eighty-four weeks

Now that is interestin', that is.  Yup, that's very interestin', for sure.

MOUSES!

You know, my bein' stuck here now for like four hundred and fifty-seven million, two hundred and twenty-eight thousand, eight hundred cat seconds; has given me the opportunity to do a lot of reflecting and stuff.  Durin' these past eighty-four weeks, I've been thinkin' a lot.  Thinkin' and reflectin', and reflectin' and thinkin', and...

And observin', too, of course.

And sometimes - quite often, as a matter of fact - I spend my days thinking and reflecting about the myriad of things I observe.

MOUSES!

Why just the other day...

Just the other day, I witnessed one of the strangest things I've ever observed.  Out there on the street, right in front of my house, I OBSERVED two big doggies bein' walked by their peep.  I wasn't scared or anythin' like that.  The doggies were out on the road, well away from my house, and they were attached to their peep by their leashes.  I know from experience that very rarely does a doggie run after a kitty when attached to its peep by a leash.

Peeps can't keep up, you see.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, what I observed was rather odd, indeed.  One of the doggies squatted down like he was gonna do a poopies or somethin' like that, and the next thing I knew, he did!  Now that in itself wasn't weird.  When a dog has to poop, a dog has to poop.  Just like us cats, I suppose.

But...

But after the doggie was done, his peep pulled a little plastic baggie out of her pocket, bent down, and scooped those poopies right up.

And then...

And then she carried 'em home like she had won some kinda prize!

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', peeps are supposed to clean up after their dogs.  And you know somethin'?  YOU WOULD BE RIGHT!

But the thing is, in all my nine lives, I've never actually witnessed it happenin'.

MOUSES!

Talk about a helicopter mom!

I mean, she watched carefully as her doggy did his thing, hoverin' over him like any good helicopter mom would, then got right in there with the poop bag as swiftly as a gull swoopin' down for a fish.

MOUSES!

And it made me wonder 'bout my peep and the litterbox.  

NO, Peepers doesn't use my litterbox.

Not that I know of, anyway.

MOUSES!

Peepers has always been one to swoop in and clean up the litter, but she's never actually hovered over me whilst I was in the process of doin' my business.  And I don't think I'd like her to start.

I mean...

I mean, a kitty likes his privacy while usin' the loo.

Dogs, though?  Well apparently dogs will poop out in the open.  Out on the street!  With everyone watchin', the...

Wait for it...

Poop show.

MOUSES!

I don't think I'd like that, one bit.  After all, we kitties have a sense of what's suitable for doin' in public places.  What's suitable for public viewin'!  More importantly, we cats know what SHOULD be done in the privacy of one's own home, away from the pryin' eyes of every Tom, Dick, and Harry; not to mention the ever present paparazzi.

We cats have a sense of propriety.

You know, that sorta thing.

Oh my.  Oh my goodness!  All this talkin' of poopin' has...

Excuse me whilst I go use the box with the litter.

No Peepers, your assistance is NOT required.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

james

"My name is Bond, James Bond."

Oh yeah?  Well let me tell you somethin', my tuxedo neighbourhood cat friend.  MY name is Seville, Seville the Cat.

MOUSES!

"And do you have a movie named after you, Mr Seville the Cat?"

No, but...

But nothin', you ol' fancy-dressed, intruder neighbourin' cat.  You don't have a movie named after you, either.  YOU'RE the one named after the movie, and that's a fact.

MOUSES!

"Bond, James Bond."

That all you have to say for yourself?  Well let me tell you somethin', my friend.  You're not even named after the movie.  Peepers isn't callin' you Bond, or James Bond.  She's callin' you James, and for all you know, she might have named you after a butler.  Fact.

And let me tell you somethin' else there, my friend.  The reason Peepers might have named you after a butler is that as far as butlers go, you are most definitely dressed for the part.

And let me tell you another somethin' else, Mr. Tuxedo neighbourhood cat.  I've been NEEDIN' a butler, myself.  You know, a butler to fetch me my din-dins and stuff when I don't feel like headin' into the kitchen on my own.  Peepers must have taken note of my demands for a personal butler and THAT'S why she's now callin' you James.

Okay, so maybe the fetchin' of din-dins isn't really a butler kinda duty.

Or is it...

Hmmm...

Oh, but I also need someone to open the door for me when Peepers isn't available, and the openin' of doors is DEFINITELY butler type stuff.  Fact.

MOUSES!

"The name is Bond, James Bond.  I'm a member of Britain's Secret Intelligence Office and not a manservant."

Of course you're not a manservant there, James ol' boy.  You're a CATservant, for sure.  A catservant hired to wait upon cats like me.  Fact.

MOUSES!

"Bond, James..."

Oh for mouses sake, hang onto your whiskers there, James.  First of all, LIKE I ALREADY SAID, Peepers is callin' you James.  She's not callin' you Bond, James Bond, or even JB; although I kinda think JB has a certain ring to it, if you know what I mean, but you know how the peep is 'bout havin' sibilant sounds in our names.

"Bond, James..."

AND SECONDLY, she's only callin' you James on account of it bein' easier to call you James than that ol' tuxedo cat or the neighbourhood tuxie or even the black and white kitty.  She's not actually givin' you a name, like one she would register or whatever, 'cause we're pretty sure you already have a name given to by your real peeps.  We just don't know what said name is, and...

"Bond, James..."

AND THIRDLY, she certainly didn't name you after Agent 007.  She would probably have named you Seven, had she been doin' somethin' like that.  No, Peepers named you James 'cause James is a good name for a butler, and like I mentioned earlier, you came dressed for the part.

"Bond...

AND FOURTHLY...

Okay, so I don't actually have a fourth thing but hey, do you know what I DO have?  I, Seville the Cat, have a hankerin' for some of the most temptin' of treats.  But the package of treats is up on the kitchen island, you see, and I don't feel like goin' all the way into the kitchen to get some, myself.  So uh...  So perhaps you could do some of your butlery duties and fetch me some of those treats?

"Bond, James Bond."

Of for mousin' out loud.  You're a cat of few words there, aren't you my man?  That's actually a good trait for a butler, I think.  ANOTHER thing you and butlers have in common.

So ummm...

So exactly where are my treats?

"Bond, James..."

Oh never mind.  I'll go get them myself.

This havin' a butler thing isn't livin' up to my expectations, at all.

MOUSES!

Peepers!  HEY, PEEPERS!  This James name thingy isn't workin' out.  I'm changin' that cat's name to Jarvis or Jeeves.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

eighty-three weeks

Social distancin', Saffron.  SOCIAL DISTANCIN'!  If there's one thing I, Seville the Cat, know; it's that social distancin' saves lives.

Okay, so I, Seville the Cat, happen to know a lot of things.  I certainly know more than ONE.  Why, I know...

Well...

Well I just know lots of stuff, okay?  Lots and LOTS of stuff.  More stuff than I can possibly detail here on my blog.  Why, if I, Seville the Cat, were to detail all the stuff I know, it would take up a whole book!  And it would be a super duper long book, for sure.

Maybe even a trilogy.

MOUSES!

Stuff Seville the Cat knows: Book 1.

MOUSES!

But where was I?

Oh yeah, I was remindin' Saffron about social distancin'.  And WHY was I remindin' him 'bout social distancin', you ask?  That's a very good question, indeed.

Okay, so maybe not THAT good of a question.  I mean, we've been doin' this social distancin' stuff for like four hundred and fifty-one million, seven hundred and eighty-five thousand, six hundred cat seconds now.  We should all have it down pat.

And some of us do, actually.  Some more than others.

But I digress.

MOUSES!

Point is, durin' a pandemic, social distancin' and limitin' one's social circles can save lives.  My soon-to-be brother, Saffron, has very much taken this to heart; which explains why he's still not ready to come live inside the house, I suppose.  What with his keepin' his distance from the peeps and all, but...

But...

But he does get up close and personal to Peepers every mornin', now.  Sometimes in the afternoon, too!  Yup, and he rubs up against her legs and purrs and purrs and purrs.  It's true.  Saffron lets Peepers pet him and stuff.  He LOVES bein' petted, in fact, and said pettin' makes him purr all the more.  But when the peep tries to pick him up...

Well, Saffron is not into that.

MOUSES!

But it has come to my attention this past week that Saffron and I are gonna have to have THE TALK.

Yup, that's the one.

MOUSES!

Saffron, when it comes to social distancin', it's very, very, VERY important to apply this technique to not only stranger peeps, but also...

TICKS.

MOUSES!

That's right, Peepers found a tick on the back of Saffron's neck the other day.  AND she found another one by his ear, today!  She got 'em both off, which is pretty darn amazin' considerin' the fact that Saffron is apparently still social distancin' with the peep to some extent but hey, my Peep #1 can be pretty resourceful when need be.

But the thing is...

The thing is...

The thing is, Saffron, it's very, very, VERY IMPORTANT to social distance from ticks!

MOUSES!

And since you've failed at Social Distancin' from Ticks 101, don't be too surprised when Peepers comes at you with a dab of the stinky stuff for the back of your neck.  It doesn't hurt but yeah, it's definitely gonna stink.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

weather witch

Oh go get a grip, woman, would ya?

MOUSES!

Hopin' for rain in October.

Of all the stupid, moused-up things.

The woman is obviously nuts.

MOUSES!

Now don't get the wrong idea.  I like me some good puddle-water as much as the next cat does, but that doesn't mean I actually want it to rain.  'Cause you know what's better than puddle-water, my friends?  Well, DO you?  Sunpuddles, that's what.  And when the days are cool and the sun is in short supply, sunpuddles become all the more precious.

MOUSES!

Hmm...  Perhaps I should start this ol' story at the beginnin'.

Okay, so yesterday - October 12th and most definitely fall here in Nova Scotia - Peepers went into the all-out gardenin' mode.  She was luggin' soil here and luggin' plants there.  She had the ol' spade practically attached to herself.  It was like the calendar had fallen from the wall, and when Peepers went to put it back up, she mistakenly opened it to May.

Of all the stupid peeps.

MOUSES!

But that's not the worst of it, my friends.  Nope, that's not the worst of it, at all.

When Peepers was done for the day...

When Peepers was done for the day...

When Peepers was done for the day, she went lookin' at the weather channel and tried to channel some rain.

In October.

MOUSES!

Now like I said, sunpuddles are far too precious a commodity in October to be wishing 'em away.

And I told Peepers just that, I did.  Yup, I told her to smarten the mouses up and stop wishin' for rain.

And do you know what she did, then, my friends?  Well, DO you?

Well I'm not exactly sure what she did, but this mornin'...

IT RAINED.

It's like she's some kinda weirdo, wacky weather witch; or somethin' like that!

MOUSES!

Thankfully, after a smacky-paw or two to the face...

Okay, so I didn't actually smacky-paw my peep, on account of smacky-pawin' peeps never bein' a good idea.  You know, don't bite the hand that feeds you and that sort of thing.  BUT I DID give her the ol' stink eye, for sure.  Oh yeah, I gave her the stinkiest stink eye, ever.

And do you know what happened next, my friends?  Well, DO you?

Well...

Well the rain stopped rainin', the sun came out, and I got my sunpuddles after all!  Actually, it has turned out to be a GLORIOUS day.

MOUSES!

Is it possible that I, Seville the Cat, might be some kinda moused-up weirdo, wacky weather witch, too?

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

eighty-two weeks

So here in Canada, this here eighty-second week of this ol' pandemic thingy is fallin' on Thanksgivin' Weekend, this year, and...

And it's makin' it hard to think of stuff for which to be thankful, for sure.

MOUSES!

On the other paw...

On the other paw, I am thankful for the roof over my head, and the fuds in my plates, and all those kinda things.

You know, the usual Thanksgivin' stuff.

MOUSES!

And...

And let me tell you...

And let me tell you, my friends, for what else I can be thankful.

I'm thankful for the fact that due to this ol' pandemic thingy, I've been stuck here in a house with a couple of good-for-nothin' peeps now for like four hundred and forty-six million, three hundred and forty-two thousand, four hundred cat seconds, and...

WHAT AM I SAYIN'?

I'm not thankful for that, at all.

MOUSES!

My friends, bein' stuck here in a house with a couple of good-for-nothin' peeps for four hundred and forty-six million, three hundred and forty-two thousand, four hundred cat seconds is like the curse of a thousand curses.

It's a wonder no one has made a movie of it, for sure.

MOUSES!

But I AM thankful - VERY thankful, in fact - that when I need some fuds or treats or things, I can send ol' Peepers out to get said things without my havin' to go with her.  And do you know why I am thankful for that?

DO you?

Didn't think you did.

MOUSES!

Let me give you an example.  The other day, Peepers was headin' out to the store and let me tell you, she was havin' the bad hair day of all bad hair days, for sure.  Why, Peep #2 took one look at her and said, "Did you go and cut your own hair?"

MOUSES!

Now I know, pandemic hair has become a real thing with peeps around here, including my own, but Peepers' hair the other day...

Well it was somethin' else, for sure.

Which is why Peep #2 thought she had gone and cut it herself.

MOUSES!

Peepers was sportin' one of her scrunchies, as usual - the woman has a whole drawer full of 'em, you know - but even with the scrunchie, it was stickin' out all over the place.  Part of it was stickin' straight out of the side!

Her hair, I mean; not the scrunchie.

And when she came home...

AND WHEN SHE CAME HOME...

When Peepers came home, she had a chunk of hair stickin' out, straight up!

Straight up.  Shaken, not stirred.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

My gosh, I crack myself up.

MOUSES!

Now I can laugh at the thought of the sight of Peepers' hair my friends.  Yup, I can laugh at the thought, for sure.  And do you know why?

Well, DO you?

I can laugh at the thought, 'CAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO TO THE STORE WITH HER, AND NO ONE KNEW THAT THE PEEP WALKING AROUND TOWN LOOKIN' LIKE SHE HAD STUCK HER FINGER IN THE ELECTRICAL OUTLET OF ALL ELECTRICAL OUTLETS HAD ANYTHIN' TO DO WITH ME.

And that is somethin' for which to be thankful, for sure.

Can you imagine how embarrassin' that would be?

MOUSES!

But seriously, my friends...

The time has come...

To wish you all...

A VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

And send lots and lots of purrs.

PURRS

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

'twas I

It was me.

Or should that be I...

Hmmm...  I know!  *snaps claws*  'TWAS I.

I like that.  Yup, I like that a lot.  Makes me sound all super smart and stuff, it does.

'TWAS I!

MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  If Zuckerberg calls back, tell him I'm not in, would ya?

What do MEAN he's on the other line?  What do you MEAN?

Oh for mousin' out loud.

MOUSES!

Hey Marky!  Marky Baby, how have you been?

Yeah, I know we were just talkin' a few minutes ago.  Don't know how we got disconnected.  Must have been a bad line...

Or maybe my paw accidentally slipped causin' me to hang up.

MOUSES!

So Marky Baby...  Where were we, huh?

Oh yeah.

Uh-huh, uh-huh...

Yeah, yeah, millions of users...  No, HUNDREDS of millions, you say.

Figures.

MOUSES!

So um...  So how come you're callin' me?

Yeah, I KNOW I accepted responsibility for the mass Facebook outage the other day.  But in my own defense...

Umm...

Well that was just somethin' I said over on Twitter.

Well OF COURSE I didn't admit to bein' responsible on Facebook.  Facebook was down, remember?  I couldn't log on.

Sometimes it's hard to believe this guy is actually in charge over there.

MOUSES!

So like I said, how come you're callin' me?

Again.

MOUSES!

Uh-huh, uh-huh...  Yeah, you already mentioned the hundreds of millions of users who were impacted.  All 'round the globe...  Yeah, yeah, in practically every country....  Okay, I've got it now, Marky-poo.  Lots of people were upset, and they're all complainin' to you, and... 

But...  But again, I've gotta ask: how come you're callin' ME?

Oh.

You did, huh?  You actually DID trace that ol' outage back to me?

Hmmm...

Well...

Well...

Well have you looked at Facebook lately, Zuckerberg, my man?  I mean, have you actually REALLY LOOKED?  REALLY AND TRULY LOOKED?  Like looked long and hard?  'Cause if you have, you'll notice there are a whole lotta cats over on Facebook usin' it every single day.  Every single hour.  Every minute, in fact!  We cats have got fan pages and profiles and memes all about us, and...

And...

And cats have a way of makin' mischief, you see.  A slip of the paw here...  A flick of the tail there...  Some loose fur drifts down into the computer and gets into where it shouldn't be gettin', and...

BAMM!

So it's like this, Marky, my man: You've gotta make Facebook cat-proof, you see.  You've gotta make your product able to handle the antics of us cats!

EVERY THINK ABOUT THAT?

It's no wonder they're all upset at you.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

eighty-one weeks

This is gettin' ridiculous, my friends.  Yup, this is gettin' ridiculous, for sure.

MOUSES!

If you will remember...

If you will remember, way back when, my house was THE PARTY HOUSE for all the cats in the neighbourhood.  Yup, MY house was THE PLACE to be if you were a cat.  THE place, for sure.  MY house was the house where every neighbourhood cat wanted to be!

That's probably how at one point I ended up with like eleven or twelve brothers and sisters, you know?

Of course you do.

MOUSES!

AND why nosy neighbour cat once spent an entire winter in MY basement.

MOUSES!

Now Peepers always thought SHE was the main attraction for all the neighbourhood cats.  She always fancied herself as some kinda whack-job, moused-up cat whisperer, you see.

BUT WE ALL KNOW...

But we all know, in reality, REAL cat whisperers know mancats from ladycats; and don't go around givin' my brothers girly-girl names like Nerissa, Desdemona, Calista, and now, Saffron; and my sisters manly mancat names like Mason and Tobias.

MOUSES!

Personally, I'm pretty sure the attraction for all those neighbourhood cats was the never-endin' supply of the nip.

That, and the hilarious antics of the peep.  'Cause a peep who messes up as much as my peep messes up, provides us cats with hours of entertainment, you see.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, eventually, my house no longer held the fascination of all the neighbourhood cats.  And over time, even my own family dwindled down to practically nothin'.  My gosh, my own family dwindled down to just me!

MOUSES!

But now...

But now, even with our bein' in the throws of this ol' pandemic thingy for the last four hundred and forty million, eight hundred and ninety-nine thousand, two hundred cat seconds...

And even with social distancin', and the limitin' of both the size and number of social circles bein' the norm...

THE PARTY HOUSE IS BECOMIN' A PARTY HOUSE ONCE MORE!

And I'm not sure what I think about that, at all.

I mean, it's one thing for Saffron to be comin' by on a daily basis, on account of Saffy Saffron Saffers not yet havin' a home of his own.  Not to mention the fact that he's gonna be my brother and call THIS home his own.

When he decides to, that is.

MOUSES!

BUT NOW WE'VE GOT AN ORANGE DUDE COMIN' OVER ALMOST EVERY DAY, TOO.

AND FOR THE PAST COUPLE WEEKS, A TUXEDO IN FORMAL ATTIRE!

Orange dude definitely has a home.  We know where it is.  He just likes hangin' out with the coolest cat in the neighbourhood, you see.

And that would be me.

This new tuxedo guy looks pretty well-fed.  Guess he, too, has a home.  He just happens to be one of my fans, is all.

It's tough bein' a celebrity cat, you know.  *sighs*  Guess havin' all these fans and hangers on hangin' around, is the price I must pay for my bloggin' fame.

MOUSES!

What's that?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

NO, these cats are NOT comin' over to visit you.  YOU ARE NOT everycat's favourite peep on the block.

Peepers...  Pffft.  She's one delusional peep, to be sure.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.