Showing posts with label Shubenacadie Sam. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shubenacadie Sam. Show all posts

Wednesday, 17 February 2021

got milk?


Maybe it's outta gas?


Nope, plenty of that, you say, huh?


So you've got gas, but have nowhere to go.


No, that can't be right, either.  I. Need. Noms.  HEAR THAT, PEEPERS?  You have someplace to go on account of my needin' my noms.  You need to go to the grocery store.


So you've got somewhere to go AND you've got gas, but...


But...


BUT...


But maybe you have no milk!  You've got no milk there, Peepers.  That's gotta be it, for sure.


Wait a minute, why would you need milk to power up...  I mean, if I were lactose intolerant - WHICH I'M NOT - I could imbibe in some nice creamy milk and fart my way to the grocery store, lickety split, but...


But I think what you're actually in need of is juice.


But lack of noms or not, I'M NOT DRINKIN' NO DIRTY JUICE.


MOUSES!


I, Seville the Cat, am a cat, you see - DUH - and cats don't drink juice.  Cats don't even LIKE juice.  Unless it's catnip juice, of course.  I would like catnip juice, for sure.  But why the heck does Peepers need juice to go to the grocery store?


Oh yeah, she needs juice to power up the battery that starts up the car.


MOUSES!


Well that's what happens when you live in a country like Canada, Peepers.  Weather gets cold.  Roads get icy and covered in snow.  Then you don't go out on those roads on account of the ice and the snow, so you don't start up the car.  And did I mention how it was cold?  Well when you don't start up the car for several days in the cold...


Car batteries?  They go dead.


MOUSES!


Honestly, Peepers, you SHOULD have been able to foresee this.


You think maybe the cold killed a few of your brain cells, as well as that there battery, Peepers?  Maybe even MORE than a few?  Peepers, you should be careful 'bout stuff like that, 'cause I'm not sure you've got the extra brain cells to spare, and...


WHY ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT ME LIKE THAT?


Peepers, if you wanna be mad at somebody, try bein' made at that ol' Shubinackedy Sam.  Remember a couple weeks back when he said spring was gonna come early this year?


WELL OBVIOUSLY, HE LIED.


MOUSES!


You know, if you weren't a stupid vegetable, Peepers...


FINE, if you weren't a stupid VEGETARIAN, Peepers, I'd suggest you cook up a big ol' pot of groundhog stew.


MOUSES!



***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.



Wednesday, 3 February 2021

Hey Sammy!


HEY SAMMY!  
THIS YEAR, YOU HAD BEST HAVE GOTTEN IT RIGHT.


MOUSES!


So yesterday, as you may have heard, was the day when ol' Shubenacadie Sam makes his one and only public appearance for the year, and...


One and only?  ONLY one?  Only ONCE?  Mouses, I need to get myself a job like Sammy's 'cause quite honestly, I could do with a job where I get paid for three hundred and sixty-five days of the year but only have to appear in public once.


"SINCE WHEN DID YOU START MAKING PUBLIC APPEARANCES, SEVILLE?"


Oh quit your screechin', Peepers.  No one asked for your opinion, anyway.


MOUSES!


But since you were wonderin'...


Since you were wonderin', Peepers, I, Seville the Cat, make public appearances ALL the time.  Every day, in fact.  Sometimes by the hour!


Not my fault if there's no one there from the public to see me when I appear.


MOUSES!


But I digress.


Now back to the topic at paw.


Yesterday was Groundhog Day, and Groundhog Day is the day every year when ol' Shubenacadie Sam makes his one and only yearly public appearance.


Seriously, I have GOT to get myself a once-a-year gig like that.  MOUSES!


And durin' his once yearly public appearance yesterday, ol' Sammy my man...


Man?  Gal?  Not sure, to tell you the truth.  Never actually asked him.  Or her.  MOUSES.!


Anyway...


Anyway, durin' his or her once yearly public appearance yesterday, ol' Sammy my man or gal came outta his or her little house in that there place called Shubenacadie, Nova Scotia, looked all about, and...


And...


AND...


AND SAW NOT A SHADOW IN SIGHT.


MOUSES!


After seein' no shadow, ol' Sammy declared that spring would come early and seriously, WE CAN ALL DO WITH THAT.


My gosh, I'm dreamin' of springtime already, my friends.  Dreamin' of soft breezes and sunshine and spring blossoms and...



"DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE THE SNOW SHOVEL WENT?"


I did say dreamin', didn't I.


Not a question.  Statement of fact.


MOUSES!


***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.


Wednesday, 28 March 2018

and in OTHER news...

This is Seville the Cat here, bringin' you Nova Scotia's most up-to-date and accurate news, direct to you from my desk here at Nerissa's Life.

MOUSES!

Reports are comin' in fast and furious, my friends.  They're comin' in fast and furious, for sure.

I'm told we've had a groundhog sighting on the corner of Commercial and Main.  Is there confirmation of the varmint's identity, Bob?  Do we know whether or not it's Sam?  Or is it some other varmint goin' by some other name?

ANOTHER one?  That's rights, folks.  You heard it here, first.  There's been ANOTHER groundhog sighting.  This one, over on Spring Garden Road.

Kinda ironic, when you think about it, considerin' those weather-forecastin' varmints are on the lam due to a lack of spring.

MOUSES!

Hold on...  Hold on...  Hold on everybody...  HOLD ON.

WE HAVE MORE REPORTS COMIN' IN.  They're comin' in so fast, I can barely keep up.  My claws are clickin' at record speeds.

What?

WHAT?

And we have confirmation on that?

MOUSES!

My friends, Mother Nature has been spotted, keepin' herself warm, drinkin' hot nip tea in an upscale bistro in the heart of downtown.

MOUSES!

And in OTHER news..

We still have snow.

MOUSES!

I don't know if you can hear what I'm hearin', my friends, but there are sirens off in the distance.  A whole lot of them, too.  They're gettn' closer and closer.

Do we have any reporters out at the scene?  DO WE?

AND WE HAVE ANOTHER VARMINT SIGHTIN'.

MOUSES!

This most recent sightin' is comin' from...

Uh....  Never mind.  This latest one appears to have been a false alarm.  Apparently, some peep wearin' brown fuzzy slippers went out to get the mornin' paper, slipped on a patch of ice, and fell headfirst into a snowbank.  Neighbours mistook his fuzzy slippered feet, flailin' about in the air, to be a furry ol' groundhog.

MOUSES!

Hold on, everybody!  HOLD on.

I'm told we have my sister Mason on the line, reportin' LIVE from outside the local courthouse, where the police have been badgerin' judges to issue a warrant for the arrest of Shubenacadie Sam,

What?  What?  What's that, Mason?  Badgers?  No, Sam isn't a badger.  He's a groundhog, for sure.

MOUSES!

Okay, we have it on good authority that a judge has just issued a warrant for the arrest of Shubenacadie Sam.

And Mother Nature, too?

MOUSES!

You heard it here first, my friends.  Arrest warrants have been issued for BOTH Shubenacadie Sam AND Mother Nature, herself, and...

You're breakin' up, Mason.  You're breakin' up.  What's that you're sayin'?

Shut.  The Litter Box.  Up.

MOUSES!

MOTHER NATURE IS OUT ON THE LAMB.

You mean the lam, there, don't you Sis?

No?  You mean she really has a flock of spring-lovin' lambs?

You mean she has KIDnapped a flock of spring-lovin' lambs?

And a bunch of baby goats, too?

MOUSES!

Accordin' to authorities, Mother Nature is also a person of interest in the investigation into a number of missing...

Of missin' spring flowers?

MOUSES!

Authorities are sayin' there isn't a crocus or primrose or snowdrop in sight.  Investigators are lookin' deeper into Mother Nature's whereabouts durin' the month of March, when the spring flowers were first noticed to be missin'.

MOUSES!

Well there you have it, my friends.  Mayhem has broken out all over our fair province of Nova Scotia.  Groundhogs are on the run and Mother Nature is on the lam, accompanied by a flock of  missin' lambs, and some kidnapped baby goats, too, not to mention those missin' spring flowers.

And in OTHER news...

THERE'S STILL SNOW.

MOUSES!

Sunday, 25 March 2018

lies, lies.. all of them, LIES!

Of all the moused-up, mousin', no good for nothin', rascally rascals...

Awww....  MOUSES!

LOCK HIM UP!  I say.

LOCK HIM UP!

That darned, moused-up weasel...

I mean, RODENT.

I MEAN, GROUNDHOG.

LOCK HIM UP.

I'm tellin' ya, that ol' Shubenacadie Sam has some serious answerin' to do.

MOUSES!

It was less than two months ago, when there he was, spoutin' his lies, all over the Internet.  "I didn't see my shadow," he said.  "It's gonna be an early spring, for sure."

Lies, lies...  ALL OF THEM, LIES!

The very ePitome of FaKe News, for sure.

MOUSES!

And now, here we are, at the END of March, well past the official start of spring...

And where is our spring, you ask?

Well I can tell you where it isn't.  It most certainly isn't here.

MOUSES!

But do you know what is?  Do you know what is here, my friends?

I'll tell ya what's here.  I'll tell you what's outside.  I'll tell you what's outside, for sure.


SNOW.

Now in what universe does a kitty associate spring, with snow?

MOUSES!

And not only is there snow, it's even kinda cold outside.

MOUSES!

And what does that rascally rabbit...

I mean, VARMINT...

I MEAN, GROUNDHOG, have to say?  What is Shubenacadie Sam sayin' about his false forecasting 'bout an early spring?

Just because I SAID there'd be an early spring, you didn't have to believe me.

Yup, that's an exact quote, for sure.

I have it on tape, and everythin'.

MOUSES!

Oh how quickly his tune has changed from only a mere few weeks ago.

You believed me because you WANTED to believe me, Seville.  You WANTED an early spring.  Never once did I FORCE you to believe it would actually happen.

MOUSES!

And I CERTAINLY never made you repeat what I said.

Sam, what the mouses do you think the share button is for?

It's like ol' Shubie was sittin' down in his Mama Nature's basement, sluggin' back the nip - or whatever varmints take - just Makin' up FanciFul, Fictional Forecasts for Sale.

MOUSES!


Well!  Well I know what I'll do.  I know what I'll do, for sure.  The NEXT time I want a weather forecast, I'll...

I'll...

I'LL...

Oh for the love of mouses, I honestly don't know WHAT I'll do.  I could listen to the weatherpeeps, I suppose, but they're not really known for havin' accurate forecastin' abilities, either.

MOUSES!


Wednesday, 4 February 2015

stupid groundhog

How much snow could a snowplough plough if a snowplough could plough snow?  Actually, quite a lot.  All depends upon how much snow you have to plough, you see, and lately, we've had quite a lot.

With three major snowstorms in a week and number four arrivin' sometime tomorrow, we've got the white stuff comin' out of our ears. And when I say comin' our of our ears, I mean, it's literally comin' out of our ears.  I went outside this mornin' for my daily constitutional and when I returned twenty-seven seconds later, there was snow comin' out of my ears.  It got in there when I accidentally brushed past a three foot wall of snow Peep #1 had created while shovellin' a path from the back door to the car.  MOUSES!

There's white stuff all over the place.  It's here.  It's there.  It's everywhere.  Everywhere you look, there's white stuff.  Again I must say, MOUSES!

And let me tell you, my friends, I know exactly who to blame for all this snow...  Shubenacadie Sam.  That ol' groundhog came out of his den on Monday mornin' and went and saw his shadow. Stupid groundhog.

It's all a matter of timin', you see.  That darned marmot came out to greet his waitin' public on Monday mornin'.  On Monday mornin', it was sunny.  No wonder he saw his shadow.  By late Monday afternoon, it was snowin'.  Snowin' and blowin'.  Had he come out then, there would have been no shadow to see.  Leave it to a groundhog to have a workin' alarm clock and not sleep in on Groundhog Day.  MOUSES!

Because of this shadow spottin', we're lookin' at another six weeks of winter.  SIX MORE WEEKS.  Six more weeks of cold and snow and more cold and more snow and then even more cold and even more snow.  Repeatin' the same thing over and over and over again.  It's gonna be like Groundhog Day every day.  It's like we're stuck in a temporal causality loop or somethin'.  MOUSES!

Or maybe not...

I read somewhere that Shubenacadie Sam's weather predictions aren't all that accurate.  On one site, a thirty-seven percent accuracy rate was bein' bandied about.  Thirty-seven percent, huh? That's really not all that great.  Sure, probably about the same as Environment Canada's but it leaves quite a lot of wiggle room, if you know what I mean.

Doin' the math we find find that a thirty-seven percent accuracy rate is the same as a sixty-three percent inaccuracy rate which means that if Shubenacadie Sam is predictin' six more weeks of winter, we have a sixty-three percent chance of an early spring. Now I like that math, for sure!

How much ground would a groundhog hog if a groundhog would hog ground? A lot!  They're very territorial, I hear.

Plus, they build these massive underground mansions for themselves. Every burrow even has its own bathroom chamber.  Bathroom chambers!  All I have is a litter box.  MOUSES!

I read somewhere that some of 'em even build more than one residence.  I'm thinkin' they must get a builders' discount or somethin' on account of their buildin' their burrows, themselves.

You know, instead of settin' up multiple households, maybe some of those groundhogs should work on buildin' themselves a more accurate weather forecasting station.  Just thinkin'...  Just ponderin' the measly thirty-seven percent weather forecasting accuracy rate and thinkin' aloud.

But I'm probably just whistlin' dixie, thinkin' those whistle pigs might come up with some better accuracy rates for their weather forecastin' businesses.  MOUSES!

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  Not much. Actually, none at all.  Woodchucks don't chuck wood, you see.

And since groundhogs are woodchucks, they don't chuck wood, either.  Guess that's why they build their burrows underground.  No wood required.

But if they were to start buildin' their dens above ground, they could put in a nice brick or stone fireplace.  Add a little romantic touch to their perhaps-not-so-humble abodes.  You know, settin' the mood for matin' season and all.

Apparently, in February the male groundhogs come out of hibernation, lookin' to see where the lady groundhogs have set up their burrows.   They're stakin' out the territory, gettin' ready for matin' season.  The ladies sleep in.

I've almost gotta feel sorry for the little guys.  At least for the celebrity ones who are in the limelight.  I mean, you wake up early on Groundhog Day mornin', gettin' ready to head outside and see where the ladies are livin' and the next thing you know, the paparazzi is there!  They're starin' at you and takin' pictures.  Cameras flashes are flashin' all over the place.  When you think about it that way, it's no wonder they head back to bed, afterwards, for a few more weeks of hibernation.

On the other paw, those celebrity groundhogs only have to work one day out to the whole year.  One day.  Out of the whole year.  SWEET.

Hmmm...  but if they're only workin' one, solitary day out of the whole year, you'd think they could do a better job of the job they do on that day.  I mean, a thirty-seven percent accuracy rate?  If you've got three hundred and sixty-four days to prepare for the test, you should at least be pullin' passin' grades, for sure.  MOUSES!

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

we were havin' a weirdwave

They do say that a favourite pastime of Canadians is talkin' about the weather and do you know what?  Peeps who say that just might be right!  Yup, I'm a Canadian kitty and I'm gonna be bloggin' about the weather...  AGAIN.

As you may recall, my brother Seville and I recently teleported to Ottawa and had a little chat with the peeps runnin' the Worldwide Weather Offices, Forecasting and Control, Canadian Division.  We discovered some interestin' stuff while there but truth be told, even after our visit, our weather was still pretty weird.

I don't know if there's such a thing as a weirdometer but if there is, last week's weird weather would have been registering super high on one.  Hmmm...  like a heatwave only instead of degrees of heat, it would measure degrees of weirdness.  We were havin' a weirdwave.

You know...  if there isn't such a thing as a weirdometer, I should invent one 'cause I bet there's a market for such a gadget.  Probably a really good market, too, but I digress.

Anywho...  it all began a week ago today.  Last Wednesday mornin', I awoke to find that school had been cancelled due to an overnight snowstorm.  To be honest, the cancellation of school didn't affect me in any way 'cause the schools that were cancelled were all schools for peeps and not cats.  The snow had stopped snowin' but there was white stuff, everywhere.  Guess the snowplough peeps needed to clear the roads and whatnot before lettin' the school buses out on 'em.

My driveway was pretty snowy, too.  I was tyin' on my new size zero snowshoes and gettin' ready to head out to trek across the driveway when our snowplough guy arrived.  MOUSES!  He ploughed most of the driveway, ruinin' all my best snowshoe trails, before disappearin' off down the road.  I was just about to toss off the snowshoes when I saw Peep #1 putting on her jacket and getting ready to go do some shovelling.  She had caterwauling practise that night and needed to shovel a path to the car.

So I supervised the peep while she shovelled a path from the backdoor to the car and then cleared all the snow off the top of the car and all around it, too.  While watching her work, I built a snowcat. FINALLY!  Yes, it was good packin' snow and excellent for building snowcats and whatnot.  The peep complained that it was kind of heavy for shovelling but I just ignored her, blissfully happy that I was finally gettin' to build my cat.

It was around four-thirty when Peep #1 and I headed back inside.  The peep had to have a shower before caterwaulin' and I needed some rest and relaxation after my strenuous snowcat building.  I prepared a bowl of hot nip cider and settled in on the couch, in the family room.

Two hours later, Ol' Peepers was puttin' her jacket on and gatherin' together her music for her caterwaulin' practise.  I watched her pull on her boots and grab the car keys before heading out.  While contemplating whether or not to have another bowl of nip cider, I was surprised to hear the peep coming back indoors.  I figured she must have forgotten somethin' and went back to my contemplation of the cider.

What happened next was completely unexpected.  The peep took off her boots and coat and returned her caterwaulin' paraphernalia to the piano.  Apparently, she wasn't going anywhere after all. You see...  when the peep drove to the end of the driveway, the car headlights shone through the darkness, illuminating a two foot high pile of snow blocking  her path.  She had been ploughed in. MOUSES!

And let me just add, the peep said "MOUSES!" quite a number of times that night, too.

I heard Peep #1 threatening to take a blowtorch to the snow at the end of my driveway which scared me for just a moment because the thought of my peep let loose with a blowtorch is a pretty scary thought but then I realised that the peep doesn't actually own a blowtorch so there was nothin' about which to worry.  It occurred to me that she might take a blow dryer to it or somethin' but then I realised that although the peep does have one of those, it appears to have been lost.  At least, it hasn't been used in years.  I kind of wish she would use it though.  Her hair has been lookin' rather wild, as of late, and perhaps a blow dryer could control it and bring back some law and order or somethin' to that head of hers.  MOUSES!

So that was Wednesday.  Thursday morning arrived and guess what...  another paw or so of snow had fallen overnight.  Once again, school was cancelled.  Once again, its cancellation didn't affect me so I really didn't care.

I watched the peep trudge through the snow, taking the garbage to the road 'cause every second Thursday is our garbage day and for the last six weeks, every second Thursday we have greeted the morning with a paw or two of freshly fallen snow.  In fact, ever since Sivvers and I teleported to Ottawa and fiddled with that equipment in the Worldwide Weather Offices, Forecasting and Control, Canadian Division...  Nah...  That couldn't have anything to do with it.  Could it?  MOUSES!

Anywho...  garbage was dealt with and paths were shovelled. Our snowplough guy arrived and a little somethin' was discovered about his ploughin'.  He's supposed to plough along our side of the road if he comes before the street plough so that the street plough doesn't plough us in.  Until that day, Peep #1 thought he had been doin' just that but on Thursday, Peep #2 watched snowplough guy and for some weird reason, snowplough guy was ploughing on the OTHER side of the road and bringin' all that extra snow over to us. This kind of explains the huge mountain of snow that has accumulated at the end of my driveway.  I'm not complainin' though 'cause I'm pretty sure I'll be able to ski on it as soon as my size zero downhill skies arrive in the mail.

Anywho...  like clockwork, right after our snowplough guy came, the street plough arrived and, once again, there was snow piled up at the end of the driveway.  Luckily, the weather was warming up and the snow was softenin'.  The peeps had to go out.  Peep #1 was driving and she just took a run at the pile of snow and ploughed right through it.  MOUSES!  Yup, that's just what I said as I watched her swerve this way and that but she made it through.  I believe one calls that determination.  Good thing, too, 'cause I was in need of some snacks.

Friday mornin' was uneventful.  On Friday night, however, it rained.  Yes, RAINED.  One might even say, poured.  And there was thunder and lightening, too.  The lightening was particularly bright because it lit up the sky and all that light was reflected off all the snow still on the ground and you'd swear it was the middle of the day for a second or two.  Very strange, indeed.

By Saturday morning, the sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in the sky and it warmed up, a lot.  In fact, where there had been snow in some of the paths, all that was left was slush.  I tried to build another snowcat but let me tell you something about building snowcats with slush...  IT DOESN'T WORK!  Don't even bother tryin'.  You'll just get your paws all wet and icky.  That's what happened to me, anyway.

I guess that Saturday was a little taste of spring but really, it arrived too early and I suppose that's why it fled and is now hangin' out with that groundhog, in Shubenacadie, named Sam.  The cold has returned and any slush on the ground has frozen and although there's still a lot of snow around, it has a hard icy crust on it and is absolutely impossible to dig in or use for building snowcats.

My size zero downhill skis have not yet arrived but I'm hoping they'll get here soon before the peep attacks that mountain of snow at the end of the driveway with her hair dryer or somethin'.  In the meantime, I'm thinking of borrowing the spare tire from the trunk of the car and taking it for a spin on that mountain.  I hear that tubing on an icy surface is a lot of fun.  Wanna join me?  Afterwards, we can have share a bowl of hot nip cider and some snacks.  An excellent way to while away a winter afternoon, I should think.  Very excellent, indeed.