nope, that won't do either

Nope.  Nope.  Nope. Nadda.  What the mouses?  No way.  Nope, that won't do either.

For mousin' out loud.  I've gone through all my notes and still, I can't find a single thing to...

Wait a minute.  Hmmm... NOPE.  MOUSES!

You'd think that with my living in a house like this and with peeps like these, there would always be something crazy to write about twice a week, every week, but it turns out that this week, my peeps have let me down, for sure.  So it is with great sadness that I must relate, my peeps have done nothing crazy enough in the last seven days to warrant an entire blog post about nothing but their craziness.  Again I must say, MOUSES!

Oh sure, there was that little incident with the uhh...  you know.  And then there was the thing with that ol'...  Yeah, you know.  And then there was...  Hmmm....

But an entire post about any of one of these things?  It's just not gonna happen.  My friends, it is Sunday, and I have nothing to write about at all.  Nothing.  Nadda. Naddadinkingninkingnincompoopything!  MOUSES!

What to do...  What to do...

Well I could write about my brothers.  Nah, did that last couple of posts.

Or I could write about my sisters.  Hmmm...  Nah, they've done nothing interesting this week, either.

I know!  I could write about the weather!  Yeah, I could write about the weather.  What a Canadian thing to do.  Canadian peeps and Canadian kitties, alike, are always writing about the weather and stuff.  Well technically it's more of a weather complaining than writing kind of thing.  And I suppose I really shouldn't be saying about but rather aboot but...

Nah, weather complaining up here in the Great White North has been done so many times it has become old hat which, my friends, brings me to my long-held theory about weather forecasting and stuff.  I have long believed that weatherpeeps write up a bunch of weather forecasts and put 'em all in a big ol' hat. Thus, the old hat.  Then, when they need to give a forecast on the radio or the television or the Internet, all they need do is pull out one of those forecasts from said old hat.

But I said I wasn't gonna blog about the weather today.  Not gonna blog aboot it, either.  MOUSES!

I could always blog about the new word I just invented.  You know the one.  The one I used up above.  Naddadinkingninkingnincompoopything.  Say that three times quickly.  MOUSES!

Come on...  COME ON...  I dare ya!  Bet you can't. MOUSES!

Or I could mention how Ol' Peepers here has been elfing.  Can you believe it?  Elfing in February.   Never heard anything so crazy in my whole, entire life.  Have you?

That's right, my friends, Peep #1 has been knitting up biff bags for...  wait for it...  NEXT Christmas. All I can say is, crazy is as crazy does and judging by the crazy my peep has been doing, crazy is putting it mildly.

She says she needs something to do with her hands while watching Downton Abbey on Sunday nights.  I say, she could be giving me tummy rubs with those hands instead of enticing me with yarn you just know I'm gonna wanna catch.  MOUSES!

But that's not all.  Instead of making nice little square biff bags like the biff bags we've all come to know and love, the peep has making heart-shaped ones.  Never seen anything like it.

I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking that heart-shaped biff bags might be kinda pretty and stuff but you'd be wrong...

Okay, you'd actually be right about that.  They are pretty cute.  Thing is though, a bag filled with nip is a bag filled with nip and let me tell you something, my fur-fam and I can demolish a nip-filled bag in a matter of hours whether it be rectangular, square, round or heart-shaped so it's always best if the peep makes 'em in the easiest possible way to make 'em so that she doesn't see 'em all ripped up and ruined and stuff and think to herself, "Seville just got that biff bag and it's already all torn apart."

Now don't get me wrong.  The peep is gonna be thinking along those lines, for sure, but there's no need for her to be putting in the extra work of making special shapes when we're just gonna rip 'em all apart, lickety-split.

And speaking of lickety-split, we'll be licking our paws and our lips after demolishing those biff bags, for sure.  MOUSES!

Oh my, you should SEE the biff bag from Christmas that the peep found between the cushions in the family room, this morning.  Yarn sticking out all over the place, big hole in one side and not a trace of the nip that once filled it to be found.

Yup, we're thinking of holding funeral services for said biff bag this spring, once winter is over and the ground has thawed and...

And that, my friends, has brought us right back to my blogging about the weather which I did say I wasn't gonna do, didn't I.  Not a question, of course. Just a statement of fact.  A statement that I didn't want to blog about or aboot the ol' weather even though it is a very Canadian thing to do so...

So I think it might be time to finish up this here blog post.  Here's hoping the peeps do something super crazy between now and Wednesday so that I'll have a topic for Wednesday's post. I know they have it in 'em.  I just KNOW that they do.  My peeps are funny that way, you see.  Funny as in odd as in a crazy kind of way.  Crazy as crazy can be. MOUSES!

way too hot

Do I hear someone outside mowing their lawn?  MOUSES!

I know, I know...  It's summer and with summer comes the mowing of lawns but seriously, I don't think anyone needs to be outside mowing when the mercury is climbing and the humidex is stifling and...

Did you know that thermometers don't contain mercury any more?  Doesn't matter.  The expression still works.

Point is, it's way too hot to be outside mowing lawns.  It's too hot for the grass to even be growing never mind the peeps doing their mowing.

Of course, the weeds are still growing. Yup, those old weeds are taking advantage of this heat and growing up a storm.  This may be one of the reasons Peep #1 is slightly peeved at neighbours mowing their lawns.  By doing so, they're making the peep look bad because she simply refuses to go outside in this heat to mow our...

Our what.  Our weeds?  That would be about it.  The grass stopped growing when the heat took hold and like I said, the only things growing are weeds.  MOUSES!

But the peep is sticking to her guns.  If it's too hot for grass to grow, it's too hot for peeps to mow. MOUSES!

And speaking of storms, we had one yesterday.  Yup, a big old thunderstorm, for sure.  There was thunder and lightening and at one point, the skies let loose and it poured.  POURED!

Of course, I knew the storm was brewing on account of my ears being itchy and stuff.  We cats can forecast weather way better than peeps.  Even better than the weather peeps who go to school to learn about these things.  We cats are simply born with the gift.

For the life of me, I cannot fathom why the weather channel doesn't employ a few cats.  MOUSES!

You know, it wasn't all that long ago when I was complaining about the cold and now, here I am, complaining about the heat.  Some might be inclined to say that I'm simply never satisfied but that's not it at all. You see, I'm a Canadian kitty and complaining about the weather is a favourite pastime of all Canadians, kitties and peeps alike.

You didn't know about that?  Oh yeah, totally true.  If we Canadians didn't have the weather to talk about, we'd have nothing to talk about at all!

In the winter, we complain that it's too cold and when there's too much snow as well as when it doesn't snow enough.  In the summer we complain when it's too hot.  We also complain when it's cold.  When it's hot and dry, we complain we need rain.  When it does rain, we complain that it's wet even though, truth be told, rain is water and water is always wet so complaining that rain is wet doesn't make a whole lot of sense but nevertheless, we complain anyway.

Like I said, complaining about the weather is a national pastime, for sure.

And as luck would have it, in many parts of Canada, if we don't like the current weather, we just need to wait five minutes.  It can change before our very eyes, providing more opportunities to talk about it and you know...  complain.

One thing we Canadians can never complain about is having nothing to talk about when it comes to the weather.  MOUSES!

So if I didn't have the weather to talk about, what would I have?  Hmm...

Hockey?  Some say hockey is Canada's national pastime and when I say some, I do not mean me. Nah, I'm not into hockey at all.

I can tell you what I am into, though.  NIP.  Yup, I'm into the nip all right.  Into the nip, big time, for sure.  I could talk about nip morning, noon and night.  I bet I could even talk about it in my sleep!  I get my love of the nip from my late brother, Nissy, you see. He was into the nip, big time, too.  MOUSES!

Quite frankly, I'm surprised that there isn't a nip channel on television.  Canada's other pastimes are featured on TV.  There's a weather channel where they talk about the weather.  There are sports channels where they talk about sports, including hockey.  So why isn't there a channel devoted to talking about nip?  MOUSES!

And as for those weather and sports channels, why don't they talk about nip, too?

I mean, the weather channel could broadcast segments discussing how various weather conditions might influence the growth of catnip.  Has it rained enough for the nip crops?  Have the nip fields had enough sun?  Will the high temperatures slow down the growth of the nip?  Are winter temperatures too cold for the nip to survive?  Gosh, I could go on and on about such things.  Don't know why the weather channel hasn't tapped into the nip-related weather forecast market at all.

And as for the sports channels, who wouldn't want to watch a clowder of cats chasing nip mice and stuff?  Or documentaries on the effects of nip prior to an evening of the zoomies?  Or how imbibing in the nip might, in fact, be the cause of the zoomies in the first place?  MOUSES!

In this day and age, with all of the channels available on television, you'd think there would be one or two devoted to the nip.

And don't even get me started on the lack of cooking shows featuring nip recipes on the various cooking networks.  Or the lack of information about nip futures on the financial networks.  Or the discussion of nip legalisation and stuff in the news.  Not to mention the public's desire to know which politicians like to get nipped.  MOUSES!

Clearly, there's room on the airwaves for a network devoted solely to catnip.  If only there was NIP TV...

Someone might even write a song about it!

I love my Nip TV...

Now where was I?  What was I writing about before I got distracted by nip?

Oh yeah, the weather.

Well my friends, it's hot.  Hot and sticky and icky and...  HOT.  Think I'll grab a saucer of iced nip tea and check out what's on TV.  If I'm lucky, maybe there'll be a gardening show featuring nip or something.

Seriously folks, the world really needs Nip TV.  MOUSES!