couple things

Couple things I'd like to discuss today on this here blog of mine.  A couple of VERY IMPORTANT things, for sure.

MOUSES!

First of all, yesterday was a big day for ol' Saffy Saffron Saffers Sassafras.  Yesterday was his big adventure.  Yesterday was his...

Well yesterday was the day Saffron got to meet my favourite doctor in the whole wide world: Dr T.

No relation to Mr T, of course, on account of DR T bein' female.

MOUSES!

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', ol' Sassafras was supposed to meet Dr T last week, and you know somethin'?  You're right!

Kinda.

Sorta.

Maybe not.

MOUSES!

Yup, Peepers went and put the wrong date on the calendar so Saffron, Peepers, and I all thought the appointment was for last Thursday.  But as it turned out, last Thursday was St. Patrick's Day and not Saffron's doctor's appointment day, at all.  Leave it to the peep to screw things up.

MOUSES!

But anyway...

But anyway, once the calendar stuff was all sorted out, Saffron was all set for his appointment.

Kinda.

Truth is, he didn't know what was happenin' WHICH I KNOW to be a fact on account of Peepers bein' able to pick him up and stuff him in the crate without so much as a meow.  I'm gonna have to have a chat with that brother of mine.  He's gonna need to learn that when Peepers tries to crate us, IT IS OUR RESPONSIBILITY to give her as hard a time as we can give.  Runnin' downstairs, hidin' under beds, kickin' up a fuss, that sorta thing...  His bein' so cooperative yesterday makes me look bad and we can't have that now, can we.

MOUSES!

But back to Saffy's appointment.  From what I heard, all went well.  Saffron got poked and prodded and all the usual stuff.  Had his temperature taken - bleh - and his heart listened to as it raced a mile a minute on account of his nerves; but he's as fit as a fiddle, I'm told.  Yup, all 4.7kg of him.  One little toofie is a little screwy so that'll be comin' out when he goes in for his neuterin'.  No big deal, they say.  And he got all three of his vaccines so he's safe from diseases and stuff.

Oh, there was something 'bout half of his exam bein' done down on the floor, under the examination table.  He was hidin' under there and didn't wanna come out so Dr T got down on her paws and paws, and examined him there.  Dr T is good 'bout stuff like that.  Why, once she even crawled right into a crate with me!  True story.  Fact.

MOUSES!

But back to Saffy's appoin...

No, wait.  I'm all done talkin' about that.  Now I wanna tell you 'bout the OTHER bit of news I have.

Yesterday, after the doctor's appointment, Saffy and I enjoyed...

THE FIRST CATNIP LEAVES OF THE SEASON!!!

That's right, my friends, Peepers discovered one of my special nip plants growin' out front was comin' back to life after the winter.  It was sproutin' out there and there were leaves unfurlin' and the beautiful aroma of catnip was permeatin' the air....  

AHHH....

So Peepers picked a few leaves, and...

THEY WERE ABSOLUTELY, SCRUMPTIOUSLY DELICIOUS.

Better than that fairy I ate last Thursday, for sure.

It was all grizzle.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

and now, the conclusion

Previously, on Nerissa's Life:

I went over to the armoire again, and leaned up against the wall behind it.  Closing one eye, I attempted to peer between the chunky piece of furniture and the wall.  Oops!  Wrong eye.  Hehehe...  My bad.  But never one to give up, I closed the other eye and took another peek.  What I saw made me stagger backwards in shock.  Turning around, my mouth hanging open, I said to my brother, "Rushy, you're not gonna believe what's goin' on back there.  MOUSES!"


"Let ME see," and Rushy barged forward, pushing me aside.

I held him back by his tail.  "It's probably better that I just tell you.  Back there, in the wee little space between the armoire and the wall, is my ball of yarn and all that fur you were tellin' me about from your bein' combed last night, and..."

"Well how did my fur get back there?  Who put it back there?  Did YOU put my fur back there, Seville?"

"NO.  Why would I do that?  And why would I put my ball of yarn back there?  I was lookin' for that, too, you know.  But hang on, there's more."

Rushy waited with bated breath.  Scratch that.  Rushy waited with bated, fishy-smelling breath.  Prior to comin' into the family room, he had obviously been into the tuna.  MOUSES!

"There are a couple of garden fairies back there, too, Rushton," I explained.  "That's right, two garden fairies sitting there, doin' some kind of needlework or somethin' like that."

Rushton looked confused which, to be honest, is not an unusual look for him.  "Let me see," and he pushed me aside again, this time making his way over to the armoire.  He reached his right paw into the space behind the piece of furniture and the wall, and when he withdrew it, dangling from one claw was one of the fairies.

"Put me down!  PUT ME DOWN!" she squealed with the squeaky voice of a mouse.  "You put me down right this minute."

I peered at the fairy as she angrily danced in midair.  "What were doing back there?" I asked her.

"Preparing for winter," she said.  "What did you think we were doing?  And are you --"  she was looking at Rushton, now -- "going to let go of my wings?  You'll damage them, you big long-haired brute."

"Sorry," Rushton murmured, sounding a little ashamed.  He set the fairy down on the floor.  "But why did you steal Seville's ball of yarn, and the peep's laundry, and why-oh-WHY did you steal all of my fur?"

"It's not like you were using it," the fairy grumbled.  "We only took what your human combed out of your coat."

I held a paw up before Rushton started to protest about his wanting to keep that lump of fur I knew full well the peep planned to throw out.

"But why?" I asked the fairy again.  "WHY are you back there with our stuff?  And why did you cut all those holes out of the peep's top?"

"We needed bed sheets," was her reply.

Rushton and I looked at one another, dumbfounded.

"Bed sheets?" I asked.

"Yes, bed sheets.  And blankets, too.  That's why we needed your ball of yarn.  My sister and I have blankets to knit.  And as for your loose fur," and she looked pointedly at my brother, "it makes for quite good insulation."

I shook my head to clear it.  "What?  Why?  I don't understand."

"Of course you don't," snapped the fairy.  "You cats and your humans NEVER understand.  You meddle in the affairs of others, never thinking about the damage you're doing."

"But I..."

"Don't interrupt," the fairy scolded me.  "We fairies were perfectly happy living in nooks and hollows in old trees in forests and gardens, moving underground when winter approached.  But humans couldn't allow that.  OH NO, humans had to go around putting out fairy houses and building entire fairy villages all over the forest floor, luring us into them with the promise of pretty surroundings, and..."

"But I..."

"I said, DON'T interrupt," and she scolded me again.  "NOW, there are fairies living in gardens all over the place, in houses with absolutely no protection against the cold.  Those houses the humans built for us are made out of ceramic, for goodness sake.  Do you have any idea how cold ceramic gets in the dead of a Canadian winter?"

I opened my mouth to answer, thought better of it, and closed it again.

"If my sister and I don't get these bed sheets and blankets made in the next couple weeks, we'll freeze our little wings off out there."

The fairy paused, and I waited for her to continue.  When she didn't, I spoke up.

"Well... Well what if you were to just move back into your little underground hollows and stuff for the winter?"

"AND GIVE UP OUR LUXURY MULTI-BEDROOM FAIRY HOUSES WITH THEIR WHITE PICKET FENCES, GARDEN POOLS AND SWINGS?" she hollered.

I looked over at my brother, Rushton, who was furiously diggin' at his long fur, yankin' clumps out here and there; pretty much everywhere.  "You had better get that ball of forest green yarn out of the peep's knitting bag," he told me.  "The one you thought I might like.  Go get it and paw it over to her, pronto."

As I passed Rushy on my way over to the knitting bag, he hissed in my ear, "The only way to get rid of fairies is to give them what they want.  I'll give her more loose fur, you give her another ball of yarn, and later on, we'll find some more of the peep's cotton laundry."

Of course, my brother was right.  If there's one thing I know, it's that the best way of gettin' rid of unwanted fairies is by meeting their demands.

MOUSES!

the fairy tale

I sat back on my haunches and looked about the room.  "It's the weirdest thing," I said to myself.  "I know I left that ball of yarn out here last night.  I KNOW it!"  I peered under both the chesterfield and its matching chair, thinking the yarn might have rolled - or been kicked - under one of them by mistake but no, there was no sign of it under either one.  "PEEPERS," I called out.  "Have you seen..."

"The peep is busy upstairs looking for something."  It was my brother Rushton who answered my call.

"Is she looking for my ball of yarn?" I asked, hopefully.

"No," Rushy answered.  "She's muttering about some of the laundry she did yesterday having gone missing, and I doubt she laundered your ball of yarn.  And since when did YOU get a ball of yarn, anyway?"

"Since I took one out of the peep's knitting bag," I replied.  "Thing is though, it's gone missin'."

"Maybe Peepers found out you stole her ball of yarn and took it back.  Did you look for it in her knitting bag again?"

"Of course I did," I said with a sneer.  "Uh..." and I hesitated, "but maybe I'll a take another peek.  You know, to be sure."

Rushy rolled his eyes, obviously not believin' me.  MOUSES!

"Nope, not here," and I pulled my head out of the knitting bag.  "But there is a half ball of forest green yarn that would look really good with your fur.  You want it?"

Rushton sighed.  "I do, but I don't.  The peep says we're not allowed to play with her yarn, and I don't want to get into trouble."

"Suit yourself," I shrugged.  "But I still can't figure out where my ball of yarn went."

"When you were looking for your yarn," Rushton began, "did you happen to come across a big lump of orange-coloured fur?  That loose fur the peep got out of my coat when she combed me last night?"

"If I had, I would have left it right where I found it.  I'm not touchin' your fur."  The very thought disgusted me.  "The peep probably put it in the garbage or the compost bin or somethin'."

"She didn't," Rushy said.  "She was going to, but I snatched it out of her hand because...  Well...  Well because it was mine, and winter's coming, and I might need that fur to keep me warm."

I shook my head and went back to looking for my ball of yarn when something white caught my attention.  Was that a scrap of 100% white cotton peeking out from behind the armoire?  "How did that get there?" I wondered aloud.

I pawed my way over to the armoire, grabbed onto the fabric, and gave it a good pull.  Something - or someone - was holding onto it at its other end.  I gave it another tug, this time leaning back and using all fifteen pounds of my weight as leverage, and...  And...  And...

SPLAT!!!

Okay, so it wasn't so much a splat as a...  Uh...  Um...  Well I tumbled backwards and landed on my tail, okay?  It hurt, too, but I had hold of that piece of fabric.  I, Seville the Cat, had won.  MOUSES!

I took a good look at the fabric I held in my paw and saw it was a white t-shirt kinda thing belonging to the peep.  Was this one of the tops she had put in the laundry yesterday?  One of the things that Rushy said had gone missing?  How on earth did it end up behind the armoire?  And a better question was, why on earth were there a whole bunch of...

"Are those rectangular holes cut out of the peep's top?" Andy asked, interrupting my train of thought.  "She's not going to be pleased when she sees that."  He put one front paw on my shoulder, and used the other to hold up the shirt to get a better view.   "Sivvers, my boy, you're in it up to your whiskers."

"I didn't cut those holes out of the peep's top," I said, grabbing the t-shirt out of Rushy's paw.  "But someone sure did.  Someone cut a bunch of teeny-tiny rectangular holes in this thing.  It's totally ruined, for sure."

I went over to the armoire again and leaned up against the wall behind it.  Closing one eye, I attempted to peer between the chunky piece of furniture and the wall.  Oops!  Wrong eye.  Hehehe...  My bad.  But never one to give up, I closed the other eye and took another peek.  What I saw made me stagger backwards in shock.  Turning around, my mouth hanging open, I said to my brother, "Rushy, you're not gonna believe what's goin' on back there.  MOUSES!"

*******************************************

Remember to return to Nerissa's Life, the blog, on Sunday December 1st for the conclusion to my latest adventure.  MOUSES!

the infestation

"Whatcha doin' there, Mason?" Seville whispered in his sister's ear.  "Spyin' on the peeps?"

"SHHH!" Mason slumped her shoulders, disappointedly.  "Darn it, Seville.  You made me miss what Peep #1 said right before she hung up the phone."

"Sorry 'bout that, Sis.  Was it an important call?"

"I'll say.  The peep has some sort of infestation," and Mason spat the last word out with disgust.

Seville's eyes grew wide.  "Was she talkin' to the doctor?  Is it serious?  IS IT CONTAGIOUS?  IS IT CONTAGIOUS TO CATS?  MOUSES!"

Shaking her head, Mason replied, "I don't think so.  She was talking to some kind of plant doctor, whatever that is.  Some of the plants in the sunroom are infested with...  Uh...  I think she said it was greenflies.  No, she said, aphids."

"Pshaw!  Nothin' for us to worry 'bout then.  On the other paw...  Mason, why don't we go sort out those aphids for the peep?  I bet we can get rid of 'em, lickity-split.  MOUSES!"

Mason shrugged.  "I suppose we can try.  Let's go check it out."

Seville opened the sunroom door, only to back away quickly before slamming it shut again.  "MOUSES!" he cried.  "It's not just one or two plants with aphids.  THE WHOLE SUNROOM is FILLED with green things flying around everywhere.  It's the infestation of all infestations.  An infestation of mammoth proportions.  IT'S HUGE!  It's...  It's....  IT'S...  IT'S A NIGHTMARE IN THERE.  No wonder the peep was callin' a plant doctor for help.  I think she should be callin' in the army, myself.  We're gonna need exterminators.  Or ghost busters.  Or BOTH!  MOUSES!"

"It's THAT bad?" Mason queried, as a green object hit the glass pane of the sunroom door, causing her to jump backwards with fright.

"Yup.  That bad and more.  How the mouses did aphids multiply like that?"

"And why are they so big?"  Mason stared in disbelief as another green object hit the door.  "They must be the size of small birds!"

"At least.  Never seen anythin' like it," Seville muttered.  "MOUSES!"

"Mouses is right.  They could be the size of mice.  They're definitely bigger than chickadees."  Mason peered through the sunroom door, staring at the objects flitting about the room.  "Do you think they're some kind of aphid mutation?" she finally asked.

Seville sat back on his haunches.  "If that's the case, Peep #1 isn't gonna be able to deal with 'em all by herself, and I'm not sure a mere plant doctor will be able to help her, either.  Generally speakin', peeps aren't used to dealin' with mutations and stuff.  Hmmm...  I wonder if they could be radioactive," he pondered.

"Well Peep #1 is DEFINITELY not used to dealing with that."

Seville nodded, "You got that right, Sis.  This is most definitely a job for us cats.  Now how exactly does one deal with a radioactive infestation of mutated aphids?  You think we should...?"

"Seville..." Mason interrupted, as ANOTHER green object hit the glass door.  She watched it as it flew away, and across the room.  "I don't think those things in there are aphids.  I don't think they're insects, at all.  They look more like..."

"Like FAIRIES," Seville said with dread.  "MOUSES!"  He turned to his sister and grabbed her by the shoulders.  "Do you know what this means, Mason?  It means, the peep has a FAIRY infestation in the sunroom!  How the HECK does that even happen?"

Mason shook herself free from Seville's grasp.  Gritting her teeth, she asked, "Are you sure you didn't have anything to do with this, Seville?"

"Of course not.  How the mouses...  Hmmm...  On the other paw...."  and Seville scratched behind an ear.  "Now that I come to think of it..."

"What did you do?" asked his sister.

"Well...  Nah, that can't be it."  Seville shook his head.  "Although..."

"Spit it out, Sivvers.  What. Did. You. Do."

"Well..."

"What did you do THIS time, I should be asking," persisted Mason.

"Well I might have...  Nah, I REALLY don't think that could have uh...  Ummm...  Okay, so this is what happened," and Seville clapped his front paws together.   "Remember that fairy garden the peep was settin' up in the sunroom?"

"Yeah..."

"Well in that fairy garden,  there was this little door.  It was a pretty small door.  It was fairy sized, you know?  And it was stuck."

"Stuck?" asked Mason.  "Stuck on what?"

"Oh, it wasn't stuck on anythin', Sis.  It was stuck shut.  And as a cat, I've never met a door I didn't want to open.  You know, to see what's on the other side, and that sort of thing.  We cats always wanna be on the other side of any closed door, right?"

"Go on," Mason urged.

"Well...  Well I was absolutely sure I could get that little fairy door open.  It had a keyhole and everythin'.  All I needed, was the key."

"And did it have a key?" Mason asked.

"No.  Unfortunately, there was no key.  But I wasn't gonna let the lack of a key get the best of me!  So I uh...  Well... Well I kinda jimmied the lock.  And do you know what?  That little fairy door opened right up!"

"To where?" Mason looked confused.  "I mean, what was on the other side?"

"Now that was where things got kinda weird," and Seville made himself more comfortable before continuing his explanation.  "There was like this empty hole on the other side of the door.  It was a really long, very dark, tunnel kind of thing, leading to...  To I don't know where.  It was just empty, black space."

"That IS weird," agreed Mason.  "So what did you do then?  Close the door shut again?"

"Uh....  That would be a negative, Sis.  I think that's about the time I heard Peep #1 openin' a bag of treats, so - OF COURSE - I ran into the kitchen to get some.  And to tell you the truth, I don't really know what happened to the little fairy door after that.  I think I just left it there."

Mason scowled at her brother.  "Mouses Seville, you've gone and opened some sort of wormhole, or transdimensional vortex, or..  Or...  Or I don't know what, leading from I don't know where, right into our sunroom.  This is not a good thing, Sivvers."

Just then, another fairy hit the sunroom door with a loud thud.

"And the fairies appear to a wee bit upset, too," Mason said, adding an Irish lilt to her voice.

"You'd really think they'd learn to stop hittin' the door like that," murmured Seville as another fairy slammed into it.  "That's gotta hurt.  MOUSES!"

"Seville," began Mason, "can you see the fairy garden from this side of the sunroom door?  Can you see if the fairy door is still open?

Seville peered through the glass.  "Yup, it's over there in the far corner.  The door appears to be shut, but I really don't remember closin' it."

"HEY!  CAT!" yelled a fairy, who was fluttering mid-air in the sunroom.  "You're the cat I saw yesterday, when I came to visit the garden on this side of the door."

"I am?"  Seville looked dumbfounded.  "You saw me, yesterday?  You saw ME?"

"Yes.  Moments after I flew into the garden, I looked over and saw you, high-tailing it out of this...  This prison, where my sisters and I have been trapped."

Seville thought for a moment.  "So you're sayin', right after I opened that there little door," and he pointed over to the fairy garden, "you flew through it, and into our sunroom?  And all those other fairies?  Did they just follow you through the same door?"

"Yes," answered the fairy.  "We like to travel in packs.  Do you have a problem with that?"

Ignoring the fairy's question, Mason asked, "And then you were all trapped in our sunroom?"

"If by sunroom, you mean this PRISON, then yes," the fairy answered.

"Well that's dumb," said Seville.  "If you thought you were bein' imprisoned in our sunroom, why didn't you just turn around, and fly back through the door again?"

The fairy's expression grew impatient.  "Because, STUPID, by the time we realised we had been imprisoned, the door has closed shut again.  There was another cat in here.  Orange like you, but with longer fur.  One of my sisters startled him, and as he turned to flee, his tail hit the garden door, swinging it shut."

Mason and Seville looked at one another and in unison, stated, "Andy."

"Well?" said the fairy.  "Are you going to set us free?  Or are you planning on holding us here indefinitely.  Or are you holding us hostage for ransom of some kind...  Are you demanding a ransom of leprechaun gold before you'll return us to Ireland?"

"Oh for mousin' out loud.  Hold onto your horses there," Seville told the fairy, tersely.  "No one's holdin' you hostage or damandin' ransom or anythin' like that.  Although...  About how much gold would we be talkin' about, exactly?"

Mason gave Seville a hard smacky-paw to the back of his head.

"Ouch!"  Seville scowled at his sister.   "Fine.  I guess it would be best if we were to just let them go."

"Don't think you're letting them free in our house," Mason warned.

Seville sighed.  "Don't be silly, Sis.  "I jimmied that lock open before, I can jimmy it open again.  Once the door is open, the fairies will be free to fly back through the door, and return to Ireland."

"Sounds like a reasonable plan," agreed Mason.  "Although you are going to have to enter the fairy infested sunroom to do it."

"Don't I know it.  Once I enter the sunroom, Sis, be sure to slam the door shut.  We don't want any of those fairies gettin' loose out here."  Seville took a deep breath, swung open the door, and dashed inside the sunroom, calling out behind him, "Wish me luck!"

"Good luck," Mason whispered under her breath.  She closed the door behind her brother, and watched Seville as he made his way across the room, swatting flying fairies out of his way, as if they were a swarm of green and white mosquitoes.

Slowly but surely, Seville fiddled with the fairy door's lock until he managed to get it open.  "Whew," he sighed with relief.  "Okay you fairies!" he called out.  "You all need to line up, single file, now.  One at a time, fly through the door and be on your way home," he instructed.  " AND NO RACIN'!  I don't need anyone with broken wings, on my paws," he muttered.

Once the last fairy had disappeared through the door, Seville shut it tightly.  Not wanting to take any chances of another fairy infestation, he broke off the sheath of his longest claw, and jammed it into the lock.  "There, that should do it.  No way, no how, is this door gettin' opened again.  One fairy infestation is enough for this cat's nine lifetimes, for sure.  MOUSES!"

Returning to the sunroom door, Seville pounded on it.  "You can let me out of here now, Mason!" he cried.

"Are you sure those fairies are all gone?"

Seville looked about.  "Yup, every single one of 'em.  They're probably back in Ireland by now."

Mason opened the door for Seville.  "That's good.  They'll be back in time for St. Patrick's Day, too.  All's well that ends well, right?" and she patted her brother on his back.  "You did good work today, Seville"

"I'm just glad it's all over," Seville sighed.  "MOUSES!"

*******************************************************

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!

purrs

catnip and fairy dust

Nissy sauntered into the kitchen to find his brother up on the table.  With a mug of nip beer in one paw, Seville was studying various equations he had written down on his board. Scattered about the room were various books, pencils, a calculator and a couple of St. Patrick's Day inspired hats.

"Whatcha up to, bro?" asked Nissy.  "You workin' on some teleportation physics equations or somethin'?"

"Actually, no," answered Seville, sounding somewhat distracted.  "These are chemical equations, Niss."

"Really?"  Nerissa looked at Seville's board and then glanced over at the kitchen counter.  Seville had obviously been using several of the peep's mixing bowls along with a wooden spoon and a couple of spatulas.  Nissy hopped up onto the counter to inspect them and found bits of sticky goop in the bowls and on the counter.  "Looks more like cookin' to me, Sivvers," he said.

"Cooking, chemistry...  All one in the same, Niss."

"Well whether you're cookin' or performin' chemistry experiments, you had best wash this stuff up.  Ol' Peepers is not gonna be pleased when she finds this mess you've made and that's a fact, for sure. She's gonna freak."

 Nissy lifted a paw and sniffed at the green, sticky goop he had accidentally stepped in.  "Hmmm...  Seville, this here goop smells like milk.  Whatcha makin'?"

"Breath mints," answered Seville.  "Feline catnip-flavoured breath mints."

"Interestin'..."  and Nissy sniffed the goop again.  "Nip breath mints for cats.  Seville, you're a genius!  A genius in disguise but a genius nonetheless.  Why didn't I think of this?  And what exactly made you think of inventing 'em?"

"No offence Niss but lately you've had a bad case of tuna breath.  I heard Peep #1 mention it the other day."

"There's NOTHIN' wrong with havin' a little tuna on your breath," exclaimed Nerissa with indignation.  "Nothin' wrong with that at all.  Happens after you eat the tuna."

"Yeah, well it smells fishy to me," exclaimed Seville.

"That's 'cause tuna is fish!  Mouses, Sivvers.  If you're gonna start cookin' and whatnot, you've gotta know your ingredients.  Besides, you like tuna, too."

"But I also like nip," began Seville, "and I'm thinkin' that a catnip-flavoured breath mint is the perfect thing to follow a plate of tuna.  Havin' some issues with the equations though."

"Equations or recipes?" asked Nerissa.

"Same diff, Niss.  Bottom line is, my mints aren't nippy enough.  Do you think you could help me out?"

Nerissa jumped down from the counter.  Heading over to the table where Seville was working on his equations, he stopped dead in his tracks.  There on the floor sat two large clay pots filled with shamrocks.  "Uh Seville, are these what you're using to make your mints?"  Nissy pawed at something flitting about his ear.  It was tickling his whiskers.  Growing annoyed, he pawed at it again.  "And what's this fairy doin' over here?"

"Oh her?  That's Aoife.  She came with the plants."

Nissy rolled his eyes. "Of course she did. Whatever was I thinkin'?  Why else would a little green fairy appear in our kitchen? Silly me..."

"Enough with the chatter, Niss.  I need some help over here.  How can I get more nip in my breath mints?"

"Well for starters," and Niss picked one of the shamrocks from a pot. "These here plants aren't nip.  They're clovers. MOUSES!"

Seville stared at his brother.  "Do you think I don't know that?"  He hopped down onto the floor and padded over to Nerissa and the gigantic clover plants.  "You ever try to order nip plants in March? No one sells them.  Everyone wants to sell you clovers.  Shamrocks this and shamrocks that. Everyone is trying to cash in on the whole St. Patrick's Day experience and there's nothing to be found but clovers!  So I figured I'd order up some gigantic ones and just make do."

Nerissa threw his front paws up in the air.  "But..  Seville...  But..."  He was at a loss for words.

"I know what you're thinking, Niss.  You're thinking, clovers aren't nip."

Nerissa continued to stare at his brother, his eyes growing wider.

"Well you might have a point there but hear me out.  Clovers are green.  Catnip is green.  Clovers are a popular food with cows and cows produce milk and milk contains cream and cats like cream. Plus, with every order of two plants or more, they were throwin' in a free fairy.  You did meet Aoife, right?  She has magical fairy dust," Seville added in a whisper.  "I think that's why these plants have grown so large."

"Well maybe she can use some of that magic fairy dust to turn these shamrock plants into nip!" Nerissa cried.  "For mousin' out loud, Sivvers, these here plants are your whole problem.  You can't make nip mints without the nip.  You need nip!"

Nerissa turned to leave in disgust.  "And I'm takin' back that comment I made about your bein' a genius, Seville," he added.  "Any genius would know that clovers aren't nippy.  MOUSES!"

"And what if I were to tell you that I have some essential nip oil?" Seville cried out.  "Some nip oil to add to my mints."

Nissy swung around.  "Now you're talkin', Sivvers.  That's a totally different story.  You have nip oil?"

"Uh, no," and Seville pawed at a recipe book sitting on the floor.  "I said what if I were to tell you.." his voice trailing off.

Nerissa rolled his eyes and let out a big sigh.  "Okay, Seville.  You are my brother and I do love you so I'll see if we can figure somethin' out.  Maybe you can use the shamrocks to make the base of your mints and then if we can get our paws on some nip oil..."

"I knew you could figure it out, Niss!  I knew that if anyone could, it would be you.  So I have my clover base.  Tastes kinda milky like you noticed.  That's due to the whole clover-cow-cream connection.  Now to add some nippiness to the milky goodness that is the sticky goop."

"Speakin' of that, Sivvers, we need to work on the texture of your mints, too.  I don't think breath mints are supposed to be sticky or goopy.  They're not supposed to stick to your paws when you eat 'em."

"You might have a point there, Niss.  But first things first.  Put on your thinking cap," and Seville handed his brother a leprechaun hat to wear, "and let's get started on making some nip oil.  Do you think we need nip to make that?"

"Yes, Seville, I think we do but perhaps Aoife can help us out with that. You said the fairy was magic? Oh Aoife...  Come on over here.  Let's see if some of that magic fairy dust of yours can turn some vegetable oil into the essence of nip.  Now how do we do this?  Do I need to make a wish?"

And with that, the boys started working on their next great invention, Catnip-Flavoured Breath Mints for cats.

        HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY TO ALL!!

Seville's four-leaved clovers

Nissy softly padded into the kitchen, only to find his brother Seville up on the table, surrounded by a mess of glue, paint, workbooks and other assorted paraphernalia. "Whatcha up to there, Sivvers?" he asked.

"Oh, just super gluing some clovers together."

Only half-listening to his brother, Nissy continued over to the fridge and poured himself a cold mug of nip beer.  "Uh-huh...  I see. WAIT A MINUTE," and he stopped in his tracks.  "Did you say you were super gluing clovers together?"

"Yup.  Not working out all that well, though.  They keep fallin' apart.  Plus, I think I accidentally super glued some stuff together I didn't actually mean to super glue together.  FYI, don't sit in that chair over there," and Seville pointed to one of the kitchen chairs with his tail.  "And I wouldn't jump onto the stool, either."

"MOUSES!  Why on earth are you super gluing together clovers?" Nissy questioned.

"Well, I tried hot gluing them together but the glue kept melting the leaves," answered Seville.

Nissy shook his head furiously.  "Not what I meant, Sivvers.  Perhaps I didn't word that well.  I wanted to ask, why on earth are you workin' with the clovers in the first place?"

"Peep #1 said she'd really like to find a four-leaved clover 'cause they're supposed to be lucky and I thought I would give her one for St. Patrick's Day, tomorrow."

"Hmmm..." Nissy pondered.  "I think they're only lucky if they grow that way naturally.  I'm not sure that the luck sticks if they're glued together."  He picked up one of Seville's supposed four-leaved clovers and a leaf fell off.  "Apparently your glue isn't stickin', either.  I thought super glue stuck to everything.  That's why Ol' Peepers is always tellin' us cats to keep away from it.  You know...  in case it sticks to our fur."

"Oh, it sticks to fur, all right," confirmed Seville.  "I now have a green permanent marker permanently stuck to my...  my...  my ummm...."

Nerissa noticed the marker and exclaimed, "You sat on it?"

"Yeah...  I spilled some glue on the marker and the rest is history."

"MOUSES!  Seville, Ol' Peepers is gonna be furious when she sees this mess."  Nerissa took a sip of his nip beer.  "And may I ask why there's an open time vortex in our kitchen?  You been messin' with whisks again?"

Seville glanced over at the vortex.  "Oh...  that.  I needed some clovers for my work and, in case you hadn't noticed, there's still snow on the ground outside.  Needed to make a quick trip to July to pick up a supply of the stuff."

"Makes sense, I suppose," and Nissy nodded in agreement.  "But how come the vortex is still open?"

"I might have accidentally glued it open.  I didn't realise I had spilled super glue on that whisk..." and Seville looked away, somewhat shamefully. "Not quite sure how to fix that yet."

"MOUSES!" Nissy cried.  "The peep is gonna explode when she finds out we've got a permanently open time vortex in the kitchen.  You're gonna have to find a way to close that before she sees it."

"I was sort of hoping she wouldn't notice," explained Seville.  "And if I can just get these clover leaves to stick together, maybe even if she does notice, she'll be so happy about the lucky clovers that she won't freak out too much about the vortex."

"I've got a better idea, Sivvers.  Why don't we just teleport on over to the Emerald Isle..."

"And run away before the peep finds out about the permanently open time vortex in the kitchen?" Seville interrupted.

"No," and Nissy looked pointedly at his brother.  "I was gonna suggest that we teleport on over and grab some REAL four-leaved clovers.  Ones that might actually be lucky.  I've heard that leprechauns grow them by the millions.  Shouldn't be too difficult to find a few there."

"I don't know," Seville hesitated.  "The peep said we weren't to do any more teleporting after the trouble we caused in Ottawa at the Worldwide Weather Offices, Forecasting and Control, Canadian Division."

"Seville, you've permanently glued open a time vortex in our kitchen!" and Nissy slapped a paw on the table.  "A little teleporting is nothin' compared to that.  Trust me.  SIVVERS, PREPARE THE TELEPORTATION DEVICE."

Moments later, the two cats were hurtling through space and time on their way to a heavily leprechaun-infested area of Ireland.  Thinking ahead, Nissy grabbed some gold coins to cover any tariffs the leprechauns might demand as he was well aware that leprechauns are notoriously anti free trade.

After a surprisingly smooth landing, Nissy and Seville hopped out of the frying pan teleporter and onto a lawn of lush green grass.  Seville nosed about in the grass hoping to find a clover or two but, unfortunately, he found nothing but grass.  Nerissa grabbed a paw full of the stuff and started chewing. "That last mug of nip beer gave me the munchies," he explained to his brother.

"Where do we find the clover?" Seville asked.

"Let's ask around in that pub over there," suggested Nissy.  "Someone is bound to know about the clover farms, there."

The two cats approached the pub with trepidation.  Talking about leprechauns was one thing. Talking about meeting leprechauns was another.  Actually meeting a leprechaun was something neither Nissy nor Seville had ever done before and the thought was making the pads of Nissy's paws sweat.

The pub door closed behind them.  "Perfectly normal pub," Nissy muttered sarcastically.  He glanced around, seeing groups of leprechauns gathered here and there, sipping beer and doing jigs.

A fairy darted past Nissy's head, sprinkling fairy dust over him.  "Hey!  Watch it with that stuff," and Nissy shook himself violently while Seville took a swipe at the fairy, narrowly missing a wing. "Don't annoy the fairies, Sivvers," Nerissa told his brother.  "Not a good idea."

Nerissa boldly walked up to the bar and ordered two nip beers.  Paying for the beer with a gold coin, he asked in a low voice, "We're looking for four-leaved clovers.  Anyone here who might be able to help us out?"

The fairy was back, hovering by Nissy's ear.  "I can take you to a clover farm, if you like.  But you'll have to tell the orange cat to keep his claws to himself."

"Deal!" squealed Nissy with delight. "Hear that, Sivvers?  We'll get you those clovers in no time."  Turning back to the fairy, Nissy quickly explained the situation and why the cats were in dire need of the four-leaved clovers.

Suddenly and out of nowhere, a vortex of some sort opened in the corner of the room.  "The clover field managed my Sean and Seamus O'Reilly is on the other side," explained the fairy.  "Follow me."

"How did you do that?" asked Nissy, suspiciously.  "How did you open a vortex without an egg beater or whisk in sight?"

"They use magic," hissed a nearby leprechaun.  "Don't question their means.  Just do what she says and you'll be fine."

Nissy briefly wondered if the vortex was some sort of trick but desperate times called for desperate measures and the cats were pretty desperate for a paw full of four-leaved clovers.  He watched the fairy disappear into the vortex, grabbed Seville by the tail and together, they followed her through.

The other side of the vortex proved to be a beautiful, sunny lawn.  Small white, daisy-like flowers were growing here and there and although quite pretty, there wasn't a farm in sight.  Nissy questioned the fairy about the clover farm.

"Take a closer look at the grass," the fairy suggested.  "You'll find what you're looking for, there."

The boys nosed about in the grass and, sure enough, there were clovers everywhere.  The lawn was the farm, Nissy realised and what a clover farm it was.  A very high percentage of the clovers growing there were of the four-leaved variety.

"Fill your boots!" Nissy exclaimed to his brother.  "Start pickin' clover."

"But I don't have any boots," Seville sadly replied.  "I never wear the things."

"It's just an expression, Sivvers.  Oohhh...  but you can fill that hat with clover.  Just pick the four-leaved ones and put 'em in your hat for transport.  You start picking and I'll go make a deal with those two approaching leprechauns.  They must be the O'Reilly brothers."

Nissy worked out a deal to trade the gold coins he and Seville had brought with them for two hats worth of four-leaved clovers.  The fairy acted as a witness to the deal, making sure everything was in order.  Nerissa headed back to Seville and grabbed a paw full of grass to munch upon while his brother finished collecting the required clovers.

"Isn't this a whole lot easier than workin' with super glue?" Nissy asked Seville.

"Much easier," Seville answered with a smile.  "Especially for you," and he looked over at Nerissa preparing to take a nap on the sunny lawn while he continued searching for clovers sporting four leaves.

A short while later, the boys had all the four-leaved clovers they could possibly want and the fairy offered to escort them back through the vortex so that they could retrieve their teleportation device and return home.  They left Sean and Seamus behind, happily dancing jigs and counting gold coins.

"Never caught your name," Nissy said to the fairy.  "What did you say it was?"

"I didn't," replied the fairy with a smile.  "A fairy very rarely reveals her name," and with that, she disappeared, leaving behind a cloud of sparkling dust.

"MOUSES!" Nissy cried.  "She's gone and I was just about to ask her if she knew how to close that open time vortex in our kitchen.  Oh well, you'll have to figure out that one, Sivvers, but I'll help you clean up the mess with the glue when we get back home."

"Thanks, Nissy.  I'd appreciate that. Maybe you can help me get rid of this marker glued to my butt, too.  I just know the peep is gonna notice that and know I was workin' with super glue."

"That one is on you, Sivvers...   literally.  But I will help you clean up the rest of the mess.  Consider it my St. Patrick's Day gift to you."

The two cats climbed back into their teleportation device for the trip home and as they soared over the Emerald Isle they cried out, "HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!" to everyone in sight.