whoa, nelly!

Whoa, Nelly!  WHOA, NELLY!!!  There are some things a kitty can never unsee.

MOUSES!

What the mouses are you doin' there, Peepers?  You wanna terrorise the kiddies, this Hallowe'en?

What do you mean, what do you mean?  WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

But I thought...

But it seemed...

I was so sure.

Gosh golly and darn it, a kitty sees his peep first thing in the mornin' before she's combed her hair and washed her face, and the next thing you know, SAID KITTY IS GETTIN' IN TROUBLE FOR THINKIN' THE UNCOMBED AND UNWASHED FRIGHTENIN' MESS BEFORE HIM IS A HALLOWE'EN COSTUME.

MOUSES!

And to be fair, she did look super scary.

So Hallowe'en is comin' up this weekend and it's lookin' like it's gonna be a lot different from other years, for sure.  For one thing, peeps have been wearin' masks for the last few months, so puttin' on a Hallowe'en mask is gonna be like...

Well...

Like your normal day when grocery shoppin'.

MOUSES!

Although truth be told, perhaps had Peepers been wearin' a mask this mornin', she wouldn't have scared me half to death when I saw her.

Good thing the litter box was nearby.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of litter boxes...

Not MY fault what I deposited in it is frightening.

But alas, my friends, I'm afraid there's no Hallowe'en adventure this year on account of flyin' fryin' pan and teleportation - not to mention broomstick - travel restrictions.  Plus, with social distancin' and limits on gatherings, the Weasel Syndicate's activities have been placed on hold for the mo.  Of course, this is a good thing, even if a little boring, so...

So...

SO...

So I thought to myself, what better way to enjoy Hallowe'en than by readin' some of my Hallowe'en adventures from Hallowe'ens past?

Did you know they say that if you say Hallowe'en three times in a row, somethin' super scary and grotesque will appear?

At least that's what I've heard.

*looks about*

Guess it's not true though.  Must be nothin' more than some kinda urban legend.

AAARGH!!!

Sorry 'bout that.  It was just Peepers walkin' into the room.

MOUSES!

But back to the topic at paw: my past Hallowe'en adventures.  I'm includin' the links to adventures of Hallowe'ens past, so feel free to pull up a chair and click on a link, and you'll be magically transported to a frightfully fun-filled Hallowe'en adventure.

Oh-oh.  I just said Hallowe'en three times again.  Bet Peepers will be walkin' back into the room any time now.

MOUSES!

2019:  The Haunting

2018:  The Contest

2017:  The Hallowe'en Ball

2016:  The Hallowe'en Visitor

2015:  A Hallowe'en Adventure and And Now, the Conclusion

2014:  The Broom Closet

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

thirty-two weeks

Social distancin', people.  SOCIAL DISTANCIN'!!!

What?  What's that you're sayin' there, little birdy?

Oh.

Hmmm...

Well then...

Social distancin' birdies.  SOCIAL DISTANCIN'!!!

I'm tellin' ya, those birdies are gettin' WAY TOO CLOSE to me, for comfort.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', why would I, Seville THE CAT, mind little birdies gettin' close enough for me to reach out a paw, and...

'Cause peeps frown over my reachin' out my paws to touch birdies, that's why.

MOUSES!

If you remember, my last blog post was about those blue jays eatin' us out of house and home and if you're wonderin' if they're still doin' that, wonder no more.  They are still doin' it, for sure.

MOUSES!

But this here post isn't just 'bout blue jays.  No sirree.  This here post is 'bout blue jays and chickadees and woodpeckers, too!

Not to mention a squirrel.

MOUSES!

This mornin' I made myself comfy on the love seat out there on the veranda waitin' for the Bird TV show to begin, when all of a sudden, the veranda EXPLODED with a flurry of activity.  Next thing I knew, there were birds of all sorts flyin' about.  No fewer than six blue jays were knockin' about the cylindrical feeders and scatterin' seed all over the ground, chickadees were dartin' in and out of the globe theatre..  I mean, feeder, and a woodpecker was hangin' from the suet one and peckin' away.  Mere minutes later, a big ol' grey squirrel came along and decided to join in on the fun.

Now you'd think that I, Seville THE CAT, would appreciate such a lively show, but...

BUT THE BIRDIES WERE GETTIN' WAY TOO CLOSE TO ME, FOR SURE!

HAVE THEY NEVER HEARD OF SOCIAL DISTANCIN', THESE BIRDS?

I'm tellin' ya, peeps here in Nova Scotia have been social distancin' for the last one hundred and seventy-four million, one hundred and eighty-two thousand, four hundred cat seconds, due to this ol' pandemic thingy, but birds?

APPARENTLY BIRDS CAN'T SOCIAL DISTANCE FOR EVEN ONE HOUR.

MOUSES!

Now I don't expect them to social distance 'mongst themselves.  I did, but I don't anymore, for that was a waste of expectations, for sure.

BUT THE LEAST THEY CAN DO IS SOCIAL DISTANCE FROM ME.

Why, you ask?  Why do I want those blue jays and chickadees and woodpeckers to keep six paws away from me at all times?

Well...

Well 'cause I'm a cat.  And cats, given the opportunity of havin' a blue jay sit there starin' at 'em merely inches away, are likely to succumb to temptation, and...

DON'T GET YOUR KNICKERS IN A TWIST THERE, WOMAN!  I TOLD 'EM TO SOCIAL DISTANCE AND THEY DIDN'T, SO IT'S NOT MY FAULT IF I CATCH A BIRDIE OR TWO.  NOT MY FAULT AT ALL!  IF THEY WERE ABIDIN'  BY THE PUBLIC HEALTH DIRECTIVES, THEY'D BE OUT OF MY REACH AND YOUR KNICKERS WOULD REMAIN UNTWISTED.

MOUSES!

As I was sayin' before havin' to explain somethin' to Peepers, when birdies fail to social distance, cats are likely to succumb to temptation and get in trouble from their peeps.

That cheeky blue jay is just lucky he can fly faster than I can swat.

MOUSES!

 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

what a pig

What a pig.

WHAT. A. PIG.

WHAT A MESSY, GOOD-FOR-NOTHIN'-SLOPPY-EATIN' PIG.

MOUSES!

No Peepers, I'm not talkin' about you.

This time.

MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  Come take a gander at this.

NO, it's not a goose.  What the mouses are you talkin' about, woman?  What the....

OH...  I see: gander...  Like in male goose.  Sometimes I really wonder 'bout you.  *scratches behind an ear*  You truly are a very silly peep.

MOUSES!

But it is a bird, I'm talkin' about, here.  Yup, it's a blue jay bird.  A messy, good-for-nothin'-sloppy-eatin' blue jay kinda bird.

What do you MEAN I should be nice?  Have you watched these blue jays eatin' at the feeders?  Have you?  HAVE YOU?  Have you honestly watched 'em at all?  'Cause let me tell you somethin', Peepers.  Let me tell you...

Let me tell you, although they may be pretty birds with their bright blue plumage and stuff, THEY EAT LIKE PIGS.  PIGS, I TELL YOU!  Pigs.

Just look at that one goin' at the feeder over there.  He sits on the edge and 'cause he's too heavy for the feeder - probably on account of his stuffin' his mouth with a whole feeder's worth of seed yesterday - he tips it way over, practically on its side.  Then he sticks his beak in and starts pushin' the seeds outta the feeder and onto the ground.  Sweeping 'em away in a mad sweepin' frenzy!  THEN, after he's emptied out a good inch of seed, he swoops down onto the ground and stuffs his face with bird seed 'til...

'Till...

'TILL HE'S READY TO FLY UP TO THE FEEDER AND START ALL OVER AGAIN.

HE'S EATIN' US OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME!

MOUSES!

And if that's not enough, the little chickadees are havin' a hard time gettin' to the feeders to eat.

AND...

AND...

And I'm thinkin', Peepers...

Don't look at me like that.  I THINK. 

Of all the cheeky good-for-nothin' peeps.

MOUSES!

I'M THINKIN' that the more money you have to spend on feedin' those darned sloppy eatin' birds, the less money you'll have for the important things in life, like...

Well...

ME.

MOUSES!

Go on out there, Peepers.  Go tell off those birds.  SOMEBODY has gotta do it and, quite frankly, they're more likely to listen to you than me.  You know, on account of their flyin' off when they see me comin' because I'm a cat.

Plus...

Well...

Well I'm currently in need of a snack.

AND...

And the blue jays would probably appreciate my gettin' that snack in the kitchen and not out on the veranda 'cause if there's one thing birds like less than cats, it's a hungry cat in need of a snack.

MOUSES!

 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

thirty-one weeks

Mouses, Peepers, you'd think that by now...

You'd THINK that by NOW you would have figured this stuff out.

You'd really think that after spendin' the last one hundred and sixty-eight million, seven hundred and thirty-nine thousand, two hundred cat seconds in a pandemic, you'd know that IF YOU DON'T WANNA MAKE EXTRA TRIPS TO THE STORE...

YOU'VE GOTTA REMEMBER TO GET THE IMPORTANT STUFF WHEN YOU GO OUT!

MOUSES!

Don't give me that crap talk, Peepers.  What I wanna know is...

WHERE IS MY CREAM?

MOUSES!

Yeah, yeah...  I've heard it all before.  I heard all 'bout how you forgot to get me some cream when you went shoppin', but...

BUT HOW COULD YOU?  HOW COULD YOU FORGET ABOUT MY CREAM?

Farts, shmarts, woman.   I WANT MY CREAM.

MOUSES!

Lookie here, Peepers, you may think you're savin' me from lactose intolerance tummy issues, but truth be told, you're actually savin' YOURSELF from...

Well...

Farts.

I DON'T CARE IF IT GIVES ME AN UPSET TUMMY!

Well, actually, I do.  Or I WOULD, if that were true, but my tummy and I have had a little chat and we've decided this whole no-cream-for-the-cat business is totally overblown.  TOTALLY.

MOUSES!

YOU'RE NOT IN TOUCH WITH MY TUMMY, PEEPERS, and don't you deny it.  I, on the other paw, have a close relationship with my tummy, and me and my tummy know best.  WE - my tummy and I - know that cats are in favour of cream.

Personally, I think this whole cream and lactose intolerance thing is a ruse.  PERSONALLY, I think it's just peeps' way of hoggin' all the cream.

Don't think I didn't notice you and Peep #2 eatin' pumpkin pie, last weekend, topped with a whole whack of the creamy deliciousness that is whipped cream.

'Cause I did, you know.  I DID notice all that whipped cream you put on top of your pie.  And I've come to the conclusion that all you cream-hogging peeps ATE ALL OF THE CREAM and created a province-wide cream shortage, that is...

Well...

Province wide.

So even though you may SAY you forgot to get me some cream when grocery shoppin', I think...

I THINK...

I THINK IT'S MORE LIKELY THAT THERE'S NO CREAM TO GET, 'CAUSE YOU PEEPS ATE IT ALL YOURSELVES.

Of all the selfish, cream-hoggin' things to do.

MOUSES!

 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

not fair

 

It's not fair, I tell you.  IT'S NOT FAIR!

Did you hear me there, Peepers?  DID YOU HEAR ME?  Were your ancient, old-as-the-hills-and-various-extinct-species-of-dinosaur ears capable of hearin' what I said?

IT'S NOT FAIR!

Awww...   MOUSES!

It's a BEAUTIFUL day out there...

Okay, so it's a little dreary and the ground is still wet from last night's rain and the weatherpeeps are sayin' we might have boomies this afternoon, but...

BUT RIGHT NOW, THE SUN IS SHININ' ON AND OFF AND THE TEMPERATURE IS SUPER DUPER MILD AND...

And that, my friends, is a beautiful day.

'Specially for October in Canada.

MOUSES!

But you know what?

Well I'll tell you what's what.  I'll tell you what's what right now.

I, SEVILLE THE CAT, CAN'T GO OUTSIDE.

MOUSES!

And WHY?

Good question.  In fact, I asked ol' Peepers that very same question, myself, a few minutes ago but her OLD-AS-THE-HILLS EARS had selective hearin' and I got NOTHIN' but grief for my troubles.

She says...

Get this - 

There are rockies in the backyard.

MOUSES!

Rockies.  In MY yard.  Interruptin' my beautiful day.

MOUSES!

But...  But...  But...  But what's a couple rocky raccoons?  We have a big backyard.  I know how to share!

What's more, I KNOW to stay away from 'em.  Just 'cause peeps don't know how to keep their distance from others doesn't mean we cats don't.

MOUSES!

They're just lookin' for snacks, Peepers.  They're bulkin' up for winter and tryin' to eat as much as they can.

You know, like you, when...

WHAT?  What did I say?  Don't blame ME for tellin' the truth.  I saw that bag of potato chips.

And FYI, Peepers, Family Size means for a FAMILY.  A family of more than one.

MOUSES!

And it's not like raccoons and cats are natural born enemies, anyway.  We have an agreement, you see.  We each keep to our own, and don't bother one another one bit.

WE KNOW HOW TO SOCIAL DISTANCE.

Peeps could take a lesson from that.

MOUSES!

AND...

AND MAYBE...

MAYBE those rockies are wantin' some of your chips.

EVER THINK ABOUT THAT?

There, that's settled then.  Peepers, you go give that rocky family your FAMILY SIZED bag of chips, and while they're busy munchin' on those I can go outside and enjoy my beautiful day.

MOUSES!

 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

thirty weeks

Happy Thanksgivin' everybody.  HAPPY THANKSGIVIN'!!!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', durin' this ol' pandemic thingy - which, by the way, is gettin' older and older by the day - for what do I have to be thankful?

Well...

Well for starters, EVEN THOUGH I've been pretty much cooped up in this here ol' house with a couple of good for nothin' peeps for like...

For like one hundred and sixty-three million, two hundred and ninety-six thousand cat seconds, at least...

WELL...

Well at least we're all safe and sound.

MOUSES!

You know, there are peeps out there complainin' about complainin', and I'm like...

COMPLAININ' IS WHAT WE CATS DO, and we cats do it best.  Go get your own hobby, you good for nothin' peeps.

MOUSES!

But seriously, I'm like...

I'm like, hey, we're all safe, we're healthy, and we're sound.

Well at least I'm sound.  If we're talking 'bout bein' of sound mind, I can't speak for the peeps.

MOUSES!

The thing is, I really and truly am thankful.  I'm thankful for a whole lot of things.

I'm thankful that even though I've been cooped up in this ol' house with the peeps...

Did I mention how they were good for nothin'?

But that's beside the point.  Yeah, their bein' good for nothin' is besides the point, for sure.  The important thing is, even though I've been cooped up in this ol' house with the peeps for thirty weeks, AT LEAST WE HAVE a house in which to be cooped up, and that's somethin' to be thankful for, for sure.

I'm also thankful for the food on my plates that I didn't eat, along with the food in my tummy that I did.  And I'm thankful for cream and treats and other tasty things.

AND NIP!  I mustn't forget 'bout the nip.  I'm SUPER THANKFUL for that.

And I'm thankful that Peepers finally figured out how to thread the sewin' machine and made me some biff bags and nip mice and stuff.  I'm also thankful that even though she also used that very same machine to make masks for herself and Peep #2, she didn't make any for me.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of masks, I'm thankful that when Peepers goes shoppin' for my fuds, she always first puts on her mask to stay safe.  I'm also thankful for the all the other peeps out there who don their masks, too, keepin' my Peepers safe so that she can come home to me safe and sound, although not necessarily of mind, as we discussed earlier on.

I'm thankful for all my pals who read my blog, and visit me on Facebook and Twitter.  I love each and every one and don't know what I'd do without 'em.

But I'm also thankful for the block buttons on Facebook and Twitter.  You know, for when peeps I DON'T EVEN KNOW start gettin' all up in my furs 'bout this ol' pandemic thingy, and...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

What do you MEAN it's not nice to be thankful for bein' able to block peeps who annoy me on social media?  What do you MEAN?

*scratches behind an ear*

Okay, so APPARENTLY this bein' thankful thing isn't like prayin' or anythin' like that.  Bein' truthful isn't required.

MOUSES!

*sneers in the direction of the peep*

I'm still thankful for that block button, though.

MOUSES!

But the thing is...

THE THING IS...

The thing is, I AM ONE SUPER THANKFUL KITTY, FOR SURE.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

MOUSES!

 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

birds

Knock it off!

KNOCK IT OFF!

I SAID, KNOCK IT OFF OUT THERE, YOU STUPID BIRDS!!!

MOUSES!

I'm tellin' ya...

Birds.

MOUSES!

Peepers.  PEEPERS!  Peepers, this is all your fault, you know.  It's ALL. YOUR. FAULT.  If you hadn't fed those darned birds all last winter, then planted a whole bunch of stuff for 'em to eat in the summer, they wouldn't be hangin' out in the garden next to MY office window, right now.  YOU are to blame, Peepers.  You are TOTALLY to blame.

MOUSES!

Actually, I wouldn't mind 'em all that much if it weren't for that incessant noise they keep makin'.  All that cawin' and squawkin' and stuff.

They're disturbin' my peace!

They're almost as bad as the peep when she caterwauls.  Not quite, but pretty darned close.

MOUSES!

I know!  I shall call the RCMP and let 'em know there's a flock of crows and blue jays in my yard all hootin' and hollerin; and disturbin' the peace.

Now let's see...  Nine...  One...

PEEPERS!  You might wanna check on those birds.

I DON'T CARE if you're not bothered by their loud cawin'.  I'm phonin' the police 'cause I'M bothered by all that noise.  But you might wanna get out there toot suite, my peep, 'cause I'm bettin' you'll be bothered by what they've started doin' now.

Don't tell me to wipe that Cheshire Cat grin off my face.  That grin is there for a reason.  That grin is there 'cause I know somethin' you don't know, and I know you'll be upset when you do know, too.

One.

*ring a ling ding*

Gosh darn it, police put me on hold.

MOUSES!

Yeah, yeah, Peepers.  I'm tellin' ya, you had best get out there now.  I'd come with you but I'm still on the phone.  I'm on hold.

Oh, hello there Mr. Police Person, Sir.  Seville the Cat, here.  I'm callin' to let you know...

WHAT?

They hung up on me.

MOUSES!

You'd think they'd never before been called by a cat.

MOUSES!

Well I'll just have to take care of those birds, myself, then.  Take matters into my own four paws.  I'll just have to let those birds know who's boss 'round here, and...

Oh, here comes Peepers back from outside, now.

Told ya.  Yup, I told you, you wouldn't be happy.  I TOLD YOU.

Hehehehehehehe...

Whatcha doin' there, Peepers?  Who are ya gonna call?  Don't bother callin' the police 'cause if they're not takin' calls from me, they're definitely not gonna take one from you.  I mean, I'M a cat, and you...   Well you're norhin' more than a mere peep.  A peepling, in fact.  A...

YOU GOT THROUGH?

MOUSES!

Well you don't need 'em, Peepers.  'Cause I'm headin' out there right now and I'm gonna deal with those birds once and for all.  By the time I'm through with 'em, it'll be quiet 'round here, and I'll be able to get back to my nap...  I MEAN, back to workin' on my book.

MOUSES!

Be back in a sec.

OH MY MOUSES, PEEPERS!  CALL THE POLICE!  CALL THE POLICE!  THERE'S A BUNCH OF ANGRY BIRDS OUT THERE BEIN' EVEN LOUDER THAN BEFORE, AND IT'S LIKE THEY'RE READY TO ATTACK.  THEY'RE HOOTIN' AND HOLLERIN' AND SWOOPIN' AND FLAPPIN' THEIR WINGS, AND...

AND IT'S MAYHEM AND MADNESS, FOR SURE!

Plus, they've been busy pullin' out a whole whack of your plants.  At first, I thought they thought it was a game of some sort, but now...

But now, I think they're preparin' for war.

Those birds mean business, Peepers.  They mean business, for sure.

BIRDS.

MOUSES!

 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

twenty-nine weeks

You know somethin'?

Of course you do.  EVERYBODY knows SOMETHIN'.

Now that somethin' might be silly, like the stupid stuff Peepers knows, or it might be important like the IMPORTANT stuff we cats know, but...

But EVERYBODY knows SOMETHIN'.  Right?

AM I RIGHT?

Of course I am.

You know, on account of my bein' a cat.

MOUSES!

Now where was I...

Oh yeah, I was gonna tell you what I figured out the other night.  I, Seville the Cat, figured out that Peepers - MY PEEP #1 - is a superhero.

MOUSES!

It's true, I tell you.  IT'S TRUE!

And do you know how I know?

Well...

Well 'cause I was surfin' the web the other night, lookin' for chicks...  I mean, LADYcats, and...

And I uh...

Umm....

Oh yeah, I was surfin' and I came across the profile of some ladycat who goes by the name, Cat Woman.

Turns out, she's not actually a cat.

Think that's what they call catfishin'.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, this Cat Woman chick, who is not actually a cat, is what peeps call a SUPERHERO.  Yup, she's a hero...

Heroine?

Whatever.

I think she might actually be both.

MOUSES!

SO ANYWAY...

So anyway, this superhero named Cat Woman wears a mask.

AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT?

MY PEEPERS WEARS A MASK, TOO.

Yup, it's true.  It really, really IS true!  Every time Peepers goes out to the store or takes me to the doctor - which, by the way, is very UNheroine-like of her if you ask me, but even heroes have to have at least one flaw - or goes to the mall or goes into any indoor public space...

SHE FIRST PUTS ON A MASK.

MOUSES!

But then I got to thinkin', do ALL superheroes wear masks?

Well it turns out, not all of them do.  Some just turn big and green and kinda...

Well...

Ugly.

I'm sorry, that's not very nice of me.  I should rephrase that 'cause after all, beauty IS on the inside, not the outer surface, and...

Well...

Well let's just say The Hulk turns green, and leave it at that.

MOUSES!

But even though some superheroes don't wear masks, a whole whack of 'em do.

Just like my peep.

So OBVIOUSLY, my peep is a superhero, too.

MOUSES!

Hard to believe I've been cooped up here in this ol' house with a real live superhero for like one hundred and fifty-seven million, eight hundred and fifty-two thousand, eight hundred cat seconds...

BUT IT'S TRUE.

MOUSES!

 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.