I could pee on that

Hmm...  I could pee on that, you know.

No, I CAN pee on that, I think.

NO, I WILL pee on that, for sure.

Hehehehehee...

Actually, I already did.

MOUSES!

So the peep was busy plantin' stuff in the garden on Monday, and you know what I did?

That's right, I peed on it.

MOUSES!

Okay, so TECHNICALLY I didn't pee on the stuff she planted.  From firstpaw experience, I know for a fact that peein' on the peep's plants never goes over well.  Peeps frown upon such things, you see.

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So upon what did I pee, you ask?

Well...

Well for starters, Peepers planted some leeks in a big ol' container out back.  I had to investigate what she was doin', on account of the STENCH emanatin' from said planter.  FYI, leeks are related to onions and as a cat, I KNOW that onions stink, so therefore...

Therefore, leeks stink, too.

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I watched the peep doin' what she was doin', all the while holdin' my breath and pinchin' my nose.  Then, after she was done stinkin' up the place, I thought to myself, you know...

You know, I could pee on that planter, for sure.

So I turned my back to the planter, lifted my tail...

AND PEED.

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"Oh Seville," the peep sighed.

Hehehehehee...

A little while later, Peepers was pottin' up some celery and stuff into separate containers.  Now I couldn't quite reach the little pots she was usin', on account of her havin' put 'em out of my reach - I know, the nerve! - but after she was all done, I noticed the pile of bags of potting stuff sittin' next to the garage.  Pottin' stuff she had been usin' to pot up those plants I couldn't quite reach, and I thought to myself...

You know, I could pee on those bags, for sure.

So I turned my back to the bags, lifted my tail...

AND PEED.

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"Oh Seville," the peep again sighed.

Hehehehehee...

And once Peepers was all done doin' all the stuff she had been doin' with the stinky leeks and little pots out of my reach, she went to cover a whole bunch of plants with some fleece.  I watched as she carefully draped the fleece over the plants, then secured all the edges with clothes pegs.  And I noticed that the fleece was lookin' very spiffy, indeed, which was odd, 'cause only the day before, that very same fleece had quite a bit of dirt on it, several holes ripped right through, and a couple interestin' yellow stains.  I asked Peepers 'bout how come it looked so clean and fresh and she said, "This fleece is NEW."

Hmm...  I thought 'bout the fleece bein' new and all, and said to myself...

You know, I could pee on that fleece, for sure.

So I turned my back to the fleece, lifted my tail...

AND PEED.

MOUSES!

Now, on account of my going 'round the garden peein' on stuff, Peepers is Talkin' 'bout Takin' me to see Dr T.  Methinks I'm gonna have to curtail my sprayin' of things for a while, for sprayin' on stuff all willy nilly like, gives peeps the wrong impression, you see.  Peeps assume there's somethin' medically wrong, when really...

Really, I'm just markin' my TerriToRY.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

public service announcement

The following is a public service announcement.

DON'T LET YOUR PEEPS SEE YOUR BLOODY PEE.

MOUSES!

Okay, so this is what happened:  The other day - Monday to be exact - the peep noticed I kept goin' to the little boys' box over and over AND OVER again.  I wasn't doin' much of anythin' at any one visit.  I wasn't straining, but I wasn't peeing, either.

Of course I tried to pass it off as the latest kitty cat craze.  You know the one.  The one where a kitty does multiple laps 'round the house, stopping each time to pee.

Well the peep, being a peep, didn't believe me one bit, which surprised me to no end on account of Peep #1 usually bein' pretty easy to fool.

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So the next thing the peep did was put out a pee pad for me to use.

Now I thought to myself, How very sweet of the peep to do this for me.  How considerate of her to think of a way to make it easier for me to pee.  I mean, I was gettin' a little tired of makin' all those trips to the litter box, ALL THE WAY FROM THE FAMILY ROOM.  Settin' up pee pads right there IN the family room, itself, was savin' me a multitude of trips.

Little did I know...

IT WAS A TRICK.

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That's right, the peep, bein' a peep, TRICKED me into usin' that ol' pee pad so that she could see what was goin' on with me.

And exactly what did she see?

She saw my bloody pee.

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Now when I say bloody, I'm not goin' all Moggy on ya and usin' English slang.  No sirree, for I, Seville the Cat, am a Canadian kitty through and through, although I must admit I do enjoy a good British mystery on the tele.

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But back to that pee.

There it was, plain as day.  There for the whole world to see.  There was blood in my pee.

So the peep, bein' a peep, went and called the doctor.

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Then yesterday afternoon, I WAS PEEP-HANDLED BEYOND BELIEF.  I was SHOVED into an ol' crate, and before I knew it, I was headin' to the hospital where they did all sorts of unthinkable things.

I'm not even gonna tell you were the nurse put that ol' thermometer, as this here blog is a family friendly blog.  And did I happen to mention that what she did was an UNTHINKABLE thing?

Good news is, my temperature was PURRfect, for sure.

Like there was any doubt anything of mine wouldn't be.

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Then came the doctor.  Well Doctor T - not to be confused with Mr T on account of Doctor T bein' a lady, and way prettier and probably nicer, too - spent some time petting me and singing my praises, and then...

Then just like the peep...

IT WAS A TRICK.

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Next thing I knew, I was havin' my bladder squeezed like the dickens for a sample of my pee.

But I was one step ahead of that ol' doctor of mine.  I had already peed out all my pee.

Remember the pee pads?  Plus, I may or may not have peed in the stupid ol' crate.  Peep says I did, but I'm admitting to NOTHIN'.

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Turns out, unlike my personal peeps, it's way harder to trick a doctor peep.  And on account of my not bein' able to provide Dr. T with a sample, I ended up havin' to have fluids injected under gorgeous, glistening orange furs, and then I had to stay in the hospital ALL AFTERNOON LONG until I was able to...  You know...  Pee.

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So long story short...

Yeah, yeah....  Quit your griping.  I'm gettin' to the end of this here full-length documentary now.

SO LONG STORY SHORT, I have a UTI - not to be confused with a UFO on account of UFOs bein' unidentified and my UTI has now been identified, for sure - and I'm on antibiotics to treat it.  The UTI, not the UFOs.  Doctor T says my problem was probably caused by my not drinkin' enough water during the super hot weather we had last week.

So you hear that, all you kitties out there?

WHEN IT'S HOT OUT, BE SURE TO DRINK EXTRA FLUIDS or you could end up spending an afternoon in hospital like me.  And whatever you do, DON'T LET YOUR PEEPS SEE YOUR BLOODY PEE.

MOUSES!