HEY PEEPERS! Get over here. I've got somethin' to tell ya.
Peepers, see that crow out there on the rail?
I SAID, SEE THAT CROW OUT THERE ON THE RAIL?
Why am I yellin'? Well I'm yellin' on account of my wonderin' if you've gone deaf or somethin'. You know, on account of your not runnin' in here THE FIRST time I called out to you, like a good peep would do.
So anyway, now that I've got your attention: See that crow out there on the rail? He's sittin' there wantin' you to feed him.
I KNOW you put food out on the landin' by the back door. Crow knows that, too, as a matter of fact. But Mr Crow can't be bothered to swoop down and eat that food you put out by the back door. MR CROW wants you to trudge through the snow, out to the ol' oak tree out back. He wants you to put his food out there.
'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE HE LIKES TO EAT, IS WHY.
So anyway, Mr Crow is wonderin' why you're not puttin' on your boots and trudgin' through the snow.
I KNOW Mr Crow is perfectly capable of flyin', AND I KNOW it's a whole lot easier for Mr Crow to fly than for you to make your way through the snow. Crow knows that, too, as a matter of fact. BUT MR CROW STILL WANTS you to take his food out to the ol' oak tree out back. You know, where he likes to eat.
Look, you can even take him some of Saffron's kibble. It's okay. It's fine by me.
I AM TOO BEIN' GENEROUS. Fact is, I'm pretty sure Saffron's stash of the kibble is actually comin' from MY stash of the kibble, so when I offer up her kibble, I am, in fact, offerin' mine.
So when are you goin' out there to feed that ol' crow?
DON'T JUST PUT MORE FOOD OUT BY THE BACK DOO...
Oh. How come you stopped yourself from puttin' more food out at the back door? You start listenin' to me, for once?
'Cause he hadn't touched the stuff you put out there for him, before.
Well isn't that what I TOLD you, Peepers? Didn't I TELL you Mr Crow didn't want to eat at the back door? Didn't I? Huh? HUH? HUH?
Of course I did.
*a little while later*
You know, Peepers, you shouldn't give in to that ol' crow like that. Just 'cause he wants to eat over by the ol' oak tree out back, doesn't mean you should get on your coat and boots and trudge through all that snow. He's perfectly capable of flyin' down and eatin' by the back door. And if he's hungry enough, that's exactly what he'll do.
Mr Crow has obviously trained you well.
two hundred and sixty-six million, seven hundred and sixteen thousand, eight hundred cat seconds, of this ol' pandemic thing.
What? A cat isn't entitled to start up a few extra avenues of income durin' quarantine?
Remember to mask up, too.