whew

Well that wasn't fun.

Okay, so actually it was.

MOUSES!

But BUSY, I tell you.  Busy!  Busy, busy, busy, for sure.  THERE WAS SO MUCH TO DO!

But we got 'er all done.

Whew.

MOUSES!

So first there was Christmas Eve.  Saffy fell asleep on the job.

Of course.

He was SUPPOSED to stay up, waitin' for Santa.  He was SUPPOSED to take the first shift.

He was NOT supposed to fall asleep under said tree, only to wake up and find Santa had already been.

MOUSES!

Then came Christmas mornin'.  Tree ornaments to whack about.  Ribbons to shred.  Wrappin' paper to lie on and crush.

You know, those sorta things.

We were goin' full tilt for a while, Saffy and I.  Once the nip in the biff bags kicked in, mayhem ensued.

Saffron tried his best to get into the box his biff bags came in.  "If I fits, I sits!" he yelled out loud.

"But you DON'T fit, Saffron, my man.  That there box is way too small for sittin'," I replied.

"Then I'll wear it as a hat," is what he then said.

And did.

MOUSES!

Christmas Day afternoon and evenin' are kind of a blur.  There was nappin' and snackin',  and MORE nappin' goin' on.  I kinda remember Peepers walkin' about wearin' a lampshade like a hat, and...

No.  Wait.  That was Saffron, I think.  Saffron with a gift box stuck on his head.

Did I mention 'bout how we cats were thoroughly nipped?

MOUSES!

So that was Christmas.  Next came Boxin' Day.

Now BOXIN' Day is the day to wear a box on your head.

MOUSES!

Peepers left a couple big boxes intact just for us, and...

Well most of the day was spent restin'.  Restin' in boxes and recoverin' from nip, and...

Oh, who am I kiddin'?  Saffy and me?  WE WERE BOTH STILL WELL NIPPED.

To tell you the truth, we still are.

My gosh that nip was good stuff.

Santa really did well.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

have you seen it?

Hey Peepers!  You happen to know where my catnip biff bag is?

No, I'm lookin' for the white and yellow one.  The one with the bumblebee print for fabric.

Nope, not that one.

I KNOW that biff bag is white and yellow and is covered in cute little bumblebees; but that's not the biff bag I want.  I want the OTHER white and yellow bumblebee fabric biff bag.

Not that one, either.  I want THE OTHER, other white and yellow bumbl...

'CAUSE I HAVE THREE, THAT'S WHY.  I have three catnip biff bags that are white and yellow with bumblebees, for fabric.  I'm not lookin' for either of those two.  I'm lookin' for the third one.  You happen to know where that one might be?

I'm lookin' for the other one 'cause, well...  Well for starters, those two you're holdin' in your hand are all covered in slobber.

HEY!  Careful with my biff bags.  Don't you be dropping 'em on the floor like that.  A little slobber never hurt anyone.

Besides, it's mostly dried up by now.

MOUSES!

But back to the quest at paw.  Do you have any idea where my white and yellow biff bag with the bumblebee print might be?  My OTHER white and yellow bumblebee biff bag, that is.  You have any idea at all?  I've looked under the chesterfield and both family room chairs.  I don't think I had it in the livin' room so it can't be there.  And I don't think I had it upstairs, either.

Hmmm...

You didn't happen to throw it out, did you?

Just askin'.

Hey, my accusatory tone is too warranted, on account of my knowin' you've been known to chuck out a biff bag or two.

Plus, this mornin' was garbage collection.

MOUSES!

I swear, Peepers, sometimes you go 'round the house on garbage day morning, JUST LOOKIN' FOR STUFF to fill up the bag.  And more often than not, said stuff belongs to me.

MOUSES!

BUT BACK TO THE QUEST at paw.  You happen to know....

Wait a minute.  Peepers, what's that tucked in the corner behind Saffron's hammock, next to the catnip mouse and spinnin' ball toy?  Could it be....

Could it be....

COULD THAT BE MY LONG LOST WHITE AND YELLOW BUMBLEBEE PRINT FABRIC BIFF BAG, I SEE?

OH FAVOURITE BIFF BAG OF MINE: COME TO PAPA, MY FRIEND.

I'm gonna slobber all over you and get nipped as a kite, and...

PEEPERS!  Just where do you think you're goin' with those other two biff bags?

Just 'cause I don't want 'em today doesn't mean I won't want 'em tomorrow, you know.

I KNOW I said they were covered in slobber.  Truth be told, this one I was lookin' for is covered in slobber, too.  Thing is, this one is covered in three-day-old slobber.  Those two are covered in two-day-old slobber.  There's a difference, you see.

We cats are finicky that way.

Finicky, fussy, and almost always hard to please.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

pretty strong nip

Good grief, Peepers, what the mouses was in that biff bag?

What?  Oh.  Well I'm askin' on account of Saffy Saffron's Sassifras' behaviour, you see.

What?  Oh.  Well yeah, currently he IS sleepin'.  Currently, that is.

What?  Oh.  WELL 'CAUSE BEFORE HE FELL ASLEEP OVER THERE, he was tearing 'round the family room like a...

Well like a...

Well I don't know what he was resemblin' as he tore 'round the family room like he did; but what I do know is that THAT THERE CAT WAS MOST DEFINITELY NIPPED.

He just happens to be sleepin' it off right now, is all.

MOUSES!

Yeah, nipped.  That's what I said.  Nipped as in he had been imbibin' in the nip.  And not imbibin' with moderation, either.  Not imbibin' with moderation, at all!

Why...

WHY THAT CAT WAS WELL AND TRULY NIPPED.

MOUSES!

What?  Oh.  The biff bags are just normal biff bags, you say?

ARE YOU SURE?

Yeah, I'm askin' if you're sure on account of MY never havin' raced 'round like that after gettin' nipped.  I've been nipped many a time durin' my nine lives but never once have I behaved like Saffy Saffron Sassifras was behavin' this mornin'.  Never once!

Why...

Why if I didn't know better, I'd say he had gotten into some really bad nip.

Not that nip can ever be bad, of course.

Well yeah, Peepers, that's what I'd say IF I didn't know that nip can never be bad.  If I didn't KNOW nip can never be bad, I'd say that that ol' brother of mine had gotten into some really bad stuff and that was what caused his nipped-up-like-on-steroids behaviour.  But since I do know nip can never be bad, there must be somethin' else accountin' for that behaviour of his.

What?  Oh.  You say I have behaved like that after imbibin' in the nip?

What the mouses are you talkin' about, woman?  I, Seville the Cat, have never ever raced 'round the room a million kajillion times before jumpin' straight up in the air over and over, only to repeat said behaviour again and again.

AND AGAIN.

NEVER!

Don't look at me like that, Peepers.  When I say I'm a refined kitty while imbibin' on the nip, I do mean refined.

As in REFINED.

Do you even know what refined means, there, ol' peep of mine?

Oh 'nough of your nonsense, woman.  Paw over one of those biff bags and let me figure out for myself what kinda nip is in there.

Wowzers.

ZZZOOOOOOMMMMMMM.

That there is some pretty strong nip.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

little Christmas

 

And so it's Christmas...

Well, LITTLE Christmas, to be exact.  We're celebratin' Little Christmas at my house, today.

Kinda.

Sorta.

MOUSES!

The thing is, when Peepers was growin' up, her Papa Peep never let the Christmas tree be taken down 'til after January 6th, otherwise known in her house as Little Christmas.  That was the rule.  That was the law.  It was enforced by Papa Peep.

MOUSES!

So now...

So now, now that Peepers is in charge...

Kinda.

Sorta. 

Right after ME.

MOUSES!

So now that Peepers is in charge, the rule stays almost the same.  Tree stays up 'til Little Christmas, and we put the lights on every night 'til, and includin', then.

But...

But Peepers does it a little differently than Papa Peep.  Papa Peep always said the tree had to stay up 'til Little Christmas, and then should come down right afterwards.  Peepers, on the other paw, just says it has to stay up 'til Little Christmas, without ever givin' a date for takin' it down, so...

So...

So come February, if our Christmas tree is still up, Peepers will explain, "Well it HAD to stay up until Little Christmas, you see."

Apparently, that reason can be given at ANY time of year, includin' right up to the spring.

LITERALLY.

I've seen it happen.

MOUSES!

But even Peepers hesitates to light the lights up once we pass, say...

Middle of February or Valentine's Day.

APPARENTLY, Peepers does not have the conviction of her character, so to speak, so even if the tree is still up a whole month or more after Christmas, she's a tad embarrassed of the fact if the neighbours see the lights through the window, but...

But...

But if questioned 'bout the tree still bein' up on Valentine's Day, I can absolutely guarantee what Peepers will say: Well it HAD to stay up until Little Christmas, you see.

Yup, I've heard her say exactly that as late as February 21st.

MOUSES!

I'm just hopin' Little Christmas means an extra biff bag or nip mouse or bag of treats might come my way.

'Cause you know, I'm a cat, and we cats think with our tummies and nip-sniffin' noses.

And spendin' one more night safely indoors and away from the crowds, gazin' up at the tree while high on the nip and stuffed full of treats, is A-Okay ALRIGHTY by me.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

nineteen weeks

COMIN' THROUGH!

Ahhh... 

That's better.

Oh hey there, Peepers.  You might wanna go the other way 'round.  I just used the little boys' room over here, and it's uh...

Well...

Little stinky.

MOUSES!

But don't worry, Peepers.  I'll cover that all up.  Yup, I'll scratch the wall here for a good three or four minutes, 'cause you know...

Scratchin' at walls helps cover stuff up.

MOUSES!

YOU DON'T KNOW THERE'S NO KITTY LITTER ON THAT THERE DARNED WALL.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of litter...

Peepers went for groceries on Friday, and do you know what she saw?

I'll tell you what she saw.  I'll tell you what she saw, right now.  She saw a mask on the ground in the parkin' lot, where some stupid peep must have gone and thrown it down.

Can you believe it?

MOUSES!

Oh sure, it was one of those disposable ones, but peeps are supposed to dispose of them in the proper manner.  They're not supposed to be tossin' them out on the ground.

That's litterin', that is.  LITTERIN'.

Masks should be disposed of at home.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of masks...

Peepers made some more biff bags for me.

I know, I know...   I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', what's the connection between biff bags and masks?

Well...

Well she used the scraps of fabric leftover from makin' a pawful of cotton masks for herself and Peep #2, to make those biff bags for me.

WAIT A MINUTE.

She used the LEFTOVER scraps from the masks to make MY biff bags?

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE OTHER WAY 'ROUND.

Next time, I'll be sure she uses the scraps of fabric LEFT OVER FROM MY BIFF BAGS to make her stupid ol' masks.

MOUSES!

But I can forgive her, I SUPPOSE, on account of her fillin' those big bags with catnip.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of nip...

When Peepers was leavin' the parkin' lot - the one with the disposable mask recklessly tossed on the ground - she noticed the lineup to get into the human nip store was like twenty gazillion miles long.

Okay, so there were like twelve, thirteen, fourteen people in line, each standin' six paws apart.  She ran out of fingers to count 'em after ten, so an in EXACT count is not to be found.

But I'm tellin' ya, peeps out there must really want their nip to be willin' to stand in a lineup that long.

Good thing I now grow my own.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of growin'...

I've now been cooped up in this house with the peeps for a whole NINETEEN weeks now, seven days longer than this time, last week.

And that's one hundred and three million, four hundred and twenty thousand, eight hundred seconds in cat time.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

Oh Peepers....

Oh Peepers...

Oh PEEPERS...

Oh PEE-PERRRS...

Oh good, you're up.

MOUSES!

Peepers, I've got a bone to pick with you, I have.  I have a bone to pick, for sure.  Last night, when you went to bed, you left a glass of water on the family room coffee table.

What do you mean is that all?  What do you MEAN?  IS THAT NOT ENOUGH?

Well the thing is, Peepers...

The thing is, I left my favourite biff bag...

Okay, so they're all kinda my favourites, but last night, that particular biff bag was my absolute favourite and THAT one...

Well that's the one I left lyin' on the floor beside the coffee table, just beneath where you left that glass of yours.

What do you mean what is my point?  What do you MEAN?  CAN YOU NOT SEE WHERE I'M GOIN' WITH THIS?

Then let me explain.  Peepers, at some point durin' the night - I don't rightly recall just when - I felt the need to check on my biff bag.

And then, at some later point durin' the night - honestly, I have no idea exactly when - I felt the need to hop up onto the coffee table.

And THEN, at some point while I was up on said coffee table - I'm thinkin' that would be about the time - I accidentally knocked down your stupid water glass, and...

AND THAT'S WHEN IT LANDED ON MY BIFF BAG.

MOUSES!

No, Peepers, NO.  No, it is not my fault at all.

HOW CAN YOUR LEAVIN' A GLASS OF WATER ON THE COFFEE TABLE BE MY FAULT?  HOW?

Don't try to change the topic on me, Peepers.  YOU left water in the glass and YOU left the glass on the table, and although I might have been the one to actually knock the glass down...

I COULD NEVER HAVE KNOCKED THE GLASS DOWN HAD YOU NOT LEFT IT ON THE TABLE IN THE FIRST PLACE!

No, there is no broken glass on the carpet.

No, the glass didn't break.

No...

Wait a minute, Peepers.  Why are you so concerned about the stupid glass?  Did you not hear me?  MY BIFF BAG WAS ON THE FLOOR BENEATH IT!

Beneath the glass, Peepers.  Beneath the glass!  I thought I had already explained all that.  Boy-oh-boy you're slow on the uptake this early in the mornin'.  Are you dazed on account of my wakin' you up at dawn?  Or are you just dazed as in uh...  Um...  DAZED.

MOUSES!

MY POINT IS, your stupid glass of water fell on my precious biff bag, and now the nip in my biff bag is all soggy and wet, and quite frankly, IT'S USELESS.

MOUSES!

What am I gonna do about it, you ask?  What are YOU gonna do about it is more like it.  I hope you've remembered how to start up that ol' sewin' machine, Peepers, 'cause you're gonna have to make me some more biff bags.

Yes, MORE.  More as in, MORE THAN ONE.  You ruin one of my biff bags, Peepers, and you need to replace it with three.  That's the rule 'round here, Peepers.  That is the law.

What do you mean there's no such law?  What do you MEAN?  I just made that law up, right outta my head, so it HAS to exist, for sure, and...

Oh quit your gripin', woman.  Get up out of bed.  You have biff bags to sew.

MOUSES!

And before you say another word, I know for a fact you were plannin' on bein' home all day anyway.  Remember?  You were plannin' on spendin' another day STAYIN' THE BLAZES HOME, just like Stephen McNeil said.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

nope, that won't do either

Nope.  Nope.  Nope. Nadda.  What the mouses?  No way.  Nope, that won't do either.

For mousin' out loud.  I've gone through all my notes and still, I can't find a single thing to...

Wait a minute.  Hmmm... NOPE.  MOUSES!

You'd think that with my living in a house like this and with peeps like these, there would always be something crazy to write about twice a week, every week, but it turns out that this week, my peeps have let me down, for sure.  So it is with great sadness that I must relate, my peeps have done nothing crazy enough in the last seven days to warrant an entire blog post about nothing but their craziness.  Again I must say, MOUSES!

Oh sure, there was that little incident with the uhh...  you know.  And then there was the thing with that ol'...  Yeah, you know.  And then there was...  Hmmm....

But an entire post about any of one of these things?  It's just not gonna happen.  My friends, it is Sunday, and I have nothing to write about at all.  Nothing.  Nadda. Naddadinkingninkingnincompoopything!  MOUSES!

What to do...  What to do...

Well I could write about my brothers.  Nah, did that last couple of posts.

Or I could write about my sisters.  Hmmm...  Nah, they've done nothing interesting this week, either.

I know!  I could write about the weather!  Yeah, I could write about the weather.  What a Canadian thing to do.  Canadian peeps and Canadian kitties, alike, are always writing about the weather and stuff.  Well technically it's more of a weather complaining than writing kind of thing.  And I suppose I really shouldn't be saying about but rather aboot but...

Nah, weather complaining up here in the Great White North has been done so many times it has become old hat which, my friends, brings me to my long-held theory about weather forecasting and stuff.  I have long believed that weatherpeeps write up a bunch of weather forecasts and put 'em all in a big ol' hat. Thus, the old hat.  Then, when they need to give a forecast on the radio or the television or the Internet, all they need do is pull out one of those forecasts from said old hat.

But I said I wasn't gonna blog about the weather today.  Not gonna blog aboot it, either.  MOUSES!

I could always blog about the new word I just invented.  You know the one.  The one I used up above.  Naddadinkingninkingnincompoopything.  Say that three times quickly.  MOUSES!

Come on...  COME ON...  I dare ya!  Bet you can't. MOUSES!

Or I could mention how Ol' Peepers here has been elfing.  Can you believe it?  Elfing in February.   Never heard anything so crazy in my whole, entire life.  Have you?

That's right, my friends, Peep #1 has been knitting up biff bags for...  wait for it...  NEXT Christmas. All I can say is, crazy is as crazy does and judging by the crazy my peep has been doing, crazy is putting it mildly.

She says she needs something to do with her hands while watching Downton Abbey on Sunday nights.  I say, she could be giving me tummy rubs with those hands instead of enticing me with yarn you just know I'm gonna wanna catch.  MOUSES!

But that's not all.  Instead of making nice little square biff bags like the biff bags we've all come to know and love, the peep has making heart-shaped ones.  Never seen anything like it.

I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking that heart-shaped biff bags might be kinda pretty and stuff but you'd be wrong...

Okay, you'd actually be right about that.  They are pretty cute.  Thing is though, a bag filled with nip is a bag filled with nip and let me tell you something, my fur-fam and I can demolish a nip-filled bag in a matter of hours whether it be rectangular, square, round or heart-shaped so it's always best if the peep makes 'em in the easiest possible way to make 'em so that she doesn't see 'em all ripped up and ruined and stuff and think to herself, "Seville just got that biff bag and it's already all torn apart."

Now don't get me wrong.  The peep is gonna be thinking along those lines, for sure, but there's no need for her to be putting in the extra work of making special shapes when we're just gonna rip 'em all apart, lickety-split.

And speaking of lickety-split, we'll be licking our paws and our lips after demolishing those biff bags, for sure.  MOUSES!

Oh my, you should SEE the biff bag from Christmas that the peep found between the cushions in the family room, this morning.  Yarn sticking out all over the place, big hole in one side and not a trace of the nip that once filled it to be found.

Yup, we're thinking of holding funeral services for said biff bag this spring, once winter is over and the ground has thawed and...

And that, my friends, has brought us right back to my blogging about the weather which I did say I wasn't gonna do, didn't I.  Not a question, of course. Just a statement of fact.  A statement that I didn't want to blog about or aboot the ol' weather even though it is a very Canadian thing to do so...

So I think it might be time to finish up this here blog post.  Here's hoping the peeps do something super crazy between now and Wednesday so that I'll have a topic for Wednesday's post. I know they have it in 'em.  I just KNOW that they do.  My peeps are funny that way, you see.  Funny as in odd as in a crazy kind of way.  Crazy as crazy can be. MOUSES!

I have nip!

Nip farmin'...  HERE I COME.

That's right.  I have nip!

Santa was very good to us kitties on the nip front, this year.  There were nip mice and biff bags galore. You know what biff bags are, don't you?  They're little knitted bags containing nip that we cats can biff about. Thus the name, biff bags.  Of course, since they contain nip, we don't do a lot of biffin' with them. More slobberin' than biffin', really.  Nip is meant to be sniffed and licked and slobbered over...  not biffed.

Anywho...  Santa brought all of us cats toys with nip and so far, no one has peed on any of 'em. Yeah, it happens.  Not this year though and thank goodness for that.

But my brother, Seville, peed on the peep.  Yup, he peed on the peep, yesterday.  Actually, he sprayed her.  Yup, he sprayed Peep #1.  It did not go over well.  Guess he was lettin' her know she was his or somethin'.  Don't know what got into him.  The rest of us just rub up against the peeps' legs like normal cats do.  MOUSES!

But back to the nip.

Santa wasn't the only one bearin' nip, this year.  One of my amazin' bloggin' buddies sent me the most incredible nip that I have ever sniffed and believe you me, I, Nerissa the Cat, have sniffed some pretty fantastic nip in my time.  I'm not sure if I'm allowed to reveal my pal's name.  Might be a secret or somethin'.  But I sure do wanna thank him 'cause let me tell you, that nip is incredible stuff.  Mixed in with the nip is Valerian root and honeysuckle and a little cat mint, too.  It's heavenly. Mouses that stuff is good.

Peep #1 has promised to do us up some fabric crinkle toys with that special nip blend.  She's gonna do 'em up after the holidays are all over and things are gettin' back to normal.  As if my house is ever normal.  Excuse me while I drop everythin' and laugh myself silly for the next half-hour or so.   I swear, my peeps live in a constant state of delusion.  Deludin' themselves into thinkin' our house can be anythin' but confusing.  Delusional confusion is the normal state of affairs 'round here.  Yup, that's the normal state of affairs, for sure.

But once things are back to our normal state of delusional confusion, the peep is gonna do up those crinkle toys.  Gonna make one for my pal who sent me the special nip blend, too.  He's gonna love it 'cause you know, it's nip!

The peeps got us some nip, too.  Well...  sort of.

Under the Christmas tree, this year, I found a card from the peeps.  In that card was a promissory note for full-grown nip plants in the spring.  As soon as the nurseries open up for the season, Peep #1 is gonna head out and get us some nip plants.  Nip plants we can plant in the garden, allowin' us to grow our very own nip.

Guess the peep has given up on growin' the stuff from seed.  One dismal failure after another, that has been.  Don't know what her problem is.  The woman grows all sorts of stuff from seed.  Even things like plumeria and linden trees.

Of course, plumeria and linden trees are useless to me.  The only thing those plumies are good for is ten pin plumie bowlin' in the sunroom.  Pretty good game when the plants are small but the bigger they get, the harder it is to knock 'em down in their pots, if you know what I mean.

And linden trees!  Don't get me started on those.  Oh yeah, they look pretty, growin' out there in the garden and whatnot but there are no horizontal branches on those trees.  Totally useless for climbin'.  Totally useless, for sure.  MOUSES!

But give the peep a package of nip seed and you know what you get?  Nothin'.  Give her two packages of nip seed and do you know what you get?  Nothin' times two.  Give her three packages...   You get the picture, I am sure.  Doesn't matter how many times you multiply nothin' with somethin' you still end up with nothin'.  Again I must say, MOUSES!

This time, the peep is gettin' grown-up plants, already growin' and everythin'.  But with her track record on the nip growin' front, I don't think she can be trusted with those plants.  No, these plants will be cared for by none other than me.  I'm gonna be a nip farmer.

And remember how I asked Santa to bring Peep #1 a Growin' Nip for Dummies book for Christmas? Well that didn't happen.  Santa ran into a slight problem with that.  Apparently, the book on Growin' Nip for Dummies has not yet been written.  He told me I should write one myself.

And I was all prepared to write that book, Growin' Nip for Dummies, too.  I began with the title but then I thought... MOUSES! that can't be right.  What is the Claus insinuating 'bout me?

To tell you the truth, I don't think Santa was insinuating anythin' but still, the title of the book threw me for a bit of a loop.  It's all in how you say it, you see. It's a matter of interpretation.

Growin' Nip for Dummies...  Is it a book written so that peeps like my peep can grow nip?  Peeps who might have been exposed as dummies on the nip growin' front, before?  OR is it a book 'bout growin' nip that you will then give to dummies.  You know, nip FOR dummies.  MOUSES!

I, Nerissa the Cat, may be a lot of things but a dummy I am not.  No way, no how, can anyone call me that.  Gotta rework the title of my book, I think.  Probably a good idea, anyway.  That dummy franchise thing-a-ma-jig has already been taken.

NIP GROWIN': Dumbed Down for a Certain Incompetent Peep.  Kinda catchy, don't you think?

Anywho...  As soon as the nip plants are available in the spring, I'll be gettin' mine and I'll plant 'em and water 'em and feed 'em with...  Well actually, I'll supervise the peep doin' all that stuff.  I'm gonna be more of a gentleman nip farmer, if you know what I mean.

I'll supervise the peep while she plants 'em and waters 'em and feeds 'em with whatever nip plants like to eat.  I'm thinkin' it's not Fancy Feast or anythin' like that but whatever it is, it's gotta be good. Only the best for my nip plants, for sure.  Gotta make sure that the peep gives my nip plants the very best of care.

This is gonna be the start of a whole new career for me.  I've been savin' up my bottle money to invest in nip futures for what seems like forever.  I'm sure I've got lots of bottle money saved up in my froggy bank.

I know, most cats have piggy banks but long, long ago I made the mistake of sendin' the peep out to get me a piggy bank and instead, she came home with one that is most definitely not a pig but rather, a frog.  What a peep.

But whether it be a pig or a frog, it's still a bank.  And it's the bank containin' all my bottle money and my potential investment in nip futures.  I'm thinkin' that by growin' some nip myself...

Actually, I'm not sure what I'm thinkin'. I don't really think that's how these investment futures work.  I need to figure that one out.

But in the meantime, I'm gonna start up my nip farm.  With only a pawful of plants, it will be a rather small farm, at first.  Kinda piddly, actually.  But it's a start.  That's what's important.  My plants will grow and as they do, so will my farm.  My nip-growin' farm...  WONDERFUL.  Yup, nip farmin'...  HERE I COME.  It's gonna be amazin'.  Gonna be amazin', for sure.  MOUSES!