thirty-nine weeks

 

Good mornin', Peepers.  Aren't you lookin' festive today.

Always pays to toss a compliment out to the peeps, every now and then.  Keeps 'em in good spirits for when you get caught doin' somethin' naughty.

I see you've got your Christmas earrings in, and...  And is that a new scrunchy I see your hair?  My, my, my...  Such a pretty Christmas fabric, too.  BEAUTIFUL.  GORGEOUS!  You did a good job with that scrunchy, for sure.

Okay, so there is such a thing as overdoin' it with the compliments.  One must be careful not to let the peeps think somethin' is up.

WHICH IT ISN'T.

Well, not really.

Okay, so maybe just a little.

MOUSES!

And did I mention how well you suit that green sweater you're wearin'?  I know I've seen it before, but I don't think I've ever told you how nice it looks, on.  Looks super good with your Christmas earrings and new scrunchy, too.

Hmmm...  Think I might have hit the too-many-compliments-she's-gettin'-suspicious stage.  I see that wary look in her eyes.

MOUSES!

Best get to the matter at paw.

So uh, Peepers...  Peepers, I...  I was thinkin'...  I WAS THINKIN'...

I was thinkin' that this year, we might not need to decorate the tree like we usually do.  I mean, it's a lot of work and THE LAST thing you need is extra work, right?  Right.  I mean...

I mean, you've been pretty much stuck in this ol' house with me for the last two hundred and twelve million, two hundred and eighty-four thousand, eight hundred cat seconds and, I think we can both agree, that's a whole lot of cat seconds to be cooped up, for sure.

I know, I know...  I know, it's been a lot harder on ME, than you, but that doesn't mean it's been a bed of roses for you, or anythin' like that.  I know I can sometimes be...

Be...

Uh...

Difficult?

Nah, that's not the word I mean.

Challenging.

Meh.

No matter.  My point is, I know that sometimes you and I have almost come to blows these last few months, what with the pandemic and all, so I figured as PART OF MY GIFT TO YOU, I... I would let you know that if you don't want to go to all the trouble and hard work of decoratin' the tree, it's okay by me.  I'LL SURVIVE.

I suppose.

*dramatically swipes paw across his brow as if ready to faint*

But if you DO decide to decorate after all...

Well....

Well might I suggest you not plug in the lights?  We want to save on electricity, and all.  Do our part for the environment.  Global warming IS real, you know.

That, and I think SOMEONE might have uh...  Um...  Chewed through one of the electrical cords.

Which isn't nearly as bad as that time when Aunti Primrose peed in the light socket!

Just sayin'.

OOHHHH....  PEEPERS!  Is that a new lipstick you're wearin'?  That colour suits you to a tee!

MOUSES!

 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

O Christmas Tree

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
You do so taunt me, terribly.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
You do so taunt me, terribly.

Oh hello there my friends. Can we talk?

I mean, may we talk?  I know I can talk.  I assume you can talk.  So uh...  um...  May we? Talk?  MOUSES!


Let's talk Christmas trees.

MOUSES!

You know, peeps think they're so smart.  I mean, they think they're the smartest things since sliced bread which, by the way, isn't sayin' a whole lot.  You know, on account of sliced bread not bein' all that smart.

What's that, Peepers?  WHAT?  Oh.

Apparently the sayin' is, the best thing since sliced bread.  Not the smartest.  Well as far as I'm concerned, thinkin' you're the best thing since sliced bread is kinda stupid, too, 'cause...  you know...  cats don't eat bread and therefore the existence of sliced bread is irrelevant.  MOUSES!

But about these Christmas trees.

Every year 'bout this time, the peeps plant a tree in the middle my livin' room.  Now if you ask me, this is just askin' for trouble but peeps, bein' peeps, don't see it.  MOUSES!

Now as a cat, I can assure you that trees are good for two things, and two things only.  Those two things would be climbin' and scratchin'.  Okay, maybe three things.  We might want to add sprayin' to that list, too.  MOUSES!

But when a cat happens upon a tree growin' in the middle of his livin' room, and said cat does what any cat is likely do when happenin' upon a tree growin' in the middle of his livin' room, do peeps ever blame the tree?

Better yet, do they blame themselves for plantin' a tree in the middle of the livin' room in the first place?

I mean, who the mouses grows trees in their livin' room, anyway?

And in case you hadn't yet figured it out, the answer to the above questions would be, NO.

Except, of course, for the question about who grows trees in their livin' room in the first place, 'cause for that question, there is no answer at all.  At least, not a reasonable one. MOUSES!

But back to those trees.

Peeps - BEIN' PEEPS - aren't satisfied by simply plantin' a climbin' tree in the middle of the livin' room.  OH NO, peeps - BEIN' PEEPS - have to throw a little more enticement into the mix.

Now I'm tellin' you right here and right now, a tree growin' in the middle of a kitty's livin' room is pretty enticin'.  Enticin' enough to make a kitty wanna climb that tree, for sure.  But even as enticin' as that tree is, there is one thing that will make the climbin' of such a tree even more enticin'.

And that one thing would be...

It would be a tree growin' in the middle of a livin' room, covered in lit-up strings and rollable glass balls.

Although to be perfectly honest, those glass balls don't roll very well once they're broken. MOUSES!

And don't even get me started on the bells that jingle.  MOUSES!

But back to the trees!

Well, the tree.  The one tree in question.  The tree that is currently growin' in the middle of my livin' room.  The peeps planted it Friday night.

Then, of course, it had to be replanted after a failed climbin' expedition undertaken by one very handsome marmalade dude.

You know, it turns out that these newly planted trees aren't up to much when it comes to climbin'. I mean, I know I've been enjoyin' a few extra treats durin' the holiday season and stuff, but I haven't been enjoying 'em that much.  It's not like I'm one of those long-haired marmie brothers of mine, who are apparently in a race to see which one of 'em can reach the twenty pound mark, first. MOUSES!

All I have to say is this. It's darned lucky for the peep that my climbin' expedition happened before the installation of the breakable rollables which means, of course, that not only do those glass balls still have the potential to roll, but they still have the potential to be broken, too.  MOUSES!