Let's see, carry the one... Add the six. Now multiple by twenty-four... Add the... No, scratch that, multiply by sixty, and... Hmmm... Oh, multiply that by nine! And...
MOUSES that's a lotta seconds; cat seconds or not.
Cat seconds are nine times peep seconds on account of us cats havin' nine lives, you see.
So there you have it; I've been stuck here with these peeps for four hundred and thirteen million, six hundred and eighty-three thousand, two hundred cat seconds, now.
And what have I learned durin' that time?
Nothin'. Absolutely bloomin' nothin'. Except...
Except I can now say with one hundred and ninety-nine percent certainty that bein' stuck in a house with a couple of good-for-nothin' peeps for four hundred and thirteen million, six hundred and eighty-three thousand, two hundred cat seconds, is...
IS A PAIN IN THE TAIL, FOR SURE.
And apparently I'm not alone in thinkin' like that. The other day, I realised I hadn't seen my pals the goldfinches for a while. They used to be around all the time, stoppin' by to say hi and don't eat me 'cause I'm your friend, and whatnot; but lately I haven't seen 'em at all!
Peepers SAYS they must be gettin' their fuds elsewhere and therefore not needin' to come so close to the house.
I SAY, THEY'RE PROBABLY SICK AND TIRED OF HAVIN' HAD TO SPEND THE LAST SEVENTY-SIX PANDEMIC-FILLED WEEKS WITH TWO GOOD-FOR-NOTHIN' PEEPS.
What? What's that, Peepers? What's that you're babblin' on about now?
WELL PLANT THE WEEDY SEEDY FLOWERS CLOSER TO THE HOUSE, THEN!
My gosh, it's like I have to explain everythin'.
So Peepers is CLAIMING the goldfinches are probably gettin' seeds nature has provided, BUT I STILL SAY they're tryin' to avoid the peep. I mean, if I were a bird, I'd be tryin' to avoid the peeps, too. As a cat I try to avoid 'em, and would very much like to avoid 'em even more, but there are limits to my avoidance abilities, like...
Like the fact that peeps have opposeable thumbs useful for openin' tins.
I NEED my birdie pals around to help me deal with the emotional trauma of havin' these peeps on my paws all the time! But the birdies are nowhere to be seen. What is a kitty supposed to do?
What to do, what to do...
It's time to take matters into my own four paws, my friends. Time to order me up a new bird feeder, or two.
Thank goodness for on-line, pandemic... Scratch that. I mean, thank goodness for on-line shoppin' for cats when said cats aren't allowed in the store, anymore.
Stupid, rude store. Imagine not lettin' me shop there in purrson.
Last time I quality test all their catnip toys for free.
Remember to mask up, too.