Oh, I've gotta take a load off my paws, for sure.
Hey Peepers! You wanna get me a bowl of your finest spring water, please? Chilled, but no ice. Oh, and a sprig of the nip would be nice.
What do you MEAN all you have is the house white?
And it's ON TAP?
I'm tellin' ya, the service at my house is goin' downhill, fast.
Of course, that's assuming it had any further to drop.
Which it didn't.
Not even one bit.
It was already at the bottom of that hill, for sure.
FINE. *sighs* I'll settle for a bowl of tap water, but could you at least add the catnip? PLEASE? I'm a kitty in dire need of a little nip.
I'll leave you a tip and everything, Peepers.
Uh-huh. Yup, I most certainly will.
YES, I'm capable of tipping the staff.
I'll tip you off as to exactly where I coughed up that hairball this morning, which is as good a tip as you deserve.
I'm over here, Peepers. You'll wanna bring that bowl of water over here.
You expect me to get up from the chesterfield to get my drink?
You expect me to walk over there?
ALL THE WAY over there?
But Peepers, I'm exhausted as it is, and the MERE THOUGHT of my havin' to walk ALL THE WAY over there is making me EVEN MORE TIRED by the minute.
What did I do to make myself so tired?
Well I went on an outdoor hiking expedition this morning, that's what.
I did so, Peepers. I went out the front door, and hiked ALL THE WAY to the back door. Remember? Yeah, you came looking for me. You had to pick me up and carry me back to the front door and bring me inside. You know, on account of my bein' too lazy...
I MEAN TIRED!
On account of my bein' TOO EXHAUSTED and WORN OUT to climb the stairs up to the back door and come in on my own, and...
What the mouses?
Well I'll be. Now the peep is sittin' here next to me on the chesterfield, expecting ME to bring HER a glass of the house white.
Okey dokey Peepers. You want that from the tap or the toilet? We've got both.