Showing posts with label Canadian weather. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Canadian weather. Show all posts

Sunday, 6 June 2021

sixty-four weeks


Hey ho, Sivvers the Cat here, reportin' from beautiful, sunny Nova Scotia...


Mouses, it is Nova Scotia, all right.  Beautiful, too, on account of Nova Scotia bein' a beautiful province and all, but...


BUT IT'S AS HOT AS HADES OUT THERE, FOR SURE.


MOUSES!


Muggy, too.  Feels like the whole yard is one big ol' giant sauna.


And yet here I am, reportin' in just as I do twice weekly, EVERY week.


'Cause that's the kinda responsible cat I am.


MOUSES!


Unfortunately there's not much to say today, 'cept that it has now been sixty-four weeks that I've had these two useless peeps of mine on my paws all day, every day, due to this ol' pandemic thingy.  Sixty-four weeks, my friends.  SIXTY-FOUR WEEKS!


And that's three hundred and forty-eight million, three hundred and sixty-four thousand, eight hundred cat seconds, doncha know.


MOUSES!


So here I am, stuck at home with the peeps - STILL - and it's hot and muggy outside.


Talk 'bout a predicament, for sure.


I mean...


Well...  Well you know how kitties can get cranky when it's all hot and muggy outside?


Well...


Well apparently peeps can, too.


MOUSES!


Why just yesterday...


Just yesterday, I was bein' my normal sweet-as-sugar, respectful and mindful of peeps self, when...


WHEN PEEPERS SNAPPED AT ME, SHE DID.


Can you believe it?


MOUSES!


All I said was that she should consider startin' to wear makeup again now that we're seein' the end of the pandemic comin' near.  Like maybe sometime in the fall.  I even went and got Peepers the tube of foundation and concealer she needs from upstairs!


You know, to encourage her to conceal her face and all, and...


AND LIKE I SAID, SHE SNAPPED AT ME, SHE DID.


MOUSES!


Now I ask you, what is wrong with a kitty suggestin' to his peep that she start puttin' on makeup once more, makin' herself look a bit more respectable so that said kitty isn't embarrassed if one of his pals comes to the door and sees a makeupless peep?


It was a good suggestion, I made.  But what did I get?


Nothin' but grief.


MOUSES!


So now I'm wonderin'...


Now I'm wonderin', since ol' Peepers seems to be all cranky and foul-mouthed on account of this hot and humid weather we're havin'...


AM I GONNA HAVE TO WAIT 'TIL THE WEATHER COOLS DOWN BEFORE I GIVE HER ALL MY OTHER SUGGESTIONS 'BOUT WHAT SHE SHOULD DO TO IMPROVE HER APPEARANCE?


"Cause you know, I DON'T WANNA be snapped at again.


And my list of suggestions for her IS pretty long.


SO SHE'S GONNA NEED TO START WORKIN' ON THOSE SUGGESTED IMPROVEMENTS NOW IF SHE'S HOPIN' TO BE DECENT AND PRESENTABLE AND NOT EMBARRASSING TO ME WHEN THIS OL' PANDEMIC FINALLY COMES TO AN END.


'Cause like I said, my list is really, REALLY long.


MOUSES!


***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

Sunday, 27 December 2020

forty-one weeks


So I've come to the conclusion...


SO I'VE COME TO THE CONCLUSION...


I've come to the conclusion, all this stayin' at home business for the past two hundred and twenty-three million, one hundred and seventy-one thousand, two hundred cat seconds, is not only gettin' on the nerves of cats and peeps alike, but...


BUT IT'S GETTIN' ON THE NERVES OF MOTHER NATURE, AS WELL.


MOUSES!


This here is Canada, Mama of the Earth and Weather, and it's winter, and Canadian winter weather is not meant to be like what it is right now, at all.


Why just the other day...


Just the other day, it was Christmas, and did we have nice fluffy snow and a chill in the air like we're SUPPOSED to have on Christmas Day?


NO.  No, instead we had drizzle and fourteen degrees.


That's in Celsius for my American friends, which is 'bout fifty-seven degrees for you.


MOUSES!


Then on Boxing Day - the glorious day when cats all over Canada spend an entire twenty-four hours indoors by a fire or some kinda central heatin', luxuriating in boxes, escaping the cold winter weather outdoors.  Well the Boxin' Day temperatures were high just like those on Christmas, and...  And the drizzle turned into rain!  HEAVY rain, I might add.


MOUSES!


Now here we are, two days later, and the sun is shinin' beautifully and there's a smatterin' of snow.


Well there WAS a smatterin' of snow when I first awoke this mornin', but that sun has gone and melted it makin' it disappear.


MOUSES!


Not that I mind a good sun puddle or two.  Mind?  I LOVE 'EM, to tell you the truth, but still...


But still, this is Canada and in Canada, winters are SUPPOSED to be cold.  And snowy.  And Christmases are supposed to be white.  Not this green cra...


Um...


Nah, I can say crap.  Got a whole year 'til next Christmas.  Plenty of time to get back on Santa's good list, for sure.


MOUSES!


So anyway...


So anyway, I've come to the conclusion that Mother Nature must be havin' a bad year just like the rest of us are, and her bad mood is wreckin' havoc with our Canadian weather.


So...


So I'm gonna say this once and I sure do hope I don't have to say it again:  Mama Nature?  GET WITH THE PROGRAM FOR PETE'S SAKE!  We need SNOW in winter, and keep the rain for other times of year.  'Cause if you're not careful ol' Mama of the Earth and Weather, YOU'LL end up on Santa's Naughty List next year, for sure.


And let me tell ya, if this freaky weather doesn't improve, pronto, I'LL put your name on that Naughty List, myself, I will.


I have connections, you know.


MOUSES!



***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.


Sunday, 19 May 2019

the scare of my life

Hey ho, it's me.  You know, me, Seville the Cat.  MOUSES!

Well that was a close one, for sure.

What was close, you ask?

Well I'll TELL you what was close, my friends.  I had the scare of my life yesterday.  The scare of my NINE lives, for sure.

Okay, so maybe it was more like the scare of four of my nine lives, but four out of nine is almost half, so that's super scary to say the least.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, yesterday evenin' I was out and about in the garden and I thought to myself, "I think I'll go munch on some catnip plants for a bit.  Haven't done so all day."  So over I went to where my nip plants are growin', and what did my wanderin'...

Okay, so it was actually my feet that were wanderin' and not my eyes, but you get the picture, I am sure, and...

Scratch that.  I think I meant WONDERIN', not wanderin'.

MOUSES!

SO ANYWAY...

So anyway, the sight before my WONDERIN' eyes was the most frightful sight I had ever seen in my life.  There, where my potted catnip plants had been growin', was...

Was...

WAS...

SNOW.

MOUSES!

Well right there and right then, I raced over to my little nippers to see if they were okay.  To see if I could rescue 'em from all that snow.  To see...

Then I said to myself, and anyone who was listenin', "I think I'll PEE on that snow to make it all go away."

And that's when I heard ol' Peepers.  "Seville!  Don't spray on those plants again.   They're not covered in snow."

Now as odd as this sounded - for all that white stuff sure did look like snow - it kinda made sense, too.  After all, the white stuff was coverin' only the plants, and the plants alone, whereas snow is usually not so uh...  Locationally specific.

And THAT'S when ol' Peepers explained.  "I've covered the plants with fleece because there's going to be frost tonight.  The fleece is protecting your nip."

AHHH...

Of course, catnip is tough as nails and DON'T NEED NO PROTECTIN', if you'll pardon my grammar.

Scratch that.  Catnip is tough as nails and doesn't require protection from frost.  From the peep?  YES.  But from frost, no.

MOUSES!

Turns out, the fleece wasn't really protectin' my nip plants at all, but rather, it was protectin' the peep's stupid ol' vegetables she has growin' there.  For life of me, I cannot understand why.  I mean, what's the point of growin' cabbages and cauliflower and...  Brussel sprouts?  She doesn't even like brussel sprouts!  On the other paw, they are round so maybe they'll be good for rollin'.  But the thing is, the veggie pots are next to my pots of nip, so the fleece ended up on my catnip, too.

Well most of it, that is.  I found two plants close to the edge that were not under the snowy white fleece.  Those plants were there for the takin'.

Or the munchin'.

You know how it is.

BUT LET ME TELL YA, I REALLY DID GET THE SCARE OF MY LIFE.

MOUSES!

You know...

You know, the other day ol' Peepers saw a woman drivin' a car who looked like she might have had the scare of her life, too, 'cause she was clingin' to that steerin' wheel for dear life.  She looked like she had seen a ghost!

Or maybe she just saw the peep.

'Cause the peep can be scary, for sure.

MOUSES!

Or MAYBE...

Or maybe she was just a grumpy ol' biddy.

Probably grumpy due to a lack of the nip.

'Cause that would me ME grumpy, for sure.

MOUSES!

Wednesday, 20 March 2019

Hey Peepers!

Hey Peepers!  You happen to have the weather channel's e-mail address on paw?

Why do I need their e-mail, you ask?

Hmmm...  You're right.  I should probably call 'em directly.

MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  You happen to have the weather channel's phone number on paw?

NEVER MIND!  I decided to tweet 'em..

On the other paw...

Nah, phoning is definitely better.

Hey Peepers!  I'm gonna need that phone number after all.  You happen to have...

Well THAT was rude.  The peep just slammed the door to my office shut.

And right in my face!

Well we'll see about that!  I'm not lettin' the peep get away with shutting a door in my face.  You let a peep shut a door in your face once, and you're bound to have peeps shuttin' doors in your face all over the place.

MOUSES!

Okay, so she didn't actually shut the door IN my face.  I was sitting at my computer, and the door is way over on the other side of the room.

But still...

But still, I'm gonna have to deal with this rudeness somehow.  I'll go hound her for that phone number in the kitchen.

MOUSES!

Hey Peepers, did you find that phone number for me?

For the weather channel!  Mouses woman, do you NEVER listen to the things I say?

DON'T ANSWER THAT.

WHY do I need the weather channel's phone number, you ask?

'Cause I think phoning and talking to them in person is better than tweeting or sending an e-mail.

WHY do I need to contact the weather channel at all, you ask?

Just take a look out the window!

Yeah, yeah...  I know it's sunny out there.  And I know that seeing the sun is nice, too.  I know all that stuff.  I'm a cat.  We cats are experts in sunshine and sunpuddles and the like.

For mousin' out loud, Peepers, stop asking silly questions and saying stupid things.  Go stick your head out a window or a door or something, and you'll understand my problem, for sure.

Good, you're back.  NOW do you see what I mean?

Oh for the love of mouses.  MY PROBLEM IS, when a kitty looks outside and sees the sun shining like that on the first day of spring...

'Cause that's what today is, you know.  It's the first day of spring.

... A kitty is bound to think it's all nice and toasty warm outside.  But it's not toasty warm out there at all, Peepers.  It's cold enough that a cat could catch a chill, if said cat were to sit on a rock or something, on his bare bum.

And NO ONE wants kitties to catch chills.

Remember, Peepers?  Remember that time when Rushy caught a chill, and...

Exactly.  If you think it's bad when a lactose intolerant kitty gets his paws on some cream, that's NOTHIN' compared to a kitty catchin' a chill.

My gosh, we even had to retire a couple litter boxes after that.

MOUSES!

But let's get back to my question, shall we?

Peepers, do you happen to have the phone number for the weather channel NOW?

And FYI, if you don't have the number on paw, I can wait right here for you to go and get it.  I'll even give you a minute.  Just ONE minute, mind you, but still, a minute.  Consider it a gift.

MOUSES!

Wednesday, 8 August 2018

turn it off

Turn it off.

TURN IT OFF.

TURN. IT. OFF.

For the love of mouses, COULD SOMEONE PLEASE TURN  THE HEAT OFF?

MOUSES!

Way back when, sometime in June I believe, SOMEBODY decided to turn the heat way, WAY up.

Somebody...

Hmph, that somebody was Probably a PeeP.

MOUSES!

And you know what?

THEY NEVER THOUGHT TO TURN IT BACK DOWN.

MOUSES!

So now it's August, and the heat is WAY hotter than any heat should ever be.

Do peeps not know we cats can't deal with this kinda heat?

Well, it's not so much that we can't deal with it, as we don't wanna.  I mean, WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND would wanna deal with this kinda heat?

MOUSES!

What's more, they're laughin' at us.

The peeps, I mean.  The peeps are laughin' at us cats.

OH YEAH, that's right, they're LAUGHIN'.

Why just the other day, I was lyin' on the family room floor, and I SWEAR I heard Peep #1 laughin' at me on account of the heat.

It's true!  She said something 'bout my lookin' like I was doin' a hula dance as I was lyin' there on my back with my front legs stretched to one side.

I was simply airing out my tum.

And truth be told, I was airin' out my bum, too.

MOUSES!

You know, Peep #1 wouldn't appreciate it if I were to go around laughin' at her while she's airin' out her bum.

Okay, so she doesn't actually go 'round airin' out her bum.

Her loss, 'cause in this kinda heat, airing out one's bum helps a lot.

But I bet she wouldn't appreciate it if I were to go around laughin' at her for other reasons.

Okay, so I DO do that but seriously, she is just a peep, whereas I, Seville the Cat, am a cat.

And we cats are super sensitive to stuff like that.

MOUSES!

But back to this heat.

It's hot.  Too hot.  Way, way, WAY too hot, for sure.

DOES NO ONE KNOW I'M A CANADIAN KITTY LIVIN' UP HERE IN CANADA?

Canada is SUPPOSED to be COLD.

MOUSES!

I'm tellin' ya, if I ever find the peep who's to blame for all this.  The peep who turned the temperature  way up...

If I ever...

IF I EVER...

The first thing I'm gonna do is...

Well...

Well I don't quite know what I'll do.

Not yet.

It's too hot to think 'bout stuff like that right now.

But I WILL figure it out.

Eventually.

And then...

AND THEN...

And then I'm gonna laugh at 'em, for sure.

Yup, laugh right at 'em.

Laugh right at 'em while I'm doin' whatever it is I'm gonna do.

MOUSES!

Wednesday, 28 March 2018

and in OTHER news...

This is Seville the Cat here, bringin' you Nova Scotia's most up-to-date and accurate news, direct to you from my desk here at Nerissa's Life.

MOUSES!

Reports are comin' in fast and furious, my friends.  They're comin' in fast and furious, for sure.

I'm told we've had a groundhog sighting on the corner of Commercial and Main.  Is there confirmation of the varmint's identity, Bob?  Do we know whether or not it's Sam?  Or is it some other varmint goin' by some other name?

ANOTHER one?  That's rights, folks.  You heard it here, first.  There's been ANOTHER groundhog sighting.  This one, over on Spring Garden Road.

Kinda ironic, when you think about it, considerin' those weather-forecastin' varmints are on the lam due to a lack of spring.

MOUSES!

Hold on...  Hold on...  Hold on everybody...  HOLD ON.

WE HAVE MORE REPORTS COMIN' IN.  They're comin' in so fast, I can barely keep up.  My claws are clickin' at record speeds.

What?

WHAT?

And we have confirmation on that?

MOUSES!

My friends, Mother Nature has been spotted, keepin' herself warm, drinkin' hot nip tea in an upscale bistro in the heart of downtown.

MOUSES!

And in OTHER news..

We still have snow.

MOUSES!

I don't know if you can hear what I'm hearin', my friends, but there are sirens off in the distance.  A whole lot of them, too.  They're gettn' closer and closer.

Do we have any reporters out at the scene?  DO WE?

AND WE HAVE ANOTHER VARMINT SIGHTIN'.

MOUSES!

This most recent sightin' is comin' from...

Uh....  Never mind.  This latest one appears to have been a false alarm.  Apparently, some peep wearin' brown fuzzy slippers went out to get the mornin' paper, slipped on a patch of ice, and fell headfirst into a snowbank.  Neighbours mistook his fuzzy slippered feet, flailin' about in the air, to be a furry ol' groundhog.

MOUSES!

Hold on, everybody!  HOLD on.

I'm told we have my sister Mason on the line, reportin' LIVE from outside the local courthouse, where the police have been badgerin' judges to issue a warrant for the arrest of Shubenacadie Sam,

What?  What?  What's that, Mason?  Badgers?  No, Sam isn't a badger.  He's a groundhog, for sure.

MOUSES!

Okay, we have it on good authority that a judge has just issued a warrant for the arrest of Shubenacadie Sam.

And Mother Nature, too?

MOUSES!

You heard it here first, my friends.  Arrest warrants have been issued for BOTH Shubenacadie Sam AND Mother Nature, herself, and...

You're breakin' up, Mason.  You're breakin' up.  What's that you're sayin'?

Shut.  The Litter Box.  Up.

MOUSES!

MOTHER NATURE IS OUT ON THE LAMB.

You mean the lam, there, don't you Sis?

No?  You mean she really has a flock of spring-lovin' lambs?

You mean she has KIDnapped a flock of spring-lovin' lambs?

And a bunch of baby goats, too?

MOUSES!

Accordin' to authorities, Mother Nature is also a person of interest in the investigation into a number of missing...

Of missin' spring flowers?

MOUSES!

Authorities are sayin' there isn't a crocus or primrose or snowdrop in sight.  Investigators are lookin' deeper into Mother Nature's whereabouts durin' the month of March, when the spring flowers were first noticed to be missin'.

MOUSES!

Well there you have it, my friends.  Mayhem has broken out all over our fair province of Nova Scotia.  Groundhogs are on the run and Mother Nature is on the lam, accompanied by a flock of  missin' lambs, and some kidnapped baby goats, too, not to mention those missin' spring flowers.

And in OTHER news...

THERE'S STILL SNOW.

MOUSES!

Sunday, 25 March 2018

lies, lies.. all of them, LIES!

Of all the moused-up, mousin', no good for nothin', rascally rascals...

Awww....  MOUSES!

LOCK HIM UP!  I say.

LOCK HIM UP!

That darned, moused-up weasel...

I mean, RODENT.

I MEAN, GROUNDHOG.

LOCK HIM UP.

I'm tellin' ya, that ol' Shubenacadie Sam has some serious answerin' to do.

MOUSES!

It was less than two months ago, when there he was, spoutin' his lies, all over the Internet.  "I didn't see my shadow," he said.  "It's gonna be an early spring, for sure."

Lies, lies...  ALL OF THEM, LIES!

The very ePitome of FaKe News, for sure.

MOUSES!

And now, here we are, at the END of March, well past the official start of spring...

And where is our spring, you ask?

Well I can tell you where it isn't.  It most certainly isn't here.

MOUSES!

But do you know what is?  Do you know what is here, my friends?

I'll tell ya what's here.  I'll tell you what's outside.  I'll tell you what's outside, for sure.


SNOW.

Now in what universe does a kitty associate spring, with snow?

MOUSES!

And not only is there snow, it's even kinda cold outside.

MOUSES!

And what does that rascally rabbit...

I mean, VARMINT...

I MEAN, GROUNDHOG, have to say?  What is Shubenacadie Sam sayin' about his false forecasting 'bout an early spring?

Just because I SAID there'd be an early spring, you didn't have to believe me.

Yup, that's an exact quote, for sure.

I have it on tape, and everythin'.

MOUSES!

Oh how quickly his tune has changed from only a mere few weeks ago.

You believed me because you WANTED to believe me, Seville.  You WANTED an early spring.  Never once did I FORCE you to believe it would actually happen.

MOUSES!

And I CERTAINLY never made you repeat what I said.

Sam, what the mouses do you think the share button is for?

It's like ol' Shubie was sittin' down in his Mama Nature's basement, sluggin' back the nip - or whatever varmints take - just Makin' up FanciFul, Fictional Forecasts for Sale.

MOUSES!


Well!  Well I know what I'll do.  I know what I'll do, for sure.  The NEXT time I want a weather forecast, I'll...

I'll...

I'LL...

Oh for the love of mouses, I honestly don't know WHAT I'll do.  I could listen to the weatherpeeps, I suppose, but they're not really known for havin' accurate forecastin' abilities, either.

MOUSES!


Sunday, 8 January 2017

you can stop it now

Okay...  You can stop it now.  MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  You have any influence in Ottawa, you can wield?  Get 'em to stop....

WHAT THE MOUSES AM I SAYIN'?  If anyone has any influence, it's gonna be me.

Hey Peepers!  You have the number for the Prime Minister's Office, on paw?

WHAT THE MOUSES AM I SAYIN'?  I, Seville the Cat, have the Prime Minister's Office on speed-dial.

Well kinda.  Kinda as in...  As in, I can look it up and dial it really speedily.  MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  You wanna talk to this guy from the Prime Minister's Office, for me?  He's wonderin' why a cat is callin' him and quite frankly, I have better things to do than start explainin' stuff like that.  Stuff I shouldn't have to explain at all.  I mean, I'm Seville the Cat.  If I deign to call someone, that someone's first response should be somethin' about how...  How..  How honoured they feel 'bout my calling 'em, and not...

What's that, Peepers?

No...  No.   He says he wants to talk to you.  Well, he says he wants to talk to an adult.  He's talkin' like I'm not an adult cat or somethin'.  Like I'm a kitten!  For mousin' sake...  MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  You might wanna come talk to him now.  He's sayin' somethin' about callin' the police and...

Never mind, Peepers.  He hung up.

Kinda rude, if you ask me.

Of course, it might have been an accident.  We might have been accidentally disconnected.

I'll call him back.

Hey Peepers!  I've got that Prime Minister's Office guy back on the phone.  You wanna come talk now?

Oh there you are, Peepers.  Hold on for a second, would you?  I just need to straighten one thing out, before I paw the phone over to you.

No, YOU stop it.  No, No...  YOU.  You as in, YOU. You can stop it now.  Anytime now.  Now as in, NOW. Why the mouses do you think I called you in the first place?

Hold on, Peepers.  I need another minute.  This guy appears to be hard of hearin' or somethin'. Soon as I settle this one matter, you two can have a little chat.

Like I was sayin', I need you to stop it now.  I need you to stop this snow from fallin'.  Stop it from fallin', right away.  Right away as in, right now.  We've had enough.  It's already as deep as I am high, which is way too deep, for sure.  Over a foot, at least, and...

Well of course you don't control the weather.  I know that.  You're just some guy workin' in the Prime Minister's Office.  But the Prime Minister, himself.  You know, your boss?  Now that's a different story.  So if you could please run along and get Prime Minister Trudeau and...

You don't say.

Really?  Are you sure 'bout that?  Sure as in...  sure?  Like...  SURE?

You're absolutely positively sure Justin Trudeau has no control over the weather, huh?

None at all?

Then what exactly does the Prime Minister do?

Hmmm...   MOUSES!

Okay, Peepers.  Here.  I'm done.  You can talk to this guy now.

But let me warn you, he's kinda in a foul mood.  Clearly, he's NOT diplomatic material.  Diplomacy is not a tool in his toolbox, and that is for sure.

And for some stupid reason, he keeps threatening to call the police.  I really don't know why.  I didn't ask to speak with the police.  I asked to speak with the Prime Minister.

Oh, and if he hangs up on you?  Like I think he might have hung up on me? Don't worry 'bout it.  It was probably an accident, and all you need do is press this little redial button thingy, and the phone will call him right back.  Yeah, that's what I did earlier. Worked like a charm.  MOUSES!


Wednesday, 27 April 2016

spring fever

So there I was, minding my own business, spying on the neighbours from my office window when...

Hmmm...  That doesn't sound all that good.

So there I was, minding my own business while gazing out my office window in the direction of the neighbours' house...

Ummm...  Not quite right yet.

So there I was...

Awww...  MOUSES!

So anyway, I was looking out my office window and what did I see?  Snow.  That's right.  SNOW. On the 26th of April.  Could you believe it?  MOUSES!

Of course, I immediately did what any self-respecting cat would do.  I ran to the side window to check if it snowing out there, too.  And do you know something?  It was.  It was even snowing at the back and front doors.  It was snowing everywhere!

BREAKING NEWS...  It was snowing at my house, yesterday.  MOUSES!

Now truth be told, it didn't snow a whole lot.  I mean, I had to really squint to see the snow.  I had to really squint, really hard.  Do you know how hard it is to squint really hard?  Take my word for it, it's hard.

And when it comes right down to it, there wasn't actually any snow lying on the ground.  I don't know if melted before it hit the ground or as it hit the ground or what but on the ground, there was nothing.

But the fact remains, it was snowing.

Clearly, there's something wrong with ol' Miss Spring.  Ol' Miss Spring must have a fever or something.  She's running hot and cold.  One day it's sunny and nice and the next?  It's snowing. MOUSES!

If you ask me, I think Ol' Miss Spring has spring fever, for sure.

I mean, it's April.  This is the time of year when flowers are supposed to be blooming and birds are supposed to be singing and grass is supposed to be growing and if there's any kind of precipitation going on, it's supposed to be rain.  Ol' Miss Spring has apparently never heard of spring showers. MOUSES!

And by the way, spring showers do not refer to peeps taking showers in the spring although we do all hope that all peeps do take a shower or two - or a whole lot more - throughout the season.  Spring showers are supposed to be when in April, it rains.  Rain.  Not snow.  Rain.  Spring showers are supposed to bring May flowers.  MOUSES!

Even if there wasn't a whole lot of snow, there was still snow.  Dare I say it again?  Of course I do.  MOUSES!

And just think, had I not been being nosey, spying on the neighbours' house...

Hmmm...  Scratch that.

Had I not been doing my civic duty, gazing out my office window and making sure everything was right in the neighbourhood, I wouldn't have noticed that snow in the first place and I wouldn't have realized that Ol' Miss Spring has spring fever.

But what does a season take for a fever?  Anyone know?  Is there a pill for that or something? Maybe a tonic of some sort?  Or a shot?

And exactly how does one verify that fever, in the first place?  I'm only asking because last time I had an appointment at the doctor's, the doctor took my temperature and...   well... Well we won't get into that.  Suffice it to say, taking kitty's temperatures isn't all that fun for kitties, if you know what I mean.

What's that, Peepers?  It's not all that fun for the doctor, either?

Well then why the mouses does she do it in the first place?

MOUSES!


Wednesday, 4 June 2014

we're gonna have nip!

MOUSES!  I spend a day in the tropical island paradise of the Turks and Caicos Islands, lookin' for plumies and whatnot and ol' Mother Nature starts messin' around with the weather up here in Canada.  It's true.  You'll never guess what happened last week.

Seville and I had our little tropical adventure last Wednesday, arrivin' home late Wednesday night.  Then on Thursday mornin' we awoke to... FROST!  Yes, you heard that correctly. Sometime overnight, Ol' Jack Frost made his presence known and left frosty white frost, all over the place.

Oohhh...  the peep was upset.  Awakening to frost on the 29th of May is a very upsettin' thing for a peep.  Me?  I wasn't too concerned although it did interfere with my nappin' abilities.  Hard to nap with all that huffin' and puffin' and stompin' around of a peep who is that upset and believe you me... Peep #1 was THAT upset.

Actually, some of the frost was kind of pretty.  The violets in the so-called lawn that has more violets than grass were all outlined with white.  The leaves were all sparkly and whatnot.  And there's a giant thistle in the backyard that looked spectacular.  Could have made a Christmas ornament with it's leaves all frosty like that.  Kind of looked a little bit like holly, last Thursday mornin'.

Ummm...   You're probably wonderin' why there's a giant thistle in the backyard.  Well...  we had a thistle growin' near there last year and I guess it set seed.  I have been monitoring this new thistle's growth since it first appeared a few weeks ago.  I didn't say anything to the peep about it though on account of the likelihood of her gettin' rid of it had she known it was there.  It's in the lawn, you see... amongst the violets.  But I don't want her to get rid of it 'cause goldfinches like thistle seed and fluff and I like watchin' goldfinches.  Hmmm...  I think it's the goldfinches that like the thistles. Someone does.  I know that for sure.  I also know that I will enjoy watchin' whoever it is that likes 'em.  Gotta keep that thistle growin'.  Gotta keep the peep away from it.  I know that, too.

But back to the frost.  It was everywhere!  You should have seen the car.  When I first saw it, I thought I had miscalculated my return teleportation from the Turks and Caicos Islands and somehow arrived home in January or somethin'.  MOUSES!

The peonies were all droopy and the peep wondered if the buds would ever open.  They have since recovered and things are lookin' good on that front.  The lilies all looked dead.  They, too, are on the mend.

There weren't many blossoms on the peach tree this year but those that were there are...   well... toast comes to mind.  Burnt toast, if you know what I mean.  The blossoms on one cherry tree seem okay but the second tree is servin' burnt toast just like the peach.

Thankfully, the blossoms on the big crab apple tree hadn't really blossomed yet and were spared any damage.  I was quite concerned about those blossoms.  Sure, they're pretty and all and I know the peeps really like sniffin' the air when they're bloomin' but I was concerned that if the blossoms were killed, there would be no little crab apples for the birds to eat in the winter.  That would really interfere with the January programming of Bird TV, if you know what I mean.  Can't have that.

And speakin' of peeps sniffin' the air when the crab apple tree is in bloom.  Anyone know if anybody makes bottles of stink that smell like apple blossoms?  Peep #1 just goes crazy for that smell.  I prefer nip - of course - but the peep has weird taste and obviously, an even weirder sense of smell.  I kind of think she'd like it if I gave her a bottle of stink that smelled like apple blossoms.

And speakin' of stinky stuff.  The lilacs and lilies-of-the-valley completely escaped the wrath of Mother Nature and Jack Frost.  They're bloomin' now and even I have to admit that they're fillin' the air with nice smells.  Not as nice as the delicious scent of a field of nip but really and truly, pretty nice, indeed.

Hmmm...  I wonder if they make bottles of stink that smell like lilacs or lilies of the valley.  Anyone know?

Better yet, does anyone know if they make bottles of stink that smell of nip?  Wow!  If Peep #1 were to wear nip perfume...  IT WOULD BE HEAVENLY.

And speakin' of the nip.  I have good news on the nip front.  You know the seeds the peep planted a few weeks ago?  They all have true leaves now.  They're lookin' pretty good, actually.  And just yesterday I was sniffin' around the cage in which she planted nip seeds before.  You remember.  It was the time when she failed miserably in her nip-growin' attempts on account of the nip seed not germinating.  Well...  I FOUND NIP!  Just three little plants and they are really little.  Just an inch high or so but...  they're nip!  There's hope for Ol' Peepers yet.

Let me tell you, findin' those nip plants yesterday was like findin' a long-lost treasure.  It was like findin' the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.  It made my day.  It made my week. My gosh...  it made my year!  Glory be...  we're gonna have nip!  FINALLY, the peep has managed to do somethin' right and when that somethin' is growin' nip, it's a very good thing, indeed.

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

we were havin' a weirdwave

They do say that a favourite pastime of Canadians is talkin' about the weather and do you know what?  Peeps who say that just might be right!  Yup, I'm a Canadian kitty and I'm gonna be bloggin' about the weather...  AGAIN.

As you may recall, my brother Seville and I recently teleported to Ottawa and had a little chat with the peeps runnin' the Worldwide Weather Offices, Forecasting and Control, Canadian Division.  We discovered some interestin' stuff while there but truth be told, even after our visit, our weather was still pretty weird.

I don't know if there's such a thing as a weirdometer but if there is, last week's weird weather would have been registering super high on one.  Hmmm...  like a heatwave only instead of degrees of heat, it would measure degrees of weirdness.  We were havin' a weirdwave.

You know...  if there isn't such a thing as a weirdometer, I should invent one 'cause I bet there's a market for such a gadget.  Probably a really good market, too, but I digress.

Anywho...  it all began a week ago today.  Last Wednesday mornin', I awoke to find that school had been cancelled due to an overnight snowstorm.  To be honest, the cancellation of school didn't affect me in any way 'cause the schools that were cancelled were all schools for peeps and not cats.  The snow had stopped snowin' but there was white stuff, everywhere.  Guess the snowplough peeps needed to clear the roads and whatnot before lettin' the school buses out on 'em.

My driveway was pretty snowy, too.  I was tyin' on my new size zero snowshoes and gettin' ready to head out to trek across the driveway when our snowplough guy arrived.  MOUSES!  He ploughed most of the driveway, ruinin' all my best snowshoe trails, before disappearin' off down the road.  I was just about to toss off the snowshoes when I saw Peep #1 putting on her jacket and getting ready to go do some shovelling.  She had caterwauling practise that night and needed to shovel a path to the car.

So I supervised the peep while she shovelled a path from the backdoor to the car and then cleared all the snow off the top of the car and all around it, too.  While watching her work, I built a snowcat. FINALLY!  Yes, it was good packin' snow and excellent for building snowcats and whatnot.  The peep complained that it was kind of heavy for shovelling but I just ignored her, blissfully happy that I was finally gettin' to build my cat.

It was around four-thirty when Peep #1 and I headed back inside.  The peep had to have a shower before caterwaulin' and I needed some rest and relaxation after my strenuous snowcat building.  I prepared a bowl of hot nip cider and settled in on the couch, in the family room.

Two hours later, Ol' Peepers was puttin' her jacket on and gatherin' together her music for her caterwaulin' practise.  I watched her pull on her boots and grab the car keys before heading out.  While contemplating whether or not to have another bowl of nip cider, I was surprised to hear the peep coming back indoors.  I figured she must have forgotten somethin' and went back to my contemplation of the cider.

What happened next was completely unexpected.  The peep took off her boots and coat and returned her caterwaulin' paraphernalia to the piano.  Apparently, she wasn't going anywhere after all. You see...  when the peep drove to the end of the driveway, the car headlights shone through the darkness, illuminating a two foot high pile of snow blocking  her path.  She had been ploughed in. MOUSES!

And let me just add, the peep said "MOUSES!" quite a number of times that night, too.

I heard Peep #1 threatening to take a blowtorch to the snow at the end of my driveway which scared me for just a moment because the thought of my peep let loose with a blowtorch is a pretty scary thought but then I realised that the peep doesn't actually own a blowtorch so there was nothin' about which to worry.  It occurred to me that she might take a blow dryer to it or somethin' but then I realised that although the peep does have one of those, it appears to have been lost.  At least, it hasn't been used in years.  I kind of wish she would use it though.  Her hair has been lookin' rather wild, as of late, and perhaps a blow dryer could control it and bring back some law and order or somethin' to that head of hers.  MOUSES!

So that was Wednesday.  Thursday morning arrived and guess what...  another paw or so of snow had fallen overnight.  Once again, school was cancelled.  Once again, its cancellation didn't affect me so I really didn't care.

I watched the peep trudge through the snow, taking the garbage to the road 'cause every second Thursday is our garbage day and for the last six weeks, every second Thursday we have greeted the morning with a paw or two of freshly fallen snow.  In fact, ever since Sivvers and I teleported to Ottawa and fiddled with that equipment in the Worldwide Weather Offices, Forecasting and Control, Canadian Division...  Nah...  That couldn't have anything to do with it.  Could it?  MOUSES!

Anywho...  garbage was dealt with and paths were shovelled. Our snowplough guy arrived and a little somethin' was discovered about his ploughin'.  He's supposed to plough along our side of the road if he comes before the street plough so that the street plough doesn't plough us in.  Until that day, Peep #1 thought he had been doin' just that but on Thursday, Peep #2 watched snowplough guy and for some weird reason, snowplough guy was ploughing on the OTHER side of the road and bringin' all that extra snow over to us. This kind of explains the huge mountain of snow that has accumulated at the end of my driveway.  I'm not complainin' though 'cause I'm pretty sure I'll be able to ski on it as soon as my size zero downhill skies arrive in the mail.

Anywho...  like clockwork, right after our snowplough guy came, the street plough arrived and, once again, there was snow piled up at the end of the driveway.  Luckily, the weather was warming up and the snow was softenin'.  The peeps had to go out.  Peep #1 was driving and she just took a run at the pile of snow and ploughed right through it.  MOUSES!  Yup, that's just what I said as I watched her swerve this way and that but she made it through.  I believe one calls that determination.  Good thing, too, 'cause I was in need of some snacks.

Friday mornin' was uneventful.  On Friday night, however, it rained.  Yes, RAINED.  One might even say, poured.  And there was thunder and lightening, too.  The lightening was particularly bright because it lit up the sky and all that light was reflected off all the snow still on the ground and you'd swear it was the middle of the day for a second or two.  Very strange, indeed.

By Saturday morning, the sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in the sky and it warmed up, a lot.  In fact, where there had been snow in some of the paths, all that was left was slush.  I tried to build another snowcat but let me tell you something about building snowcats with slush...  IT DOESN'T WORK!  Don't even bother tryin'.  You'll just get your paws all wet and icky.  That's what happened to me, anyway.

I guess that Saturday was a little taste of spring but really, it arrived too early and I suppose that's why it fled and is now hangin' out with that groundhog, in Shubenacadie, named Sam.  The cold has returned and any slush on the ground has frozen and although there's still a lot of snow around, it has a hard icy crust on it and is absolutely impossible to dig in or use for building snowcats.

My size zero downhill skis have not yet arrived but I'm hoping they'll get here soon before the peep attacks that mountain of snow at the end of the driveway with her hair dryer or somethin'.  In the meantime, I'm thinking of borrowing the spare tire from the trunk of the car and taking it for a spin on that mountain.  I hear that tubing on an icy surface is a lot of fun.  Wanna join me?  Afterwards, we can have share a bowl of hot nip cider and some snacks.  An excellent way to while away a winter afternoon, I should think.  Very excellent, indeed.