"No way, no how, is this here plant gonna fit in that there pot. MOUSES!"
I remember that joke my late, great brother Nissy made when he wrote it; and boy-oh-boy was it ever a super duper good joke, to be sure.
Nissy always wrote the best jokes.
But anyway, I do believe Nissy wrote that joke 'round about Peepers' Day, way back when. Peepers' Day; the day we cats celebrate our motherin'-type peeps.
Yeah, yeah... Some call it Mother's Day. So sue me.
But anyway, today is the day Saffy and I are celebratin' Peepers although truth be told, I'm not entirely sure why. I mean, when you think about it... When you really, REALLY think about it, Peepers kinda has it made 'round about here. It's like EVERY day is Peepers' Day, to be sure.
What we need is a Kitty's Day, or somethin' like that. Unfortunately, the last time havin' a Kitty's Day was suggested, Peepers laughed 'til she was blue in the face. In fact, she laughed so hard...
She laughed so hard I, Seville the Cat, thought I was gonna have to give her mouth to mouth or somethin' like that - which WOULD BE GROSS - but thankfully, Saffron came to my rescue and gave the peep a good slap, and that smartened her right up.
Slap... Bitey... Whatever.
And there went my dreams of havin' a Kitty's Day to celebrate every year.
So since it's just Peepers' Day and not Kitty's Day, I guess Saffy and I are expected to do somethin' special for the peep.
Or so I've been told.
PLEASURE OF LIVIN' WITH SAFFRON AND ME!
What on earth could be more special than that?
But Saffy, bein' the suck up kinda kitty he is, decided to start early and sleep up on the bed by Peepers' tootsies the night before last which is somethin' Saffy never, ever has done before. And he slept by her tootsies without even pouncin' on 'em or clawing 'em or biting 'em or anything like that which must have been really hard for Saffy on account of pouncin', catchin', clawin', and bitin' the peep's toes is one of his favourite pastimes, to be sure.
Guess he was too busy sleepin' to do any of that.
And as for me...
Well as for me, since I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO INTENTION of goin' anywhere near Peepers' toes, and I don't have any other kinda gift at the ready...
And since it's already Peepers' Day, and all...
Well I guess I've decided to give her a gift certificate or somethin' similar.
BUT NOT A GIFT CERTIFICATE FOR MY SLEEPIN' ON THE BED OR ANYTHIN' LIKE THAT!
'Cause I'm not that kinda kitty, you see.
But perhaps I could stretch to give her a certificate entitling Peepers one hour of givin' me chin tickles or behind the ear scritches or even belly rubs. One whole hour of havin' me all to herself.
Now THAT sounds like THE PURRFECT PEEPERS' DAY GIFT, to be sure. One kitties all 'round the world can give to their peeps.
And one with no stinky peep toes at the foot of the bed to be found.
Remember to mask up, too.