cooler now

It's cooler here now and thank goodness for that.

MOUSES!

As you may have heard, a couple weeks ago, the weather 'round here was unbelievably hot.  Every day there was a new heat warnin' bein' announced.  And not only was it hot, but it was horribly humid, too.  Super duper sticky, to be sure.

But not sticky like plastic cellophane, mind you, 'CAUSE WE ALL KNOW that darned cellophane never sticks.

'Cept when you don't want it to.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, like I was sayin', the weather was hot and humid and sticky and icky and a myriad of other nasty things.  Why, I was even considerin' gettin' a lion cut like my late brother Andy once had, but on a short-haired kitty like me, a lion cut just wouldn't look as good.

MOUSES!

But in the last few days, much of the humidity has flown the coop and the temperatures have cooled right down.  The temperatures have become much more bearable, for sure.  Peepers has even started closin' windows at night!  Yup, it is that much cooler outside.

And not only that, she is now wearin' pants.

MOUSES!

Okay, perhaps I should explain.  Durin' the hottest of days, she wasn't walkin' around nekkid, or anythin' like that.  Nothin' that was gonna get her arrested.  She might not have been wearin' pants BUT SHE WAS wearin' clothes.  She was wearin' her shorts.  You know, short pants.

Oh, and t-shirts, of course.  Yeah, she was definitely legally attired.

Okay, perhaps I should explain AGAIN.  She wasn't wearin' a dark robe or even one of those curly wigs worn in British courts.  Yes, those would definitely be legal attire, but I'm thinkin' they'd also be hot.  Even hotter than pants.

Hmmm...

Perhaps I should explain ONCE MORE.  Peepers was APPROPRIATELY clad in enough clothes so as not to land her in prison.

MOUSES!

BUT MY POINT IS...

The point I was tryin' to make...

The point I was tryin' to make is that the weather is much more bearable now, what with the temperature turned down a couple notches and the humidity gone, and...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

It is?

MOUSES!

So apparently, the heat and humidity are on their way back.

Next week.

This heat is never endin', for sure.

I might just need to rethink that ol' lion cut.

MOUSES!

in full public view

Put some clothes on out there.  I said, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON.

Oh yeah, it is pretty hot out today.  30C last time I checked and 30C is pretty hot to be sure.

Hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk, or so they say.  Although to be perfectly honest, I have never ever - ever! - in all my nine lives, seen anyone fryin' eggs for their brekkies on the sidewalk.  Of course, I'm not one to watch the cookin' channels and stuff.  Mainly on account of those kinda channels never featurin' recipes usin' catnip, you see.  For I know, there might very well be a whole series devoted to sidewalk cookin' and such.  Cookin' eggs, meltin' butter, and makin' hot tea.

MOUSES!

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

Well that's just great, that is.  Great you have some clothes on, I mean.  Glad to hear you're not out there dancin' and prancin' around in the yard wearin' nothin' but a pair of earrings and a couple of rings.  But guess what, Peepers.  I WASN'T TALKIN' TO YOU.

MOUSES!

That's right, my friends.  I wasn't talkin' to Peep #1 when earlier, I told someone to put some clothes on themselves.  Wasn't talkin' to the second peep, either.  I was talkin'...

No, there aren't any stranger peeps in our yard wanderin' around nekkid.

I don't think.

Perhaps I should check.

MOUSES!

Nope, there are no stranger peeps out there nekkid and that, my friends, is a good thing, for sure.

But back to the other nekkidness and to whom I was speakin'.  It was to Saffron I was sayin' these things.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin' Saffy doesn't wear clothes and you are absolutely right about that.  But the thing is...

The thing is...

The thing is, with all this heat and humidity we've been havin', Saffy has taken a liking to lyin' out on the driveway or deck or anywhere else, and in full public view...

In full public view...

In full public view, he is airin' out parts that shouldn't need airin'.

Okay, so maybe they do.

But you don't wanna air out your parts best left private with everyone out there a-lookin'.

MOUSES!

That's right, that brother of mine is out there right now, lyin' on his back with his hind legs spread apart, with all of his private parts very...

Well...

Unprivate.

That's not a word, you are sayin'?

Well perhaps it should be.  My brother is out there right now, committin' acts of indecent exposure, he is.  Indecent exposure, I say.  Exposin' parts best left hidden by his very furry tail.

MOUSES!

I know it's hot out there.  I REALLY DO KNOW it's super-duper hot.  I'm feelin' the heat, as well.  But the thing is...

The thing is...

The thing is, if that darn brother of mine is feelin' so hot, MAYBE HE SHOULD GO LIE UNDER A TREE OR A BUSH OR SOMETHIN' LIKE THAT, AND NOT BE LYIN' OUT THERE ON THE HOT OPEN DECK IN FULL VIEW OF EVERYONE.

Not to mention bein' under the blazin' hot sun.

Sights like that are not fit for an innocent peep like my Peepers to see.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

got it!

By gosh and by golly, I got it.

I got it, YOO-HOO!

MOUSES!

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

Well...

Well let me ask you this then, Peepers.  Did you, or did you not, wanna be bitten by that skeeter?

Now take your time there, ol' peep of mine.  You're old and decrepit, and it's perfectly reasonable for things to take longer now in your old age, and...

YOU ARE TOO.  You're old and decrepit, for sure.

WELL YOU'RE A HECK OF A LOT OLDER THAN ME.

MOUSES!

Okay, so maybe you're not actually decrepit.  YET.  But give it time, Peepers.  Give it time.  One day you surely will be.

MOUSES!

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about NOW?

You're back to asking 'bout that, huh?  You're back to askin' why I gave you that swat?  You're back to askin' why...

Wait a minute.  ARE YOU SAYIN' YOU WANTED THAT SKEETER TO BITE YOU?

Mouses woman, you must be insane.

'Cause no one - not cat nor peep - actually likes bein' bitten by skeeters.  Those mosquitoes are the peskiest things.  They go 'bout their lives, flitting 'round your face and buzzin' in your ears.  'Nough to drive a kitty mad, they are.  AND I WOULD THINK they're enough to drive a peep mad, too.

Unless she already is.

So yes, I, bein' the most thoughtful of kitties that I am, DID TAKE one good swat at that skeeter flittin' around and about; as it was clearly botherin' you, without a doubt!  That skeeter was askin' for trouble, he was.  He was ASKIN' to be swatted, for sure.  HE WAS ASKIN' for me to give him a swat and squish him under my paw, and...

Well yes, Peepers, my claws were out.  Whatever is your point?

Well yeah, sure, but...

But you know, it's not really my fault.  Your arm was right there right under that skeeter when that skeeter ended up under my paw.

Not to mention my claw.

Well let me ask you this, then, Peepers.  Are you, or are you not, positive it was one of my claws that drew blood?  I mean, it could have been the skeeter.  He might have already taken a bite.

They do that, you know, those skeeters.  That's just the kinda thing that they do.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

oh boy...

Oh boy...

Oh boy oh boy oh boy.

Wait a minute.  OH BOY, YOO HOO, and HOORAY!

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, for those of you who might be unaware of the fact, this is a holiday weekend here in Canada.  In Nova Scotia, tomorrow is called Natal Day.  In other parts of Canada it's called other things which is weird, I know, but peeps are weird in general, and apparently peeps are in charge of the namin' of days.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, like I was sayin', it's a holiday weekend.  And every kitty, doggy, bunny, horse, rocky, and any other kinda four-legged furry out there knows that summer holiday weekends usually mean big boomies and scary noises on account of peeps firin' off fireworks outta their ears.

Now I say ears but you know what I mean, right?  Right.  MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, if there's one thing we furries hate, it's fireworks.  They're scary as all get out.  My gosh, fireworks are so scary they've been known to kill horses right here in Nova Scotia outta fear.  That's bad, my friends.  Really, really bad.  I mean, who would wanna murder a beautiful creature such as a horse?

MOUSES!

So this mornin'...

So this mornin', like I do most mornings, I woke up with a funny feelin' in my tummy.  My tummy was tellin' me I was hungry.  That's on account of my havin' a very smart tummy, you see.

But after I had my brekkies, my tummy was still feelin' a little on the weird side.  I thought about it for a bit, wonderin' if I needed more brekkies; but then I realised it wasn't hunger my tummy was feelin' but rather, DREAD.

That's right, my friends, my tummy had remembered this was part of a summer holiday weekend and tonight there would likely be fireworks that might scare me half to death.

MOUSES!

But later on...

But later on, it occurred to me that since we currently have a province-wide ban on burnin' due to not havin' had enough rain to protect us from wildfires, THERE CAN BE NO FIREWORKS TONIGHT. 

At least none of the ones peeps set off in their backyards.

Outta their ears.

MOUSES!

And THAT'S why my oh-boys changed to HOORAYS.

MOUSES!

But if some stupid peep decides to set of fireworks, anyway...

If some stupid peep decides to defy the law and set off scary fireworks regardless of the ban, I'm gonna march right over there and PEE on those fireworks, for sure.  Yup, I'm gonna pee all over 'em and put 'em right out.

Although...

Although on the other paw...

On the other paw, like I said before, fireworks are super scary so I think I'll send Peepers, instead.

Now to explain to the peep she might need to go 'round the neighbourhood, peein' on peeps' fireworks tonight.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

when in doubt...

When in doubt, BLAME THE PEEP.

MOUSES!

Oopsie, wrong sayin'.

MOUSES!

On the other paw...

On the other paw, it actually fits.

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', what the mouses has Peepers done NOW?  What has she done and for what must she be blamed?

Well...

Well technically, SHE hasn't done anythin', I suppose.  But therein lies the problem, you see.  Maybe she COULD have done somethin' and her lack of doin' anythin' is why I'm now blamin' her for creatin' my original complaint which could possibly have been...

Are you ready?

IT'S TOO DARN HOT.

MOUSES!

Do you peeps out there have any idea just how hot 28C is for us kitties with fur?  Do you?  DO you?

Well let me tell you somethin', my friends: it's hot.  Hot as all get out.  Hot as in TOO hot, for sure.

And bein' a Canadian kitty...

Bein' a Canadian kitty, I have the tendency to be - as most Canadians are - preoccupied with the weather and such.

It's a Canadian thing, you see.  We complain when it's too cold and then again when it gets too hot.  In fact, just last week I was complaining 'bout July bein' a little on the cool side 'round here.  Yup, I was doin' just that.  Peeps were complainin', too.  And not just my peeps, either!  Nope and no sirree.  Peeps far and wide were complainin' that the nights were downright chilly for this time of year.  Why one night, someone said somethin' about the possibility of frost!

MOUSES!

But then three days ago...

Then three days ago, the tables turned - or whatever they say - and too cold got too hot as the mercury climbed and the heat got the upper paw.

Not that thermometers use mercury now, but the sayin' still stands, I do believe.

So anyway, three days ago it got all hot and yucky and my fur started stickin' to me like my fur got all stuck on Peepers' black winter pea jacket.

You know, the jacket the dry-cleaners gave up on and told her to never bring back.

MOUSES!

Now where was I?

Oh yeah, I was gettin' to the point where I could blame Peepers for this here darned heat.  The way I see it, when it gets too cold, Peepers turns on the furnace, right?  Right.  So when it gets too hot and yucky, why can't she turn on the cold?  And I don't mean just in the house, either.  I MEAN IN ALL THE GREAT OUTDOORS!  Why can't peeps learn to regulate the weather like they try to regulate everythin' else?  WHY CAN'T PEEPS DO SOMETHIN' USEFUL FOR A CHANGE?

And if Peepers finally does get off  that lazy tail of hers and learns how to control Nova Scotia's...  Scratch that, Canada's...  Scratch that, too.  If Peepers ever does get off that lazy tail of hers and learns how to control the GLOBAL weather, I, SEVILLE THE CAT, will be in charge of determining at what temperature the global thermostat will be set.

Kinda goes without sayin'.

But in the meantime, I'm just gonna sit here in front of this fan and cool myself off for a bit.  Might even take a nap.  And when I get up...

When I get up, I'm gonna figure out for what else I can blame ol' Peepers 'cause you know what they say.  They say, when in doubt, BLAME THE PEEP.

And never a truer sayin' was said.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

turn it off

Turn it off.

TURN IT OFF.

TURN. IT. OFF.

For the love of mouses, COULD SOMEONE PLEASE TURN  THE HEAT OFF?

MOUSES!

Way back when, sometime in June I believe, SOMEBODY decided to turn the heat way, WAY up.

Somebody...

Hmph, that somebody was Probably a PeeP.

MOUSES!

And you know what?

THEY NEVER THOUGHT TO TURN IT BACK DOWN.

MOUSES!

So now it's August, and the heat is WAY hotter than any heat should ever be.

Do peeps not know we cats can't deal with this kinda heat?

Well, it's not so much that we can't deal with it, as we don't wanna.  I mean, WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND would wanna deal with this kinda heat?

MOUSES!

What's more, they're laughin' at us.

The peeps, I mean.  The peeps are laughin' at us cats.

OH YEAH, that's right, they're LAUGHIN'.

Why just the other day, I was lyin' on the family room floor, and I SWEAR I heard Peep #1 laughin' at me on account of the heat.

It's true!  She said something 'bout my lookin' like I was doin' a hula dance as I was lyin' there on my back with my front legs stretched to one side.

I was simply airing out my tum.

And truth be told, I was airin' out my bum, too.

MOUSES!

You know, Peep #1 wouldn't appreciate it if I were to go around laughin' at her while she's airin' out her bum.

Okay, so she doesn't actually go 'round airin' out her bum.

Her loss, 'cause in this kinda heat, airing out one's bum helps a lot.

But I bet she wouldn't appreciate it if I were to go around laughin' at her for other reasons.

Okay, so I DO do that but seriously, she is just a peep, whereas I, Seville the Cat, am a cat.

And we cats are super sensitive to stuff like that.

MOUSES!

But back to this heat.

It's hot.  Too hot.  Way, way, WAY too hot, for sure.

DOES NO ONE KNOW I'M A CANADIAN KITTY LIVIN' UP HERE IN CANADA?

Canada is SUPPOSED to be COLD.

MOUSES!

I'm tellin' ya, if I ever find the peep who's to blame for all this.  The peep who turned the temperature  way up...

If I ever...

IF I EVER...

The first thing I'm gonna do is...

Well...

Well I don't quite know what I'll do.

Not yet.

It's too hot to think 'bout stuff like that right now.

But I WILL figure it out.

Eventually.

And then...

AND THEN...

And then I'm gonna laugh at 'em, for sure.

Yup, laugh right at 'em.

Laugh right at 'em while I'm doin' whatever it is I'm gonna do.

MOUSES!