Hey Peepers! Saffy and I are headin' out for a bit of a wash. Wanna come with?
Hmmph, no answer.
HEY PEEPERS! SAFFY AND I ARE HEADIN' OUT FOR A BIT OF A WASH. WANNA COME WITH?
Don't look at me like that, Peepers. It's a solid plan, for sure.
Okay, so you work on reattachin' your lower jaw to your upper one while I explain. It's like this: the rain is comin' down in sheets out there and I was thinkin', instead of Saffy and me doin' all the work of bathin' ourselves usin' our own spit and polish, we could take advantage of the weather and let the rain wash off all the dirt and grime we may have accumulated on our gorgeous kitty furs.
AND I WAS ALSO THINKIN', since you've still got a whole lotta muck on your clothes and uh... Um... Hmmm...
ASSUMIN' THERE ARE FEET under that layer of soil and dirt, since you've still got a whole lotta muck on your clothes and feet, you, too, could take advantage of the weather and let the rain wash off all the dirt and grime and...
WELL OF COURSE you can't just go outside and stand out in the rain. You have to lather up with some soap, first.
Saffy and I will be skippin' the soap, however. As we always do.
Don't look at me like that, Peepers. Truth is: you're filthy. You were out in the garden - actin' like a fool - before the rain got really bad, and managed to get yourself all covered in muddy ol' dirt. It's high time you cleaned yourself up. AND SINCE IT'S RAININ'...
Again with the stupid stare.
AND SINCE IT'S RAININ' and said rain is comin' down in sheets, why don't you just go outside and let the rain do the work of cleanin' you off?
You know, like a shower.
On account of it not bein' an actual shower.
Okay now, Peepers, you head on out there. You'll find a bottle of shampoo and a bar of soap on the veranda, and...
AND DON'T EVEN THINK OF COMIN' BACK INSIDE UNTIL YOU'VE WELL AND TRULY CLEANED YOURSELF OFF!
In the meantime, Saffy and I will enjoy a nice little nap on the couch, free from the threat of bein' picked up and cuddled by a peep covered in grime and dirt that might get on our gorgeous, clean furs.
You didn't really think we cats were gonna go outside in that rain, did you?
In case you hadn't heard; CATS DON'T LIKE THE RAIN.
Remember to mask up, too.