Thump, thump, thump. THUMP!
*Seville backs up, makes a run for the front door, and slams into it with his shoulder*
That's the ticket. *smiles*
"SEVILLE! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?"
Oh, hey there, Peepers. I'm batterin' the hatches.
"You're... You're what? *shakes head* WHAT?"
I'm batterin' the hatches. There's a storm a-comin', you see, AND EVERYONE KNOWS that when there's an impendin' storm, you have to batter the hatches. Pass me that hammer, will you? I can do some excellent batterin' with a hammer in paw."
*winces a little as he rubs his shoulder previously used to slam into the front door*
"Seville, I know we're expecting heavy rain accompanied by winds tomorrow, but the phrase isn't battering the hatches."
Oh, I know. I know it's actually batterin' DOWN the hatches, but for the nine lives of me, I can't figure out how to hit the doors and windows with a really good downward motion, when they're all standin' up straight like they are, so...
WAIT A MINUTE... *snaps claws* Oh my mouses! Am I supposed to be KNOCKING 'EM DOWN? That would make sense. Total sense, for sure. OF COURSE! I'm supposed to batter 'em so hard, I knock 'em all down!
It's kinda weird though *scratches behind an ear* 'cause if I knock all the doors and windows out - or down, as the phrase instructs me to do - the wind and rain will all come right into the house, and...
Peepers, you okay? You're lookin' a little pale. Kinda green, in fact. A limey, pucey, pukey kinda green. Limey, pucey, pukey green like you're about to hork up a hairball or two. You feelin' all right?
*the peep runs her fingers through her hair, almost pulling a chunk right out.*
Really? REALLY? Like in cotton?
You know, cotton batton.
Cotton BATTON. B-A-T-T-O-N. Batton!
Well BATTIN' is what I was doin'! Well, batterin', actually, but EVERYONE KNOWS batterin' and battin' are pretty much the same thing. One's just a bit stronger, is all. Mouses, Peepers, make up your mind.
OH! *snaps claws again* A BASEBALL BAT! That's what I need. Why didn't I think of that before? I can really give this door a good batterin' with a baseball bat. In fact, I can batter it all the way down to the floor! Peepers, you happen to have any baseball bats on paw? I need one, desperately. I'm gonna...
Yes, Peepers? Are you gonna tell me where the baseball bats are stored?
"I don't have any baseball bats, Seville."
Then why the mouses did you suggest I use one for batterin' down the front door?
"I... I didn't. I..."
What's the matter, Peepers, cat got your tongue?"
My gosh I crack myself up.
"Seville, the phrase you're thinking of is battening down the hatches. BATTENING. It means to prepare for trouble, or to secure something to PREVENT it from moving or being damaged. In this case, you might want to secure the doors and windows to PREVENT them from being damaged in tomorrow's storm. It does not mean..."
KNOWS storms batter the shoreline and stuff. Weatherpeeps talk about it all the time. They BATTER! Batter as in... Well, batterin'! So CLEARLY, I'm supposed to be BATTERIN' the hatches.
To beat the storm to it, I guess.
Now if you can't tell me where you keep the baseball bats, just step aside and move outta my way. I'll just have to use that hammer, after all.
Wait a minute! Peepers, I thought I already asked you to pass me that hammer. Boy-oh-boy, you're not bein' very helpful at all. I asked you to pass me that hammer ages ago.
My gosh, a kitty has gotta do everythin' himself, 'round here.
IF IN DOUBT,
DON'T. GO. OUT.
Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures
AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.
Remember to mask up, too.
Remember to mask up, too.