"My name is Bond, James Bond."
Oh yeah? Well let me tell you somethin', my tuxedo neighbourhood cat friend. MY name is Seville, Seville the Cat.
"And do you have a movie named after you, Mr Seville the Cat?"
But nothin', you ol' fancy-dressed, intruder neighbourin' cat. You don't have a movie named after you, either. YOU'RE the one named after the movie, and that's a fact.
"Bond, James Bond."
That all you have to say for yourself? Well let me tell you somethin', my friend. You're not even named after the movie. Peepers isn't callin' you Bond, or James Bond. She's callin' you James, and for all you know, she might have named you after a butler. Fact.
And let me tell you somethin' else there, my friend. The reason Peepers might have named you after a butler is that as far as butlers go, you are most definitely dressed for the part.
And let me tell you another somethin' else, Mr. Tuxedo neighbourhood cat. I've been NEEDIN' a butler, myself. You know, a butler to fetch me my din-dins and stuff when I don't feel like headin' into the kitchen on my own. Peepers must have taken note of my demands for a personal butler and THAT'S why she's now callin' you James.
Okay, so maybe the fetchin' of din-dins isn't really a butler kinda duty.
Or is it...
Oh, but I also need someone to open the door for me when Peepers isn't available, and the openin' of doors is DEFINITELY butler type stuff. Fact.
"The name is Bond, James Bond. I'm a member of Britain's Secret Intelligence Office and not a manservant."
Of course you're not a manservant there, James ol' boy. You're a CATservant, for sure. A catservant hired to wait upon cats like me. Fact.
Oh for mouses sake, hang onto your whiskers there, James. First of all, LIKE I ALREADY SAID, Peepers is callin' you James. She's not callin' you Bond, James Bond, or even JB; although I kinda think JB has a certain ring to it, if you know what I mean, but you know how the peep is 'bout havin' sibilant sounds in our names.
AND SECONDLY, she's only callin' you James on account of it bein' easier to call you James than that ol' tuxedo cat or the neighbourhood tuxie or even the black and white kitty. She's not actually givin' you a name, like one she would register or whatever, 'cause we're pretty sure you already have a name given to by your real peeps. We just don't know what said name is, and...
AND THIRDLY, she certainly didn't name you after Agent 007. She would probably have named you Seven, had she been doin' somethin' like that. No, Peepers named you James 'cause James is a good name for a butler, and like I mentioned earlier, you came dressed for the part.
Okay, so I don't actually have a fourth thing but hey, do you know what I DO have? I, Seville the Cat, have a hankerin' for some of the most temptin' of treats. But the package of treats is up on the kitchen island, you see, and I don't feel like goin' all the way into the kitchen to get some, myself. So uh... So perhaps you could do some of your butlery duties and fetch me some of those treats?
"Bond, James Bond."
Of for mousin' out loud. You're a cat of few words there, aren't you my man? That's actually a good trait for a butler, I think. ANOTHER thing you and butlers have in common.
So exactly where are my treats?
Oh never mind. I'll go get them myself.
This havin' a butler thing isn't livin' up to my expectations, at all.
Peepers! HEY, PEEPERS! This James name thingy isn't workin' out. I'm changin' that cat's name to Jarvis or Jeeves.
IF IN DOUBT,
DON'T. GO. OUT.
Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures
AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.
Remember to mask up, too.
Remember to mask up, too.
Dang Seville, watch out if she starts calling him 007!ReplyDelete
She had better not, my friend. She had better not! That's way too cool a name. I mean, it's cooler than mine so OBVIOUSLY, too cool for James. MOUSES!Delete
Maybe James needs to go to Butler Academy...no wait...*The Butler Acatdemy*!ReplyDelete
He's definitely in need of some trainin', for sure. MOUSES!Delete
Does James have a license to kill...mice?ReplyDelete
I don't know... HMMM... I shall ask next time I see him. MOUSES!Delete
You may be on to something with that butler thing, Sivvers. If it doesn't work out, you could just tell that cat to go "home, James!"ReplyDelete
That's right! James is more of a driver name than a butler name, isn't it. Blame the peep. She's TERRIBLE with names. MOUSES!Delete
dood !! we hope yur naybor jamez izza good cat; in that him will stop bye fora vizit everee now and then and ewe both can haz peeperz wait on EWE.....ewe noe, gettin ya both sum fresh cat grazz reddy, few poundz oh nip.....himz knot afturr yur nip patch iz he !!?????ReplyDelete
I think you might have somethin' there, my friends. Why should I get a butler cat? PEEPERS should be my butler, for sure! (Along with maid, chef, and general get-me-what-I-want-now-ya-ol'-peep.) MOUSES!Delete
Be happy James. At least no one is calling you a skunk like we did with our tuxie Emmy when she showed up.ReplyDelete
Skunk, huh? Yeah, that IS pretty bad. Not for an actual skunk, I suppose, but definitely bad for a cat. MOUSES!Delete
Hey, YOU have a marmalade named after you and thats pretty awesome, Seville! Oh, and a town in Spain too!ReplyDelete
Tama and Benny
It's true! I have a marmalade named after me, a Spanish town, and even a type of orange! Once, way back when, someone happened to mention I was named after all those things but THAT SOMEONE happened to be a mouse and well... He was quite tasty with a Seville marmalade glaze. MOUSES!Delete