Wednesday, 31 May 2023

it wasn't me


It wasn't me, Peepers.  It wasn't me!


No, seriously, it wasn't me.  I didn't even think of doin' anythi....


Okay, so maybe I did.  MAYBE I did THINK 'bout doin' what you're accusin' me of doin'.  But thinking 'bout doin' somethin' and actually doin' that same somethin' are TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT things.  TOTALLY!


Different, I mean.


It wasn't me!


STOP LOOKIN' AT ME LIKE THAT, PEEPERS.  Stop lookin' at me with that accusatory kinda look.  I swear on all my nine lives, it really and truly wasn't me.


And to tell you the truth, I don't think it was Saffy, either.


Why?


Well...


Well firstly, I'm pretty sure had Saffron done somethin' that bad, he would have told me all about it.


Darn cat likes to brag, you see.


MOUSES!


But the real reason I don't think Saffy did it is that he, like me, lacks the opposable kinda thumbs.


MOUSES!


What?


Well...


Well you see, Peepers, in order to pick up plants in their plant pots and move 'em about on the deck without knocking 'em over and messing 'em up, I'm pretty sure one needs the manipulative dexterity of opposable thumbs.  Saffy and I don't have those, you see.  And although we COULD, possibly, put our front paws together and wrap 'em 'round the pots to lift 'em and move 'em and stuff, that would be pretty darned hard.


Not that we're incapable of doin' hard stuff, mind you, but doin' hard stuff requires a lot of effort and if you're gonna put that much effort into somethin', it's best to do somethin' that's gonna get you treats or nip or whatever, as a reward.


MOUSES!


So Peepers, I'm pretty sure what you're lookin' for is a peep.


MOUSES!


That's what I said, Peepers.  That's what I said.  I'm bettin' some peep is the culprit at paw...  I mean, HAND.  Yup, I'm bettin' some peep has been sneakin' into our backyard and pickin' potted pepper plants up out of their trays and moving 'em about.  Moving 'em over a few inches here and a foot or two there.  Moving 'em just about everywhere!


Of course, it's very good off this peep - whomever he or she is - to keep the plants upright and stuff and not damage 'em at all.  Goodness knows what kinda screamin' Saffy and I would have to put up with if they had damaged your plants.  We're havin' to put up with a lotta foul language as it is.


Never heard a peep yell MOUSES! so much in all my nine lives.


MOUSES!


But bein' good not to damage the plants aside, it IS rather disturbin' to think some stranger peep is lurkin' about, uninvited, in my backyard.  Remember last summer when we had that issue of that neighbourhood peep snoopin' and wanderin' about in our driveway all the time?  Think it could be him?


Yeah, you're right.  I haven't seen him here in a while; and thank goodness for that.


Personally, I think Peepers scared him off that day she went out with her hair especially messed up.


MOUSES!


Peepers, we appear to have a real mystery on our paws, to be sure.


But on the other paw...


On the other paw, go take a gander out the back door, would ya?  Peepers, do you see what I'm seein' out there?


Yup, yup...


Uh-huh, uh-huh...


Well I was right 'bout the need of opposable thumbs.


But then I, Seville the Cat, am ALWAYS right, to be sure.


Apparently, it's not just peeps who have those kinda thumbs.   Turns out, raccoons have 'em, too!  And I would never have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes, but an opposable thumb weildin' raccoon is able to lift a potted pepper plant right outta its tray, set it aside, and drink the water left behind.


Who knew?


MOUSES!


You better watch out there, Peepers.  Main reason Saffy and I keep you around is those opposable thumbs of yours, and your ability to use 'em to open tins.  Turns out, we could always replace you with a raccoon.


MOUSES!


*******************************


And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Sunday, 28 May 2023

blah, blah, blah...


Blah, blah, blah...


Blah, blah, blah...


BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...


In case you were wonderin' there, Peepers, I DID hear you the first time.


Just wasn't payin' attention, is all.


MOUSES!


That ever happen to you, my friends?  You ever have a peep come home from a walk and go on and on and on...  And on and on and on...  AND ON AND ON AND ON 'bout stuff 'bout which you couldn't care less?


Well I'm tellin' ya, Peepers came home from her walkies this mornin' and all I heard was lilacs this and apple blossoms that and somethin' or other 'bout lily-of-the-valley.  You'd think the woman had never smelled a flower before.


MOUSES!


What's more, not only was she tellin' me 'bout all this stuff 'bout which I didn't wanna be told, but she...


She...


She...


SHE ACTUALLY EXPECTED ME TO LISTEN!


MOUSES!


So I, of course, rolled over on my other side, covered up my ears with my two front paws, and proceeded to try to fall asleep.


Which just made her talk all the louder.


MOUSES!


For the love of mouses, I have no idea why she's so infatuated with the smells of bloomin' flowers so much.  Personally, I think they kinda stink.  And so OBVIOUSLY I couldn't care less if the lilacs and apple blossoms and lilies-of-the-valley are in full bloom.  Give me a dead mouse or somethin' any day, I say, but never - NEVER! - ask me to stick my nose in a bunch of bloomin' flowers.


Unless they're nip flowers, of course, but that kinda goes without sayin'.


MOUSES!


So after I realised my rollin' over and coverin' my ears wasn't gonna get me out of listenin' to her babblin', I took one good look at the peep and said, "Listen here, ol' peep of mine.  If you're so in love with these stinky ol' flowers, what's with your fascination with my deposits in the litter box?  One would think - and rightly so - that anyone so interested in what Saffy and I leave in our litter, would be more interested in smells akin to...


Well...


Used litter."


Not to mention the accompanyin' organics and things.


MOUSES!


Well the peep just stood there, jaw hangin' halfway down to the floor, and without sayin' a word she spun on her heels and walked right out the door.


I, not wantin' her to get in the last word even if she DIDN'T actually say anythin' on account of her speakin' without words, called out after her.  "AND DON'T YOU BE EXPECTIN' US KITTIES TO START POOPIN' OUT ROSE-STINKIN' POOP, 'CAUSE THAT WOULD BE WAY TOO STINKY FOR WORDS."


MOUSES!


Well I have no idea what she thought of that 'cause like I said, she was already through the door and outta the room.  I did, however, hear a faint cry followed by several weird thumpin' sounds.


Probably her hittin' her head against the wall or somethin' like that.


Again.


I have absolutely NO IDEA why she does stupid stuff like that.


Silly peep.


MOUSES!


*******************************


And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.



Wednesday, 24 May 2023

and another thing...


Hey Peepers!


HEY PEEPERS!


PEEPERS!!!


Boy-oh-boy it's hard to get your attention, you ol' peep.


MOUSES!


I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin' that I, Seville the Cat, yell at the peep an awful lot.


Well...


Well you might have a point there, but the thing is...


The thing is, I HAVE to yell at her a lot to get her attention.


Think she must be hard of hearin' or somethin' like that.


Or...


Or she just gets her jollies by ignorin' me.


MOUSES!


Nah, that can't be right.  Who in their right mind would ever want to ignore a cat like me?


'Course that's assumin' she IS in her right mind.


Hmmm...


MOUSES!


What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?


Oh, so you heard that, did you?  You managed to hear what I muttered 'bout your not bein' in your right mind, huh?  So hard of hearin', you are not.


Hmmm...


What the mouses?  Peepers, are you sayin' you DO get your jollies by ignorin' me?


Of all the no good for nothin' things.


And what are jollies, anyway?  Anyone know?


I'm tellin' ya, IT'S NO WONDER I'm always havin' to yell at the peep.


MOUSES!


And another thing...


And another thing...


And another thing, uhhh...


Ummm...


Uh...


Gosh darn it, what with all this business with my HAVIN' to yell at the peep, I've gone and forgotten why I was tryin' to get her attention in the first place.


If only the peep were better at listenin'.  This is totally HER fault, for sure.


MOUSES!


*******************************


And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Sunday, 21 May 2023

holiday weekend


Yoo-hoo!  YOO-HOO!  It's a holiday weekend, my friends.  A HOLIDAY WEEKEND!  There will be no workin' for this cat this weekend, for sure.  'CAUSE IT'S A HOLIDAY, MY FRIENDS.  A HOLIDAY!


MOUSES!


What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?


Oh.


Yeah.


That.


Hmmm...


Well it's still a holiday weekend, whether or not it's a special day off for me.


What's that?


Oh.


That.


Hmmm...


Well just 'cause I don't have an actual job...


Just 'cause I don't work...


It doesn't mean that...


Okay, so it sorta DOES mean that I don't have to...


Okay, so fine.  I'm a cat.  And as a cat, I don't have a job.  And I don't do what one might call...  Well...  Work.  So yeah, if you're gonna put it like that, I guess this isn't a special long weekend for me on account of EVERY weekend bein' a long weekend, you see.


I suppose.


MOUSES!


But...


Well...


Well I still think that as this is Victoria Day Weekend and it IS a holiday weekend for most, I should also get to celebrate in some way.  Even if I don't have an extra day off...


I should still...


I should still...


I should STILL find a way to celebrate the day.


AND THE BEST WAY I KNOW to celebrate is to imbibe in the nip.


So...


SO BRING ON THE NIP, is what I say.  BRING ON THE NIP! 


But not for you, ol' peep of mine.  Nip is for cats and you're just a peep.  So just bring on the nip for Saffy and me.


Okay?


Okay.


MOUSES!


Well I'm glad that's all settled.  Peepers, you can find yourself some other way to celebrate, I should think.  Why not take a day off and have a nice long holiday weekend?


After you tend to all my needs, of course.  My very important holiday weekend needs.  After all, it wouldn't be right for me not to enjoy MY holiday weekend on account of your slackin' in the lookin'-after-kitties department, you see.


After all, apparently I'M not gettin' an extra day off.


MOUSES!


But all that aside...


HAPPY HOLIDAY WEEKEND, MY FRIENDS!  HAPPY HOLIDAY WEEKEND!  Happy Victoria Day to you all.


MOUSES!


*******************************


And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

Wednesday, 17 May 2023

of all the...


Of all the...


MOUSES!


Of all the mousin', moused-up, stupid things...


MOUSES!



Peepers, just what the mouses do you think you are doin'?


Did I hear correctly?  Are you seriously puttin' perfume on us cats?  Perfume?  PERFUME?  Are you seriously puttin' perfume on Saffy and me?


'Cause if you are...


'Cause if you are tryin' to put perfume on Saffy and me, I want you to know in no uncertain terms that as cats, WE DO NOT WEAR STINKY OL' PERFUME.  Stinky ol' perfume is reserved for stinky ol' peeps, who probably need to wear it in order to cover up their general...


Well, you know...


Stink.


Yes Peepers, I am well aware you wear perfume all the time.


I rest my case.


MOUSES!


But let me remind you: as a cat, I DO NOT WEAR STINKY PERFUME.


Okay, so there was that one time.  But in my defence, I was pretty nipped up when it happened.  AND HOW WAS I TO KNOW those clothes I was nappin' on had the remnants of perfumery stink?


Took me ages to wash off that rose-smellin' smell.


MOUSES!


But back to the topic at paw.  Saffron has told me you caught him and held him and applied stinky perfume to the back of his neck.  AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN', ol' peep of mine: Saffy was none-to-pleased 'bout the experience, to be sure.


Plus...  Now...  He stinks.


Or so I've been told.


MOUSES!


You were what?


Oh.


Well that's not too bad, I suppose.  I had noticed Saffy was scratchin' and stuff and yeah, I DID FIGURE it could be on account of his encounterin' fleas.  Or ticks.  Or ticks with fleas.


Do ticks even get fleas?


No matter.  Yeah, I had noticed all that.  So I guess one might say it's a good thing you dabbed him with the flea stuff on the back of his neck.  After all, if Saffy were to get fleas, he might give 'em to me and I don't want anyone givin' me fleas.


Not even my brother.


MOUSES!


Peepers, why are you lookin' at me like that?


Peepers, why is there a gleam in your eyes?


PEEPERS, WHAT ARE YOU...


WHY ARE YOU...


Gosh darn it, now I've been dabbed on the back of the neck.


Now I'M gonna stink, too!


MOUSES!


*******************************


And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!



Sunday, 14 May 2023

no way, no how...


"No way, no how, is this here plant gonna fit in that there pot.  MOUSES!"


I remember that joke my late, great brother Nissy made when he wrote it; and boy-oh-boy was it ever a super duper good joke, to be sure.


Nissy always wrote the best jokes.


MOUSES!


But anyway...


But anyway, I do believe Nissy wrote that joke 'round about Peepers' Day, way back when.  Peepers' Day; the day we cats celebrate our motherin'-type peeps.


Yeah, yeah... Some call it Mother's Day.  So sue me.


MOUSES!


But anyway...


But anyway, today is the day Saffy and I are celebratin' Peepers although truth be told, I'm not entirely sure why.  I mean, when you think about it...  When you really, REALLY think about it, Peepers kinda has it made 'round about here.  It's like EVERY day is Peepers' Day, to be sure.  


What we need is a Kitty's Day, or somethin' like that.  Unfortunately, the last time havin' a Kitty's Day was suggested, Peepers laughed 'til she was blue in the face.  In fact, she laughed so hard...


She laughed so hard I, Seville the Cat, thought I was gonna have to give her mouth to mouth or somethin' like that - which WOULD BE GROSS - but thankfully, Saffron came to my rescue and gave the peep a good slap, and that smartened her right up.


Slap...  Bitey...  Whatever.


MOUSES!


And there went my dreams of havin' a Kitty's Day to celebrate every year.


MOUSES!


So since it's just Peepers' Day and not Kitty's Day, I guess Saffy and I are expected to do somethin' special for the peep.  


Or so I've been told.


But figurin' out what that somethin' special should be is kinda hard 'cause like I said before, PEEPERS APPEARS TO ALREADY HAVE IT MADE 'round about here.  For mousin' out loud, SHE HAS THE PLEASURE OF LIVIN' WITH SAFFRON AND ME!


What on earth could be more special than that?


MOUSES!


But Saffy, bein' the suck up kinda kitty he is, decided to start early and sleep up on the bed by Peepers' tootsies the night before last which is somethin' Saffy never, ever has done before.  And he slept by her tootsies without even pouncin' on 'em or clawing 'em or biting 'em or anything like that which must have been really hard for Saffy on account of pouncin', catchin', clawin', and bitin' the peep's toes is one of his favourite pastimes, to be sure.


Guess he was too busy sleepin' to do any of that.


MOUSES!


And as for me...


Well as for me, since I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO INTENTION of goin' anywhere near Peepers' toes, and I don't have any other kinda gift at the ready...


And since it's already Peepers' Day, and all...


Well...


Well I guess I've decided to give her a gift certificate or somethin' similar.


BUT NOT A GIFT CERTIFICATE FOR MY SLEEPIN' ON THE BED OR ANYTHIN' LIKE THAT!


'Cause I'm not that kinda kitty, you see.


But perhaps I could stretch to give her a certificate entitling Peepers one hour of givin' me chin tickles or behind the ear scritches or even belly rubs.  One whole hour of havin' me all to herself.


Now THAT sounds like THE PURRFECT PEEPERS' DAY GIFT, to be sure.  One kitties all 'round the world can give to their peeps.


And one with no stinky peep toes at the foot of the bed to be found.


MOUSES!


*******************************


And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

Wednesday, 10 May 2023

peter piper


Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peepers.


Scratch that.  There's no such thing as a pickled peep.


Unless, of course, said peep were to be high on the nip.


MOUSES!


Nope, I think it was peppers.  Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled PEPPERS.


Yup, that sounds way better, for sure.


MOUSES!


On the other paw...


On the other paw, what's a cat like me gonna do with a peck of pickled peppers?  A peep, pickled or not, is of far more use than peppers.  After all, peeps have opposeable thumbs whereas peppers don't have any thumbs, at all.


I don't think.


MOUSES!


But anyway...


But anyway, I don't know who this Peter guy is and I don't particularly care why he was pickin' some peppers.  In fact, like I implied earlier, I don't care 'bout peppers at all.  I don't even care 'bout the pots of peppers Peepers has growin'.  I mean, they're peepers!  What the mouses is a cat gonna do with peppers?  They're...  They're...  They're...  THEY'RE PEPPERS!


MOUSES!


But do you know what I do care about, my friends?  Do you know what I really, really care about a lot?


NIP.


Yup, I care very much about the nip.


MOUSES!


And speakin' of catnip...


And speakin' of catnip, I was out and about the other day, inspectin' my pots of the nip.  Checkin' in on 'em.  Makin' sure they were healthy.  Lookin' for signs of distress.  You know, that sorta thing.


And while I was checkin' on my pots of catnip, what did I find?


Well...


Well I found a certain butt-sized indentation right in the midst of one of my pots of the nip.


MOUSES!


My first thought was, of course, WHAT THE MOUSES WAS PEEPERS THINKIN', SITTIN' IN THE MIDST OF MY VERY PRECIOUS POTS OF THE NIP?  WHAT WAS SHE THINKIN'?  WAS SHE THINKIN' AT ALL?


But then I took a closer look at that indentation and thought to myself, no, that can't be right.  Peepers' butt is way bigger than that.


MOUSES!


And THEN I thought....


Well that's 'bout the time I thought I might wanna go get nipped on account of my bein' so stressed out by the fact that SOMEONE had gone and sat right in the midst of my potted catnip plants and left a big ol' stupid indentation where they had sat.


So long story short...


Kinda.


So long story short, after I got nipped, I got the munchies and had to go find myself a snack.  And as snacks required on account of nip-induced munchies will do, said snack made me sleepy so I had to have a nap.


And after wakin' up from my nap...


After wakin' up from my nap, I went to investigate the strange indentation in my catnip plants, once more.


And that's when I saw...


That's when I saw one of my neighbourhood kitty pals sittin' right in the middle of my best potted catnip plant, munchin' away on my catnip, gettin' high as a kite on the nip.


So I immediately raced indoors 'cause I figured I had best go hide all the snacks.  'Cause after eatin' as much nip as he looked like he had eaten, I was bettin' he was gonna have a bad case of the munchies, for sure.


MOUSES!


*******************************


And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Sunday, 7 May 2023

misplaced aggression


Hey Saffy, what's up?  You're lookin' a little olive 'round the gills.


It's an expression, my man.  It's just an expression.  I'm not sayin' your charcoal grey furs have suddenly turned green.  Just means you look like you're feelin' unwell.


Well yes, the expression usually is green around the gills, but I'm tryin' to expand my vocabulary, you see.


MOUSES!


So anyway...  What's up?


Uh-huh.  Uh-huh.  Interestin'.  Hmmm...


So you definitely heard her usin' the term misplaced aggression, huh?  You're sure that was the term?


THEN WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU DO?


MOUSES!


Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.  Uh-huh.  Again, interestin'.  Very interestin', indeed.  Hmmm....


And you're sure you did nothin' at all.  You're sure you didn't lash out at her or anythin' like that?  You're sure you weren't upset with someone else and decided to take it out on the peep?  You're absolutely positively really and truly sure?


You are sure, you say.  Well not to worry, Saffy, my man.  I know the peep and I know her very well.  Peepers never holds cases of misplaced aggression against us cats.  Never!


Believe me, I know.


MOUSES!


SHE SAID WHAT?


ARE YOU SURE?


You're sure you heard Peepers say that if it happened again, she would put a stop to it, herself?


YOU'RE REALLY SURE?


And uh...  Ummm...  Well exactly how was she gonna put a stop to this case of misplaced aggression of yours?  I mean, you've already been neutered.  There's not much else she can do.


MOUSES!


SHE SAID WHAT?


Oh.


Wait a minute, ol' brother of mine.  Methinks you've got your tail in a twist, all for nothin'.  I don't think Peepers was talking 'bout you, at all.


BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS, Saffy, my man.  Peepers can't unfriend you or block you or anythin' like that in an attempt to put a stop to any outlandish and outrageous comments you make, on account of your not bein' on Facebook or Twitter to say stupid stuff in the first place.


I, other the paw, have to be super careful, for sure.  What with my blog and my fan page on Facebook, and all; not to mention my account over on Twitter.  Yup, I have to be super careful of what I say all the time, which is why...


Which is why I NEVER post stuff when I'm nipped.


MOUSES!


I once knew this cat who used to get nipped all the time before takin' to the keys, postin' all kinds of naughty stuff.  It was not a pretty sight, to be sure.


What did he say, you ask?  What did he SAY?


I have no idea, to tell you the truth.  What I meant was, it wasn't a pretty sight to see.  He once posted this picture of himself all nipped up like no cat has ever been nippered before.  His tongue was hangin' out and lollin' about; and there was drool drippin' down from his dewlaps.


Dewlaps.  You know, means jowls.  Like I said, I'm tryin' to expand my vocabulary, you see.



MOUSES!


But my point is, Saffron, that cat lay there lookin' just like a dog.


Not a pretty sight, at all.


MOUSES!


*******************************


And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

Wednesday, 3 May 2023

what the mouses?


What the mouses were you thinkin', woman?


WHAT THE MOUSES?


Of all the stupendously stupid, moused-up mousin' things to do...


MOUSES!


I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', Peepers has gone and done somethin' really stupid.  AGAIN.


And do you know what, my friends?


You would be right.


AGAIN.


MOUSES!


Okay, so here's the deal: Peepers went to the store today and came home with a trunk load of poopies.  That's right, poopies.  Poopies!  A whole whompin' trunk load of poopies.


MOUSES!


Bags and bags of the stuff.


MOUSES!


Meanwhile, here I am, diligently doin' my duty by fillin' the litter box a couple times a day, and Peepers goes out and BUYS poopies.  That's right, she PAID for those poopies she bought.


As if I don't leave enough in the litter box, already.


MOUSES!


DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY TREATS COULD HAVE BEEN BOUGHT WITH THE MONEY SHE USED TO BUY THOSE POOPS?


MOUSES!


Or for that matter...  I mean, if I wasn't leavin' enough deposits in the ol' litter box, myself...  Well...  Well she could have started up a collection or somethin' at the end of the driveway.  That's right, peeps are always passin' by, carryin' their little poop bags filled with poopies when walkin' their doggies.  She COULD have put a box down there and...


Scratch that.  There's no need soil a good box by fillin' it with poopies.


There's no need to do anythin' so crazy and rash, not to mention wasteful.


MOUSES!


But she COULD have put a big sign up down at the end of the driveway sayin' ATTENTION ALL DOG WALKERS: LEAVE BAGGED POOPIES HERE with a little arrow or somethin' directin' where the poop bags should be left.  I'm sure lots of doggy peeps would be willin' to leave their bags of poopies at the end of our driveway instead of carrying 'em around with 'em while finishin' their walk.


It's not like some of 'em don't leave the bags of poop behind, anyway.


MOUSES!


But oh no...  OH NO...  OH NO, NOT MY PEEP.  What does MY peep go and do?  My peep, bein' very peepishly peep-like, goes out and PAYS GOOD MONEY - that could and should have been spent on treats for me - on bags and bags of poop.  Poop!  A big ol' honkin' trunk load of poop.


MOUSES!


HEY PEEPERS!  PEEPERS!  Listen up, you hear?  Next time you feel the need to go get yourself a whole load of manure - aka poopies - for the garden, before you go out and waste any more money on poop, you come talk to me.  YOU HEAR?


By gosh and by golly, I'll even deliver those poopies for free.  That's right, I can bypass the ol' litter box and deposit my deposits straight into the garden for you.  I can even dig 'em in!  Save you all that wasted effort WHICH WOULD BE MUCH BETTER SPENT by goin' to the store and gettin' some really nice treats for yours truly.


And maybe a bag or two for Saffy, as well.


Provided he helps with the poopin', of course.


MOUSES!


*******************************


And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!