it's spring!

It's spring!

I said...

IT'S SPRING!

Peepers, are you payin' attention?  Are you listenin'?  More importantly, are you listenin' to ME?  I said...

IT'S SPRING.

What's that?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

I don't care what that ol' calendar says.  Not sure if you've noticed or not, but the calendar is old.  Old as in OLD.  Not as old as you, of course, on account of your bein' as old as the hills, but it's still pretty old.  It's been hangin' on the wall for almost a year now.  More than ten months.  Like I said, IT'S OLD.

MOUSES!

Peepers, Peepers, Peepers...  My gosh you're slow on the uptake, these days.  Comes with old age, I suppose.  The calendar is wrong.  It's spring.

You wanna bet?  You wanna bet that I'm wrong?  I mean, you wanna bet that I'm right?  No, wait...  I AM right.  I'LL bet that I'm right.  You can bet...  whatever, but I bet by the end of the day you, too, will be bettin' I'm right 'cause if not, you're gonna lose that bet.

The bet that I'm wrong, that is.  I mean, the bet that you THINK that I'm wrong on account of my never bein' wrong and my always bein' right.  Right?  Right.

Right.

MOUSES!

Lookie here, Peepers.  I don't know what you're goin' on about.

No, really, I don't.  Fine, it might very well be November 6th and maybe the old and demented calendar does say it's fall; but I was just outside and it's like 23C out there and that, ol' peep of mine, is weather fit only for spring.  

Plus, James - the kitty you're tryin' to convince to come live with us - didn't come for brekkies yesterday and I'm pretty sure he was wanderin' about lookin' for girls or somethin', thinkin' it was spring.  I MEAN, KNOWIN' it was spring, on account of yesterday also bein' in the twenties which is the kind of weather we have in...

Well, you know...

SPRING.

MOUSES!

I DON'T CARE if there are no spring flowers out there.  And I don't care that instead of the trees burstin' with the promise of new leaves, they're actually clingin' to a few old brown ones that haven't yet fallen.  AND I DON'T CARE that the leaves that HAVE fallen are blowin' about askin' to be raked and stuff.  None of that matters.  Oh sure, I know that kinda stuff normally happens in the fall but do you know what else happens in the fall, Peepers?  DO you?

It gets cold.  Yup, it gets cold in the fall, Peepers.  And for your information, 23C is not cold.  It's mild.  It's warm!  By gosh and by golly, it's practically vergin' on hot.

So like I said...

IT'S SPRING.

MOUSES!

What?  WHAT?  Seriously?  You say it's goin' down to 2C in the next couple of days?

Hmmm...

Well that's kinda odd.

You think the weatherpeeps don't know 'bout it bein' spring?  I think I had best call 'em and tell 'em it is.  'Cause it's absolutely unthinkable that I, Seville the Cat, could possibly be wrong.  I'm never wrong.  I'm a cat.  Cats never are.

Wrong, that is.

MOUSES!

**********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

fifty-three weeks

Up.  Down.  Up.  Down.  Up...

No.  Heeheeheeheehee...  No, I'm not doin' my daily calisthenics.

Not that I do those, anyway.  I get more than enough exercise jumpin' down from the chesterfield and hikin' it into the kitchen, lookin' for snacks.

MOUSES!

No, I'm not watchin' Peepers do her calisthenics, either.

MOUSES!

What I am doin' is lookin' at the daily temperatures we've had over the last couple weeks.

MOUSES!

For a while there, I was pretty worried 'bout Mother Nature not bein' allowed to enter Nova Scotia and bring us some nice spring weather.  You know, with self-isolation rules and whatnot for enterin' our fair province.

But...

BUT IT LOOKS LIKE SHE ARRIVED HERE YESTERDAY AND IS STAYIN' FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK!

Hmmm...

On the other paw, maybe Mother Nature IS havin' to self-isolate for fourteen days after enterin' Nova Scotia.  MAYBE MOTHER NATURE arrived here yesterday with spring weather in tow, and was told by Public Health she had to stick around.  

SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.

MOUSES!

I know I've griped a lot 'bout bein' cooped up with the peeps for the past two hundred and eighty-eight million, four hundred and eighty-nine thousand, six hundred cat seconds, due to this ol' pandemic thing, but...

BUT BEIN' COOPED UP WITH MOTHER NATURE WHEN SHE BROUGHT ALONG SOME SPRING WEATHER, IS WAY BETTER THAN BEIN' COOPED UP WITH THE PEEPS.

WAY.

MOUSES!

Just look at it out there!  The sun is shinin' and the air is warm, and the snow is meltin', and...

And they're not sayin' it's gonna be freezin' cold tomorrow and snowin'.

For once.

MOUSES!

So I'm thinkin'...

I'm thinkin' that if Mother Nature is spendin' her fourteen days of self-isolation here in Nova Scotia....

SHE'S MORE THAN WELCOME TO SPEND IT WITH ME.

At my house.

Sittin' right next to me on my chesterfield, or out on the deck.

Provided she washes her hands, of course.

And wears her mask.

And sits at the OTHER end of the couch, keepin' six feet away.

But hey, I'll let her share some of my kibble.

If there's one thing I know, it's how to be a good host.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

whew!

Whew!

Boy-oh-boy...

Oh, I've gotta take a load off my paws, for sure.

MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  You wanna get me a bowl of your finest spring water, please?  Chilled, but no ice.  Oh, and a sprig of the nip would be nice.

What do you MEAN all you have is the house white?

And it's ON TAP?

MOUSES!

I'm tellin' ya, the service at my house is goin' downhill, fast.

Of course, that's assuming it had any further to drop.

Which it didn't.

Not even one bit.

It was already at the bottom of that hill, for sure.

MOUSES!

FINE.  *sighs*  I'll settle for a bowl of tap water, but could you at least add the catnip?  PLEASE?  I'm a kitty in dire need of a little nip.

I'll leave you a tip and everything, Peepers.

Uh-huh.  Yup, I most certainly will.

YES, I'm capable of tipping the staff.

I'll tip you off as to exactly where I coughed up that hairball this morning, which is as good a tip as you deserve.

MOUSES!

I'm over here, Peepers.  You'll wanna bring that bowl of water over here.

You expect me to get up from the chesterfield to get my drink?

You expect me to walk over there?

ALL THE WAY over there?

MOUSES!

But Peepers, I'm exhausted as it is, and the MERE THOUGHT of my havin' to walk ALL THE WAY over there is making me EVEN MORE TIRED by the minute.

What did I do to make myself so tired?

Well...

Well I went on an outdoor hiking expedition this morning, that's what.

DID TOO.

I did so, Peepers.  I went out the front door, and hiked ALL THE WAY to the back door.  Remember?  Yeah, you came looking for me.  You had to pick me up and carry me back to the front door and bring me inside.  You know, on account of my bein' too lazy...

I MEAN TIRED!

On account of my bein' TOO EXHAUSTED and WORN OUT to climb the stairs up to the back door and come in on my own, and...

What the mouses?

Well I'll be.  Now the peep is sittin' here next to me on the chesterfield, expecting ME to bring HER a glass of the house white.

Okey dokey Peepers.  You want that from the tap or the toilet?  We've got both.

MOUSES!

call the cops!

Somebody, quick! Somebody call the cops!  MOUSES!

Oh.  My.  Mouses.

MOUSES!

There's a major crime wave goin' on and that, my friends, is for sure. MOUSES!

With spring on the horizon, and temperatures risin', criminals are out and about in full force.

All the evidence is there. Criminal activity is on the rise.  My once peaceful neighbourhood has become a hotbed for miscreants and felons.  MOUSES!

Why just yesterday mornin', Peep #1 let me out the door for my mornin' patrol, and what did I find?

I found...

I found...

Oh my mouses, it's too awful to describe.

I found, a garbage bag, torn open wide.

It's true, my friends.  During the night, masked bandits were lurking about in my yard, rippin' apart garbage, lookin' for food.

Peep #1 says it was raccoons.

I say, RACCOONS WEAR MASKS.  MOUSES!

There had been no sightings of the marauding gang of masked bandit raccoons since last fall. Clearly, they have returned.  MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', one marauding gang of masked bandits does not a crime wave make, and you know somethin'?  You'd be right about that if...

If...

If there weren't other criminal activity goin' on in the area, too.

Both yesterday and today, I spotted several robins in the my yard.

What is criminal about robins, you ask?

'CAUSE THEY'RE NOT ROBINS AT ALL!

That's right, my friends.  Those red-breasted robins, hoppin' hither and thither, are NOT robins but rather, North American thrushes impersonating robins, for sure.

You've heard of IDENTITY THEFT?  MOUSES!

And then there's the vandalism.

Oh my mouses, it's bad.

Yesterday, I spotted two woodpeckers, peckin' away at the ol' oak tree in the front of my yard.  My friends, they left holes behind!  HOLES!  That's vandalism, for sure.

Which reminds me 'bout the squirrels.

Those squirrels have been racin' back and forth, chasin' each other across the driveway and street, never once checkin' for oncoming cars.  And they never cross at the corner or look for a crossin' guard.  No sirree.  And their constant jaywalking is DRIVIN' ME CRAZY!

And speakin' of jays...

The blue jays have been brawling so much, I half thought the finger-snappin', toe-tappin' Jets and Sharks had invaded my yard.

Thankfully, we have no actual sharks.  MOUSES!

But what we do have is noise.

Oh my mouses those crows can be loud.   MOUSES!

In the last few days, the Crow Show has amped up the noise level by several decibels.  I tried turnin' down the volume on the television but apparently our remote is faulty, 'cause it doesn't work on those crows.

MOUSES!

And then there are the sweet little chickadees...

NOT!!!

It was previously owned by a sweet little lady who only drove it to church on Sundays and back.

Ever heard that line?

Yeah, when really the church must have been an empty parkin' lot and the little old lady was the drag racing queen.

SWEET MY TAIL.

Those chickadees are constantly flitting this way and that, running obstacle courses through the ladybug hedge.  I tried puttin' up signs for no loitering, no skateboarding and no stunt bikin' but alas, it was to no avail.

And they're constantly singing, chickadee-dee-dee here and chickadee-dee-dee there and they're even chickadee-dee-deeing in mid air!

I'm tellin' you, those chickadees are disturbing the peace.

MOUSES!

So as you can see, my garden has become a gatherin' place for unsavoury villains and delinquent offenders, committing illicit, felonious, fraudulent acts.

If I didn't know better, I'd think I was bein' filmed for Reality TV.

MOUSES!