the sweet smell of lavender

A few weeks ago, I was contacted by a lovely lady over at the World's Best Cat Litter company and asked if I would do a product review for 'em.  I said, "Sure!  I'd love to do that but...  did you know that I was a Canadian kitty?"  Well, sure enough, that put a bit of a monkey wrench in the works but I reached way in there with my paw, grabbed that ol' monkey wrench and tossed it away.  Quick thinkin' on my part, huh?

Ummm...  what's that peepers?  Oh yeah...  sorry 'bout that.  It was actually the lady from the World's Best Cat Litter company who de-monkeyfied the wrench.  Or did she de-wrenchify the monkey?  Point is, she was the one who figured out how to solve the problem at paw.

You see...  although the World's Best Cat Litter is available in Canada, the new and improved secret formula was only bein' introduced in the US, at least to start.  What's that peepers?  It's not a new and improved secret formula?  Bet it is.  Bet it is a secret.  Bet it's some kind of  trade secret or somethin' and even if it's not, secret formula sound so exciting.  My readers like a little excitement, you see.  I suppose however, I should tell everyone the new formula's real name.  It's called Advanced Natural High Performance Clumping.  Sounds pretty good, I think, even if it isn't a big ol' secret.

Anywho...  the lady at the World's Best Cat Litter company suggested that I do a product review of the original series that is available in Canada and I agreed.

Ol' peepers and I decided we'd review the lavender scented variety as the peep likes the smell of lavender and it was a multi-cat formula.  We figured we needed a multi-cat formula 'cause we have a multi-cat family.  That's right...  I share my litter boxes with eleven other cats!

You can imagine my excitement, a few days later, when the UPS man arrived with a parcel just for me.  I knew that inside that box would be a package of the World's Best Cat Litter which would allow me to begin my experimentation.  I also happened to notice that the box containing the litter was the perfect size for a cat like me to enjoy a nap or two.  Thank you very much for that box, by the way. 

But I digress...

My experiment took place in the little bathroom by the front door.  The old litter box and litter were thrown away and replaced with a brand new box filled with lavender scented World's Best Cat Litter.  The first thing I noticed was that it didn't really smell like lavender.  Now don't get me wrong...  it did smell nice.  It just didn't smell like lavender.  At least not like the fresh lavender the peep grows in my garden.  But I think that's just the difference between fresh stuff growin' in the garden and the lavender oil they use to scent the stuff 'cause it is scented with real lavender oil.  It's not scented with any chemicals or unnatural perfumes or anything like that.  They use the real stuff.

Peep #1 says that even though it doesn't smell like the lavender in my garden, it does smell way better than the alternative and I agree.  We all know what that alternative is, right?  Right.

As a matter of fact, since we've been using the World's Best Cat Litter in that particular box, there hasn't been a trace of any sort of unpleasant smell in the small bathroom.  Not a trace.  Odour control is obviously workin' at one hundred and ten percent!  I have concluded that this product is excellent at controllin' the odour.

And I've noticed that the peeps have been in a better mood since we cats have been using this product, too.  I think that has to do with the fact that keepin' this litter box clean is so much easier now.  Before, that big ol' box had to be lugged up and down the stairs leadin' to the basement.  Always had to be completely cleaned out once a day, sometimes twice!  That was a lot of work for the peeps, I suppose.  Plus, on garbage day, there were all those bags of used litter to be hauled down to the end of the driveway.

You see, prior to the start of my little experiment, we had never used a clumping litter before.  Never.  Not ever!

The main reason my peeps wouldn't use a clumping litter was because they feared that it might get into our tummies and cause problems.  Several years ago, my brother Desdemona died from complications due to chronic constipation and that had nothin' to do with litter.  The peeps simply weren't willin' to take the chance of using a clumping one.  They worried about it clumpin' in our intestines.  They were extremely concerned about this bein' an issue.

But it turns out that the World's Best Cat Litter is different from all those other clumpin' litters.  This litter is actually "safe if ingested."  Now, I'm not suggestin' you go and make a meal out of it or anything like that but if you should accidentally lick it off your paws or somethin', you're gonna be okay.  Well, that was the sellin' point for my peep #1.  She was willin' to let my fur-family and me try the World's Best Cat Litter out if she knew that doin' so would be safe for us.

Unlike other litters, the World's Best Cat Litter is made from "100% natural whole kernel corn."  It doesn't contain any clay at all.  Clay is not something you should be eating, if you know what I mean.  It also "doesn't contain harmful silica dust" like clay litters.  No one should be breathin' in silica dust.  Nope.  Neither cats nor peeps wanna be breathin' that in.  I should also add that it's environmentally friendly 'cause the corn comes from renewable sources, unlike clay, which is strip-mined.

Cleanin' up our upstairs litter box has been a snap for the peep since we've been usin' the World's Best Cat Litter.  We use it, she scoops it and all is well.  And the peep must agree about this 'cause she went out and bought another bag of the stuff.  It's only a matter of time before the basement litter boxes are converted as well, I should think.  Only a matter of time.

Now, I have some good news for my American readers.  One of you is gonna get to try out the new Advanced Natural High Performance Clumping litter.  That's right...  I'm gonna do a giveaway!  Well...  actually, the World's Best Cat Litter company is doin' the giveaway but I'm helping 'em out.  Just leave a comment on my blog with your name and statin' that you live in the US - 'cause you know, the new Advanced Natural High Performance Clumping product line is only available in the US so far.  Then a week from now, I'm gonna have a draw.  One of the cats who has left a comment on this blog post will win a bag of the stuff for themselves.  Eventually, I will need the winner's shipping address and telephone number but in the meantime, just please make sure that I have a way to contact you, if you win.

So there you have it.  My little litter experiment has come to an end even though, it does continue daily with our daily use of the litter.  I would like to add that all opinions expressed in this product review are my own.  No one told me what to say or influenced me in any other manner.  I received no payment for doin' this review.  All I got was a bag of litter to try.  Oh yeah...  and the cardboard box in which it was shipped.

family and friends

...  And no, I'm not doin' an ad for a long-distance provider.  Hehehehe...

But seriously folks, not that long ago, I was given the honour of bein' awarded the absolutely stupendous Multi-Cat Blog Award by my pals over at The Cat on my Head.  My friends Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Josette were celebrating their first blogoversary and decided to do so by creating and introducing this gorgeous award!  It's beautiful and I love it.  Thanks so much for presentin' it to me. 

In accepting the Multi-Cat Blog Award, I must thank my pals at The Cat on my Head and link back to them.  Well... THANK YOU!  THANK YOU!!  THANK YOU!!!  I really am very thankful for this award.  Even though the link to their blog is shown on the award itself, I'm gonna link back officially, too.  Just click on their blog's name, here...  The Cat on My Head, and you'll be whisked off to visit them all.

Apparently, I was one of the chosen recipients 'cause I'm a blogger livin' with more than five cats.  What's that Peepers?  You think Nerissa's Life was given the award 'cause you're a peep livin' with more than five cats?  No, I don't think so.  I don't think that can be right.  Peepers, you'll notice that the award was given to my blog, Nerissa's Life.  Nerissa is my name, not yours.  That means it's my award.  Had the award been for you, it would have been presented to you over on that thing you call a blog but hardly ever update.  You know the one...  The Peep's Cheeps or somethin' like that.  It's hard to remember the name 'cause you work on it, so rarely.  That's 'cause you're the peep.  I'm Nerissa.  Nerissa the cat.  Nerissa the cat of Nerissa's Life.  The award is mine.

And let me tell you something, it's not easy livin' with all these other cats.  There are twelve of us, you know.  Yeah...  twelve cats.  It's a pretty big family.

Havin' a family of this size means that I have to share my peeps' attentions with eleven other cats and that could be a bad thing.  On the other paw, havin' a family of this size means I GET to share my peep's attentions with eleven other cats and that's definitely a good thing. 

You know, even though there are twelve of us, there are more than enough of the kisses and cuddles to go around.  Sometimes, too many.  Sometimes, way too many.  I'm always havin' to watch out for peeps comin' over, pickin' me up and givin' me cuddles.  One day - I swear - those peeps of mine are gonna wear my fur right off me with all the cuddling.  It's pretty amazing I'm not bald already.  If I didn't live with eleven other cats, I bet I would be bald already.  If I didn't live with eleven other cats, I'd never get a break.  Thank goodness for my fur family.  Thank goodness they're willin' to accept some of the cuddles on my behalf.

And if you're wondering if two peeps are enough peeps for the twelve of us cats...  I can assure you, they are.  I've got my paws full with just the two of them.  I don't know what I'd do with a third.  A third peep might just put me over the edge.  Two peeps are more than enough!

So between all the other cats and the couple of peeps, I've got a pretty big family but I always have time for my friends.

One of my pals, Sammy from over at the world-famous blog onespoiledcat, recently introduced me to a new friend.  Her name is Cat even though she's a peep.  Yeah, I know...  it's kind of confusing.  No more confusing, though, than the fact that I'm a boy with a girls' name.  Thanks a lot for that, by the way, peepers.  MOUSES!

Anywho...  This new pal of mine, Cat, is a musician.  Now, I must admit, I was a little worried about this fact, at first.  You all know 'bout my trials and tribulations with my caterwaulin' peep, right?  Well, I didn't have to worry about Cat at all.  It turns out, that Miss Cat is good.  Actually, really good.  I wouldn't describe what she does as caterwaulin', one bit.  That's the difference between my new pal, Miss Cat, and my peep #1 and let me tell you, it's a really big difference, indeed.

Miss Cat has a website called CatForsley.me and you should really check it out.  It's incredibly interestin' and fun.  I liked it a lot.  I'm even followin' her, now.

And she makes videos!  Works of art, they are.  If you wanna watch all Miss Cat's videos, you'll have to go to her website to check them out.  And you can hear more of her music there, too.  It's really good and I should know 'cause bein' a cat, I have very sensitive ears.  If music passes the test of my ears, it must be good.

And get this...  I got to make an appearance in Miss Cat's most recent video.  Bet I might even end up on MTV or something.  Wouldn't that be fun?

I'm not the only cat appearin' in Miss Cat's latest video.  There are lots of us along with some dogs.  It was really neat 'cause a lot of those cats and dogs were already my friends.  It was like a big ol' happy reunion right there on film.  I think I'm gonna probably want to watch this particular video over and over and over again.  Yup, it's that good!

I wouldn't be at all surprised if all of you wanna watch it over and over and over again, too.  Like I said, it's that good!

special news bulletin

We interrupt our regularly scheduled postings for this late breaking news...   I AM NOW FANGLESS.  MOUSES!

Our story begins, Monday morning.  There I was, mindin' my own business when peep #1 scooped me up into her arms, rudely and unceremoniously shoved me in a carrier, put both me and the carrier into the car and drove off with us.  I thought I was bein' catnapped or something!  And I could understand why someone might want to catnap me but, to be honest, why anyone would catnap the carrier was a mystery.

It wasn't long before we got to the hospital.  The parking lot was empty, which was odd.  The parking lot at the hospital is usually full.  It's usually full of cars being used to bring cats and dogs for their appointments.  Once, I even saw one bein' used to bring in a bird!  Yup, it's true...  totally.  I heard him squawk and everything.

Then I got to thinking.  Hmmm...  the parking lot is only ever this empty during emergency hours or early in the morning before the appointments of the day begin.  I knew I wasn't bein' taken in for an emergency or anything like that 'cause I wasn't sick.  That left...  that left...  Oh no!  MOUSES!  That left patient intake before surgeries.  Not this again!  NOT MORE KNEE SURGERY! 

"My knee is fine!" I cried out to the peep.  "Honest to goodness, it is," I told her.  "Here, look...  I'll even do some little plies to prove it to you," I offered.  "Ouch!" and I rubbed the newly-forming bump on the top of my head.  Note to self...  never do plies in an enclosed carrier.  Not enough room in carriers for dancin' and whatnot.  Must remember that for future reference.

Truth be told, I should have known those peeps were up to something, the night before.  They were behaving oddly, Sunday night.  Yes, even more oddly than usual, if you can believe it.  Everyone was gettin' everything done that needed to be done, so that we could all sit down and watch a little Masterpiece Theatre together.  Nothin' like a little Masterpiece Theatre with the peeps.  A full hour and a half of tummy rubs and chin tickles with no commercial interruptions. 

Anywho...  It was just before eight Sunday evening when peep #1 opened a tin of Fancy Feast and emptied the entire tin on a plate, just for me.  Yeah...  I was getting the whole tin!  I couldn't believe my eyes.  I thought I must have died and gone to Heaven.  I never get a whole tin of the Fancy Feast, all at once.  I should have known...

I should have known those peeps were up to something, that's what.  Sure enough, they were.  Sittin' in that carrier and rubbing my smarting head with a paw, I realised right there and then what their devious plan had been.  Those peeps had been givin' me a super-duper supper that would fill me up so that I wouldn't be hungry and expect a midnight snack or somethin'.  When you're havin' surgery in the morning, you're not allowed to eat anything after eight the night before, you see.  They were making sure I had a full tummy going into the night.  What evil deceitfulness on their part, I thought.  MOUSES!

Okay, you're probably thinking that the peeps were trying to be nice by making sure I had a really good meal before I had to stop eating for the night.  I suppose there is a certain amount of truth to that opinion but it doesn't change the fact that there I was, sittin' in a carrier, headin' in for some sort of surgery that I surely did not want to have.

The peep carried me into the hospital and signed some papers and stuff.  I looked at her, forlornly.  I trembled as best as I could in the limited space of the carrier.  Didn't want to tremble too much and bump my head again, though.  I let out a little mew.  "Please peepers...  please...." I begged.  "Please don't leave me now!"

Ol' peepers said something 'bout loving me and that she would be back to pick me up before suppertime.  Then she left.

I awoke to hear Nurse Janice on the telephone with the peep.  She was sayin' that I was sound asleep, all wrapped up in a blanket like a little burrito.  A burrito!  A burrito?  Well...  I bet I did look pretty darned cute all wrapped up like that with the blankie keeping me all warm and toasty.  Then I drifted back off to sleep 'cause havin' surgery is a really exhausting thing.

Sure enough, the peeps came to get me as planned.  I was pretty annoyed with them and considered giving them both the cold shoulder but decided not to do so...  this time.  I was too drugged up on the pain meds to be givin' anyone any of my shoulders. 

I was a little wobbly on my paws Monday night and needed all my powers of concentration to keep my balance so again, no cold-shoulderin' of the peeps was possible.  I did manage to eat my supper, though.  As luck would have it, I was served another whole tin of Fancy Feast which, I admit, was awfully good.  Plus, I was pretty hungry by then.  Hadn't eaten all day, you see. 

Feeling much better on Tuesday morning, I hopped up onto the bathroom sink.  That was when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  Something was wrong...  Something was missing...  MY FANGS WERE MISSING!   I informed the first peep that search parties must be formed and dispatched, immediately.  Someone had stolen my fangs!

That was when she told me.  Peep #1 said that my two fangs had not passed inspection at my last check-up and needed to be pulled.  My doctor thought they might be hurting me and continue to do so if not dealt with in an expedient and efficient manner.  My doctor did what she could to keep my lower tuskers so that I would keep my good looks and everything but my upper fangs were gone.  Gone....  Gone.  Gone for good.

I'm hopin' the peep kept my fangs for me.  Once I'm feeling completely back to my ol' self, I want to put 'em under my pillow.  I figure they've got to be good for a few tins of Fancy Feast and maybe a bag or two of treats.  Oohhh... and if I'm really lucky, maybe some nip!

if it looks like a duck

If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck.  Right?  Hmmm....  not accordin' to the weatherman.

So there I was, draped across the couch in the family room yesterday morning, glarin' at peep #1 and tellin' her to KEEP HER DISTANCE 'cause, quite frankly, it was way too hot for cuddling.  Cuddling?  To tell you the truth, it was way too hot to have a peep anywhere within the proximity of a mouse's tail length of you.  Even a cat's tail length would've been too close.  Yeah, it was that hot.  We're in the
                                                                                                 midst of a heat wave.

But, the peep bein' a peep, sat down next to me, anyway.  MOUSES!  Then she turned on the television to get the weather and that's when I heard it.

And just what did I hear?  I heard that weatherman on the weather channel talkin' about heat waves.  He was talking 'bout what is a heat wave and what isn't a heat wave.  I kind of think he needs to go back to weatherman school 'cause I'm pretty sure he has it all wrong.

That ol' weatherman said that in order for there to be a heat wave, there must be three consecutive days of thirty degrees Celsius or above temperatures.  Well, I'm pretty sure we haven't had that so, I guess, according to him, we're not havin' a heat wave.  But I'm also pretty sure that we ARE havin' a heat wave.  So what's up with that?


Like I said, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck.  Therefore, ergo, obviously - sometimes one must be redundant to get ones point across - if it looks like a heat wave and feels like a heat wave, it must be a heat wave.  Right?  No?  MOUSES!

Let me tell you, it was thirty something degrees out there yesterday afternoon and with the humidex, it felt like forty!  And that was in the shade.  If forty degrees in the shade isn't hot, what is?

It has been hot all week.  Maybe the actual temperatures weren't always in the thirties but with the humidex, they were.  Those days all felt like they were over thirty degrees.  So if it feels like a heat wave, surely it is one.  It's not like I can think the heat away.  I tried and it just doesn't work. 

Even the nights haven't been cool.  Friday was the coolest day all week.  Big deal.  At midnight, there I was, still outside, tryin' to get some cool night air and not finding any.  Believe me, I looked everywhere.  At midnight it was twenty-three degrees and muggy as muggy can be.  I only came inside 'cause the peep came out to get me in her nightie and the sight was just too embarrassing.  What if nosey neighbour cat should see?  I figured that if she stayed outside any longer, she might get herself arrested or something.  Peeps really aren't supposed to waltz around in public in their nighties you know although, from what I've been told, a lot of them do.  Still no reason for my peep to be doin' that.  Prancin' about and showin' off her nighties, for all the world to see.  MOUSES!  That might constitute a peep show or something and I know you can get arrested for that.  No, I decided it would be best if she and I just went inside the house where she would be out of the prying public's eye.  When you're a celebrity like me, you have to be careful of what embarrassing things your peeps might get up to, if you know what I mean.  I'm sure that you do.

But I digress. 

I sent the peep out for pictures, yesterday.  I gave her a list of the shots that I required.  I needed some pictures of the plumeria on the deck but I wasn't going out there to get them.  No way was I going out there.  That's the hottest part of the whole garden and if the coolest parts of the garden were hot, the hottest parts would be sweltering.  The pictures proved my point.  Just as I suspected, the little plumeria dudes where happy as clams.  They like tropical climates and, apparently, they like our deck.  They think we're havin' a heat wave and they're lovin' it.

Then I sent her out to take pictures of the calla lilies.  They were slow in coming up this year 'cause the spring was late and cool.  Well, ol' peepers said there are at least four flowers startin' where there were none a couple of weeks ago.  Calla lilies like hot weather.  They, too, think we're having a heat wave.  More proof of my theory.

Then I, personally, went with the peep to investigate the little shade garden on the other side of the deck.  The shade garden that stays cool and comfortable all day long.  Just as I suspected, I found a bunch of hostas over there drinkin' margaritas and pina coladas 'cause, like I heard them complainin' in their drunken stupor, we're having' a heat wave!

So there you have it, folks.  If it looks like a heat wave and feels like a heat wave, it SURELY MUST BE A HEAT WAVE.  I've spoken to the ducks on this matter and they all agree with me.  Now we just need to get that ol' weatherman on board.  He's gonna have to agree with me 'cause, quite frankly, I'm pretty sure that I'm right.  MOUSES!

and now, the conclusion

Previously on Savannah's Paw Tracks, "Too late…Dash is already being pulled over the cliff too…and he grabs Savannah’s tail in hopes of not losing either her or Nissy…and they are all pulled toward the ocean…"

The beam of light grew brighter.  Stars appeared before Nissy's eyes and streaks of light swirled around his head.  Was he teleporting again?  If so, to where?  "Savvy....  Dash..." he cried.  His words were elongated as if their very sound waves were being stretched like an elastic.  Then, all of a sudden, there was a loud bang followed by three thumps.  Nissy landed first, then Savvy and finally, Dash.  Nissy looked over at Savannah with glazed eyes, "I think you're on my tail."  Savannah immediately moved over.

"Where in the mouses are we?" asked Dash.  "Is this Zealandia?  How did we get here?"

"I don't know," answered Savvy.  "Strangest teleport, ever.  No tunnels, no egg beaters..."  Her voice drifted off as she contemplated the situation.  "Nissy, what's your take on this?  Nissy?"  She looked around, frantically, "Nissy?  Where are you?"

Savannah and Dash were standing in the middle of an open field.  Scanning its outer edges, Dash suddenly cried, "There he is!  He's over there!  He's heading into that opening in the woods."  The two of them took off after Nissy, running as quickly as their paws would carry them.

They reached the edge of the woods only to find that Nerissa had disappeared, once again.  "Where is he?" Savannah cried, stomping a paw in frustration.  "Where did that little nip head go?"

Dash looked over at Savvy, curiously.  "Nip head?" he asked.  "You're calling Niss a nip head?"

Savvy shook her head.  "I'm not sure what came over me.  I'd normally never call Nissy that.  I...  I...  I don't know why..."  She was cut off by a cry, off in the distance.  It was Nissy.

"NOOOOOO!!!!!"

Savannah and Dash took off down the path.  They tore through the woods, pushing back the branches of brilliantly coloured purple and turquoise foliage that got in their way.  The foliage was indeed odd, to say the least, but there was no time to think about any of that.  Nissy was in trouble.

Finally, they came to an opening and emerged from the woods.  Before them, lay a freshly dug field.  Scattered over it were little bits of green.  Savvy bent down and picked one up and sniffed it.  It was a leaf of Necata canipbis, torn in half, likely damaged during some sort of harvesting process.  Savvy suddenly felt light-headed.  The volatile oils of the Necata canipbis were so strong, they were affecting even her.  She steadied herself by holding onto Dash. 

Nissy was frantically racing around in circles, gathering the little bits and pieces of Necata canipbis, strewn about the ground. 

Dash looked from Nissy's crazed antics to Savvy who was still a little unsteady on her paws.  He knew something needed to be done and quickly.  "Savvy, Savvy!  We've gotta get Niss out of here!!  You okay to help me?"

Savvy shook her head to clear it, again.  "I'm okay, Dash.  You're right.  Let's get him back to where we landed."

Half dragging, half carrying their friend, Savannah and Dash got Nissy back onto the path through the woods.  With Nissy's extra weight slowing them down, Savvy was able to take a good look at the flora about them.  She had never seen any of it before.

Nissy was muttering, "Gone, gone, it's all gone...  Out of time...  It's out of time...  We're out of time."

Once out of the woods, the three felines crossed the field to where Dash thought they had originally landed.  Dash stopped, putting his front paws on his hips.  "Now, how do we get back?"  He looked over at Nissy and Savannah.  "Any ideas?"

Savvy shook her head.  "Don't look at me.  I don't even know where we are.  And where the mouses is the ocean?"

Dash stared at her in disbelief.  Everything had happened so quickly, it hadn't even occurred to him that they had arrived wherever they were after falling toward the ocean but the ocean was nowhere to be seen.

Nissy looked up at his friends.  His eyes, still cloudy.  "We're out of time," he muttered.  "Out of time."  He went to take a step but suddenly lunged forward.

Savvy grabbed at him, trying to prevent her friend from falling.  "Dash, we've got to get him out of here.  That nip is too strong.  The scent is in the air."

Dash bent down, peering at something protruding from among the tall grasses.   "Nissy tripped over something.  He tripped over this," and Dash picked up the object in question.   In his paw was a shiny, stainless steel whisk.  The three cats stared at it, speechlessly.

Off in the distance there was a roar, followed by a screech.  From the other direction the cats heard another screech, this one closer than the first.  The ground began to shake.  A flock of strange looking birds took flight, squawking furiously as they flew toward the woods from where Nissy, Savvy and Dash had recently emerged.  The ground shook again and more screeching ensued.

The three cats stood motionless, paralysed with fear.  Approaching them from either side were two monstrous beings.  Each, three times the height of a peep but like no peep they had ever seen before.  The creatures stood on their rear legs and their front legs were tiny compared to the rest of their bodies.  Ugly horns protruded from their rather small heads.  Beady little eyes darted about, furiously.  One opened its mouth and sunlight bounced off rows of shiny, razor sharp teeth.

"WE'RE OUT OF TIME!" Nissy cried.  He grabbed Savvy's tail with his right paw and Dash's tail with his left.  He snatched the whisk from Dash's paw with his own tail and began to frantically wave it about.  Stars appeared.  Lines of red, blue and yellow light swirled about them.  Bright flashes exploded in all directions.

A thundering sound nearly deafened Nissy before the three felines began to fall.  They fell through both space and time, tearing at the very fabric of the space-time continuum.  Nissy let go of his friends and clawed at the fabric.  He yelled, "Hold on!  Get a grip!" but didn't know if Savvy and Dash could hear him.  His voice seemed to be swallowed up in the vacuum of space.


Thump.  Thump.  Thump.  Nissy, Savvy and Dash lay sprawled across the grass growing at the top of the cliff where they had been, just hours before.  Nissy still held the whisk with his tail.  Next to them, lay a bright pink smart phone.  Nissy picked it up and read the last text sent.  "Necata canipbis," is all it said.

Nissy looked over at his friends.  "It's out there.  Someone has it.  Someone has the Necata canipbis and they've brought it back to our time.  One day, my friends, we will find it."

the adventure continues...

Previously on the Dash Kitten blog....  "Hurrying out of the shop I sped home and placed the valuable book, with its sprig of ‘nip on the transporter toaster… I pressed the button, thanking Cat that our Toaster Transporters were compatible….. and with a reassuring * ding * it vanished…."

Padding through the kitchen, Nissy heard the unmistakable sound of the ding of a toaster.  "Who's makin' toast at this hour?" he wondered.  "It's the middle of the night.  Peeps are asleep."  He sniffed the air, "and I don't smell anything burnin', either.  Can't be
                                                                                       toast." 

Hopping onto the counter to investigate, he found sitting next to the toaster, a very old book covered in dust.  Nerissa peered at the toaster.  The button in the centre showed a map of the Earth and on that map, New Zealand was glowing.  "It's not toast at all.  Dash sent me a book through the transporter.  Must be Dash.  He's the only cat I know in New Zealand with a transporter compatible with our toaster."

Nissy pushed the book onto the floor before hopping down, himself, and from inside the book, out fell a sprig of green.  Nissy sniffed it.  He sniffed again.  One more sniff and the fur on the back of his neck stood straight and his tail puffed.  "Whoa!  That's SOME nip!" he exclaimed.  But there was something strange about this nip.  It smelled like nip although it was far more potent than any nip he had experienced before.  And it didn't look right.  It didn't look like nip at all.  

Quickly he ran into his office and pawed open his copy of Flora and Fauna of Zealandia.  Finding the chapter on Nepeta, he quickly scanned the pages.  He studied the picture of Nepeta ubiquitalis.  Nope, nope, that wasn't it.  Hmmm...  "WAIT A MINUTE!" he cried.  "This is...  is it?  No...  YES!  This is Necata canipbis!"

Nissy sat back on his haunches.  In his paw, he was holding a piece of Necata canipbis.  As everyone knows, Necata canipbis is the most important species belonging to the genus Necata, closely related to the genus Nepeta but found only on the long lost continent of Zealandia and believed to have become extinct with the sinking of the Zealandian continental shelf.  Nissy knew from reading ancient history books that from this genus, evolved several other modern-day genera including Nepeta but no actual species of Necata ever escaped the destruction of Zealandia.  And yet...  here he was...  holding a sprig of it in his paw.

"PEEPERS!  PREPARE MY TELEPORTATION DEVICE!"  There was no reply.  "MOUSES!  The peep is asleep.  I'll get Seville to help me with this."

Sitting on the book sent from Dash with the sprig of Necata canipbis tucked into his fanny belt, Nissy explained to Seville what needed to be done.  "Okay bro, this nip is gettin' to my head and I'm in no state to drive.  You're gonna have to operate the controls from here.  Just get me to Savvy's house on the west coast and she can take it from there.  She's not affected by the nip, you see."

"Got it.  Don't worry Niss, I'll get you to Savvy's.  I'm revvin' up the egg beaters now."  Seville started to spin an egg beater with a paw while holding onto a whisk with his tail and waving it around in the air.  "What time do you wanna get to Savvy's?  I can make some minor adjustments in the space-time calculations and get you there a little earlier if you like."  Seville used a hind leg to move about the ice cubes in the frying pan to make an adjustment.

"No, don't fiddle with the time waves.  Just get me there in one piece.  And what's with the whisk?"  Nissy shook his head.  Every cat on Earth but his brother Seville knew that whisks were not used in the science of teleportation technology.  Whisks were for time travelling.

All of a sudden Nissy's head was surrounded by stars.  Bright lights flashed on and off and lines of light swirled about him as he teleported in a south-westerly direction.  Teleportation usually takes mere seconds but for some strange reason, this trip was turning out to be the longest teleport he had ever experienced.  The ride was bumpy.  He had encountered some sort of turbulence and it was slowing him down.  He was tossed to the right and then tossed to the left and hit his shoulder on the kitchen cupboards.  Nissy was caught up in some sort of alternate dimension in which elements of both his kitchen and Savvy's house were present.  "Darn that Seville!  He's messing about with that whisk, I bet.  He's usin' it to play with the time lines."

"You've gotta help me Seville!" Nissy hollered.  "Slow down the egg beaters!  SLOW DOWN THE EGG BEATERS, MAN!!!"  Nissy hit his tail so hard on the floor that he was tossed up to the ceiling.  So was the book from Dash but in landing, somehow Nissy landed first and the book hit him on his head.  "TURN OFF THOSE EGG BEATERS AND FOR MOUSIN' SAKE, GET RID OF THAT WHISK!"

Suddenly the lights stopped flashing and the room went dark.  He had arrived.  Nissy had arrived at Savvy's house.  Teleportation was complete.

Stay tuned...  Our story will continue on Savannah's Paw Tracks, tomorrow.

the lumbering peep

That peep #1 of mine tends to be a rather docile creature but every now and then, she goes all lumberjack on me.  One doesn't find a lot of docility in a lumberjack, I should think.

I can always tell when the peep has a lumberjack attack 'cause out come not only the clippers but also the saws.  Well...  saw.  She's not a very well-equipped lumberjack.  Good thing, too.  Her lack of sawin' equipment is the main reason she still has ten fingers and toes, I suspect.  That's ten of each, not combined.  Thought I should clarify that.  Not much harm can be done with a small saw that's only a foot or so long and yes, she still has two feet, too.

The lumberjack attacks don't happen very often but when they do...  well...  let me tell you 'bout yesterday.

I was busy takin' a nap in the family room when my dad came in to tell me the news.  He thought I should know that peep #1 was out at the front, clippers and saw in hand.  Clearly, a lumberjack attack was on the horizon.  That was my cue to go outside and supervise.  One needs to keep a watchful eye on the peeps, you see.  They get into too much mischief if you don't.

So I headed on out to the front and what did my supervising eyes see?  They saw the peep hackin' away at one of the cedars near the veranda.  Strewn about the pathway, were little bits of cedar.  Little bits of cedar were everywhere!  Well, everywhere on the ground, that is.  The cedar closest to the path was practically bald.  Where there had been lots and lots of green before, all that was left were gnarly old brown branches.  It was one of those branches she was hackin' away at. 

I felt my eyes startin' to burn a little at the sight.  A few tears started to form and I brushed 'em away with a paw.  The peep was destroying my cedar.  Destroying my kittenhood play area.

Years ago, when I was a young lad of three or four months, I spent many an hour playing in those cedars.  It was a place of safety.  I felt secure tucked away inside those cedar bushes, sprawled along any one of their many branches and out of sight from prying eyes.  I was safe from other kitties and that mean ol' neighbourhood dog name Barkley who used to come over and chase us kittens when we were little.  He used to steal our food, too.  MOUSES!

Of the four of us kittens, I was the first to trust the peep.  Peep #1 would sit outside on the veranda every mornin', drinking her coffee and talkin' to me.  Sometimes she'd even bring out a toy or two.  It was then, I believe, that my addiction for the nip began but the peep meant well, I am sure.  Yes, the peep and I enjoyed many a nip-filled biff bag out on that veranda. 

Quite often, it was just the peep and me hangin' out together out there.  Bein' at the top of my class, I was allowed to skip a lesson or two.  My mama would take Beatrice, Constance and Desdemona off for their lessons in the morning.  They'd head off into the garden somewhere to learn stuff whereas I would stay behind, waiting in the cedar bushes.  I was waiting for the peep to come out and play with me. 

When the peep would step out onto the veranda, she would see movement in the cedar bushes.  The branches would sway as I climbed down from my perch.  Although I felt safe and secluded in those cedars, I always came out when peep #1 arrived.  I must have known somehow that she was the peep for me.

All those memories from my kittenhood came rushing back yesterday, forcing me to wipe another tear from my eye.  I watched in silence as peep #1 took her little saw and sawed back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...  Before I knew it, a massive ol' gnarly branch was lying on the brick path.  Another tear ran down my nose and I gave my head a good shake 'cause it kind of tickled but I was most definitely not in the mood for ticklin'.

Peep #1 looked down at the branch on the ground and then over at me.  "Nissy," she said.  "The bush is old and starting to block the pathway.  I can't prune it enough without leaving branches that could hurt you or one of the other cats.  Besides, you're too big now to lie on its limbs.  It needs to go."

I looked at the peep and then at the cedar.  Then back at the peep.  How could she do this to me?

It wasn't long before the lumberjack attack wore off.  The peep stopped her hackin' and sawin' after removing about a third of that first cedar.  I'd like to think that she stopped 'cause she saw how upset I was but the truth is, she stopped once the green bin was filled up with the bits and pieces of my cedar bush.  Once the garbageman empties out the green bin tomorrow, she'll likely go back to lumbering once more.

She cleaned up all the little pieces of my bush from the path but the cedar itself is a right ol' mess.  You can see right into its heart now and there's not a lot of green left anywhere.  The second bush is unscathed but it's only a matter of time before that goes too, I believe.  I'm so disappointed in my peep.

The peep says she's gonna plant something nice in that spot once the cedars are gone.  Also those stupid little rocks that someone put there for a mulch, years ago, not to mention the black landscaping fabric that doesn't keep out the weeds but rather, gives the weeds something nice and solid to hang onto.  All that will have to go too, I guess.

All I know is that when the peep does re-plant the area, the planting had better include a nip plant or two.  Maybe even three.  Things look best when planted in odd numbers, you know.  Hmmm...  three nip plants.  Or five?  Five.  Five sounds good.  And I'm gonna need some of the nip to sooth my broken heart at the loss of my two cedars.  I'm gonna need some nip, for sure.

E = mc2

E = mc2 where E is the catnetic energy of a moving object and equals the mass of that moving object times the speed of the swipe of a cat's paw, squared.  Got that?  Good.

The equation is simple but oh-so-important.  It provides the basis for the principles of classical mecatics and electrocatnetic radiation.  These principles have been used to create the various teleportation devices we cats of the blogsophere know so well.  Well, these principles along with some tunnels and egg beaters, of course.  Yes, it's true.  All my home-made teleportation devices include at least one egg beater.  It's a fact.

I've heard peeps talkin' about this E=mc2 formula and what I've heard can only be described as crazy talk.  They're always trying to substitute the speed of the swipe of a cat's paw with the speed of light.  Speed of light?  What's that about?  Either the light is on or the light is off but it's not like it's goin' anywhere. 

Actually, the light could be going somewhere.  The light in question could be the object with the mass that is being swiped by the cat's paw.  It has happened before.  Many a lamp has been knocked off a table by a cat.  But obviously, those peeps are putting the light in the wrong part of the equation and I bet they never once put the lamp on a scale to get its mass.  MOUSES!

Albert Einstein came up with his own version of this equation.  A humanised version, so to speak.  For some strange reason, it is his version peeps teach in schools.  I am very grateful and proud to say that I was home-schooled by my mama where I was taught the basics of special relacativy.  I would never have learnt the important stuff had I gone to regular peep school.  I bet those peep teachers don't even know the basics of special relacativy.  MOUSES!

Peeps make a big deal about the inclusion of the speed of light in their version of this theory.  They keep talking 'bout how it's important 'cause the speed of light is constant.  As I discussed earlier, the light isn't movin' so if that means it's constant at zero, I guess we can let the peeps have that one. 

And don't you just love it when the peeps get all fancy-schmancy and start sayin' things like, "the speed of light in a vacuum?"  They think they sound all important sayin' stuff like that but let me tell you something.  We have more than one vacuum in our house.  I don't like 'em but we have 'em and I checked 'em all.  Yes, I looked inside of all three of those vacuums and I did not find a single lamp, flashlight or even a light bulb.  Not even one of those teeny-tiny Christmas tree lights.  Speed of light in a vacuum?  MOUSES!

Obviously, the speed of the swipe of a cat's paw is not constant.  Some cats like to whack stuff with great force while others are nudgers.  I, myself, enjoy a little of both.  You know what they say.   They say, variety is the spice of life. 

And you can certainly understand how this all plays out.  Let's say I give a ball a great big ol' whack.  Well, that ball is gonna have a lot of catnetic energy when it hits the wall, right?  It might even leave a mark or something.  If I take that very same ball and just nudge it towards the wall, there will be very little catnetic energy.  It might not even bounce back.  Might not even have enough energy to do that.  Pretty interesting, huh?

I would like to add that the mass of the cat has nothing to do with the principles of special relacativy other than the possibility that a heavier cat might have a stronger paw swipe, thereby increasing the value of 'c'.  Other than that, the mass of the cat is irrelevant.  So kitties, if you wanna chow down a second helpin' of the Fancy Feast, by all means, do so.  It won't 'cause any issues with teleporting.

Yes, teleporting.  That's what it all boils down to.  Special relacativy has been used to enable cats to teleport all over the world.  The greatest scientific cat minds of the last several generations have used the principles of special relacativy to allow us cats to travel from here to there in mere seconds.  The concepts of time and space and of space and time have become one.  We cats have merged time, space, mass and energy, creating devices to allow us to travel through both space and time with limited energy and teleport to our hearts' content.

To my knowledge, peeps have no teleportation devices.  So exactly where did their version of the theory get them?  Nowhere, that's where.  They're still tryin' to figure out how to move the lamps.

television reviews

I enjoy watchin' television as much as the next cat.  I love watching The Big Bang Theory with that cat named Sheldon.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I have a theory that Sheldon is, in fact, a cat.  He shows all the signs, save one.  He's afraid of birds.  That's not very catlike.  I think it might be just an act.  An act to divert our suspicions, elsewhere.

Of course, I love a good mystery.  I like doin' a little investigating myself and much of what I've learnt about investigating has come from watching television.  I'm not a real private investigator...  I just watch 'em on TV.  Actually, I'm not a real private investigator, YET.  I'm pretty sure that I actually have what it takes to be one.  Just gotta get my license, that's all.  Dogs get licenses all the time so I can't imagine it will be difficult for me to get mine.  Right?

I also enjoy some of the shows on PBS.  Nothin' like spendin' a Sunday evening, cuddled up to a peep or two and gettin' scritches and tummy rubs while watching Masterpiece Theatre.  Excellent stuff, that is.  Simply excellent.  And good for at least a couple of hours worth of quality peep time.

But the best TV of all is Bird TV.  Actually, my bird TV isn't on TV.  I get the real live stage performances.  Contrary to the opinions of some stupidy-dupidy-dupes who make up studies with stupid made-up facts, I am a cat who likes to watch birds.  I don't eat 'em.  I just watch 'em.  I watch 'em on my Bird TV.

Oh, I'm sorry...  I do sometimes eat birds.  Turkeys are birds, right?  I have turkey for breakfast almost every day but it comes out of a tin.  I don't go around catchin' turkeys in the garden.  Plus, even though my peeps never eat turkey 'cause they're both a couple of veggies, I wouldn't be at all surprised if those stupidy-dupidy-dupes with the studies made up of made-up facts, did.  Maybe they don't know that turkeys are birds?  Hmmm...  it's a possibility.  But if they can eat turkey, so can I.

Anywho...  back to my Bird TV.  We have some excellent bird programming goin' on in my garden.  Every afternoon, we have the Crow Show.  Wonderful program.  No repeats, either.  I guess that's what one might call a daytime soap.  My peep #1 used to watch Another World but that was way before my time.  It got cancelled or something.  No one is cancelling the Crow Show, though.  No one would dare.  My fur family and I love it far too much for that.  It has really good ratings.  All twelve of us watch it almost every day.

But one cannot live on the Crow Show alone.  No, variety is the spice of life and we need a little variety in our programming of the Bird TV.  That's why my peep #1 plants stuff in the garden to attract the birds.  She dresses the set, so to speak.  There's all sorts of stuff out there that keeps those birdies coming back, day after day after day.

The honeysuckles bring the hummingbirds every year.  There are other flowers they like, too, but when the honeysuckles are in full bloom, there's special programming all day long.  It's like a honeysuckle marathon or something.

Then there are the multiflora rose bushes.  That show is only on during the late fall and early winter months.  In early summer, the bees come along and pollinate the roses but that's not the main show.  The main show is broadcast when the roses decorate themselves with little rose hips.  Hundreds of them.  Maybe even thousands!  The birds really like those rose hips.  They devour them with relish and no, I don't mean the green stuff made from pickles.  MOUSES!

Ooh...  and then there's the ladybug bush.  We've got a whole hedge of the stuff which makes for fantastic television.  Okay, it's not really called a ladybug bush.  Only the peep and I call it that.  Ol' peepers only recently found out its real, botanical name which is super long and pretty much unpronounceable so she came up with ladybug bush 'cause the ladybugs all lay their eggs on it.  That's a good thing 'cause the peep and I like the ladybugs.  Some people call it nine bark.   I like our name better, I think.

The ladybug bush had thousands of little flowers that are pollinated every year by hundreds of bees.  The bees are quite friendly.  I've never been stung.  Neither has the peep.  At least, not by a bee.  The trick is, to not upset 'em.  If you don't mess with the bees, the bees won't mess with you.  Never eat a bee.  That would be bad for your health not to mention, kind of stupid.  That's why I don't do it.  I'm not a stupidy-dupidy-dupe.

Anywho...  all those bees pollinate all those flowers and in the winter, there are tiny little seed pods, everywhere.  And that brings the chickadees!  The chickadees are my favourite acting troupe.  They put on excellent performances.  They flit this way and that.  Their show is always fresh and exciting.  Such fun!

So there you have it, folks.  My review of Bird TV.  And I will repeat, I do not eat the birds.  The birds are the actors of Bird TV.  Just like you shouldn't eat bees, you shouldn't eat actors.  That's bad for their health!