public service announcement

The following is a public service announcement.

DON'T LET YOUR PEEPS SEE YOUR BLOODY PEE.

MOUSES!

Okay, so this is what happened:  The other day - Monday to be exact - the peep noticed I kept goin' to the little boys' box over and over AND OVER again.  I wasn't doin' much of anythin' at any one visit.  I wasn't straining, but I wasn't peeing, either.

Of course I tried to pass it off as the latest kitty cat craze.  You know the one.  The one where a kitty does multiple laps 'round the house, stopping each time to pee.

Well the peep, being a peep, didn't believe me one bit, which surprised me to no end on account of Peep #1 usually bein' pretty easy to fool.

MOUSES!

So the next thing the peep did was put out a pee pad for me to use.

Now I thought to myself, How very sweet of the peep to do this for me.  How considerate of her to think of a way to make it easier for me to pee.  I mean, I was gettin' a little tired of makin' all those trips to the litter box, ALL THE WAY FROM THE FAMILY ROOM.  Settin' up pee pads right there IN the family room, itself, was savin' me a multitude of trips.

Little did I know...

IT WAS A TRICK.

MOUSES!

That's right, the peep, bein' a peep, TRICKED me into usin' that ol' pee pad so that she could see what was goin' on with me.

And exactly what did she see?

She saw my bloody pee.

MOUSES!

Now when I say bloody, I'm not goin' all Moggy on ya and usin' English slang.  No sirree, for I, Seville the Cat, am a Canadian kitty through and through, although I must admit I do enjoy a good British mystery on the tele.

MOUSES!

But back to that pee.

There it was, plain as day.  There for the whole world to see.  There was blood in my pee.

So the peep, bein' a peep, went and called the doctor.

MOUSES!

Then yesterday afternoon, I WAS PEEP-HANDLED BEYOND BELIEF.  I was SHOVED into an ol' crate, and before I knew it, I was headin' to the hospital where they did all sorts of unthinkable things.

I'm not even gonna tell you were the nurse put that ol' thermometer, as this here blog is a family friendly blog.  And did I happen to mention that what she did was an UNTHINKABLE thing?

Good news is, my temperature was PURRfect, for sure.

Like there was any doubt anything of mine wouldn't be.

MOUSES!

Then came the doctor.  Well Doctor T - not to be confused with Mr T on account of Doctor T bein' a lady, and way prettier and probably nicer, too - spent some time petting me and singing my praises, and then...

Then just like the peep...

IT WAS A TRICK.

MOUSES!

Next thing I knew, I was havin' my bladder squeezed like the dickens for a sample of my pee.

But I was one step ahead of that ol' doctor of mine.  I had already peed out all my pee.

Remember the pee pads?  Plus, I may or may not have peed in the stupid ol' crate.  Peep says I did, but I'm admitting to NOTHIN'.

MOUSES!

Turns out, unlike my personal peeps, it's way harder to trick a doctor peep.  And on account of my not bein' able to provide Dr. T with a sample, I ended up havin' to have fluids injected under gorgeous, glistening orange furs, and then I had to stay in the hospital ALL AFTERNOON LONG until I was able to...  You know...  Pee.

MOUSES!

So long story short...

Yeah, yeah....  Quit your griping.  I'm gettin' to the end of this here full-length documentary now.

SO LONG STORY SHORT, I have a UTI - not to be confused with a UFO on account of UFOs bein' unidentified and my UTI has now been identified, for sure - and I'm on antibiotics to treat it.  The UTI, not the UFOs.  Doctor T says my problem was probably caused by my not drinkin' enough water during the super hot weather we had last week.

So you hear that, all you kitties out there?

WHEN IT'S HOT OUT, BE SURE TO DRINK EXTRA FLUIDS or you could end up spending an afternoon in hospital like me.  And whatever you do, DON'T LET YOUR PEEPS SEE YOUR BLOODY PEE.

MOUSES!

way too hot

Do I hear someone outside mowing their lawn?  MOUSES!

I know, I know...  It's summer and with summer comes the mowing of lawns but seriously, I don't think anyone needs to be outside mowing when the mercury is climbing and the humidex is stifling and...

Did you know that thermometers don't contain mercury any more?  Doesn't matter.  The expression still works.

Point is, it's way too hot to be outside mowing lawns.  It's too hot for the grass to even be growing never mind the peeps doing their mowing.

Of course, the weeds are still growing. Yup, those old weeds are taking advantage of this heat and growing up a storm.  This may be one of the reasons Peep #1 is slightly peeved at neighbours mowing their lawns.  By doing so, they're making the peep look bad because she simply refuses to go outside in this heat to mow our...

Our what.  Our weeds?  That would be about it.  The grass stopped growing when the heat took hold and like I said, the only things growing are weeds.  MOUSES!

But the peep is sticking to her guns.  If it's too hot for grass to grow, it's too hot for peeps to mow. MOUSES!

And speaking of storms, we had one yesterday.  Yup, a big old thunderstorm, for sure.  There was thunder and lightening and at one point, the skies let loose and it poured.  POURED!

Of course, I knew the storm was brewing on account of my ears being itchy and stuff.  We cats can forecast weather way better than peeps.  Even better than the weather peeps who go to school to learn about these things.  We cats are simply born with the gift.

For the life of me, I cannot fathom why the weather channel doesn't employ a few cats.  MOUSES!

You know, it wasn't all that long ago when I was complaining about the cold and now, here I am, complaining about the heat.  Some might be inclined to say that I'm simply never satisfied but that's not it at all. You see, I'm a Canadian kitty and complaining about the weather is a favourite pastime of all Canadians, kitties and peeps alike.

You didn't know about that?  Oh yeah, totally true.  If we Canadians didn't have the weather to talk about, we'd have nothing to talk about at all!

In the winter, we complain that it's too cold and when there's too much snow as well as when it doesn't snow enough.  In the summer we complain when it's too hot.  We also complain when it's cold.  When it's hot and dry, we complain we need rain.  When it does rain, we complain that it's wet even though, truth be told, rain is water and water is always wet so complaining that rain is wet doesn't make a whole lot of sense but nevertheless, we complain anyway.

Like I said, complaining about the weather is a national pastime, for sure.

And as luck would have it, in many parts of Canada, if we don't like the current weather, we just need to wait five minutes.  It can change before our very eyes, providing more opportunities to talk about it and you know...  complain.

One thing we Canadians can never complain about is having nothing to talk about when it comes to the weather.  MOUSES!

So if I didn't have the weather to talk about, what would I have?  Hmm...

Hockey?  Some say hockey is Canada's national pastime and when I say some, I do not mean me. Nah, I'm not into hockey at all.

I can tell you what I am into, though.  NIP.  Yup, I'm into the nip all right.  Into the nip, big time, for sure.  I could talk about nip morning, noon and night.  I bet I could even talk about it in my sleep!  I get my love of the nip from my late brother, Nissy, you see. He was into the nip, big time, too.  MOUSES!

Quite frankly, I'm surprised that there isn't a nip channel on television.  Canada's other pastimes are featured on TV.  There's a weather channel where they talk about the weather.  There are sports channels where they talk about sports, including hockey.  So why isn't there a channel devoted to talking about nip?  MOUSES!

And as for those weather and sports channels, why don't they talk about nip, too?

I mean, the weather channel could broadcast segments discussing how various weather conditions might influence the growth of catnip.  Has it rained enough for the nip crops?  Have the nip fields had enough sun?  Will the high temperatures slow down the growth of the nip?  Are winter temperatures too cold for the nip to survive?  Gosh, I could go on and on about such things.  Don't know why the weather channel hasn't tapped into the nip-related weather forecast market at all.

And as for the sports channels, who wouldn't want to watch a clowder of cats chasing nip mice and stuff?  Or documentaries on the effects of nip prior to an evening of the zoomies?  Or how imbibing in the nip might, in fact, be the cause of the zoomies in the first place?  MOUSES!

In this day and age, with all of the channels available on television, you'd think there would be one or two devoted to the nip.

And don't even get me started on the lack of cooking shows featuring nip recipes on the various cooking networks.  Or the lack of information about nip futures on the financial networks.  Or the discussion of nip legalisation and stuff in the news.  Not to mention the public's desire to know which politicians like to get nipped.  MOUSES!

Clearly, there's room on the airwaves for a network devoted solely to catnip.  If only there was NIP TV...

Someone might even write a song about it!

I love my Nip TV...

Now where was I?  What was I writing about before I got distracted by nip?

Oh yeah, the weather.

Well my friends, it's hot.  Hot and sticky and icky and...  HOT.  Think I'll grab a saucer of iced nip tea and check out what's on TV.  If I'm lucky, maybe there'll be a gardening show featuring nip or something.

Seriously folks, the world really needs Nip TV.  MOUSES!