CAT, know all about the illusion of warmth when the sun is shinin' through the windows and the sunlight feels all warm on your furs but really and truly...

Really and truly...

Really and truly, when you step outside 'cause it's looks all pretty and stuff, it's absolutely bloomin' COLD.

MOUSES!

Okay, so it was just barely below zero, which for Canada really isn't all that cold.

IN THE MIDST OF WINTER.

But today is only December 1st!

Oh sure, today might very well be the first day of the meteorological winter, but it isn't the astrological winter 'til December 21st!

And what's more to the point, if it's cold and snowin' today, on December FIRST!!!, just how cold and snowy is it gonna get in January and February when winter has actually settled in and made itself at home, and...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

Oh.

Hmmm...

Okay, so APPARENTLY, whilst I was workin' on this blog post, it warmed up a tad and the snow has melted and now it's pretty much all gone.

Hmmm....

Well that's not much of a headline now, is it.  In fact, it's really kinda borin'.  Borin' enough to make a cat like me wanna make somethin' up that's a little more interestin'.  SOMETHIN' PEEPS MIGHT ACTUALLY WANNA READ.

Hmmm...

Methinks it's time to dig through Peepers' dirty laundry basket and see if I can find a headline in there.

'Cause you know what they say: Airin' dirty laundry is VERY interestin', for sure.

AS LONG AS IT'S NOT YOUR OWN.

Dirty laundry, that is.

MOUSES!

So stay tuned for future blog posts 'bout Peepers' dirty laundry.  And I'm not talking 'bout how to take out grass and blueberry juice stains.

Although truth be told, that could be kinda useful.  Some peeps might wanna read about that.

Oh my mouses!  PEEPERS might wanna read about that, too!  Shovelling snow - not that she had to shovel today -  might not get her clothes all mucked up, but an afternoon of diggin' in the dirt sure does.

'Cause take it from this kitty: There's more than one kinda dirty laundry 'round here.

On the other paw, unless I'm lookin' to turn my blog into some kinda homemakers' magazine, I had best stuck to the gossipy kinda dirt for my headlines.

Somethin' more interestin' than snow.

Time to go find me some interestin' dirt.

MOUSES!

struttin' his stuff

I swear that ol' brother of mine, Saffy Saffron Sassifras, is out there stuttin' his stuff.  Yup, he's struttin' his stuff for all the world to see.

Or at least anyone who happens to be lookin'.

MOUSES!

Now before anyone gets any ideas, yes, my brother has already been neutered.  It's not that kinda stuff he is struttin'.

Get your mind outta the gutter, would ya?

MOUSES!

But neutered or not, he's out there in the backyard, right now, walkin' about this way and that, head held high and tail straight up in the air.  And his walk is more of a...

Well...

An arrogant gait

Yup, he's most definitely struttin'.

MOUSES!

And get this.  Peepers tapped on the window to get his attention and do you know what he did?

Well, DO you?

Well I'll TELL you what he did.  NOTHIN'.  That's right, NOTHIN'!  He just kept on struttin', totally ignorin' the peep's tappin'.

Can you believe it?

MOUSES!

So why-oh-why is that brother of mine out there struttin', you ask?

Some fool - aka Peepers - told him he was walkin' on water.  And now he thinks he's all special and stuff.

HEY SAFFRON!  WHEN THE WATER HAS FROZEN INTO AN ICY LAYER ON TOP OF A FOOT OR MORE OF SNOW, YOUR WALKIN' ON IT DOESN'T COUNT AS YOUR WALKIN' ON WATER.

MOUSES!

If only you could see him, my friends.  If only you could see him!  Tail still held high.  Chin up in the air, too.  And if I'm not mistaken, he appears to be lookin' down his nose at somethin'.

Or someone.

Or...

Or at ME?

MOUSES!

Nah, that can't be right.  No cat would ever look down their nose at me.  They might look down their nose at peeps, sure, but never at me.

Besides,  LOOKIN' DOWN YOUR NOSE AT OTHERS IS MY JOB, you see.

Some cats can be so arrogant and full of self-importance.

It's pathetic, really.

MOUSES!

HEY PEEPERS!  Those treats you gave me a few minutes ago have gone all stale.  They must have come from the package you opened yesterday.  I, Seville the Cat, am gonna need some that are a bit fresher than that.

And could you please put 'em on a new plate?  I shouldn't have to eat off the same plate, twice.  Even if I didn't actually eat off it the first time.  After all, I AM Seville the Cat.

MOUSES!

I'm tellin' ya, if I don't keep after those peeps of mine, they'll try to get away with just about anythin'.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

the arrival

So, so far in this so-called winter, we've had rain and we've had wind.  And yes, sometimes we've had rain and wind together.  We've even had slush.

Yeah, that's right, I swear that one day, it rained slush.

MOUSES!

And we've also had snow that changed to rain, before changin' to more slush.

And the wind!  Did I mention the wind?  Boy-oh-boy have we had wind.

And sometimes it has been cold.  Not super-duper cold, but cold enough that I wanted to be inside all day where it was nice and toasty.  And sometimes it has been mild!  We broke a mildness record in January, I do believe, on account of it bein' so mild.

MOUSES!

But two days ago...

Two days ago, on Monday...

Winter officially arrived.

MOUSES!

It snowed and it snowed and it snowed.  Then it snowed again, some more.

Did I mention it snowed?

And this time, the snow stuck around.  Here it is, Wednesday, and there's still a whole whack of snow on the ground, with no sign of it meltin' and disappearin' any time soon.

MOUSES!

Now as a Canadian kitty, you'd think I'd be used to all of this snow.  Truth be told, I kinda am.  But the fact is, snow is snow, and it makes it awfully difficult to get around.

You have any idea how hard it is for a kitty to wade through a foot of snow?  I mean, I'm only like...  well, around a foot tall.  How the mouses am I supposed to lift my legs high enough to walk through that kinda snow?

MOUSES!

But luckily for me, Peepers went out first thing Tuesday and shovelled all around.  Oh sure, snowplow guy came late Monday, but he only plows the driveway.  I, Seville the Cat, was in need of some paths just for me.  And Saffy, of course.

But, you know...  Mainly for me.

MOUSES!

Well I've got my paths, now.  A kitty can now walk from the front door to the back, and back 'round to the front, once more; without havin' to wade through all that freezin' cold snow.  I can walk out to where Peepers feeds the birdies, too.  I can even walk over to the compost, if I want.  Which I really don't.  But if I want to, I can.

MOUSES!

And...

And Peepers managed to shovel all that snow without slippin' or slidin'.  Or trippin', for that matter.  She didn't fall down.  Not even once.  Not once!

And if I'm bein' totally honest, that was kinda disappointin'.  Her not slippin' and fallin', I mean.  'Cause let me tell you somethin', my friends...

Let me tell you...

Let me tell you somethin', my friends; when a kitty gets all comfy on the windowsill, EXPECTIN' a fun-filled humorous show, A KITTY EXPECTS TO SEE HIS PEEP SLIP, TRIP, AND EVENTUALLY, FALL DOWN.

At least one time.

Instead,  Peepers put on THE MOST BORIN' SHOW of all time.

THERE'LL BE NO EMMY FOR HER.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

I'm meltin'! I'M MELTIN'!

I'm melting!  I'M MELTING!

Yup, that's just what I heard.

Yeah, that's right: ol' Peepers, here, was yelling 'bout how she was meltin' on account of her gettin' rained on, and in true witchy-woo form, once she got all wet from the rain, she...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

FINE.  Okay, so Peepers didn't get rained on.

FINE.  Okay, so Peepers didn't yell she was meltin' on account of bein' rained on, either.  In fact, she wasn't yellin' she was meltin', at all.  Nor was she actually meltin'.

Or so she says.

FINE.  So it's not actually rainin'.  In fact, the sun is shinin' and it's a beautiful day.

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

You want me to take back the bit 'bout your bein' in true witchy-woo form?  The bit that insinuates you might, in fact, be like a...

You know...

Witch?

BUT I CAN'T LIE TO MY READERS LIKE THAT.

MOUSES!

FINE.  Peepers isn't a witch.

Or so she says.

MOUSES!

Okay, so here's what's really goin' on: the sun is shinin', the temperature is above zero, and there's a snowman out there in the yard who is meltin' and yellin' as loudly as he can, hopin' Peepers and I will take out some ice for him to help him keep his cool.

Yeah, yeah...  That's who it was.  It was a snowman yelling 'bout how he was meltin'.

Yeah, a snowman.  That's what I said.

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

BUT MY READERS EXPECT MORE EXCITEMENT ON MY BLOG THAN THAT.

MOUSES!

Lookie here, Peepers.  Leave the writin' to me, will you?  You don't know the first thing 'bout writin' an excitin' blog post.  You don't know the first thing!

Nor the second, nor third.  Not even the fourth!

PEEPERS, EVEN REALITY TV IS MORE EXCITIN' THAN THAT.

And reality TV is real, Peepers.  Real as in reality.  Real is what reality means, you know.  You can't get more real than that.

Or so they say.

MOUSES!

FINE.

FINE!

I said, fine, didn't I, Peepers?

FINE.

Okay, so here's what's really happening 'round here: NOTHIN'.  Nothin' at all.  Nothin' but nothin' is happenin' around here.

MOUSES!

Well yeah, the sun is shinin'.

And yeah, it is a really nice day.

And yeah, the snow is meltin' out there.  Not snowmen, though.  Just snow, and...

On the other paw, if there were any snowmen out there, they WOULD likely be meltin', too.

Just not yelling 'bout their meltin' to anyone who might hear.

You know, on account of the pebbles used to make their mouths havin' fallen to the ground once the snow holdin' said pebbles had melted away.  And as everyone knows, once your mouth falls off, it's kinda hard to yell.

And that's why the HORRENDOUS, TERRIFIED CRIES OF ANGUISH from melting snowmen always go unheard, and...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about NOW?

Peepers, if I've told you once, I've told you a million kajillion times, times ninety-two: LEAVE THE WRITIN' TO ME.

Hyperbole?

Never heard of it.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

white stuff

Hey Peepers!  What's that white stuff all over your t-shirt?  Is it snowin' outside?

Nah, that can't be right.  We've been in the midst of a heat wave for the past week or more and you can't have snow in a heatwave.

Can you?

Hmmm...

I suppose someone could be MAKIN' snow out there.  They do that kinda thing when there isn't enough snow for skiin' and whatnot.  But SURELY no one is makin' snow when it's this hot, in the middle of summer.  My gosh, that snow would melt...

Nope, the white stuff all over Peepers' shirt isn't meltin' yet, so it definitely can't be snow.

Can it?

MOUSES!

I know!  All that white stuff must be dandruff.

Hey Peepers!  You've got dandruff flakes all over your top.  You'd best do somethin' about that 'cause it's not nice for me to have to look at things like that.

MOUSES!

Peepers, you do know that I, Seville the Cat, have never ever once had a case of dandruff in all my nine lives, right?  You should shampoo your hair like I do mine.  Well my fur, actually, rather than hair.  And by shampoo, I mean spit.  Yup, spit and polish is what gives me this luxurious coat of marmalade furs, and...

What's that?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

Oh it is, is it?  And it's not dandruff, you say.  You SAY you accidentally left a tissue in the pocket of your jeans and the washer mysteriously yanked said tissue outta the pocket; tore it into teeny-tiny itty-witty bits; and pasted those bits all over all the other clothes in the washer.

Or somethin' like that.

MOUSES!

Well...

Well might I suggest AGAIN - 'cause you apparently didn't listen to me the first time - that you start usin' spit and polish AS I DO, when not only washin' your hair, but when washin' your clothes, too.  I mean, I, Seville the Cat, have never ever had a case of teeny-tiny itty-witty bits of tissue pasted all over my luxurious coat of marmalade furs, and you know why?

Do you?

Well I'll tell you why, ol' Peep of mine.  I, Seville the Cat, have never ever had a case of teeny-tiny itty-witty bits of tissue pasted all over my luxurious coat of marmalade furs on account of my not leavin' tissues in my pants pocket when doin' laundry; on account of my not havin' pockets - or pants, for that matter, either; on account of my havin' this luxurious coat of marmalade furs, and...

And...

And on account of my usin' spit and polish when launderin' my aforementioned luxurious coat of marmalade furs.

You really should try it, sometime, Peepers.  You really, really should.

The spit and polish bit, I mean.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

enough already

I said, ENOUGH.

MOUSES!

I swear, every time I turn 'round, it's snowin'.

MOUSES!

Now you'd think I wouldn't care all that much 'bout the snow.  I mean, my bathroom is indoors.  It's not like I have to out to use the loo...

LIKE A DOG.

MOUSES!

But you see, every time it snows, the snowplough comes through.

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', gettin' ploughed out is a good thing, for sure.

And actually, you would be right, except...

Except...

'CEPT THOSE PLOUGHS ARE AS NOISY AS ALL GET OUT.  Worse than the vacuum, for sure.  Hard to believe, but they are.

And they kinda scare me a bit.

But don't tell anyone I said that, okay?  It's a secret, you see.  I don't want the whole world knowin' I, Seville the Cat, mancat of all mancats, is scared of a little plough.

Although to tell you the truth, they're not little at all.  They're huge!  Huge, as in HUGE, I say.  They're the kinda things that give cats nightmares at night.

Also durin' the day.

MOUSES!

And then there's the problem with peeps havin' to shovel and stuff.  You know what happens when peeps are outside shovellin' paths and things, and diggin' out cars?

Well I can't tell you what is happenin', on account of my not bein' outside helping 'em shovel, but I can tell you what's not.   What's not happenin' is that they're not inside tendin' to my every need.

Want...  Need...  Whatever.

MOUSES!

And you know why else I'm complain' about the snow?  Snow is icy.  Snow is cold.  And as my good pal Summer kinda pointed out the other day, snow is not conducive to the growin' of nip.  And if there's anythin' I, Seville the Cat, nipmeister of all nipmeisters knows: it's that the growin' of the nip is of the greatest importance, for sure.  The greatest, I say.  THE GREATEST!

Right after the imbibin' of nip, of course.

MOUSES!

And now that I'm thinking 'bout nip...

Hey Peepers!  You wanna make me a hot nip toddy, please?  Not too hot, mind you.  But not cold, either.  Luke warm, should do.  And keep it light on the water, would ya?  But heavy on the nip.  Worst thing a peep can do is waste good catnip by dilutin' it too much.

MOUSES!

And make one for Saffy, as well.  I heard he was really, really, REALLY SCARED by the snowplough the other day, so he'll need one, too.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

ninety-five weeks

Hey ho, Sivvers the Cat here, bringin' you the latest news from snowy Nova Scotia.  And boy-oh-boy do I have big news for you today.

MOUSES!

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

NO, I am not tellin' my readers all about the snow.  I mean, yeah, that foot or more of snow we had Friday is kinda big news, but it's OLD news, for sure.  All the other news stations have reported on it by now.

MOUSES!

NO, I'm am not tellin' my readers all about how some kind neighbour came and shovelled out the end of the driveway after the county plough dumped a whole mountain down there after our snowplough guy came.  I don't know all the details, you see, on account of my not knowin' which neighbour was so kind.  That story will have to wait until I've done further investigation.  I, Seville the Cat, don't wanna do a shoddy story filled with more holes than Swiss cheese.

This isn't VULPES NEWS, you know.

Cheese...

Mmmm...

MOUSES!

Are you still babblin' there, Peepers?  Is that you I hear?  What on earth are you babblin' on about NOW?

*sighs*

No, my big news is not about how we've been in this here pandemic now for ninety-five weeks.  Nor is it about the fact that ninety-five weeks equates to five hundred and seventeen million, one hundred and four thousand cat seconds.  NOR is my news about how hard bein' stuck here with you and Peep #2 for that long, is on ME.

My readers already know all 'bout that, you see.

MOUSES!

Just be quiet for a moment there, Peepers, will you?

I said, BE QUIET!

Which you would have heard had you not been pesterin' me with stupid questions.

MOUSES!

Okay everybody, here it is...

My big news is...

Are you sittin' down?

Are you listenin'?

Saffron is in.

AND I HAVE A NEW BROTHER.

With a a name more suited to an orange girl kitty than a Russian Blue boy, but you know my peep: she's pretty much useless when it comes to these things.

Details to follow, Wednesday.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

forty-nine weeks

Oh Peee-prrrssss.....

OH PEEE-PRRRSSSS....

HEY PEEPERS!  Get over here.  I've got somethin' to tell ya.

MOUSES!

Peepers, see that crow out there on the rail?

I SAID, SEE THAT CROW OUT THERE ON THE RAIL?

Why am I yellin'?  Well I'm yellin' on account of my wonderin' if you've gone deaf or somethin'.  You know, on account of your not runnin' in here THE FIRST time I called out to you, like a good peep would do.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, now that I've got your attention: See that crow out there on the rail?  He's sittin' there wantin' you to feed him.

I KNOW you put food out on the landin' by the back door.  Crow knows that, too, as a matter of fact.  But Mr Crow can't be bothered to swoop down and eat that food you put out by the back door.  MR CROW wants you to trudge through the snow, out to the ol' oak tree out back.  He wants you to put his food out there.

'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE HE LIKES TO EAT, IS WHY.

Some peeps.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, Mr Crow is wonderin' why you're not puttin' on your boots and trudgin' through the snow.

I KNOW Mr Crow is perfectly capable of flyin', AND I KNOW it's a whole lot easier for Mr Crow to fly than for you to make your way through the snow.  Crow knows that, too, as a matter of fact.  BUT MR CROW STILL WANTS you to take his food out to the ol' oak tree out back.  You know, where he likes to eat.

Look, you can even take him some of Saffron's kibble.  It's okay.  It's fine by me.

I AM TOO BEIN' GENEROUS.  Fact is, I'm pretty sure Saffron's stash of the kibble is actually comin' from MY stash of the kibble, so when I offer up her kibble, I am, in fact, offerin' mine.

MOUSES!

So when are you goin' out there to feed that ol' crow?

DON'T JUST PUT MORE FOOD OUT BY THE BACK DOO...

Oh.  How come you stopped yourself from puttin' more food out at the back door?  You start listenin' to me, for once?

'Bout time.

MOUSES!

'Cause he hadn't touched the stuff you put out there for him, before.

Well isn't that what I TOLD you, Peepers?  Didn't I TELL you Mr Crow didn't want to eat at the back door?  Didn't I?  Huh?  HUH?  HUH?

Of course I did.

MOUSES!

*a little while later*

You know, Peepers, you shouldn't give in to that ol' crow like that.  Just 'cause he wants to eat over by the ol' oak tree out back, doesn't mean you should get on your coat and boots and trudge through all that snow.  He's perfectly capable of flyin' down and eatin' by the back door.  And if he's hungry enough, that's exactly what he'll do.

Mr Crow has obviously trained you well.

Probably on account of all those classes I've been givin' the birds on peep trainin', these last few...  Did I say few?  These last two hundred and sixty-six million, seven hundred and sixteen thousand, eight hundred cat seconds, of this ol' pandemic thing.

What?  A cat isn't entitled to start up a few extra avenues of income durin' quarantine?

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

and she's down

Oh-oh...

Oohhh boy...

And she's down.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', there goes Seville, once again mockin' his peep.

Well...

WELL OF COURSE THAT'S WHAT I'M DOIN'!  If the peep is gonna insist on doin' stupid stuff, I, Seville the Cat, have a responsibility to mock her.

MOUSES!

Besides, I'm not laughin' at her.  Really, I'm not.  I'm laughin' WITH her, you see.

Yeah.

Right.

And if you believe that, I've got a nice piece of swamp land to sell.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, remember way back when, when ol' Peepers was dodgin' a mysterious hole in our front yard?  You remember the one.  The hole that appeared outta nowhere, that she had to be careful not to fall into when mowin' the lawn.

Well...

Well the lawn is currently covered in about two feet of snow thanks to that ol' snowstorm we had on the weekend, but Peepers, bein' a peep, was worried that Saffron might get stuck under the deck - no, she still won't let the peep near her and won't come inside - and not be able to come to the veranda for noms, so...

So Peepers went out with the shovel and shovelled a path from the veranda, across the front lawn and along the far side of the house, all the way to the deck out back.

And when she had finished shovellin'....

When she was returnin' to the front door...

INTO THE MYSTERIOUS HOLE, SHE WENT.

She's such a clutz.

And in other news...

In other news, the mysterious hole in our front lawn has been officially measured at a peep's knee deep.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

lies, lies.. all of them, LIES!

Of all the moused-up, mousin', no good for nothin', rascally rascals...

Awww....  MOUSES!

LOCK HIM UP!  I say.

LOCK HIM UP!

That darned, moused-up weasel...

I mean, RODENT.

I MEAN, GROUNDHOG.

LOCK HIM UP.

I'm tellin' ya, that ol' Shubenacadie Sam has some serious answerin' to do.

MOUSES!

It was less than two months ago, when there he was, spoutin' his lies, all over the Internet.  "I didn't see my shadow," he said.  "It's gonna be an early spring, for sure."

Lies, lies...  ALL OF THEM, LIES!

The very ePitome of FaKe News, for sure.

MOUSES!

And now, here we are, at the END of March, well past the official start of spring...

And where is our spring, you ask?

Well I can tell you where it isn't.  It most certainly isn't here.

MOUSES!

But do you know what is?  Do you know what is here, my friends?

I'll tell ya what's here.  I'll tell you what's outside.  I'll tell you what's outside, for sure.


SNOW.

Now in what universe does a kitty associate spring, with snow?

MOUSES!

And not only is there snow, it's even kinda cold outside.

MOUSES!

And what does that rascally rabbit...

I mean, VARMINT...

I MEAN, GROUNDHOG, have to say?  What is Shubenacadie Sam sayin' about his false forecasting 'bout an early spring?

Just because I SAID there'd be an early spring, you didn't have to believe me.

Yup, that's an exact quote, for sure.

I have it on tape, and everythin'.

MOUSES!

Oh how quickly his tune has changed from only a mere few weeks ago.

You believed me because you WANTED to believe me, Seville.  You WANTED an early spring.  Never once did I FORCE you to believe it would actually happen.

MOUSES!

And I CERTAINLY never made you repeat what I said.

Sam, what the mouses do you think the share button is for?

It's like ol' Shubie was sittin' down in his Mama Nature's basement, sluggin' back the nip - or whatever varmints take - just Makin' up FanciFul, Fictional Forecasts for Sale.

MOUSES!


Well!  Well I know what I'll do.  I know what I'll do, for sure.  The NEXT time I want a weather forecast, I'll...

I'll...

I'LL...

Oh for the love of mouses, I honestly don't know WHAT I'll do.  I could listen to the weatherpeeps, I suppose, but they're not really known for havin' accurate forecastin' abilities, either.

MOUSES!

the door

"Woe is me.  I'm always on the wrong side of the door."

You can say that again, Andy.

"I'm always on the wrong side of the door."

Oh for mousin' out loud.  When I said, you can say that again, I didn't mean for you to take me quite so literally, and actually say it again.

MOUSES!

And quit sighing like that.  It's very unbecoming for a cat.

MOUSES!

"But you sigh all the time, Sivvers."

That's different.  That's me.  It's totally different, for sure.

But you know...

You know, there is some truth to what you're sayin', Andy.  We cats are always on the wrong side of the door, 'cause whatever side we're on, it always seems to be the opposite side of where we wanna be.  I think it's a law of nature or somethin'.  Or maybe it's physics.  Hmmm..  Nah, sounds more like geography, to me.

And now that I think about it, it's a lot like a time travellin' paradox, where you can't change the past without changin' the future, thereby no longer allowin' you to change the past, on account of the newly changed future no longer givin' you the ability to travel into the past to change it.

Well it's kinda like that, anyway.  'Cept without the time travel stuff, of course.

I believe it may be called, The Wrong Side of the Door Paradox.

MOUSES!

Andy, don't look at me like that.  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin' that I, Seville the Cat, am just makin' stuff up.  Makin' stuff up off the top of my head, and..

Hmmm...

Actually, you might be right about that, 'cause you know, I do make up a lot of stuff.

I MEAN, INVENT.

I mean, I do invent a lot of things. I discover a lot of stuff, too.

Why, just the other day...

Uh...  Never mind.

MOUSES!

"But Seville..."

What?  What do you want now?

And I thought I told you to stop lookin' at me, Andy.  Stop lookin' at me like that!

Anderson, if you wanna stare at me, you can stare at me with wonderment or adoration or anythin' similar to those things, but do not - and I repeat, DO NOT - stare at me like that.

It's very unbecoming, you see.

At least it is to me.

MOUSES!

AND STOP SIGHING!  I thought I told you to stop sighin', before.

By the way, Andy, why is it that you're sighin', anyway?  You still upset 'bout bein' on the wrong side of the door?  'Cause there's really no point in bein' upset about the Wrong Side of the Door Paradox.  Nothin' we cats can do 'bout the existence of a paradox.  Nothin' at all!

Hmmm...

Andy, how come you wanna be on the other side of the door so badly?

"I don't know.  I just do.  I just really, REALLY do."

Then ask the peep to open the door for you and let you outside.

"But there's snow outside, Sivvers."

Then stay in.

"But I want to go out."

Then go out!  Seriously Andy, it's not all that complicated, you know.  Either you stay inside, on THIS side of the door, or you go outside where you'll be on THAT side of the door.  It's not complicated, at all.

"But Seville, if I stay on this side of the door, I'll be inside when I want to be out.  But if I go outside, I will be on the other side of the door which is where I want to be right now, but I'll also be out in the snow.  And I don't want to be out in the snow.  And since I don't want to be outside in the snow, technically, I'll be on the wrong side of the door.  But by staying inside, I'm on the wrong side of the door, too."

"Seville...  Do you think it's possible there could be three sides to a door?"

Yes, Andy.  Yes, I do.  I do believe there could be three sides to that particular door.

"You do?"

Oh yeah.  There's the side of the door we're lookin' at right now.  The inside side of the door.  And there's the outside side of the door, too.  That's two sides, right?  Then there's the third side of that very same door.  The third side is the side that's gonna hit you on your backside if you keep sighing 'bout bein' on the wrong side of the door.

MOUSES!

"I don't think I like that third side of the door, Seville.  I think I might just stay inside, on this side of the door."

Well I'm glad we got that sorted.

"Even if it is THE WRONG side of the door, and..."

"OUCH!  What did you do that for, Seville?"

Oh, I don't know, Andy.  Sometimes a cat has just gotta smacky paw his brother, you see.  I think it's a law of nature or somethin'.  Or maybe it's physics.  Hmmm...  Nah, sounds more like sociology, to me.

MOUSES!

snow

Hmmph!  Now who the mouses thought this would be a good idea?  I mean, who?  WHO? WHO?

Oh hello there, my friends.  How are ya? You caught me...

No, you did not catch me callin' for owls although truth be told, I can totally see how you might be thinkin' that.  You know, with my callin' out who and stuff.

Pardon me?  What's that?  Am I...?

No, I'm not callin' to peeps livin' in Whoville, either.

Truth be told, I'm just sittin' here, starin' out my office window.  Starin' and starin' and starin', and noticin' that even with all my starin', ALL I CAN SEE IS SNOW.

That's right, my friends, Mother Nature has gone and...

OH YEAH....  That's the answer.  You know, the answer to my question.  My question 'bout who the mouses thought dumpin' two feet of snow all over my yard was a good idea.  It was Mother Nature, that's who.

But it most definitely was NOT a good idea.  MOUSES!

There should be a law or somethin'.  Really, there should.  No one's mother should be dumpin' snow like that in anyone's yard.  MOUSES!

You ever think to yourself, you should just go smacky-paw somebody?  Smacky-paw 'em in the face, just because?  Maybe 'cause they looked at you funny?  Or maybe 'cause they stole your nip mouse or somethin'?

Yeah, well that's what I'd like to do that natural mother, for sure.  MOUSES!

Why, a kitty needs a pair of snowshoes just to get around out there.  MOUSES!

Well technically, two pair, but that is neither here nor there  Or even hare.

Hare... Snow...  Snowshoe hares...  Get it?  Hehehehee...

But seriously folks, if a kitty were to try walkin' around in my yard right now, a kitty would sink right down into two feet of snow.  Well technically, the kitty would probably just sink down to his tummy, and then kind of hang there, floatin' on the snow, in mid-air.  Or mid-hare!  HAHA!

Oh my mouses, I'm KILLIN' it here!

And speakin' of hares, have you seen Peep #1's HAIR?

After gettin' all bundled up to do some shovellin' through all of that snow yesterday, the first peep is sportin' a serious case of hat head, for sure.  And let me tell you somethin', IT IS NOT A PRETTY SIGHT. MOUSES!

What's that, Peepers?  What am I tellin' everyone? What am I sayin' about your hair?

Nothin'.

Anyway...

Back to that snow.  It's everywhere.  I've looked out every single window, both upstairs and down.  I've even had the peeps openin' doors for me.  Both front and back.  Yup, I had 'em open 'em up, multiple times.  And each and every time, everywhere, all there was, was snow.  Snow!  Up, down, all around...  SNOW.  There's white stuff as far as the eye can see.

I spy with my little eye, somethin' that is white.

And the answer would be... MY ENTIRE YARD.  MOUSES!

Of course, it's not as bad as it was on Monday.  At least today there's some sky.

The thing is, peeps don't realize just how annoyin' all this snow is for kitties like me.  I mean, sometimes, EVEN IN WINTER, I like to do garden patrols and whatnot.  But in this snow, garden patrols are out of the question, for sure.  Oh yeah, I could patrol along one of those paths with the two or three foot walls of snow, the peep has dug.  Yeah, I could do that.  I could, I suppose... But...

BUT THEY'RE JUST TOO DARNED SCARY!  You can't see anywhere but ahead.  You never know who you might meet up with in one of 'em, and that, my friends, is for sure.

And even more to the point, none of 'em go where I wanna go.

I told the peep, yesterday.  I told her, "Oh Peepers, dig me a path, please, all around the garden out back."

Well Peep #1 looked at me like I was crazy or somethin'.  Like I was the one goin' around in public with that case of hat head.  MOUSES!

And then, get this.  She said, "If you want a path all the way out there, Seville, you need to dig it yourself."

Yeah, she said it just like that.  I half expected a na-na-na-na-na-na at the end.

Well let me tell you, my friends, I nearly fainted right there on the spot. "Are you crazy or somethin', woman?" I said.  "I, Seville the Cat, am a cat, and shovellin' is beneath me, for sure. MOUSES!"

Next thing I knew, she was out the door, and the path I requested has not yet been dug.  And I'm kind of thinkin' it's not in the works, either.  MOUSES!