Do I hear someone outside mowing their lawn? MOUSES!
I know, I know... It's summer and with summer comes the mowing of lawns but seriously, I don't think anyone needs to be outside mowing when the mercury is climbing and the humidex is stifling and...
Did you know that thermometers don't contain mercury any more? Doesn't matter. The expression still works.
Point is, it's way too hot to be outside mowing lawns. It's too hot for the grass to even be growing never mind the peeps doing their mowing.
Of course, the weeds are still growing. Yup, those old weeds are taking advantage of this heat and growing up a storm. This may be one of the reasons Peep #1 is slightly peeved at neighbours mowing their lawns. By doing so, they're making the peep look bad because she simply refuses to go outside in this heat to mow our...
Our what. Our weeds? That would be about it. The grass stopped growing when the heat took hold and like I said, the only things growing are weeds. MOUSES!
But the peep is sticking to her guns. If it's too hot for grass to grow, it's too hot for peeps to mow. MOUSES!
And speaking of storms, we had one yesterday. Yup, a big old thunderstorm, for sure. There was thunder and lightening and at one point, the skies let loose and it poured. POURED!
Of course, I knew the storm was brewing on account of my ears being itchy and stuff. We cats can forecast weather way better than peeps. Even better than the weather peeps who go to school to learn about these things. We cats are simply born with the gift.
For the life of me, I cannot fathom why the weather channel doesn't employ a few cats. MOUSES!
You know, it wasn't all that long ago when I was complaining about the cold and now, here I am, complaining about the heat. Some might be inclined to say that I'm simply never satisfied but that's not it at all. You see, I'm a Canadian kitty and complaining about the weather is a favourite pastime of all Canadians, kitties and peeps alike.
You didn't know about that? Oh yeah, totally true. If we Canadians didn't have the weather to talk about, we'd have nothing to talk about at all!
In the winter, we complain that it's too cold and when there's too much snow as well as when it doesn't snow enough. In the summer we complain when it's too hot. We also complain when it's cold. When it's hot and dry, we complain we need rain. When it does rain, we complain that it's wet even though, truth be told, rain is water and water is always wet so complaining that rain is wet doesn't make a whole lot of sense but nevertheless, we complain anyway.
Like I said, complaining about the weather is a national pastime, for sure.
And as luck would have it, in many parts of Canada, if we don't like the current weather, we just need to wait five minutes. It can change before our very eyes, providing more opportunities to talk about it and you know... complain.
One thing we Canadians can never complain about is having nothing to talk about when it comes to the weather. MOUSES!
So if I didn't have the weather to talk about, what would I have? Hmm...
Hockey? Some say hockey is Canada's national pastime and when I say some, I do not mean me. Nah, I'm not into hockey at all.
I can tell you what I am into, though. NIP. Yup, I'm into the nip all right. Into the nip, big time, for sure. I could talk about nip morning, noon and night. I bet I could even talk about it in my sleep! I get my love of the nip from my late brother, Nissy, you see. He was into the nip, big time, too. MOUSES!
Quite frankly, I'm surprised that there isn't a nip channel on television. Canada's other pastimes are featured on TV. There's a weather channel where they talk about the weather. There are sports channels where they talk about sports, including hockey. So why isn't there a channel devoted to talking about nip? MOUSES!
And as for those weather and sports channels, why don't they talk about nip, too?
I mean, the weather channel could broadcast segments discussing how various weather conditions might influence the growth of catnip. Has it rained enough for the nip crops? Have the nip fields had enough sun? Will the high temperatures slow down the growth of the nip? Are winter temperatures too cold for the nip to survive? Gosh, I could go on and on about such things. Don't know why the weather channel hasn't tapped into the nip-related weather forecast market at all.
And as for the sports channels, who wouldn't want to watch a clowder of cats chasing nip mice and stuff? Or documentaries on the effects of nip prior to an evening of the zoomies? Or how imbibing in the nip might, in fact, be the cause of the zoomies in the first place? MOUSES!
In this day and age, with all of the channels available on television, you'd think there would be one or two devoted to the nip.
And don't even get me started on the lack of cooking shows featuring nip recipes on the various cooking networks. Or the lack of information about nip futures on the financial networks. Or the discussion of nip legalisation and stuff in the news. Not to mention the public's desire to know which politicians like to get nipped. MOUSES!
Clearly, there's room on the airwaves for a network devoted solely to catnip. If only there was NIP TV...
Someone might even write a song about it!
I love my Nip TV...
Now where was I? What was I writing about before I got distracted by nip?
Oh yeah, the weather.
Well my friends, it's hot. Hot and sticky and icky and... HOT. Think I'll grab a saucer of iced nip tea and check out what's on TV. If I'm lucky, maybe there'll be a gardening show featuring nip or something.
Seriously folks, the world really needs Nip TV. MOUSES!