Wednesday 7 October 2020

birds


Knock it off!

KNOCK IT OFF!

I SAID, KNOCK IT OFF OUT THERE, YOU STUPID BIRDS!!!

MOUSES!

I'm tellin' ya...

Birds.

MOUSES!

Peepers.  PEEPERS!  Peepers, this is all your fault, you know.  It's ALL. YOUR. FAULT.  If you hadn't fed those darned birds all last winter, then planted a whole bunch of stuff for 'em to eat in the summer, they wouldn't be hangin' out in the garden next to MY office window, right now.  YOU are to blame, Peepers.  You are TOTALLY to blame.

MOUSES!

Actually, I wouldn't mind 'em all that much if it weren't for that incessant noise they keep makin'.  All that cawin' and squawkin' and stuff.

They're disturbin' my peace!

They're almost as bad as the peep when she caterwauls.  Not quite, but pretty darned close.

MOUSES!

I know!  I shall call the RCMP and let 'em know there's a flock of crows and blue jays in my yard all hootin' and hollerin; and disturbin' the peace.

Now let's see...  Nine...  One...

PEEPERS!  You might wanna check on those birds.

I DON'T CARE if you're not bothered by their loud cawin'.  I'm phonin' the police 'cause I'M bothered by all that noise.  But you might wanna get out there toot suite, my peep, 'cause I'm bettin' you'll be bothered by what they've started doin' now.

Don't tell me to wipe that Cheshire Cat grin off my face.  That grin is there for a reason.  That grin is there 'cause I know somethin' you don't know, and I know you'll be upset when you do know, too.

One.

*ring a ling ding*

Gosh darn it, police put me on hold.

MOUSES!

Yeah, yeah, Peepers.  I'm tellin' ya, you had best get out there now.  I'd come with you but I'm still on the phone.  I'm on hold.

Oh, hello there Mr. Police Person, Sir.  Seville the Cat, here.  I'm callin' to let you know...

WHAT?


They hung up on me.

MOUSES!

You'd think they'd never before been called by a cat.

MOUSES!

Well I'll just have to take care of those birds, myself, then.  Take matters into my own four paws.  I'll just have to let those birds know who's boss 'round here, and...

Oh, here comes Peepers back from outside, now.

Told ya.  Yup, I told you, you wouldn't be happy.  I TOLD YOU.

Hehehehehehehe...

Whatcha doin' there, Peepers?  Who are ya gonna call?  Don't bother callin' the police 'cause if they're not takin' calls from me, they're definitely not gonna take one from you.  I mean, I'M a cat, and you...   Well you're norhin' more than a mere peep.  A peepling, in fact.  A...

YOU GOT THROUGH?

MOUSES!

Well you don't need 'em, Peepers.  'Cause I'm headin' out there right now and I'm gonna deal with those birds once and for all.  By the time I'm through with 'em, it'll be quiet 'round here, and I'll be able to get back to my nap...  I MEAN, back to workin' on my book.


MOUSES!

Be back in a sec.

OH MY MOUSES, PEEPERS!  CALL THE POLICE!  CALL THE POLICE!  THERE'S A BUNCH OF ANGRY BIRDS OUT THERE BEIN' EVEN LOUDER THAN BEFORE, AND IT'S LIKE THEY'RE READY TO ATTACK.  THEY'RE HOOTIN' AND HOLLERIN' AND SWOOPIN' AND FLAPPIN' THEIR WINGS, AND...

AND IT'S MAYHEM AND MADNESS, FOR SURE!



Plus, they've been busy pullin' out a whole whack of your plants.  At first, I thought they thought it was a game of some sort, but now...

But now, I think they're preparin' for war.

Those birds mean business, Peepers.  They mean business, for sure.

BIRDS.

MOUSES!



 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.







8 comments:

  1. I think the police are only used to hearing from cat burglars Seville!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Uh oh. Those birds sound like they mean business, Sivvers.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh MOUSES! It seems you are really under siege! Call in the cavalry!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sounds like you have civic unrest on a flocking large scale, Seville! Call in the army airforce and navy!
    Purrs
    ERin
    PS Mrs H says, subject to the amount of rain you have, the Navy may not be able to attend! Something about keels getting stuck. Why old actors would be in the navy I dont know, but that was what she said. MOL
    Purrs again
    ERin

    ReplyDelete
  5. DOOD !!! thiz iz what we haz been sayin for yeerz...like 482 yeerz frank lee.. that BURDZ iz rood, noizee, N make a mezz ON...and outta...any thing and everee thing ☺☺☺

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Seville, it's me Dori. *wavy paws* Yoo aren't alone having trubble with them angry burds. Here at my house, the place where I live, I got this furious skeerl yellin at me all the time. It's like he waits outside on the roof of my patio, and when he sees me, he starts cussing and hollaring, and making ruuuude noises. I told him, "This is MY HOUSE, MISTER!" But he just keeps yellin. I'm thinking maybe he's deaf and can't hear me. Or maybe he has Attitude problems.

    Be safe, Seville. Give my love to yoor Peeps too.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is a scary development, Seville!
    Run for the hills!

    ReplyDelete
  8. You really have a bird problem there Seville. Maybe we can get our ferals Big Ginger and Fanny and Curly to visit. The birds here will not even come down for a snack unless there is not a cat in the yard and then only quickly. Yep, our ferals have them trained that this is Cat Territory. Now about plane tickets for 3...

    ReplyDelete

I love hearin' from my pals. I really, REALLY do. PURRS.