the Canadian way

Yup, you're right.  You are most definitely right.  You are most definitely right, to be sure.  'Cause it's true, I WAS complainin' about it bein' all rainy and kinda chilly on Sunday, and the fact that there wasn't a single solitary sunpuddle in sight.

I repeat, NOT A SINGLE SOLITARY SUNPUDDLE IN SIGHT.

Can you believe it?

MOUSES!

But that was then and this is now, and now...

And now...

AND NOW I'M COMPLAININ' ABOUT THE HEAT.

MOUSES!

It's the Canadian way, my friends.  Complaining 'bout the weather, that is.  We complain 'cause it's cold and then 'cause it's hot and sometimes...

Sometimes...

SOMETIMES WE COMPLAIN FOR THE SAKE OF COMPLAININ'.

At least that's how it seems.

MOUSES!

As I said, it's the Canadian way.

MOUSES!

But seriously, my pals.  It IS way too hot.  Way too hot to be sure.  Mother Nature took her rain clouds away and turned up the heat.  There are heat warnings all over the province.  Right now, at this very moment, whilst I sit here and write, it's 33 degrees.  33C and feelin' like 43.

Hot, sticky humidity.

Feels like a sauna 'round here.

MOUSES!

Peeps are complainin' all over the place.  Why just this mornin', I heard my Peepers complain.  Then she went upstairs to change into shorts.  Shorts!  Shorts.

It's not fair, you know.  It's not fair at all.  We kitties can't change into shorts.  Our furs are our furs and they're great for keepin' us warm, but contrary to public opinion, they can't insulate us FROM the heat as much as we'd like.

Oh what I'd do for a pair of nice cool shorty-short shorts.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of peeps...

And speakin' of peeps, do you know what my peep did to Saffron today?

You don't?

Then I should tell you, for sure.

Saffy Saffron Sassafras had found a relatively cool spot outside.  I say relatively 'cause it was in the shade and although not nearly as hot as spots in the sun, on account of the hot weather, it was still pretty warm.

Well Peepers spotted him out there.  I'm really not sure how.  She has this sixth sense or somethin' like that.  Sometimes I think she has eyes in the back of her head.

But anyway...

But anyway, Peepers spotted Saffron and outside she went.  On a mission, she was.  On a mission to grab Saffy, sayin' something 'bout something 'bout how it was cooler inside.

But then do you know what she did?

SHE PICKED UP MY POOR BROTHER.

AND IN HER ARMS HE WAS HELD.

That's right, into her arms poor Saffy went.  Where she gave him a hug and then cuddles.  And then kisses, I'm afraid.

The things we kitties have to put up with in return for three good squares and a supply of the nip.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin' that cuddles and kisses aren't all that bad.

And sometimes...

Sometimes, you're right.  Sometimes it's okay for Peepers to do things like that.

But huggin' a kitty when it's 33C and feelin' like 43?

IT'S WAY TOO HOT TODAY FOR CUDDLES, MY FRIENDS.

Would someone please pass me an icy cold nipgarita.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

da hots

We gots da hots.

MOUSES!

No, I don't have a fever or anythin' like that.

BUT MOTHER NATURE SURE DOES.

MOUSES!

I'm tellin' ya, all this heat and humidity is wearin' pretty thin.  Peeps have NO IDEA how we cats feel when it gets this hot.

NO IDEA. WHATSOEVER!

Peeps?  Peeps are lucky.  Peeps can take off their clothes, and...

Scratch that.  Peeps walking 'round nekkid is never a good idea, for there are some things a kitty can never unsee.

I would rather they go jump in a lake.

Take that as you wish.

MOUSES!

But peeps can take off SOME of their clothes.  At least they can take off the heavy ones and put on somethin' lighter.  And bare arms and legs are okay.

I suppose.

MOUSES!

But us cats?  We cats have no clothes to take off!

Our fur coats are attached, you see.

MOUSES!

Yesterday I hung out under a bush for part of the day.  I'm not tellin' anyone which bush, in case the peeps think they might cool off by hangin' out under the SAME bush as me, usin' up some of MY somewhat cool space.

But today, even under that bush is too hot.  So today I'm stayin' indoors.  Today I'm plunkin' my tail down in front of a fan, and...

GET OUTTA MY SPACE!

You heard me, Peepers.  GET OUTTA MY SPACE.

Boy-oh-boy, do you know what Peepers just did?  She just sat down next to me, and...

AND SHE USED UP ALL OF MY FAN!

Okay, so maybe she didn't USE IT UP, but it sure felt like she did.  She sat between me and my fan and blocked all the cool air that was meant for ME, and...

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET OUTTA MY FAN!

Peeps.  They have no consideration.  No consideration at all.

Look Peepers, if you're that hot, go take of some clothes.  But if you're thinking 'bout walkin' around nekkid or anythin' like that...

DON'T EVEN THINK 'BOUT DOIN' IT NEAR ME.

Like I said earlier: there are some things a kitty can never unsee.

MOUSES!

Oh, and Peepers?  It's one thing to take off your pants or top or whatever, but if you're walkin' about in public, near other peeps?  Well if you're doin' that, pants or no pants, you had still better be wearin' your mask.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to MASK UP, too.

fourteen weeks

I'm gettin' kinda tired of all this addin' and multiplyin' and complicated mathematics stuff, so let's just cut the chase, shall we?

SEVENTY-SIX MILLION, TWO HUNDRED AND FOUR THOUSAND, EIGHT HUNDRED SECONDS, IN CAT TIME.

That's how long I've been cooped up here in the house with the peeps stayin' the blazes home.

MOUSES!

*scratches behind one ear*

And let me tell you somethin', my friends, it has been UNBEARABLE for sure.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of bears...

That bear that came 'round here?  Apparently he came back.  Yup, the very next day he was around, gettin' into peeps' garbage and stuff.  Not ours, of course, on account of...

Well...

Well just 'cause he likes us, I guess.

MOUSES!

But I'll tell you who doesn't like us, my friends.  Yup, I'll tell you right now.

MOTHER NATURE, that's who.

MOUSES!

It has been unbearably...

UnBEARably...

HaHaHaaa..  Oh my mouses, sometimes I crack myself up.

It has been UNBEARABLY hot these last few days.  Heat warnings and everythin'.  Who the mouses ever heard of Nova Scotia bein' in the thirties in June?  Mid June, no less.  JUNE!  Goodness knows what it'll be like in July.

MOUSES!

And it's not like I can whip off my fur coat and don a light cotton tee.  I'm a cat, and my coat is permanent, you see.

Peeps don't know how lucky they are with their bare skin and stuff.

MOUSES!

Bare skin...  BARE skin.

My gosh, I've gone and done it again.

Cracked myself up, that is.

MOUSES!

But all puns aside, bottom line is, it's hot.  Super hot.  Way too hot for a kitty like me.  And I'm thinkin' with today's litigious society...

WHO CAN I SUE?

MOUSES!


Or should that be whom?

Either way, there must be SOMEONE, for sure, 'cause some peeps out there sue others at the drop of a hat.

And I wanna get in that action, and sue a dirty ol' rat.

Although maybe I shouldn't be callin' Mother Nature a dirty ol' rat, since she appears to be in control of the global thermostat, and all that.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

turn it off!

Turn it off.

Turn it off.

I said, TURN IT OFF.

MOUSES!

Oh for mousin' out loud.

TURN. IT. OFF.

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

What do I want turned off?

Don't you know nothin' about nothin'?  The heat, Peepers.  The heat!  I want the heat turned off and I want it turned off NOW.

Or at least turned down a bit.

MOUSES!

You have no idea, Peepers.  NO IDEA AT ALL!  There you are, prancin' about in your t-shirt and shorts, baring your arms and legs for all to see.  You're like a shameless hussy, you are.

MOUSES!

I, on the other paw, am a cat.  A CAT!  A cat with a built-in fur coat.  I can't take off a few layers when the temperature soars.  I have only the one layer to start with, and like I said, it's built-in.  My fur coat doesn't come off.

MOUSES!

Why yes, I am cursing up a storm over here, sayin' MOUSES this and MOUSES that for anyone and everyone to hear.  You would be too if you were feeling the heat like me.

MOUSES!

And it's not just the heat, you know?  It's the humidity, too.

Now granted, the humidity doesn't make my fur go all crazy and wild like it does your hair - AND THANKS-BE-TO-GOODNESS FOR THAT - but it still makes me feel extra hot.

By the way, Peepers, since the topic has come up.  Do they not make ANYTHIN' to fix that ol' hair problem of yours?  I mean, it kinda looks like your head went all rogue and blew itself up.

MOUSES!

Oohhh...  I wonder if that's why Rushy's tail looks the way it does.  You know, all poofy and puffy and stuff.  I'll ask him the next time I see him.  Whenever I have the energy to get up and walk about in this heat.

MOUSES!

But back to the topic at paw.  It's hot, Peepers.  Hot as Hades, for sure.  And I'm not likin' it one bit.

What's more, I'm pretty sure you - yes YOU, Peepers - are to blame.

MOUSES!

Why?

Why?

WHY?

Well I'll tell you why, for sure.  Peepers, remember way back in May and early June?

REMEMBER?

Remember when you were complainin' it was too cold for spring?  Complainin' it was too cold for the garden?  Complainin' about the lack of heat?

REMEMBER?

Perhaps you've forgotten, but I sure haven't, AND IT SEEMS TO ME, somebody heard all your stupid complainin', Peepers, and now...

And now it's as hot as hot can be.

AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

Now be a good little peep and go turn that stupid heat off.

MOUSES!