Do you remember my brother Seville? He's one of the marmalade boys. Yeah... I have two marmalade brothers. Seville is the short-haired one. Anywho...
Seville hasn't been feelin' so great as of late. He has been havin' some pee-peep problems. There was a blockage. This has happened to him once before. Almost exactly a year ago, in fact. The doctor said she has been seein' a lot of this. Not 'cause it's contagious or anything. Has to do with the weather and whatnot, she thought. Some cats prefer to do their business outside but when it's super-duper cold, they don't wanna go out so then they hold it in and that can start problems.
Personally, I think this massive epidemic - we're talking 'bout my brother here so that makes it as important as an epidemic - might have something to do with the lack of puddles. Not sun puddles... puddle puddles. You see... my brother is a real connoisseur of the puddle water. I am, too. We know our puddles. Puddle water is the best water for drinking. Better than stuff that comes out of bottles or the tap or even from springs. You can't beat a good puddle. Peeps have tried and peeps have failed. Like I said, puddle water is the best.
The problem is that all of our puddles are frozen. Could you believe it? It's true... every single one of them. There's not a puddle in sight. The rain has turned into snow and the snow is lying on the ground like a big ol' lazy blanket and not a single flake of it is doin' the right thing and meltin' so that we cats can have our puddles. There's not a drop of puddle to drink for miles and miles and miles around. Okay... maybe not miles. But we cats have to stay in our own yard so what happens elsewhere is irrelevant. If there are no puddles in our yard, that's the equivalent of no puddles on the whole entire planet, as far as I'm concerned.
Sure... the peeps give us water but it's not as good. It's not as tasty. It doesn't come from puddles. It's just not the same...
Because of this world-wide puddle shortage, Seville had to spend two whole nights in the hospital. He didn't like it one bit. Not even a teeny-tiny bit. He was ever so happy to get back home but it took well over a week for him to get back to bein' his old self. The crystals were all gone but it still hurt when he went to do his business. His private parts were kind of raw from what the doctor had to do to get rid of all those crystals. But it was important that she did 'cause left untreated, these blockage conditions are fatal, you know.
Seville was sent home with a big ol' bag of special dry food and several tins of the soft. He quite likes the dry. Actually, we all do and my brother has had to fend us off a couple of times 'cause we all wanted a nibble or two. The soft, however, is a lost cause. He says it's yucky and I believe him. I'm not even gonna try that stuff. I'll take Seville's word for it.
The peep told our doctor all 'bout how Seville wasn't willing to eat the soft stuff and I thought my brother was gonna be in big time trouble for sure. But instead, do you know what the doctor said? She said "try him with tinned salmon and tuna as they don't contain the minerals that cause the crystals to form." Could you believe it? He's gettin' human food!
As you probably know, I've got a couple of veggie peeps on my paws. They never eat meat or poultry or fish so there is never any of the good stuff in the house. Our meaty food all comes out of bags and tins. But now... now... now my brother Seville is gettin' the good stuff. He can't eat the regular cat food so the peeps are buyin' him tins of flaked tuna and red salmon. Unbelievable! MOUSES!!! I've never tasted human tuna in my whole entire life and now Seville is gettin' it on a daily basis. He's getting the real McCoy!
You know... that McCoy fellow was a doctor on the Starship Enterprise. I wonder if he ever prescribed tuna for Captain Kirk. Hmmm... something to ponder whilst I lie awake, dreaming of chowing down on dolphin-friendly flaked tuna. I'd go drown my sorrows in a puddle but the puddles are all frozen. MOUSES!