Showing posts with label Christmas tree. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas tree. Show all posts

Wednesday, 6 January 2021

little Christmas

 


And so it's Christmas...


Well, LITTLE Christmas, to be exact.  We're celebratin' Little Christmas at my house, today.


Kinda.


Sorta.


MOUSES!


The thing is, when Peepers was growin' up, her Papa Peep never let the Christmas tree be taken down 'til after January 6th, otherwise known in her house as Little Christmas.  That was the rule.  That was the law.  It was enforced by Papa Peep.


MOUSES!


So now...


So now, now that Peepers is in charge...


Kinda.


Sorta. 


Right after ME.


MOUSES!


So now that Peepers is in charge, the rule stays almost the same.  Tree stays up 'til Little Christmas, and we put the lights on every night 'til, and includin', then.


But...


But Peepers does it a little differently than Papa Peep.  Papa Peep always said the tree had to stay up 'til Little Christmas, and then should come down right afterwards.  Peepers, on the other paw, just says it has to stay up 'til Little Christmas, without ever givin' a date for takin' it down, so...


So...


So come February, if our Christmas tree is still up, Peepers will explain, "Well it HAD to stay up until Little Christmas, you see."


Apparently, that reason can be given at ANY time of year, includin' right up to the spring.


LITERALLY.


I've seen it happen.


MOUSES!


But even Peepers hesitates to light the lights up once we pass, say...


Middle of February or Valentine's Day.


APPARENTLY, Peepers does not have the conviction of her character, so to speak, so even if the tree is still up a whole month or more after Christmas, she's a tad embarrassed of the fact if the neighbours see the lights through the window, but...


But...


But if questioned 'bout the tree still bein' up on Valentine's Day, I can absolutely guarantee what Peepers will say: Well it HAD to stay up until Little Christmas, you see.


Yup, I've heard her say exactly that as late as February 21st.


MOUSES!


I'm just hopin' Little Christmas means an extra biff bag or nip mouse or bag of treats might come my way.


'Cause you know, I'm a cat, and we cats think with our tummies and nip-sniffin' noses.


And spendin' one more night safely indoors and away from the crowds, gazin' up at the tree while high on the nip and stuffed full of treats, is A-Okay ALRIGHTY by me.


MOUSES!


***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.


Sunday, 13 December 2020

thirty-nine weeks

 


Good mornin', Peepers.  Aren't you lookin' festive today.


Always pays to toss a compliment out to the peeps, every now and then.  Keeps 'em in good spirits for when you get caught doin' somethin' naughty.


I see you've got your Christmas earrings in, and...  And is that a new scrunchy I see your hair?  My, my, my...  Such a pretty Christmas fabric, too.  BEAUTIFUL.  GORGEOUS!  You did a good job with that scrunchy, for sure.


Okay, so there is such a thing as overdoin' it with the compliments.  One must be careful not to let the peeps think somethin' is up.


WHICH IT ISN'T.


Well, not really.


Okay, so maybe just a little.


MOUSES!


And did I mention how well you suit that green sweater you're wearin'?  I know I've seen it before, but I don't think I've ever told you how nice it looks, on.  Looks super good with your Christmas earrings and new scrunchy, too.


Hmmm...  Think I might have hit the too-many-compliments-she's-gettin'-suspicious stage.  I see that wary look in her eyes.


MOUSES!


Best get to the matter at paw.


So uh, Peepers...  Peepers, I...  I was thinkin'...  I WAS THINKIN'...


I was thinkin' that this year, we might not need to decorate the tree like we usually do.  I mean, it's a lot of work and THE LAST thing you need is extra work, right?  Right.  I mean...


I mean, you've been pretty much stuck in this ol' house with me for the last two hundred and twelve million, two hundred and eighty-four thousand, eight hundred cat seconds and, I think we can both agree, that's a whole lot of cat seconds to be cooped up, for sure.


I know, I know...  I know, it's been a lot harder on ME, than you, but that doesn't mean it's been a bed of roses for you, or anythin' like that.  I know I can sometimes be...


Be...


Uh...


Difficult?


Nah, that's not the word I mean.


Challenging.


Meh.


No matter.  My point is, I know that sometimes you and I have almost come to blows these last few months, what with the pandemic and all, so I figured as PART OF MY GIFT TO YOU, I... I would let you know that if you don't want to go to all the trouble and hard work of decoratin' the tree, it's okay by me.  I'LL SURVIVE.


I suppose.


*dramatically swipes paw across his brow as if ready to faint*


But if you DO decide to decorate after all...


Well....


Well might I suggest you not plug in the lights?  We want to save on electricity, and all.  Do our part for the environment.  Global warming IS real, you know.


That, and I think SOMEONE might have uh...  Um...  Chewed through one of the electrical cords.


Which isn't nearly as bad as that time when Aunti Primrose peed in the light socket!


Just sayin'.


OOHHHH....  PEEPERS!  Is that a new lipstick you're wearin'?  That colour suits you to a tee!


MOUSES!



 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.





Sunday, 29 November 2020

thirty-seven weeks


You know what they say...

They say, the lights are on, but nobody's home.

Clearly, these people have met my peep.

MOUSES!

So I was chattin' with the ol' peep this mornin' and remindin' her 'bout how she and I have been cooped up in this ol' house together now for like thirty-seven weeks, due to the pandemic thing.  Yup, we've been pretty much cooped up here together for two hundred and one million, three hundred and ninety-eight thousand, four hundred cat seconds, and...

AND SHE DIDN'T FIND ANYTHIN' WRONG WITH THAT, AT ALL.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

MOUSES!

Of course, my bein' cooped up with her IS a whole lot harder on me, than her bein' able to spend extra time with me is, on her.

I mean...

I mean, it's kinda like an honour and a privilege for her to be spendin' all day, every day, with me, right?  A real HONOUR.  A real privilege, too.  On the other paw, my havin' to spend day in and day out with Peepers is a struggle of the greatest magnitude, for sure.

Why, just the other day...

Just the other day, I said to the peep, "Peepers, you're gonna wanna do something 'bout this here mess you left on the kitchen floor," and her reply was...

"Blah blah blah...  Blah blah, blah.  Blah blah, blah blah, blah BLAH."

So I said, "WHAT?"

Then she blahhed a bit more, which was difficult to understand on account of my not really listenin' to her blahhin' and blatherin', on account of her blatherin' usually bein' super stupid.  So again I had to ask, "WHAT?"

Well that did it.  She gave me THE LOOK.

And then...

Then she accused ME of makin' the mess in the kitchen.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

MOUSES!

Now sure, some of that mess might very well have happened when I knocked over the bag of my special kibble, but...


BUT IT'S NOT MY FAULT SAID KIBBLE BAG WAS LEANIN' UP AGAINST THE ISLAND LIKE IT WAS, JUST ASKIN' TO BE KNOCKED OVER.

Askin'?  No, it was practically BEGGIN'.

SHE left the bag there, open and easily accessible.  She did it.  Yes, SHE.  Therefore, it was HER FAULT it got knocked over in the first place.

DON'T PEEPS UNDERSTAND THAT IF THEY DON'T WANT SOMETHIN' KNOCKED OVER, THEY SHOULDN'T LEAVE SAID SOMETHIN' IN A PLACE WHERE IT CAN BE KNOCKED ABOUT?

DON'T THEY?

Of course they don't.

MOUSES!

Now here is my predicament, my friends.  My predicament havin' to do with Peepers.  In about four weeks or so, we have Christmas comin' up.  Soon it's gonna be time for decoratin' the tree, and...

AND I'M NOT TAKIN' ANY RESPONSIBILITY IF SAID TREE GETS KNOCKED DOWN.

Like I said before: if you don't want messes made, don't leave potential messes lyin' about, just WAITIN' to happen.

'Cause let me tell you somethin': if I'm gonna be cooped up with the peeps for much longer, I'm gonna have a whole lot of built up energy just waitin' to be spent.

Methinks this year, the peep should nail that sucker down to the floor.

MOUSES!


 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.




Sunday, 3 March 2019

wanna hear a secret?

Pssst...  Wanna hear a secret?

Oh hey there, Peepers.

What?

NO, I'm not airing out our dirty laundry here on my blog.  You have a clothes line to do that.  MOUSES!

So anyway...  Wanna hear a secret?

What's that, Peepers?

Actually, to tell you the truth, I wouldn't even bother at this point.

No seriously, I wouldn't.  You've let it go this long, why do anything about it now?

BECAUSE if you wait a little bit longer...

Yeah, yeah...

Peeps and their peep-like problems.

MOUSES!

So like I was sayin'...  Wanna hear a secret?

Seriously Peepers, I wouldn't bother, but if you're gonna bother, know this:  You're gonna be botherin' all on your own.

MOUSES!

Because I'm busy.  Way too busy to help.  That's why.

MOUSES!

Stuff.  I'm doin' STUFF.

Of for the love of mouses, Peepers.  I, Seville the Cat, HAVE PLENTY OF STUFF to be doin'.  Right now, for example, I'm workin' on my blog post for today.  Later on, I'll be workin' on my book.

You know, my book.

THE ONE I'M WRITING.

MOUSES!

And FYI, in the book I'm writing, I, Seville the Cat, am the hero, while you're...

Well...

You're uh...

Comic relief.

MOUSES!

But back to what I was askin' before.  Wanna hear a secret?

Peepers, just go into the livin' room and do what you're thinking about doing, even though I, personally, wouldn't bother doin' it now.  But since you've got your heart set on doin' what you're thinking of doin', just go ahead and do it.

Even if it is March.  Even if we are into the third month of the year.

BUT DON'T DO IT JUST YET!

Give me a minute, okay?

Because.

'Cause uh...

Well...

Well 'cause after you do what you're planning on doin', I'll no longer have a secret to tell.

'CAUSE WHAT YOU HAVE NEGLECTED TO DO FOR THE PAST TWO MONTHS IS MY SECRET.

Boy oh boy, I'm tellin' ya.

Peeps and their peep-like problems.

PEEPS.

Okay, so now that she's gone, but before she undos what she hasn't undone even though it really did kinda need to be done earlier this year, I'LL TELL YOU MY SECRET.

Are you ready?

Are you sitting down?

Brace yourselves, my pals....

If you can believe it...

Our Christmas tree is still up.

MOUSES!

Wednesday, 19 December 2018

it's up!

It's up!  IT'S UP!
Hoo-hoo...  THE CHRISTMAS TREE IS UP.

But boy-oh-boy, was gettin' it decorated EVER an adventure.

MOUSES!

You all know 'bout naughty words and stuff, right?  Well let me tell you, I HEARD QUITE A FEW of 'em last night.

MOUSES!

Now, where should I begin?

At the beginnin', I suppose.  That would make sense.  I shall begin with the puttin' up of the lights.

MOUSES!

Picture it:  My house, three strings of lights, and a... Uh... Um...  A peep.

You know, I think I'm gonna ask Santa to bring us a pre-lit Christmas tree next year, 'cause Peep #1 is ABSOLUTELY NO GOOD at puttin' on those lights.

On the other paw, I did have a lot of fun watchin' her try.

On the OTHER paw, it was pretty obvious she wasn't havin' any fun at all.

BUT ON THE OTHER PAW - which I can say on account of my bein' a cat, and cats havin' four paws - I don't really care.  'Bout the peep not havin' fun, I mean.  My enjoyment of watchin' her strugglin' with the lights is far more important than her frustrations of dealin' with them, for sure.

Plus, I learned a few new swear words in the process, and this cat likes to take advantage of all educational opportunities, for sure.

MOUSES!

AND DID YOU KNOW, once all the lights are up on the tree, if they're not DISTRIBUTED EVENLY, one has to take 'em all down and start all over again?

TRUE FACT.

MOUSES!

Well once the lights were all up - THE SECOND TIME  - the REAL fun began.

Now to be perfectly honest, I will admit that at this point, the naughty words were no longer bein' said.  Also, the peep's face was no longer red.  But...  But there was still a show to be seen, for sure.

Peep #1 thinks she can dance.

HAHAHA....

FYI, she can't.

MOUSES!

But that didn't stop her from dancin' and prancin' around the rockin' ol' Christmas tree.

You should have seen her.  She was boppin' this way and that to the Christmas music, while hangin' the ornamental breakables all over the...

Wait a minute.  Did I say the naughty words had ceased?  I think I did, but I shouldn't have, because...

Because this was about the time when the peep came face to face with the GIGANTIC metal mess.

Picture it:  My house, an enormous mass of metal ornament hanger thingies lookin' like a big ol' mess of tangled up tumbleweed, and a peep.

MOUSES!

AND DID YOU KNOW, if you untangle those ornament hook thingies, and then pile 'em up together after they've been untangled, they come to life and get all tangled up together again?

TRUE FACT.

MOUSES!

Oh, and did you ALSO know, sometimes they get lost in the tree?

Yeah, that happened quite a few times.  EVERY SINGLE TIME a glass ball fell from the peep's grasp, even though the ball was caught and retrieved, the metal hanger was nowhere to be seen.  I have no idea where they went, although I'm thinkin' it might be the same place odd socks disappear to from the dryer.

And judgin' by the peep's cries of anguish every time one of those metal thingies was lost, it must be easier to knit an entire sock than to untangle just one of those hooks.

MOUSES!

So...

So picture it:  My house, a peep dancin' around the livin' room while more-than-occasionally yellin' out swear words, and me.

But the good news is...

Well the peep would say the good news is that I didn't get last night's escapades on film.  And you know, she's probably right about that, 'cause boy-oh-boy would it ever be embarrassing...

FOR HER.

But MY good news is that we now have a fully decorated Christmas tree all ready for Santa.

AND...

And ready for me to knock down...  I mean, play...  I MEAN, REDISTRIBUTE the ornamental breakables.  Breakable ornamentals...  You know, the glass balls and things.

So...

So there are likely to be more naughty words bein' said, very soon.

MOUSES!

Wednesday, 12 December 2018

concerns

I, Seville the Cat, have concerns.

That's right, my friends, CONCERNS.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, I bet you're all wonderin' about what I am concerned, AND I bet you're all thinkin' it has somethin' to do with the peep.

Well...  Yeah.  Why else?

MOUSES!

So here's the thing.

Scratch that.  So here are the things.

MOUSES!

Here, at my house, we are not yet ready for Christmas.  We're not even close!  Our house is decoration deficient, for sure.  The tree is still not up.  The halls are not yet decked.  There isn't even a bough of holly to be seen!  AND, with Canada Post's rotatin' strike earlier this month, I don't know if Santa even got my letter!!!

MOUSES!

Oh, and I'd like to add to that list, the lack of festive sounds and smells comin' from the kitchen.  No nip cookies bakin'.  No niptinis bein' stirred.  I haven't even detected a whiff of a nip sprig on cheese.

MOUSES!

Plus, the peep SERIOUSLY needs to do somethin' with her hair.  I mean, if Santa gets a look at that...  WHATEVER it is on her head, he'll probably climb right back up the chimney without leavin' a thing.

That is if he got my letter in the first place.

MOUSES!

WHAT IF Santa didn't get my letter at all?  What if he's thinkin' I don't want prezzies for Christmas?  What if... ? 

MOUSES!

But back to that tree.

Or MISSIN' tree, that is.

Yup, you heard right.  The Christmas tree is STILL not up, and it's less than two weeks 'til Christmas.  Oh sure, the peep did bring out the heavy duty vacuum and give the livin' room a really good clean, but to be honest, I think she just did that to annoy me.

MOUSES!

And yeah, she even used the new pet mess carpet cleaner on some uh...

AND WHO THE MOUSES MAKES A CARPET CLEANER SPECIFICALLY FOR PET MESSES, ANYWAY?

I DON'T CARE HOW WELL IT WORKS!

It's insultin' as all get out.

MOUSES!

And whatever you're thinkin', those messes?

THEY WERE NOT MADE BY ME.

It was some other orange kitty, for sure.

And...

And...

And?

Oh yeah, 'bout that missin' tree.

It is still not up.

It's still undecorated.

It' still...

STILL...

MISSIN'.

And that, my friends, is a moused-up, peep-caused travesty.

MOUSES!

Sunday, 2 December 2018

whacking practice

Hey Peepers!  Check the calendar on the wall, would ya?  Check what month this is.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.  Yup.  Uh-huh.

So we're in agreement it's now December, right?

Good.

So...

SO GET OFF YOUR LAZY TAIL, AND PUT THE CHRISTMAS TREE UP.

MOUSES!

It's December, Peepers.  Time to start deckin' the halls, and stuff like that.

And while you're at it, you might wanna put those ghost decorations from Hallowe'en back in the garage.

Just sayin'...

MOUSES!

Come on Peepers, I have a Christmas tree to knock down.

And we all know I can't even begin to work on topplin' it over, until it's up.

MOUSES!

So where are we on this tree?

You need to finish your coffee, FIRST?

MOUSES!

Peepers, I'LL finish the coffee for you, if you don't get up off your tail, and...

Well of course I'm not gonna drink it.  Coffee is very bad for kitties, you know.  I was actually thinking more along the lines of...

Well...

Well usin' it for whackin' practice, actually.  You see, a cat needs to start practicin' his whackin' skills on somethin', each season.  No reason not to do a few trial whacks with the coffee pot.  Make sure my aim is spot on and stuff.  You know, practicin' my whacks for when the tree goes up, 'cause once it's up, there will be a whole lot of whackin' to be done, for sure.

Think of it like battin' practice for cats who like to whack.

MOUSES!

Whackin'?

You know, like when I whack the ornaments with my paws, knockin' them one by one, onto the floor.  The ornamental breakables you put up on the tree.  The breakable ornamentals.  THE ORNAMENTS YOU PUT ON THE TREE FOR ME TO WHACK.

Boy-oh-boy, Peep #1 is super slow on the uptake today.  She's movin' like a turtle on crutches, for sure. 

Guess she really does need that coffee to get her movin', after all.

Humph!

But anyway...

But anyway Peepers, once I've whacked all the ornamental breakables off the tree, I can then whack the tree itself, and bring it down.


Why?  Why do I need to knock down the ornaments BEFORE knockin' down the tree, you ask?

ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?

SO THEY WON'T BREAK WHEN I WHACK THE TREE DOWN.

Here Peepers, drink another cup of coffee.  You get that in ya, and we can start this conversation all over again.

I promise to explain more slowly next time.

MOUSES!



Sunday, 18 December 2016

O Christmas Tree

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
You do so taunt me, terribly.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
You do so taunt me, terribly.

Oh hello there my friends. Can we talk?

I mean, may we talk?  I know I can talk.  I assume you can talk.  So uh...  um...  May we? Talk?  MOUSES!


Let's talk Christmas trees.

MOUSES!

You know, peeps think they're so smart.  I mean, they think they're the smartest things since sliced bread which, by the way, isn't sayin' a whole lot.  You know, on account of sliced bread not bein' all that smart.

What's that, Peepers?  WHAT?  Oh.

Apparently the sayin' is, the best thing since sliced bread.  Not the smartest.  Well as far as I'm concerned, thinkin' you're the best thing since sliced bread is kinda stupid, too, 'cause...  you know...  cats don't eat bread and therefore the existence of sliced bread is irrelevant.  MOUSES!

But about these Christmas trees.

Every year 'bout this time, the peeps plant a tree in the middle my livin' room.  Now if you ask me, this is just askin' for trouble but peeps, bein' peeps, don't see it.  MOUSES!

Now as a cat, I can assure you that trees are good for two things, and two things only.  Those two things would be climbin' and scratchin'.  Okay, maybe three things.  We might want to add sprayin' to that list, too.  MOUSES!

But when a cat happens upon a tree growin' in the middle of his livin' room, and said cat does what any cat is likely do when happenin' upon a tree growin' in the middle of his livin' room, do peeps ever blame the tree?

Better yet, do they blame themselves for plantin' a tree in the middle of the livin' room in the first place?

I mean, who the mouses grows trees in their livin' room, anyway?

And in case you hadn't yet figured it out, the answer to the above questions would be, NO.

Except, of course, for the question about who grows trees in their livin' room in the first place, 'cause for that question, there is no answer at all.  At least, not a reasonable one. MOUSES!

But back to those trees.

Peeps - BEIN' PEEPS - aren't satisfied by simply plantin' a climbin' tree in the middle of the livin' room.  OH NO, peeps - BEIN' PEEPS - have to throw a little more enticement into the mix.

Now I'm tellin' you right here and right now, a tree growin' in the middle of a kitty's livin' room is pretty enticin'.  Enticin' enough to make a kitty wanna climb that tree, for sure.  But even as enticin' as that tree is, there is one thing that will make the climbin' of such a tree even more enticin'.

And that one thing would be...

It would be a tree growin' in the middle of a livin' room, covered in lit-up strings and rollable glass balls.

Although to be perfectly honest, those glass balls don't roll very well once they're broken. MOUSES!

And don't even get me started on the bells that jingle.  MOUSES!

But back to the trees!

Well, the tree.  The one tree in question.  The tree that is currently growin' in the middle of my livin' room.  The peeps planted it Friday night.

Then, of course, it had to be replanted after a failed climbin' expedition undertaken by one very handsome marmalade dude.

You know, it turns out that these newly planted trees aren't up to much when it comes to climbin'. I mean, I know I've been enjoyin' a few extra treats durin' the holiday season and stuff, but I haven't been enjoying 'em that much.  It's not like I'm one of those long-haired marmie brothers of mine, who are apparently in a race to see which one of 'em can reach the twenty pound mark, first. MOUSES!

All I have to say is this. It's darned lucky for the peep that my climbin' expedition happened before the installation of the breakable rollables which means, of course, that not only do those glass balls still have the potential to roll, but they still have the potential to be broken, too.  MOUSES!

Wednesday, 23 December 2015

the mysterious Christmas ornament

Seville sat back on his haunches and gazed up at the Christmas tree. "Lovely," he purred. "Peeps really outdid themselves this year. Everything's all pretty and sparkly.  Bet Santa's gonna be really pleased when he stops by on Christmas Eve."

"Oohhh...  That one's new," and the cat approached the tree. "I've never seen that ornament before.  Wonder where it came from."  He examined the glass ball hanging from a bottom branch.  "Just look at that.  Someone managed to create an entire little snow scene in there.  Amazing detail.  And it even has sound effects.  Is that wind I hear howling from inside?"

"Hey Mason!" and Seville cried out to his sister.  "Come see this new ornament the peeps put on the tree.  You know where it came from?"

Mason padded across the room.  "No, I've never seen that one before," she told Seville.  "The peeps must have bought it this year.  Kind of pretty."

"It sure is," Seville agreed.  "It looks so real.  OH MY MOUSES!" and Seville jumped backwards. "Mason, I touched it with my nose and it's freezing cold.  You try."

Mason reached out a paw to touch the ornament lightly.  There was a spark of light and she, too, jumped backwards.

"What the mouses is going on?" asked Seville.  "This needs investigating, to be sure."

Once again, Seville sniffed at the glass ball hanging from the tree.  His nose grew cold.  The ornament appeared to be enveloped by a pocket of frigid air.  Very gingerly, he touched the surface of the ball, fighting the urge to draw back from the cold.  Coloured lights began to flash about him and he felt a cold, icy wind ruffling his fur.  "Mason..." he cried and felt his sister tugging on his tail.

"Sivvers!" Mason yelled.  "Sivvers, come back here!  SIVVERS..."

Seville somersaulted forward.  Over and over he went until eventually, he landed in a pile of snow. "MOUSES!"  Chewing on his lower lip he muttered, "Fine mess I've gotten myself into this time."

"Fine mess you've gotten us into," Mason fumed, spitting some loose snow out of her mouth.  "Why did you have to go and get us sucked up into that glass ornament?"

"Is that what happened?" questioned Seville, scratching the back of his head.  "Never knew an ornament could do that kind of thing.  Where do you suppose we are?"

Mason pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes.  "Where we are, is inside that darned glass ornament.  A better question would be how are we going to get out.  MOUSES!"

"That's my line," Seville pointed out to his sister but seeing the look on her face he added, "Uh, never mind."

The two cats decided to head towards a building they could see off in the distance.  The temperature was dropping quickly and the wind had picked up, whipping snow about them and creating almost blizzard-like conditions.  "Gotta keep going,  gotta keep going," they chanted.  They both knew that staying out in the cold wasn't an option.  A cat could freeze being exposed to such winter temperatures.

Almost at the building, they could see it was some sort of barn.  A bright light shone from within, assuring them it was occupied. Mason and Seville picked up their pace, desperate to get out of the cold.  Seville pulled open the door and they both dashed inside.

"You heard me!" a young reindeer cried with relief. "Thank goodness you've come to my rescue."

"Your rescue?" asked Seville. "Wait a minute... Wait a cotton picking moused-up minute...  I know you.  You're Rudolf!  MOUSES!  What on earth are you doing here?"

"I'll explain while you untie me," answered Rudolf.  "Please hurry before they return."

After listening to the reindeer's tale, Mason spoke up first.  "So you're saying that evil snowmen captured you and locked you up in this barn?" she asked skeptically.  "It sounds kind of far-fetched, Rudolf.  Are you sure you haven't been indulging in the eggnog or nip or whatever it is that reindeer like?"

But before Rudolf could deny Mason's accusations, the door to the barn opened and a gust of wind sent snow spiralling throughout the building.  There, standing inside the door were two snowmen, one of whom let out an evil laugh.  "Another two captives.  Wonderful!" the other cried.

"Oh no!" Rudolf wailed.  "Now I'll never get back to the North Pole in time for Christmas.  What will Santa do?"

Having had the chance to warm up a bit, Mason pulled herself together to demand some answers from the snowmen.  "Why did you kidnap Rudolf and hold him captive?" she queried.

"Wouldn't you like to know," one of the snowmen answered in a sinister voice.

"Well as a matter of fact, I would," Mason replied.

"And I would, too," added Seville.  "And a word to the wise, if I may.  You really don't wanna get my sister angry.  She can have a bit of a temper, you know.  She's super smart, too.  Not a great combo to be on the wrong side of, if you know what I mean."

One of the snowmen bent over, peering closely at Seville.  "Are you threatening us, little cat?  I don't think you're in a position to threaten either one of us."

"Well then," and Mason tried again, using a different tact.  "As you're clearly in charge here, I'm sure  you won't mind explaining why you kidnapped our friend, Rudolf."

"Because," the smaller of the two snowmen sneered, "we're sick and tired of hearing how much everyone loves Santa and his reindeer, not to mention those pesky little green elves.  Santa this, Santa that.  To hear them, you'd think he was the most wonderful thing on earth.  No one ever talks about us snowmen like that."

"Ummm...  the elves aren't actually green," piped up Seville.  "They merely wear green clo..."  Mason cut Seville off with a thwack of her tail to the back of his head.

"What my brother is trying to say is... Well...  Well never mind what he's trying to say.  It's not important.  What is important is that Rudolf has a very important job to do on Christmas Eve and he can't do it if he's being held hostage by the two of you.  You have to let him go.  And us, too," she added hastily.

"Ha!" the snowmen both cried.  "You're not going anywhere until after Christmas.  When Santa doesn't deliver any toys to any of the little girls and boys, they'll start seeing that old man in red in a very different light."


Rudolf stood to his full height.  "Oh yeah?  Well Santa will show you. Even without my help to guide him, he'll still get those presents delivered."

"It'll never happen," the smaller snowman sneered.  "Didn't you hear?  There's going to be a terrible blizzard on Christmas Eve.  Without you, he'll never find his way."

The two cats and Rudolf stood there, not knowing what to say.  Seville gathered his thoughts, first.  "You're just a couple of big ol' meanies," he declared.  "Is that why you hate Santa so much?  Were you always on the naughty list and never got any presents?  Because you know, acting like you're acting right now would get you on Santa's naughty list, for sure.  I mean..."

"QUIET!" one snowmen yelled.  "You'll be quiet if you know what's good for you, cat.  Keep on talking like that and we'll never let you go.  Not even after Christmas is past," he smirked.

"I've heard enough," declared Mason.  "Seville, you know what you need to do."

"I do?"

"You do."

"No, seriously Mason," and Seville whispered in his sister's ear.  "I don't think I do.  Can you give me a hint or something."

"Oh for crying out loud," and Mason flung her front paws up into the air.  "Don't you remember what happened to that snowman you and Nissy made a couple of years ago?  You know the one.  After you made it, you boys thought you'd mark it as your own and..."

"Oh yeah," and Seville grinned broadly.  "I remember now," and turning, he lifted his tail and began to spray.

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the snowmen cried in unison but the more Seville sprayed, the fainter their cries became until eventually, there was nothing left but two yellow puddles on the barn floor.

"Great work!" and Mason slapped her brother on his back.

"But we still need to get out of here," said Rudolf.  "I need to get back to the North Pole before it's too late."

"I have an idea," and Seville opened the barn door wide.  Turning his back to the blistery weather outside and lifting his tail, once again, Seville began to spray.

The three friends heard crackling sounds.  They were fairly faint at first but then became louder and louder until with one final deafening crack, the cats and Rudolf tumbled through the snow and out of the broken glass ball, landing on the cats' living room floor.

"MOUSES!" cried Seville.

"Mouses, indeed," agreed Rudolf and drawing to his feet, he shook off some snow from his back. "Sorry about the snowy mess," he apologized, "but I've really got to go. Santa will be waiting for me."

"Of course," answered Seville.  "You had better fly back, right away. Mason and I will clean up this mess before the peeps see it.  Promise."

Rudolf trotted to the front door but before flying off, he turned to face the two cats once more.  "Thank you for coming to my rescue, you two.  I'll be sure to let Santa know and, I suspect, you'll find extra nip in your stockings this year."

Mason and Seville watched as Rudolf took flight and waving to him off in the distance they whispered, "Merry Christmas Rudolf.  Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night."

Sunday, 20 December 2015

beginning to look

Letter off to Santa.  Check.

Tree up.  Check.

Prezzies wrapped.  Ch...  Well almost check, I guess.  MOUSES!

Yup, the season is upon us, for sure, and you know what they say.  They say, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Last night, the Christmas tree went up. Truth be told, it went up on Friday night but the peeps didn't decorate it 'til last night but boy-oh-boy, decorate they did.  Took 'em all evening long but when it was all done, everything was lit up and sparkly. Lots of little lights in pretty colours and lots and lots of glass balls for whacking.

What's that, Peepers?  Oh.  Okay.  Sorry 'bout that.  Yeah, yeah, I'll correct it. STOP NAGGING ME, WOMAN.

Apparently, the glass balls aren't meant for whacking.  Don't tell the peep I said this but I think she and I are gonna have to agree to disagree on that one.  MOUSES!

I asked Peep #1 to take a picture of the tree but she says she can't take any pictures until the boxes from the ornaments are all put away.  Right now, there are boxes scattered all over the living room floor.  MOUSES!

In the meantime, I'll see if I can dig out a picture or two of our Christmas tree from a previous year. I'm sure I have one, somewhere.  Same ornaments, pretty much, give or take a whacked one, so the tree looks kind of similar every year.

But back to those boxes.

If you ask me, the peep should just leave the ornament boxes where they are because I wouldn't mind napping in a couple of them.  Maybe even more than a couple.  The little boxes are kind of useless, due to their size and flimsy sides, but the big boxes that hold the little boxes are perfect napping spots, to be sure.  I should know.  Tried one out yester...

What's that, Peepers?  No, I didn't break it.  Your precious box is just fine.  Might have left some loose fur in it or something but I certainly didn't break anything.  Boy-oh-boy...  MOUSES!

Some peeps.  MOUSES!

And speaking of boxes, Peep #1's best pal from her kittenhood sent the peep some prezzies through the mail and they came in - you guessed it - A BOX!  And it's a super good box, too.  That pal of the peep's sends the best boxes, every year.  Don't know how she does it but they're always the perfect fit for us cats.  Yup, I've test driven this year's box already and I'm giving it five stars, to be sure.

And speaking of mail...

Once again, the peep has been neglectful with her mailing duties.  Pile of Christmas cards sitting on the dining room table, waiting to be mailed out.  There's no way they're going to make it to their destinations by Christmas.  Christmas is less than a week away!

But being the ever-so-helpful kitty that I am, I offered to paw deliver the peep's letters to everyone for a small fee.  I figured that if I fired up the ol' teleportation device, I could get all that mail delivered faster than you can twitch a whisker but oh no...  OH NO, we couldn't have that.  Peep #1 says that some of her pals might have a heart attack or something if they got their Christmas cards from her in time for Christmas.  They're just not used to the peep being on the ball with such things, you see.  As usual, she's aiming to get them mailed out by Christmas Eve.  MOUSES!

And speaking of balls...

There wasn't a single glass ball casualty when decorating the Christmas tree last night.  Nope, the peeps didn't drop a single one.  Good thing, too, 'cause if anyone is gonna be breaking glass balls on the Christmas tree, it's gonna be us cats.

What's that, Peepers?  No, no, not a one.  Nope, I haven't whacked a single glass ornament off the tree.

YET.

Anyway...

Looks like we're going to have a green Christmas again this year.  MOUSES!

Yeah, even though today is super chilly, the weatherpeeps are saying Christmas Day is gonna be pretty mild.  I guess they don't realize this is Canada because if they did, surely they would send some snow our way for Christmas.

Not that I want a repeat of last winter or anything.  Last winter was the winter to end all winters.  The winter that came and absolutely refused to leave no matter how many awful names we called it.  In fact, the more we called it names, the more it stuck around, dumping snow here, there and everywhere.  It was horrid.

But a little bit of snow sure would be nice for Christmas Day.  Might have to take matters into my own paws and see if I can do something about that.  Order up a little snow for Christmas morning and stuff.  Wonder if they sell snow on Ebay.  Hmmm....

And when I'm ordering up that snow, I'll see if I can order up a couple more boxes, too.  Day after Christmas is Boxing Day, you see.  The day when we cats celebrate the miracle that is the box.  Peeps do stuff on Boxing Day, too, but nothing as wonderful as napping in a perfectly sized box. MOUSES!

Wednesday, 9 December 2015

the list

Deck the halls with nip-filled mousies, fa la la la la, la la la la.  'Tis the season...

Hold on, what's this now? A list?  A list at this time of year?  So close to Christmas?

Lists written around this time of year are usually written by me but come to think of it, I haven't had time to sit down and write my Christmas list to Santa yet.  Oohhh... Maybe Peep #1 sat down and wrote it for me!  It does look like her handwriting.  What a thoughtful thing to do.  Aw Peepers, you shouldn't have. You really didn't have...

MOUSES!

Seriously Peepers, you shouldn't have.  You really, really SHOULDN'T HAVE.

This isn't a list for Santa at all.  It's not even close.

Oh, it's a list all right but rather than a list for Santa, it's a list of rules.  A list of rules for me.  MOUSES!

Now let's see...  Number one on the list is do not climb the Christmas tree.  Hmmph.  Well that's easier said that done although since the peeps haven't managed to get the tree up yet, it's pretty easy to do.  So far.  But once that tree is up, there's no telling what might happen.  Well actually, I can tell you exactly what will happen.  One of us kitties is likely going to climb that tree.  Happened before and likely to happen again.  MOUSES!

You know, you'd think that since our Christmas tree has a metal trunk and all, none of us would be interested in climbing it but if you are thinking that, you're thinking about it all wrong.  Metal tree trunks don't make trees impossible to climb.  They simply make the climbing all the more challenging.

Actually, when you really think about it, it's as if the peeps are daring us to climb the tree by putting up one with a metal trunk.  Yup, it's like they're begging us to climb it.  Begging. BEGGING.  How could we possibly ignore a challenge like that?

Now what's next on this list?  Do not knock down the Christmas tree.  Can't make any promises on that one.  All depends upon which one of us climbs the tree and how well we do it and, of course, if two of us should happen upon the tree at once, odds of that ol' tree coming down are doubled.   MOUSES!

Number three, do not knock the glass balls off the tree.  Really, Peepers?  REALLY?  They're balls. BALLS!  Balls are made for knocking and let's face it, you give a glass ball a good ol' whack with a paw, odds are it's gonna fall off the tree.  In fact, odds of that happening are even greater than the odds of the tree coming down, even when two of us attempt climbing it at once.  I should know.  I've done the math and everything.  MOUSES!

And as for the balls breaking when they fall...  Well that's not our fault.  They're made of glass, you see.   Maybe the peeps shouldn't be hanging shiny round breakable baubily things on the tree in the first place.  Yup, breakable baubles, they are.  Hanging breakable baubles up on a tree is just asking for trouble, for sure.

Fourth item on the list is...  What?  WHAT?  Do not place bets as to who can knock the most glass balls off the tree.  MOUSES!

Now this is totally unfair.  What fun is the knocking of the glass balls off the tree if we're not betting on it?

Okay, whacking the breakable baubles off the tree is a lot of fun whether we're placing bets or not but betting just makes the whole thing a little more interesting.  We have a system and everything! Five points for green, ten for red, twenty-five for silver and fifty for gold.  It's a good system but it's completely dependent upon our being able to whack at those glass balls and place bets on who can knock down the most.  I seem to remember making a killing last year.  MOUSES!

Number five, do not chase the strings of lights.  Okay Peepers, this is going way too far.  They're not called strings of lights for nothing.  They're strings. STRINGS!  And let's face it, strings are made for chasing.  This item doesn't even deserve to be recognized as being on this list.  I'll just scratch that one off right now.  MOUSES!

Of course, light string chasing is best done on the day the tree goes up.  You know, when Peep #1 is stringing the strings of lights onto the tree.  She'll be standing there with one end of the light string in her paw and the other end of the string will be just dangling, waiting to be chased and caught.  Waiting I tell you.  WAITING. To tell you the truth, it's not unlike when she dangles a wand toy in our faces expecting us to chase that so...

SO, it's as clear as day to me now.  All that wand toy playing she does with us throughout the year? Clearly, that playing is in preparation for the day we get to decorate the Christmas tree.  Good thing I scratched that item off the list.  The peep must have made a mistake and put it on the wrong one. Yup, chasing the strings of lights should have gone on the to-do list, for sure.  MOUSES!

Rule number six is ornaments that look like mice are not food.  What?  Why that's not even a rule. Nah, it's not a rule at all.  That's simply a fact.  I know that.  My fur-fam knows that.  Of course mouse ornaments aren't food.  Does the peep really think we would try to eat them?  What a silly peep.  Mouse ornaments aren't made for eating.  Mouse ornaments are made for whacking!  Just like those glass balls.  MOUSES!

Golly gosh, Peep #1 is really scraping the bottom of the barrel with these rules.  Doesn't even know the difference between a rule and a fact, it appears.  Hmmph!

Number seven appears to pertain to presents placed under the tree.  Do not unwrap gifts under the tree before Christmas morning.  Hmmm...

Yeah, that's probably not going to happen.

Let's face it, prezzies are wrapped in paper and tied up with ribbons.  Paper and ribbon are like homemade toys to us cats.  Don't unwrap them.  Ha!

Well actually, we probably won't set about unwrapping them.  No, we'll set about playing with them but my personal experience with such things has shown that if you play with the paper and ribbon on a prezzie long enough, it doesn't take long for said prezzie to find itself in an unwrapped state.

When you think about it, it's kind of all the prezzies' fault.  MOUSES!

Number eight.  No live presents under the Christmas tree.  For crying out loud!  I'm telling you, you leave a live mouse under the tree once, way back in I-don't-know-what year, and they never let you forget it.

But truth be told though, there probably won't be any live gifts under the tree this year.  We cats have kind of moused the place out.  Also, those live prezzies are very difficult to wrap.  MOUSES!

Now the ninth item on the list is a ridiculous item, to be sure.  Do not whack the star off the top of the tree.  Yeah, right.  Oh Peepers, you have me chuckling with this one.  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha... Obviously, the peep doesn't realize there are two hundred and fifty points at stake for knocking down that tree-topping star.  If we're placing bets - and believe me, we will be placing bets - on who gets the most points for the whacking of breakable baubles off the tree, it's imperative to whack that ol' star right off the top.  MOUSES!

Number ten.  Let's see...  The tenth and final rule on the list is...  What? WHAT? Do not spray on the Christmas tree. Now who would do a thing like that?  Of all the ignominious... MOUSES!

Even suggesting that one of us cats would do such a thing as spray on the Christmas tr...

Hmmm...  Well....

Okay, now that I think about it, perhaps this is an important rule to be on the list.  Maybe the most important rule of all.  Perhaps the only important rule to be found.  After all, a cat can get a nasty electrical shock when marking a lit-up Christmas tree as his or her own.  MOUSES!

Wednesday, 14 January 2015

put 'em to better use

Christmas and New Year's are long gone, now.  Even Little Christmas has passed. The holidays are all over for another year and it's time to get back to business, for sure.

This is a new year and it's bringin' a lot of changes to my house.  There are so many things I need to do.

For starters, I need to get workin' on my campaign for the Senate.  I have some super great ideas to implement.  I have some of the best ideas the Senate has heard of or seen in a very long time. Now all I've gotta do is get myself appointed.  MOUSES!

And speakin' of the Senate and campaigns and whatnot, I should just clarify somethin'.  Here in Canada, Senators are not elected.  They're appointed by the Prime Minister.  Well technically, they're appointed by the Governor General after bein' recommended by the Prime Minister. Recommended, summoned, whatever...  So I don't need to win an election.  I just need to be recommended.

But I still need to mount a campaign of sorts.  Not a campaign for an election but rather, a campaign to help the Prime Minister see the wisdom of appointin' me, Nerissa the Cat, to the Canadian Senate.  MOUSES!

If you wanna help with this here campaign of mine, please feel free to contact the Prime Minister of Canada and let him know what you think.  Feel free to tweet him, give him a call or even send him a letter.

If you're tweetin', please remember to include the hashtag #Niss4Senate.   I appear to be the only one usin' this hashtag at the mo.  I'm pretty sure it will be more effective once it starts trendin' but I kinda think that in order for it to trend, there has to be more than just me usin' it.  You know?

And if you should choose to go the snail mail route, I just wanna say that this form of mail doesn't really travel at the speed of snails.  It's more like that of a turtle, I should think.  Turtles, tortoises, whatever...  Does anyone really know the difference?  Does anyone really care?  Probably the turtles and tortoises do but what about the rabbits and hares?

I'm bettin' that you're all wonderin' what ideas I intend to bring forth once appointed to the Senate.  I have a list of stuff.  A to-do list, of sorts.  Gonna reveal those things in future posts right here on Nerissa's Life.  As loyal readers of my blog, you'll be the very first to know.  Pretty exciting, for sure.

Are you wonderin' what other things I have in store for the new year?  Well...

Well I'm gonna start crackin' the whip with the peeps.  They've been slackin'.  Slackin' BIG time. Time for me to put a stop to their ridiculous behavior.

Now that the hustle and bustle of the holidays is over, the peeps need to start puttin' their paws to better use.  Better use than what they were doin' with their paws before the holidays, for sure.


There was a lot of baking going on at my house in the weeks prior to Christmas and do you know what? Not a single one of those recipes used nip as a main ingredient.  Not a single one.  MOUSES!

That kind of behaviour has gotta stop.  If Peep #1 wants to bake, at least half of the recipes she uses should include nip.  I'm thinkin' that's more than fair. I mean, we cats outnumber the peeps in this house so technically, more than half the recipes should include the nip but I'm tryin' to go easy on the peep... FOR NOW.  We can always renegotiate nip percentages, next year.

Secondly, there has been way too much knittin' goin' on.  That's gonna have to stop.

To be fair, much of the knittin' prior to the holidays was elfin' work being done for Santa and those knitted biff bags and mice were stuffed with nip so, of course, knittin' of that sort may continue as much as desired.  Any kind of knittin' that includes nip is a-okay in my books.

But scarves?  And sweaters?  I don't wear scarves nor do I wear sweaters so stuff like that is just a waste of good yarn.  Plus, Peep #1 has a tendency to knit scarves usin' lacy patterns.  Oh sure, they look pretty and whatnot but do you know that you get when you try to stuff a lacy scarf with nip?  You get an empty scarf and a whole bunch of nip, lyin' on the floor.  I can attest to that from my own personal experience.

And if you try to play with said lacy scarf, you get scolded.  I can attest to that, too.  Yup, I can attest to that, for sure.  MOUSES!

Now if the peep starts knittin' comfy blankies, we can talk.  Especially if those blankies are stuffed with the nip.

Of  course, my sister Mason made a New Year's Resolution to learn how to knit, this year.  Well technically, I made that resolution for her but it's still a resolution and it's still for the new year so it still counts.  Mason can knit all she likes.  I have faith that she will put her newly acquired knittin' skills to good use.  I have faith that whatever Mason knits will include the nip.  MOUSES!

The peep needs to start puttin' her paws to better use.  I'm thinkin'...  chin tickles, behind-the-ear scritches and tummy rubs.  And that's just for starters.

With the new year we have new episodes of Murdoch Mysteries.  And Downton Abbey is back on PBS.  Gotta love shows like those 'cause they provide quality cuddlin' time with the peeps.  Nothin' like spendin' a few hours with your peeps while they tickle your chin and rub your tummy.  That's gotta be one of the best ways to spend an evenin', for sure.

I suppose I shouldn't monopolise all the peep's time, though.  Peep #1 does need to get back to workin' on her own writing.  She'll never be as prolific a writer as I but still, she needs at least a few hours of computer time a week if she's ever gonna finish that book of hers.

And she needs to take the Christmas tree down, too.  Like I said, the holidays are over now for the year but the Christmas tree in the livin' room is still up.  We cats have been tryin' to help by knockin' down some of the breakable rollables every now and then. Every day we knock down a few more but the peep, bein' a peep, keeps putting 'em back up.  What a peep.

The Christmas tree went up late last year so I'm bettin' it will come down late, too.  I wonder if the peep will get it down by Valentine's Day.  Valentine's Day, I can handle but it had better be down by Easter.  Easter is just way too late.  MOUSES!