livin' with a fog horn

Other cats have normal peeps.  Other cats have normal peeps with normal problems but oh, no...  not me.  I'm stuck with this peep #1 of mine and let me tell you, she's a pawful.

Long, long ago...  way back in ancient times, when my first peep was in university, she started gettin' earaches.  It was weird for the peep, I am told, for prior to this she had only ever had one earache in her entire life.  She went to the doctor and then a specialist and was told that she was allergic to dust.  Told you...  weird.  The Arts' Center where she was studying was super dusty and the air was super dry and the combination of the two was makin' her ears ache. 

I know what you're all thinking...  earaches?  Peeps with allergies get itchy eyes and runny noses and sneeze a lot.  Well not my peep.  My peep was weird.  Just couldn't be normal like other peeps out there.

Now fast track to a couple of years ago.  That was when the peep got this itchy tickly kind of thing in the back of her throat.  It didn't hurt.  It was just itchy and tickly and made her do these little coughy things all the time.  Very annoying.  I guess it was annoying for her, too, but let me tell you...  it was really annoying for me.  I had to listen to it.  There are only so many annoying little coughs my sensitive ears can handle before the whole situation gives me a headache. 

The peep remembered that back in the last ice age, when her doctor sent her to that specialist, the specialist had been an ear, nose and throat doctor.  That made her start thinkin' that all these things were connected and just maybe the itchy throat was like the earaches and just another manifestation of an allergy.  So she got some allergy pills and they worked like a charm.  No more annoying coughs to be heard.  Yoo-hoo!  YOO-HOO!!! 

Now with the arrival of winter here in Canada and this recent cold spell, the peep's allergies appear to be back.  No earaches though.  No annoying little coughs, either.  This time, it appears that the peep, for once in her life, has decided to go the normal route.  She's sneezing up a storm and blowing her nose like there's no tomorrow.  I'm telling you...  it's like living with a human foghorn or something.  And I'm sure she has managed to use enough tissues to clean out an entire forest.  It's gettin' kind of ridiculous.

I reminded my peep 'bout those allergy pills that worked wonders on the ol' cough business.  I reminded her she still had an entire box of the things.  But my reminders went in one ear and out the other.  She hasn't taken a single pill.  She says that the year she took 'em for the cough, she had four colds when normally she only ever has one a year, if even that.  She says the sneezing is less trouble than the colds.  I say...  MOUSES!  I'm mouses tired of listening to all the sneezing and the honking.  And she has started to develop a sort of Rudolfy kind of thing there in the middle of her face with all this nose blowing business and, quite frankly, I'm tired of lookin' at it.  I mean...  it is not a fashion statement anyone would ever want to make.  Of that, I am sure.

I figure that if a peep can pill a cat, a cat can pill a peep.  Well, twelve cats can pill a peep, anyway.  She's bigger than us, you know.  So here's the plan...  I'm absolutely sure that the twelve of us cats can take 'er.  We're all gonna get together and pill that peep.  Ten of us will hold her down while I pry open her mouth and my brother Seville is gonna shove one of those allergy pills down her throat.  Seville is especially excited 'bout us pilling the peep 'cause the peep has been pillin' him, twice a day now, ever since he spent those two nights in hospital due to his crystals issue. 

The peep swears she does not have a cold...  that it's just allergies.  She says it's the dust thing all over again.  The air is dry in the house 'cause of winter and she has been spending a lot of time in my office, workin' on her book and my blog.  I can't complain 'bout her helpin' me with my blog more than usual but I do think she could ease up on the book thing.  I mean...  I'm the writer in this family.  She needn't even try to compete with the mighty blogmeister. 

She might want to do a better job with the dustin', though, if it's dust to which she's allergic.  She had just better not claim she has suddenly become allergic to cats, or somethin' crazy like that.  That's crazy talk, that is.  Crazier than squirrels making nut pies, I tell you. 

Take a pill, peep!  'Cause if you don't...  we're gonna help you...

a cat in the stacks exposed...

Hey all!  Welcome to my very first book review. 

Actually, this is the first book I've ever read.  Oh sure...  I've read lots of blogs - of course - but never a whole entire book.  But I have this pal named Dean...  Dean James, and he's an author.  He writes all sorts of stuff.  He is what you call a prolific writer.  Some of his books feature this really interesting dude named Diesel and you guessed it...  Diesel is a cat.  When peep #1 told me 'bout the cat in this series of books, I just knew I had to read it for myself.  I mean...  I'm a cat, just like Diesel.  And Dean is my pal!  Choosing this book as my very first ever book to read was one of the best ideas I've ever had.

Now, Murder Past Due is the very first book in the "Cat in the Stacks Mystery" series.  My pal, Dean, did write it but he used the pen-name, Miranda James.  I don't really know why peeps call them pen names.  Silly, really.  I'm sure Dean writes his books on a computer.  Pens are for collectin' and rollin' under refrigerators.  I should know...  that's where I keep my pen collection.  Computers are for writin' books.  Just a silly peep saying, I suppose.

But back to the book...

In Murder Past Due, Dean introduces us to the crime solvin' duo of Charlie and Diesel Harris.  Charlie is a librarian.  Diesel is the cat. 

Now, this Charlie is a pretty smart fellow.  He seems to know a lot about a lot of different stuff.  He even knows some stuff about solvin' crimes from having read a lot of books with crimes in them.  He also knows a lot about the people livin' in Athena, Mississippi where the story takes place.  And what he doesn't know, he is able to find out.  As a librarian, he's good at researchin' stuff.  Plus, Charlie has a knack for gettin' other peeps to tell him what he needs to know.  I think it's 'cause he has a really kind soul.  He wants the best for other peeps...  especially those about whom he cares.  Peeps confide in him 'cause they trust him.  They know he'll always do right by them.

Charlie has the nicest ever housekeeper.  Her name is Azalea which is a very pretty name, just the flowers on those shrubs.  I wouldn't exactly describe Azalea's personality as pretty though.  That woman tells it like it is.  She is not afraid to speak her mind...  not even to Charlie.  At times I think he might be just a teeny-tiny bit afraid of Azalea.  She sort of rules the roost.  But everything Azalea says and does is tempered by her good heart.  She's a very motherly character and that's a good thing, I think.

Azalea trusts Charlie to no end.  I mentioned how Charlie was trustworthy, right?  Azalea's daughter is a police officer and in Murder Past Due, she is supposed to find out who the murderer is.  She's in charge of the investigation.  But although Kanesha is smart and well-trained, she doesn't have a lot of experience solvin' murders.  She's under a lot of pressure to find the killer and it's puttin' her in a mood.  Let's just say, she's a little grumpy.  Azalea tells Charlie that her daughter is as "sore as a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."  Speakin' as a long-tailed cat myself, that would be very sore.  Yes, very sore, indeed.

Charlie is caught between a rock and a hard place.  Hmmm... another silly peep expression.  I mean...  aren't rocks hard?  Why don't they just say...  caught between two rocks?  Oohhh...  but what if the rocks were gypsom or something?  Gypsum isn't hard.  But is gypsom a rock?  But I digress.  Azalea wants Charlie to do a little diggin' to help out Kanesha and Kanesha wants Charlie to keep his tail out of her police business.  Poor Charlie has to decide if he's more scared of the mother or the daughter.  To be truthful, I'm not sure he knows the answer to that one.  Probably easier to just figure out who the killer is.

And then there's Diesel.  Diesel is super smart, just like Charlie.  That cat always knows when his peep needs a little extra loving.  He'll jump right up onto Charlie's lap or curl up on the bed and snuggle next to him.  When Charlie's mind is racing with thoughts of the murderous goings-on in town, Diesel calms him with his presence and his purrs.  Cats are good at calmin' their peeps, you know.  It's a skill we have.  And a calm peep is a better investigator than one who isn't.  Isn't calm, that is.

Diesel is well-known around town.  He could never do undercover work.  No sirree!  Everyone - and I do mean everyone - in Athena knows this cat.  He's huge!  Even for a Maine Coon, he's huge.  Peeps have mistaken him for a bobcat or even a dog.  No one can believe a cat can get that big, I guess.  And according to Charlie, Diesel hasn't stopped growing.  He's gonna get even bigger.  MOUSES!  And the cat's purr matches his size.  If you're wonderin' how Diesel got his name, just think of the sound a diesel engine makes.  You're gettin' the picture now, aren't you?

Diesel plays an incredibly important roll in the solvin' of the Athenian crimes.  In fact, without his help, Charlie wouldn't be able to do what Charlie does.  Diesel goes everywhere with Charlie.  Yup, it's true.  He walks on a lead, and everything.  And everywhere Diesel goes, Diesel attracts attention.  Between the size of his purr and the size of...  well..  of his body, everyone has to know just a little bit more 'bout that cat. 

Do you remember that great television crime solver named Columbo?  Remember how he used to appear to be a little foolish and whatnot?  Criminals would get distracted by Columbo's mannerisms and not give him the credit he deserved.  They would reveal stuff they shouldn't be revealing and then the next thing they knew, Columbo was figuring out exactly what they had done and how they had done it.

Well, Diesel's purr and size are a little like Columbo's mannerisms.  His very presence can be distractin' to the criminals.  These distractions allow Charlie to get a little insight into their personality and then boom!  bam!  Charlie has figured them out.  Diesel is a genius.  Of course, he's a cat so...  genius is only natural.

I enjoyed this book so much and I'm not just sayin' that 'cause Dean is my pal and all.  I'd say it even if we weren't pals.  Reading this book has inspired me to read more books.  In fact, I'm gonna read the next two in the series.  And Peep #1 tells me that she has ordered the fourth Cat in the Stacks Mystery which is being released in paperback this Tuesday by Berkley Prime Crime.  And do you know what?  I'm gonna read that one, too!  Ooohhhh...  this book readin' stuff is fun! 

Golden Globes... who needs 'em?

I waited...  and I waited...  AND I WAITED!  Nope.  Nada.  Nuttin'.  Not a single invite arrived in the mail for me to attend the Golden Globes.  I couldn't understand it.  Aren't ceremonies such as the Golden Globes events for celebrities to celebrate their celebrity?  I'm a kind of celebrity.  Aren't I?  Still don't understand why I wasn't invited.  MOUSES!  We'll just wait and see what that Oscar fellow brings...

After I was so rudely ignored by the powers-that-be at the Golden Globes, I felt a little down.  I must admit, I did.  But then the most wonderful thing happened.  The most wonderful thing in the whole wide entire world.  Bling started arriving in my in-box.  There was bling here and bling there and bling just about everywhere and I knew, once again, that I was loved.  I'm a celebrity after all!  And if those peeps at the Golden Globes didn't realize it before they sure must know by now 'cause I've been given the vote of confidence by my wonderful bloggin' friends in the blogosphere.  Golden Globes...  who needs 'em?  I've got the blogosphere! 

First came the Shine on Award from Angel at Angelswhisper.  Isn't that a nice name for a blog?  It's a nice blog, too.  I really like it.  If you haven't been to visit, please do.  Just click on the blog name to travel through space and time, right to where you need to be.  There are no requirements in accepting this beautiful award but I'm gonna pass it along to some bloggers whose spirits shine right through the sometimes hazy atmosphere of the blogosphere and straight into my heart.

And the nominees are... 
- Herman at It's a Wonderpurr Life
- Sammy at onespoiledcat
- Katie at Katie Isabella
- Speedy at Speedy the Cheeky House Bunny
- Savannah at Savannah's Paw Tracks
- Molly at Molly the Wally
- Mario at Mario's Meowsings
- Nike at NikePurrfectCat's World
- Pepper at Pepper's Paws

Next came the Liebster Award from my pal Speedy over at Speed the Cheeky House Bunny.  Now, I've actually received a similar award before - well, it had the same name - but both the requirements and graphics were different so I'm thinkin' that this is the second generation of this fantastic award, or somethin' like that.  Speedy has been known to travel through both space and time on his blog so it's quite possible that this is a second generation, of sorts, just like what some of those peeps manning the Starship Enterprise are.

In accepting this award, I have to say five things about myself.  Hmmm...  well, I'm a sterling silver tabby cat...  some might say platinum.  I'm a MANcat even if that ol' peep of mine did give me a girls' name.  MOUSES!  I was feral...  born in the neighbours' woodpile.  I had three litter mates but I was the first to befriend the peep and come into the house.  Then I helped her get my brother and two sisters in, too.  I'm addicted to the nip.  There...  that's five.

Now I must answer the following five questions...
1.  What is your favourite thing to do?
     Indulge in the nip! 
2.  What is your favourite time of year?
     I love the fall 'cause there are leaves to chase and acorns to bat around on the driveway.  Such
     fun!
3.  What's the most important thing you want to do?
     I want at least one astronaut to read my blog from up on the space station.  Hear that Houston?
4.  Who is your favourite person or animal pal?
     My peep #1. Just don't tell her, okay?  It'll go straight to her head.
5.  Where in the whole wide world would you like to go?
     Well obviously...  NASA.  I'm pretty sure that if the peeps running NASA met me, they'd make
     sure some of those ol' astronauts up in the space station would read my blog.  I'm just sure of it!

Now, to pass along this award to five more blogs...
- Spitty at Spitty Speaks
- Mr Black at The Kittini Boys
- Sparkle at Sparkle the Designer Cat
- Derby & Ducky at DERBY and DUCKY
- Jacobi at The Dog Who Doesn't Fetch


I was still ridin' high on receiving the second award when my good friend Cocco over at My Mini Pet Pig honoured me with a third one.  Yes...  Cocco gave me the wonderful Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award.  Now, as a mancat, I'm not a sister but since I have sisters, I figure it's okay for me to accept this.  Sisterhood is a figure of speech, I think.

For this award I need to thank the blogger who gave it to me and link back to their blog.  Thank you Cocco!  Love it!!!  Just click on the blog name above to visit Cocco's wonderful blog.

And there are ten questions to be answered.
  1.  What is your favourite colour?
       Silver....  as in sterling silver tabby like me.  hehehe...
  2.  What is your favourite animal?
       Is this a trick question?  CATS!
  3.  Your favourite non-alcoholic drink?
       Hmmm...  easy.  CREAM
  4.  Do you prefer Facebook or Twitter?
       I'm takin' the fifth.
  5.  Your favourite pattern?
       Spots and stripes...  like my sterling silver tabby coat.
  6.  Do you prefer giving or getting presents?
       I love gettin' nip-filled prezzies at Christmas and all but really and truly, I like giving 'em best.
       And I've found that the best prezzie to give my peeps is spending time with them and allowing
       them access to my tummy for rubs and my chin and ears for scritches.  Peeps just love that.
  7.  Your favourite number?
       Hmmm....  I think I'll go with one.  I do love my peep #1 and I love havin' one-on-one time with
       her.  You get the best tummy rubs when there's no competition.
  8.  Your favourite day of the week?
       I have two.  Sundays and Wednesdays 'cause that's when I publish my blog posts and I get to
       spend time visitin' all my pals on the blogosphere.
  9.  Your favourite flower?
       I love pansies.  They're pretty...  and tasty, too.
10.  What is your passion?
       Blogging.  Oh...  and nip.  And I do love the peeps.  And I enjoy napping.  LIVING!

Finally, I need to nominate ten to twelve blogs I "find a joy to read," link up to them and, of course, let them know that they were nominated.  And the nominees are...
- Basil at Basil the Bionic Cat's Blog
- Laila & Minchie at Cat-a-Holic with Laila and Minchie
- the whole gang at Prancer Pie
- Trixie at Purr-sonally Speaking
- Tom at Whisker Messages from a Church Cat
- Anita at Castles, Crowns and Cottages
- Betty at Betty the Wood Fairy
- TexWisGirl at The Run *A* Round Ranch Report
- Stella & Rory at Stella and Rory from Down Under
- the Chihuahuas at Dip-Dip and The Bridge


And as if I wasn't already walkin' on air, out of the blue, I was awarded the REALITY Award not once but twice in one day!  I was flabbergasted for sure.  Boise and Bama from Shat Cast honoured me with the award and then Gracie and Benjamin Bunny from Feline Funnies did the very same thing.  Wow-oh-wow was I ever surprised.

In acceptin' this award, I need to visit the blogger(s) who gave it to me and thank 'em.  Thank you Boise!   Thank you Bama!  Thank you Gracie!  Thank you Bunny!   Thank you all 'cause I love it so very, very much.  I also need to link back to the blog(s) so that all of you can visit them, too.  Just click on the blog names to visit these wonderful bloggers.

Then there are five questions to answer.
1.  If you could change one thing, what would you change?
     I would make all the shelters in the world no-kill shelters.  Every single one of them.
2.  If you could repeat an age, what would it be?
     Hmmm...  four months.  That was 'bout the age I was when I trusted the peeps enough to come
     into the house but I was still a baby and got to cuddle lots with my mama and siblings.
3.  What is one thing that really scares you?
     Well, I could say my peep #1, first thing in the mornin' before she combs her hair and whatnot
     but...  I think I'll go with thunder storms.  The loud ones are super-duper scary.  Sometimes I
     hide under a bed.
4.  What is one dream you have not completed and do you think you will be able to complete it?
     I really, really, really want some astronauts up on the space station to read my blog...  from the
     space station.  I think it's possible.  Just need a little help from my friends.  Hey Houston!  Are
     you listening?
5.  I you could be someone else for a day, who would it be?
     Peep #1.  She gets to make so many decisions, many of them pertaining to me.  I should be
     gettin' to make some of those decisions, I think.  Plus, she has opposeable thumbs.  She can
     open tins and play with yarn - even if she does call it knitting - and do all sorts of things.  I
     should have opposeable thumbs, I think.  With opposeable thumbs, I could rule the world!

I now must nominate up to twenty other blogs for this award and, of course, let them know.  And the nominees are...
- Scarlett & Melly at The Adventures of Scarlett and Melly
- Texas, Kitshka & Milou at Texas, a Cat in New York
- Old Kitty at Ten Lives and Second Chances
- The Tabbies at Trout Talkin Tabbies
- Mollie & Alfie at Mollie and Alfie
- Frankie Furter & Ernie at Frankly and Ernestly Speaking
- Patchy Meow at The Five Cats Chronicles
- Felix & Jasper at Felix and Jasper Blogalot
- Sherlock, Traveler & Ash at Feline Purr-spective

WOW!  What a bling-filled post.  I just want everyone to know how much I appreciated receiving these awards.  I love them all.  Each and every one.  Just like I love all of you.  All of you who gave me the awards and all of you who come back, twice every week, to read my blog.  I couldn't blog without you.  After all, what's a blog without friends?  PURRS

And I should just mention this.  I hope you'll all come back on Sunday to read my next post.  I'm doin' my first book review.  That's right...  I'm reviewin' a book!  The book was written by a pal of mine and he's a "national best-selling author."  Yup, that's exactly what it says on the cover.  I sure do wanna do my pal proud so I'm hopin' you'll all read the review and then read his book.  That is, if you haven't read it already.  Just who is this famous pal of mine?  You'll have to come back on Sunday to find out!  hehehe...

the real McCoy

Do you remember my brother Seville?  He's one of the marmalade boys.  Yeah...  I have two marmalade brothers.  Seville is the short-haired one.  Anywho...

Seville hasn't been feelin' so great as of late.  He has been havin' some pee-peep problems.  There was a blockage.  This has happened to him once before.  Almost exactly a year ago, in fact.  The doctor said she has been seein' a lot of this.  Not 'cause it's contagious or anything.  Has to do with the weather and whatnot, she thought.  Some cats prefer to do their business outside but when it's super-duper cold, they don't wanna go out so then they hold it in and that can start problems. 

Personally, I think this massive epidemic - we're talking 'bout my brother here so that makes it as important as an epidemic - might have something to do with the lack of puddles.  Not sun puddles...  puddle puddles.  You see...  my brother is a real connoisseur of the puddle water.  I am, too.  We know our puddles.  Puddle water is the best water for drinking.  Better than stuff that comes out of bottles or the tap or even from springs.  You can't beat a good puddle.  Peeps have tried and peeps have failed.  Like I said, puddle water is the best.

The problem is that all of our puddles are frozen.  Could you believe it?  It's true...  every single one of them.  There's not a puddle in sight.  The rain has turned into snow and the snow is lying on the ground like a big ol' lazy blanket and not a single flake of it is doin' the right thing and meltin' so that we cats can have our puddles.  There's not a drop of puddle to drink for miles and miles and miles around.  Okay...  maybe not miles.  But we cats have to stay in our own yard so what happens elsewhere is irrelevant.  If there are no puddles in our yard, that's the equivalent of no puddles on the whole entire planet, as far as I'm concerned.

Sure...  the peeps give us water but it's not as good.  It's not as tasty.  It doesn't come from puddles.  It's just not the same...

Because of this world-wide puddle shortage, Seville had to spend two whole nights in the hospital.  He didn't like it one bit.  Not even a teeny-tiny bit.  He was ever so happy to get back home but it took well over a week for him to get back to bein' his old self.  The crystals were all gone but it still hurt when he went to do his business.  His private parts were kind of raw from what the doctor had to do to get rid of all those crystals.  But it was important that she did 'cause left untreated, these blockage conditions are fatal, you know.

Seville was sent home with a big ol' bag of special dry food and several tins of the soft.  He quite likes the dry.  Actually, we all do and my brother has had to fend us off a couple of times 'cause we all wanted a nibble or two.  The soft, however, is a lost cause.  He says it's yucky and I believe him.  I'm not even gonna try that stuff.  I'll take Seville's word for it.

The peep told our doctor all 'bout how Seville wasn't willing to eat the soft stuff and I thought my brother was gonna be in big time trouble for sure.  But instead, do you know what the doctor said?  She said "try him with tinned salmon and tuna as they don't contain the minerals that cause the crystals to form."  Could you believe it?  He's gettin' human food!

As you probably know, I've got a couple of veggie peeps on my paws.  They never eat meat or poultry or fish so there is never any of the good stuff in the house.  Our meaty food all comes out of bags and tins.  But now...  now...  now my brother Seville is gettin' the good stuff.  He can't eat the regular cat food so the peeps are buyin' him tins of flaked tuna and red salmon.  Unbelievable!  MOUSES!!!  I've never tasted human tuna in my whole entire life and now Seville is gettin' it on a daily basis.  He's getting the real McCoy!

You know...  that McCoy fellow was a doctor on the Starship Enterprise.  I wonder if he ever prescribed tuna for Captain Kirk.  Hmmm...   something to ponder whilst I lie awake, dreaming of chowing down on dolphin-friendly flaked tuna.  I'd go drown my sorrows in a puddle but the puddles are all frozen.  MOUSES!

the man in the hat

Remember the man in the hat?  The man who dragged that big ol' pine tree branch down our street and dumped it in my garden?  Well, he still has the same hat.  I see him all the time.  I know it's him 'cause I recognise the hat.

Anywho...  a little while ago, that man in that hat could have been almost no more.  Don't worry too much though.  He's still around.  I saw his hat and yes...  he was still in it.

Here's what happened....

A couple of weeks ago or so, someone was comin' over to our house to visit.  Along the way, that someone encountered the man in the hat.  The hat was walkin' down the road.  I'm thinkin' the hat must have been in charge 'cause you'd expect the man to know better than to not be walkin' at the side of the road.  You're supposed to walk along the side of the road so as not to be in the path of the traffic.  I'm not even allowed on the road and even I know that.  I'm sure the man knows it, too, but perhaps the hat does not.

So this someone who was comin' to our house comes along behind the man in the hat.  At first, the man didn't hear the car approaching.  Now, listening for cars would have been the man's responsibility.  Hats don't have ears so it's not like they can hear anything.  The man had ears - likely still does!  The man should have been usin' his ears to listen for cars and whatnot, especially since his hat was makin' him walk so far into the middle of the road.

The car was almost upon the man in the hat when the man finally heard its approach.  The noise must have startled him or something 'cause the next thing our visitor knew was that the man and the hat jumped and kind of turned and moved further into the road and - get this - into the path of the approaching car!  Luckily for our visitor and the man and the hat, an accident was avoided.  But like I said, the man in the hat almost was no more.

Apparently, the man wasn't wearing just the hat.  He was also wearing some kind of ear thingies.  Listening to music, most likely.  That's probably why he didn't hear the car approaching.  I wonder how many other things he didn't hear that day.  I wonder how many other dangers were drowned out by the sound comin' from those thing-a-ma-gigs plugging up his ears.

I'm told that peeps do this kind of thing all the time.  They walk around all over the place with thingies in their ears.  The very concept mystifies me.  As a cat, I have excellent hearing and I'm super-duper proud of it.  We cats hear things peeps can only dream about hearing.  Yeah, our hearing is that good.  Why would I ever want to impede my sense of hearing?

Okay...  I know...  I would like to plug up my ears when the peep starts up with her caterwauling but that's what you call a special circumstance.  An equally special circumstance would be if the neighbours took up the bagpipes.  You get my drift, I am sure.

But caterwauling and bagpiping aside, using your ears to listen for approaching dangers is a very wise and cat-like thing to do.  Pluggin' your ears up and then walkin' down the middle of the road is neither wise nor cat-like.  It's kind of foolish, if you ask me.  The fact that peeps do this sort of thing on a regular basis makes me wonder just why-oh-why the peeps get to be in control of the can openers.  They are not the superior race.  Not by a long shot.  This kind of behaviour is proof positive of that!

I'm wondering if the man in the hat learnt a lesson that day, after almost being run over by a car 'cause he didn't hear it coming 'cause he had plugged up his ears listening to loud music.  I'm thinking not.  Peeps often don't learn lessons well.  It usually takes them a couple tries to get it right.

Plus, you all know the saying peeps have 'bout stuff goin' in one ear and then coming right out of the other.  Well, that's about listening and learning stuff...  or rather it's about not learning the stuff.  The idea is that the knowledge goes in the first ear but before it has a chance to inform the brain, it goes right out the other.  Well...  since the man in the hat has plugged up his ears with the ear thingies, any knowledge that happens to come his way won't be able to enter that first ear.  That means, the knowledge won't just by-pass his brain.  It will by-pass his whole head!  I don't think you can learn stuff that way.  I think that would be next to impossible.  That's why I'm thinkin' the man in the hat probably has not learnt his lesson.  Bet he doesn't even know there was a lesson to be learnt.  MOUSES!

work it baby!

My sister Constance is such a little suck up.  She really, really is.

For those of you who don't know, Connie is my sister sister.  No, I'm not repeatin' myself there.  You see...  Tobias, Tess and Mason are my sisters 'cause we all have the same peeps but Constance and Beatrice and I not only have the same peeps but also the same mama and dad.  In fact, we were all litter mates.  Yup, it's true.  We were all born in the same wood pile at the very same time.  Well...  my peeps say there might have been an hour or so in between each birth but they weren't there to witness it so I think they're just guessin' or something.  There were no peeps there, to witness our birth, at all.  We were born feral.

So anyway...  back to Constance.  She really is the suck up of the family.  She has that peep #1 wrapped around her little claw, I tell you.  Connie can do no wrong in the eyes of peep #1.  Peep #2 is on to her but peep #1 is as blind as a bat when it comes to my sister and her suck-uppedness.  Hmmm....  suck-uppedness...  is that a word?  Well, it is now!

As you probably all know, I enjoy watching a little television with my peep #1.  Really, I do.  I'll curl up next to her for snuggles during The Big Bang Theory and whatnot.  I especially like watching The Big Bang Theory with her 'cause I know that you all know how I have a little theory of my own 'bout that show.  I'm absolutely positive that that cat Sheldon really is a cat.  Way too smart to be a peep.  I'm sure he's a cat is disguise.

Anywho...  I'll be all snuggled up next to my peep #1 waiting for our show to start, when my sister Constance will arrive on the scene.  Up onto the couch she'll jump.  She thinks nothing of walkin' right over the peep's lap and then wriggling in between the peep and me.  Talk about nerve!  You'd think she owns the joint or somethin'.  I'm pretty sure she thinks she does.  Next thing I know, I'm snuggled up to the peep and my sister Constance.  I end up having to share the peep.  Even worse...  I end up having to share the snuggles!  Happens all the time.

Now, you might be wondering just how Connie manages to get away with this kind of behaviour.  Well, you see...  It's her job to sleep with the peep.  We all took a vote and Constance lost.  Yup, that's just how it happened.  But Constance, being super-duper smart and all - partly 'cause she's my sister and partly 'cause she's a cat - decided to take advantage of the situation.  She has managed to convince peep #1 that she actually likes sleeping with her at night.  What a little actor is my sister.  If I didn't know better, I'd think she liked it, too.

Constance usually sleeps right on top of my peep.  Uses her as a mattress, I'm afraid.  Even if the peep sleeps on her side, Connie still sleeps right on top of her.  She manages to balance herself on the peep's hip.  The peep thinks it's cute.  Silly peep.

Anywho...  the other night, Constance decided to go for a behaviour modification upgrade.  Instead of sleeping on top of the peep, my sister crept up next to the peep's face.  The peep wasn't even aware of what was happening until she woke up and found Connie lying with her head on the pillow and a paw stretched out, touching her face.  And what do you suppose woke the peep up in the first place?  Purring, of course.  Connie was purrin' up a storm like there was no tomorrow.  She was purring and purring and purring.  It was practically deafening, I am told.

Personally, I would find this kind of behaviour to be an intrusion of my personal space but the peep...  well, the peep...  the peep thought it was adorable!  The whole next day, all I heard, over and over and over again, was 'bout how cute Connie had been the night before...  sleepin' just like a person would with her head on the pillow.  The phrase fur baby was used.  I believe I heard fur angel, too.  I'm tellin' you...  that sister of mine sure does know how to work it.  What a little suck-up.

It's not that I don't understand the power of the sleeping cat pose.  Oh, I get that, all right.  I get it loud and clear!  The pose of a sleeping cat is one of the most powerful forces in the universe...  guaranteed to elicit oohs and ahhs from any and all nearby peeps.  The thing is, these sleeping poses must be used with the utmost of care.  They must be doled out in moderation.  If cats go around doin' these cute poses all over the place, peeps are gonna expect the cute poses all the time.  They're gonna want sleeping cat poses twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.  We cats are already sleeping eighteen to twenty hours a day.  We can't possibly give up the rest of the hours!  There are patrols to be made, there is washing to be done, food to be eaten and nip to be nipped. 

Connie isn't lookin' at the big picture here.  She doesn't see the precedent she is setting.  She's cute and she knows it.  She's way too cute for her own good.  Certainly too cute for mine.  Oh, MOUSES!  Connie, my sister, I give up.  I see the writing on the wall and I can read it, too.  Just go for it.  Work it baby!

proof is in the pudding

The proof is in the pudding.  That's what my peep #1 always says.  And that's what I say, too, 'cause it makes a boatload of sense.  A boatload of vanilla puddin' sense, if you ask me.

Peeps are always coming up with ideas.  Sometimes those ideas are new and innovative and sometimes they're a little crazy.  But sometimes, they're just plain ol' stupid.  How do you tell the difference between the good and the bad?  Well...  you look at the pudding, of course.  You might have to stick your tail in there and swish it around a bit but eventually, the pudding will tell you the truth.  You can be sure of that.

It doesn't matter how good or impressive an idea sounds, if the intended result doesn't materialize, it's not so great an idea after all.  Peeps come up with ideas they think should work but if they don't...  well...  you've got yourself some lumpy ol' custard.  And, by the way - just in case you didn't already know - lumpy when it comes to custard, is yucky. 

Peeps often think that the potential of an idea is all that matters.  It's not, you know.  Potential is great if something comes of it but if it doesn't, that potential is worth...  hmmm...  let's see...  diddly squat.  Potential, schmential.  Potential is one of those words that peeps use to make things sound better than they really are.  You know what I mean.  If something is great, they'll just plain ol' say it is great.  When it sucks, that's when they say...  but it had such potential.

And we all know about potential energy, right?  That ol' glass ball sitting way up at the top of the Christmas tree...  it has potential energy 'cause it has the potential to fall from the tree when whapped with a paw.  That situation also has the potential for a cat to get yelled at.  Not so great, this potential energy, if you get my drift.  And all that potential energy is never gonna light up all the lights on the tree.  It's not like we can plug them into the glass ball.  Kind of useless, if you ask me.

Just 'cause something has potential doesn't mean that that potential is good.  Pudding, for instance, has the potential to be good but also has the potential to be bad.  Sure, you can get all the ingredients ready but if you forget to add the sugar, well... it's gonna be bad.  If the temperature on the stove is too high... it's gonna burn and well...  be bad.  If you don't stir it when it's cooking it's gonna get all lumpy and...  you guessed it...  be bad.  You see?  Potential can be bad.  And I can assure you, you're never gonna find a peep who wants to eat burnt, lumpy pudding to which there was no sugar added.  Just not gonna happen. 

Just as pudding has the potential to be bad, so do ideas.  Peeps come up with ideas all the time just for the purpose of coming up with ideas.  And peeps have this thing where they think their ideas are always good, just 'cause it's coming from them, or somethin' like that.  It never ever occurs to these peeps that some ideas are nothing but lumpy ol' pudding. 

Sure...  there are good ideas out there too but the word good cannot and should not be used to describe every idea 'cause every idea isn't good.  Just 'cause it's new doesn't mean it's better.  Peeps have to learn this.  And what would be best is if they would learn it without inflictin' a whole whack of damage to the rest of the world.  Sometimes, peeps should just leave well enough alone.  Sometimes, peeps should realize that if it isn't broken, don't try to fix it 'cause unnecessary fixing usually breaks stuff!  Why is it that cats understand this but not peeps?

And when bad ideas are implemented and you end up with a pot load of lumpy pudding, the only thing for it is to call in an expert pudding maker...  one who knows how not only to make pudding well but also to delumpify the lumpy stuff.  Peeps call them problem solvers.  Same thing, really.  But beware, my friends...  most peeps don't like the problem solvers...  especially when they're called in to solve problems caused by those very same peeps!  It's the way of the world, I'm afraid.  We all complain when the pudding is lumpy but we complain, also, 'bout the process of delumpification.  Well...  peeps do.  Cats know better 'cause cats are smart and all.

Here's my suggestion...  Whenever your peep comes up with an idea that sounds questionable, give one of those glass balls on the Christmas tree a good ol' whack right into a bowl of lumpy pudding.  This should get your message across, I think.  As a matter of fact, I think it should do that quite nicely.  Flying glass balls causing the spattering of lumps of pudding all over the house makes a statement, for sure.  Yes indeedy...  they really, really do.

a is for autocatphalous

So this is 2013.  Pretty good so far, I should think.  Of course, the year is less than a week old but still, things appear to be on track. 

Everyone is busy makin' their new year resolutions and stuff.  Well, by everybody, I really mean, peeps.  Not necessarily my peeps but just peeps in general.  Peeps seem to be way more into making resolutions than cats.  It's kind of a peep thing, I think.  And I suspect some of those resolutions have already been broken.  After all, the peeps have had almost a week now in order to break 'em and you know peeps...  they break stuff all the time.

Although I haven't made any resolutions, I have set myself a challenge.  I'm gonna participate in the Personal A to Z Challenge.  What is that you ask?  Well, have a seat, put your paws up for a bit and I'll tell you all about it.

Remember...  way back in 2012...  when I was given the Blog of the Year award?  You remember, don't you?  I know it was a long time ago.  At least a couple months now.  Cats and peeps who were given this award could join a special group.  Quite exclusive, really.  Very much an honour, to be sure.  Well, in this group, I met a very nice blogger named Julie Fox and she had set up a challenge for herself and suggested others might join in.  Pretty interesting, huh?  I thought to myself...  I can do this!  So...  I am!!!

The idea of the challenge is to create a theme and to blog 'bout stuff within that theme usin' all the letters in the alphabet.  Right away I knew what theme I would use.  I would use words.  I love words.  I use 'em all the time.  And you all know how I like to make up my own words, right?  I do that all the time, too.  The peep chastises me for doin' so but I just ignore her.  Anywho...  I figure that if I make up words, cats and peeps out there will use 'em.  And if enough cats and peeps use my made-up words, eventually...  my very own words will end up in Websters or something.  What a plan!  Yes, just one more way in which we cats will take over the planet.  Hehehe...

So without any further ado...  A is for autocatphalous.

You may have heard of the word autocephalous before.  Or maybe not.  The various spell checks sure haven't.  I'm seein' red squiggles and yellow highlights all over the place here.  It's a pretty big word.  According to my three-volume Websters dictionary it means independent, self-governing and not under the jurisdiction of another...  or somethin' like that.  It has stuff to do with churches.

Well, I took one look at that word and realized that if there was anyone or anything more independent than even the most independent of independent churches, it's cats!  And we're self-governing, too.  Not to mention self-grooming.  We cats are certainly not under the jurisdiction of another anything except maybe another cat.  We're definitely not under the jurisdiction of another species.  The peeps like to think they're in charge but come on...  we all know the truth.

So we now have a new word...  autocatphalous.  And what does it mean, you may ask? 

Autocatphalous - the naturally accepted order of things, referring to cats as being the head of an entity.  Any entity...  household, business, entire world...  entity.  The naturally accepted order is that cats are on top.  In other words, the cats are in charge.  It's an adjective.

Here in my house, the state of the autocatphalous society has been recognized for quite some time.  We just didn't have a word for it until now.  Sure the peeps throw around silly little phrases like "be good" when they head out or "love one another" when there's a hissy-fit going on.  They like to say stuff like that to make themselves think they're tellin' us what to do but facts are facts.  We cats are independent by nature.  If we wanna be good, we'll be good.  If we don't, we won't.  The peeps can't tell us what to do.  That's just the autocatphalous nature of the world, I'm afraid.  It's life.  Live with it.

So there you have it...  the first of twenty-six parts to my Personal A to Z Challenge.  I'll add more posts for this challenge periodically.  Probably a couple a month.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go make up a word that starts with the letter B.  Hmmm...  B is for...

baby it's cold outside

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

That's right...  we've entered a brand new year.  The year is only a couple of days old.  And here in Nova Scotia...  on this second day of 2013...  baby it's cold outside.

A few days ago, Mother Nature decided to paint the world white.  She dumped a whole whack of the white stuff on us.  There was white stuff everywhere.  White stuff in the sky, white stuff on the ground, white stuff on the branches of the trees...  white stuff everywhere!  It was a world of white.  Nothing but white, white and more...  white!

The next day, everything was still white.  Well...  everything but my peep #1.  She went outside to shovel out the car and when she came back in, her cheeks were pretty red.  The woman came in lookin' like a frozen peepsicle.  She said it was cold out there.  I took her word for it.

Then yesterday, it snowed a little more.  But this time, instead of heavy old wet snow, Mother Nature gave us some light dry stuff.  The sun was shining and I headed out to inspect my garden...  my garden of snow.  It wasn't snowing anymore so I thought I wouldn't get snowed upon.  Boy, was I ever wrong.  The wind picked up and all that light dry snow got blown around.  I thought I was inside a snow globe or something.  A bunch of that snow ended up on me.  In my face and everything.  It was like it was snowin' all over again.  I made a hasty retreat inside.  The planned inspection was cancelled for the day.

Today, the sun is shining but the wind is blowing and it's a cold wind for sure.  Well, it's to be expected, I suppose.  I mean...  this is Canada and it is winter and all.  Canadian winters are supposed to be cold.  Right?  Least that's what I heard.

I haven't been outside today myself yet.  Needed to get this post up.  But every now and then I see peeps out walkin' on the street and they look like cold peeps.  They've pulled their hats way down and their jackets way up and they've covered all uncovered parts of their faces with gloved hands.  Not quite sure how they're even seein' where they're goin', to be honest.  They've covered up so much of their faces and all.  They really should grow fur, you know.  Much easier than all that outdoor gear, I should think. 

Haven't got a clue as to why those peeps are out there walkin' in the first place.  I know...  peeps think walkin' is good for them.  Well, not so great if you come home frozen...  frozen like a peepsicle.  It could happen.  Like I said, it's cold out there.  Plus, there's this business about them coverin' up their faces so much they can't see where they're going.  I keep expecting to see peeps colliding out there on the street. 

Here's one for the math books...  If peep A leaves his house at nine o'clock and travels east at three miles an hour and peep B also leaves his house at nine but travels west at four miles an hour, at what point will the two peeps collide in the middle of street?  Hmmm...  easy answer.  When they meet.  Whenever and wherever they meet they will collide 'cause, like I said, they can't see where they're goin'!  MOUSES!!! 

Unless it warms up out there today, I'm gonna stay inside.  The garden is still covered in the white stuff so really, inspections aren't all that necessary.  I suppose I could inspect the plants in the sunroom a bit.  There are some amaryllis in bloom.  They're not white though.  They were supposed to be white.  Well, some of them were supposed to be white.  Some were supposed to be white while others were supposed to be red but some ol' peep in the amaryllis factory was colour blind or something and all of my peep's ones turned out to be red.  She's not very happy 'bout this.  I've been hearing a whole lot of grumbling on the subject.  Almost as much grumbling as there is snow outside.  And did I mention how we have a lot of snow? 

Hmmm...   You know...  Mother Nature painted the world white with all that snow.  Maybe she could paint the peep's red amaryllis white.  Wonder if she has any amaryllis paint...  any white amaryllis paint.  I should ask her.  I'll see if I have her e-mail address or something.  I'll Google her.  Surely there must be some contact information for Mother Nature somewhere...  She might even have her own blog or something.  You never know.