Wednesday, 3 January 2018
You can say that again, Andy.
"I'm always on the wrong side of the door."
Oh for mousin' out loud. When I said, you can say that again, I didn't mean for you to take me quite so literally, and actually say it again.
And quit sighing like that. It's very unbecoming for a cat.
"But you sigh all the time, Sivvers."
That's different. That's me. It's totally different, for sure.
But you know...
You know, there is some truth to what you're sayin', Andy. We cats are always on the wrong side of the door, 'cause whatever side we're on, it always seems to be the opposite side of where we wanna be. I think it's a law of nature or somethin'. Or maybe it's physics. Hmmm.. Nah, sounds more like geography, to me.
And now that I think about it, it's a lot like a time travellin' paradox, where you can't change the past without changin' the future, thereby no longer allowin' you to change the past, on account of the newly changed future no longer givin' you the ability to travel into the past to change it.
Well it's kinda like that, anyway. 'Cept without the time travel stuff, of course.
I believe it may be called, The Wrong Side of the Door Paradox.
Andy, don't look at me like that. I know what you're thinkin'. You're thinkin' that I, Seville the Cat, am just makin' stuff up. Makin' stuff up off the top of my head, and..
Actually, you might be right about that, 'cause you know, I do make up a lot of stuff.
I MEAN, INVENT.
I mean, I do invent a lot of things. I discover a lot of stuff, too.
Why, just the other day...
Uh... Never mind.
What? What do you want now?
And I thought I told you to stop lookin' at me, Andy. Stop lookin' at me like that!
Anderson, if you wanna stare at me, you can stare at me with wonderment or adoration or anythin' similar to those things, but do not - and I repeat, DO NOT - stare at me like that.
It's very unbecoming, you see.
At least it is to me.
AND STOP SIGHING! I thought I told you to stop sighin', before.
By the way, Andy, why is it that you're sighin', anyway? You still upset 'bout bein' on the wrong side of the door? 'Cause there's really no point in bein' upset about the Wrong Side of the Door Paradox. Nothin' we cats can do 'bout the existence of a paradox. Nothin' at all!
Andy, how come you wanna be on the other side of the door so badly?
"I don't know. I just do. I just really, REALLY do."
Then ask the peep to open the door for you and let you outside.
"But there's snow outside, Sivvers."
Then stay in.
"But I want to go out."
Then go out! Seriously Andy, it's not all that complicated, you know. Either you stay inside, on THIS side of the door, or you go outside where you'll be on THAT side of the door. It's not complicated, at all.
"But Seville, if I stay on this side of the door, I'll be inside when I want to be out. But if I go outside, I will be on the other side of the door which is where I want to be right now, but I'll also be out in the snow. And I don't want to be out in the snow. And since I don't want to be outside in the snow, technically, I'll be on the wrong side of the door. But by staying inside, I'm on the wrong side of the door, too."
"Seville... Do you think it's possible there could be three sides to a door?"
Yes, Andy. Yes, I do. I do believe there could be three sides to that particular door.
Oh yeah. There's the side of the door we're lookin' at right now. The inside side of the door. And there's the outside side of the door, too. That's two sides, right? Then there's the third side of that very same door. The third side is the side that's gonna hit you on your backside if you keep sighing 'bout bein' on the wrong side of the door.
"I don't think I like that third side of the door, Seville. I think I might just stay inside, on this side of the door."
Well I'm glad we got that sorted.
"Even if it is THE WRONG side of the door, and..."
"OUCH! What did you do that for, Seville?"
Oh, I don't know, Andy. Sometimes a cat has just gotta smacky paw his brother, you see. I think it's a law of nature or somethin'. Or maybe it's physics. Hmmm... Nah, sounds more like sociology, to me.