What the mouses were you thinkin', woman?
WHAT THE MOUSES?
Of all the stupendously stupid, moused-up mousin' things to do...
I know, I know... I know what you're thinkin'. You're thinkin', Peepers has gone and done somethin' really stupid. AGAIN.
And do you know what, my friends?
You would be right.
Okay, so here's the deal: Peepers went to the store today and came home with a trunk load of poopies. That's right, poopies. Poopies! A whole whompin' trunk load of poopies.
Bags and bags of the stuff.
Meanwhile, here I am, diligently doin' my duty by fillin' the litter box a couple times a day, and Peepers goes out and BUYS poopies. That's right, she PAID for those poopies she bought.
As if I don't leave enough in the litter box, already.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY TREATS COULD HAVE BEEN BOUGHT WITH THE MONEY SHE USED TO BUY THOSE POOPS?
Or for that matter... I mean, if I wasn't leavin' enough deposits in the ol' litter box, myself... Well... Well she could have started up a collection or somethin' at the end of the driveway. That's right, peeps are always passin' by, carryin' their little poop bags filled with poopies when walkin' their doggies. She COULD have put a box down there and...
Scratch that. There's no need soil a good box by fillin' it with poopies.
There's no need to do anythin' so crazy and rash, not to mention wasteful.
But she COULD have put a big sign up down at the end of the driveway sayin' ATTENTION ALL DOG WALKERS: LEAVE BAGGED POOPIES HERE with a little arrow or somethin' directin' where the poop bags should be left. I'm sure lots of doggy peeps would be willin' to leave their bags of poopies at the end of our driveway instead of carrying 'em around with 'em while finishin' their walk.
It's not like some of 'em don't leave the bags of poop behind, anyway.
But oh no... OH NO... OH NO, NOT MY PEEP. What does MY peep go and do? My peep, bein' very peepishly peep-like, goes out and PAYS GOOD MONEY - that could and should have been spent on treats for me - on bags and bags of poop. Poop! A big ol' honkin' trunk load of poop.
HEY PEEPERS! PEEPERS! Listen up, you hear? Next time you feel the need to go get yourself a whole load of manure - aka poopies - for the garden, before you go out and waste any more money on poop, you come talk to me. YOU HEAR?
And maybe a bag or two for Saffy, as well.
Provided he helps with the poopin', of course.