I'm all that and more

They just can't help themselves.

MOUSES!

I'm a ladies' mancat, for sure.

MOUSES!

I'm a TOTALLY IRRESISTIBLE chick mag, my friends.

MOUSES!

I am all that, and more.

Not that I want to...  You know...  Blow my own horn.

Or boast, or crow, or bluster, or gloat!

I'm far too shy and modest for that. 

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, did any of you cats out there read 'bout how CNN has listed the Province of Nova Scotia as bein' a top tourist destination this summer?

It's a fact.

And did any of you cats out there read about why?

Well the truth is, they didn't really talk about why, a lot, and they certainly left out the most important reason for visitin' my province, for sure.

You know...

ME.

MOUSES!

It's a fact.

So to speak.

But I can't think of any OTHER reason.  Can you?

MOUSES!

Plus, I even have evidence on paw.  The EVIDENCE is on my side, for sure.

Let me give you an example.  The other day, I was gettin' some blood work done at the ol' blood-suckin', pokin', and prickin' place...

I mean, hospital.

Anyway, after the nurse sucked me nearly dry, leavin' hardly but one drop of blood to keep me goin', I was asked to hang out on the exam table for a bit, and wait for my doctor to appear.

And when my doctor came in, what did she do?

Did she give me an exam?

Nope.

Did she run more tests?

Nope.

She didn't even take my temperature!

And that, my friends, was a relief to say the least, 'cause the takin' of one's temperature when you're a cat is never a fun thing to do.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, the doctor came in and I'll ask again, what did she do?

Well he petted me, stroking my lovely orange furs.  She tickled me under my chin.  She even told me how handsome I am.

Which, by the way, I already knew but bein' told you're a good-lookin' boy never gets old in the least.

MOUSES!

And then that, my friends, was that.

MOUSES!

Clearly, SHE COULDN'T KEEP HER HANDS OFF ME.

And she didn't even charge for the visit.

It's true!

Yup, all the peep paid for was the blood work.  There were no consultation fees or anythin' like that.  Nothin' charged for the actual appointment.  Nothin' charged for takin' time out of my doctor's day.  Nothin' charged for...

WAIT. A. MINUTE.

I should have been charging HER.

She got to pet me and stroke my lovely orange furs.  She got to tickle me under my chin.  She even got to tell me how handsome I am.

And what did I get in return?

I got stuffed in a crate, not to mention havin' my precious bloods stolen.

MOUSES!

Well I certainly hope all those tourists CNN are sendin' this way know they're gonna have to PAY UP if they wanna meet me.

Of course, they can always pay me in catnip and treats.

MOUSES!

the Lunenburg caper

As you all know, I'm kinda known for my adventuresome spirit.  I enjoy a good adventure as much as the next cat but perhaps I should clarify that.  I enjoy a good adventure providing said adventure does not include my goin' in the car.  Teleportation is by far my preferred mode of transportation.

So as you can imagine, I was in a bit of quandary a couple of weeks ago when Peep #1 said she was gonna go to Lunenburg for the day.  Would I like to go with her, the peep asked.  In response, I immediately checked out whether or not I had a peep-sized fryin' pan for teleporting in stock but found none.  To be honest, I don't even know if they make 'em sized for peeps.  MOUSES!

Clearly, the peep was plannin' on driving to Lunenburg in the car so my travelling with her was out of the question.  But I remembered reading somewhere that the Town of Lunenburg was a UNESCO World Heritage Site with a rich history steeped in shipbuilding and fishing and whatnot.   Fishing. Yet another reason for teleportin' using a frying pan, if you ask me.  I mean, how else should one cook the fish?

Fishing...  Fishes...  I mean, fish.  MOUSES!

I had fish on the brain and gettin' a fresh supply of the stuff was the perfect thing to do while visitin' Lunenburg.  But how could I travel with the peep if the peep was takin' the car?

Then I got to thinking.  Plush Nissy doesn't mind the car.  I could send the plush me out on assignment.  BRILLIANT.

So I packed up a bag of snacks for the plush me and tossed in some nip before sending him off on his adventure with the peeps.  I handed him a cellphone so that we could communicate with one another and gave him strict instructions to stay in close contact with me.

Although mere seconds if one teleports, Lunenburg is a couple of hours away by car.  Plush Nissy spent most of that time nappin' and arrived in the Town of Lunenburg quite refreshed and ready for some fun along with his procurement of the aforementioned fish.

Once there, the peeps and the plush me headed toward the water.  It didn't take them long to find the wharf where there were lots of boats and whatnot.  Peep #1 parked the car so that she, the second peep and the plush me could head out on paw.

Plush Nissy was ready to sniff out some fish.  He sniffed and he sniffed but try as he might, his sniffer wasn't detectin' any fish.  Could it possibly be that there were no fish to be found in the Town of Lunenburg?  MOUSES!

I was beginnin' to think that the plush me had a defective sniffer when he cried out, "FISHES!"

Hot on the trail, he led the peeps up an outdoor staircase. At the top of those steps, Plush Nissy headed down a road in search of the fish.  On this higher street stood a large number of restaurants, many of which were servin' fish and other forms of seafood.  No doubt, those appetising aromas were what the plush me had smelled.  The restaurants' patrons were all inside, chowin' down on the delicious fish dishes set before them and just as Plush Nissy was about to order up some grub, Peep #1 swooped down and scooped him up into her arms, sayin' something about headin' back to the car.  MOUSES!

But at that very moment, just as the plush me was about to give up all hope of completing his assignment of procuring the fish, he spotted several buckets filled with fresh fish on ice.  Those buckets were sittin' on a wheeled dolly of some sort and a plan was hatched right there on the spot. Plush Nissy struggled in the peep's arms, squirming and worming until he was free, allowing him to scamper over to the dolly.

After unlockin' the brakes, the plush me stepped away from the dolly and made a flyin' leap onto it, attempting to use his body weight to propel the dolly forward.  But as it turned out, the plush me doesn't actually have a lot of body weight and the dolly didn't budge so he called over to an unsuspecting tourist and asked him to give the dolly a shove.  Could he haul it onto the street and give it a shove in the direction of the ocean two streets below, Plush Nissy asked.  Being unsuspecting, the tourist must have thought this was all part of the Lunenburg experience and gladly obliged.

The dolly began to move ever-so-slightly.  It was slow goin' at first but as soon as it hit hilly ground, it began to pick up speed.  The plush me steered the dolly down the outdoor staircase - bumpity-bumpity-bump all the way - and made a sharp turn at the bottom, headin' in the direction of the parked car.  Eventually, the dolly came to stop just a few feet away from the car and the plush me sat there, triumphant, waiting for the peeps to catch up.

Peep #1 was in the lead with Peep #2 close behind.  They came running towards the car with their arms flailing about as they were yellin' "Stop!  STOP!  STOP!" at the plush me.  Silly, when you think about it as by this point, the dolly had already come to a full stop.  Did I mention that Plush Nissy was waitin' for 'em to catch up?

Huffin' and puffin', Peep #1 arrived at the car and stared down at the plush me.  "Hand over that phone," she demanded, thrusting out her paw.  "Nissy!" she cried.  "What kind of trouble have you got the plush you into now?"

"Just toss the fish in the car and head on home," I instructed the peep.  "You're in too deep now to return 'em and just leavin' them there in the sun would be such a waste."  Realising I was right, the peep obeyed my instructions.

As Peep #1 was doin' the driving, it wasn't long before the three of them were totally lost.  I was on the line with Plush Nissy the entire time and from what little conversation I overheard, I gathered that this was not the first time Peep #1 had been lost in Lunenburg.  She kept goin' on about one-way streets and whatnot.  How was she to know which way to go?  Seriously folks, if a street is one-way, YOU DRIVE IN THE DIRECTION OF THE ARROW.  I sometimes wonder 'bout my peep.

Plush Nissy informed me that the peep was goin' backwards and forwards, up and down the various streets and they didn't appear to be gettin' anywhere, any time soon except, perhaps, even more lost than before.  "We're zigging and zagging so much it's like we're going in circles and we've been up and down so many hills, I'm starting to feel seasick," the plush me moaned, just before horking up a fur-ball which is amazin' as prior to this, I had no idea that plush cats even got those.  "Oh, look at that.  The ocean...  AGAIN."

"Tell her to drive AWAY from the ocean and keep on driving.  Keep the ocean to the south and she'll find her way home," I cried over the cellphone.  I took a deep breath and calmly informed Plush Nissy to tell the peep to look for high ground.  "And tell her to make it snappy.  They've probably already put an APB out on that fish.  Plus, I bet the ice is meltin'."

Realising that a speedy escape was of the essence, the plush me instructed the peep to stop the car so that he could climb up a nearby tree.  He peered to his left and then to his right, making careful note of which way was inland.  He jumped back into the car and, pointing away from the ocean he cried, "That way, Peepers!  That's the way home."

Peep #1 put her foot down on the gas and sped in the direction Plush Nissy was pointing.  Away from the ocean she drove.  Off in the distance was the sound of a police siren.  Off in the distance to start but the sound was getting louder and louder by the minute.  The police were after the fish which, although on ice, were clearly hot and we all know that after a while, hot fish can get rather smelly.

"Faster!" I cried.  "FASTER!  They're gonna catch up."

But someone must have been lookin' out for my peeps and the plush me for before they knew it, they were out of Lunenburg and heading home to safety.  Headin' home and bringing me my fish.  Mmmm...  YUM.


What' that Peepers?  What?  Okay...  FINE.  I have been informed that I must admit how I used some artistic licence in the writing of this post.  Plush Nissy didn't really steal a dolly full of fish and the peeps weren't really fleein' from the police.  That part about that the peeps gettin' lost, though?  Sadly, that part is all true.  MOUSES!

tropical island paradise

Trying to roll the flower pot had proved futile.  Being wider at one end than the other, it continually insisted upon travelling in circles.  Half dragging, half pushing the pot, Nissy eventually made it into the kitchen.  "MOUSES!  Hey Sivvers, help me with this, would ya?"

Seville sauntered over to Nissy, giving the flower pot a good sniff.  "What's up with the pot, Nissy?  You planning on planting some nip?"

"Something like that," Nerissa answered.  "We're goin' on an adventure."

"Excellent!" declared Seville.  "Where to?"

"My brother, my man...  we're headed to a tropical island paradise.  SIVVERS...  PREPARE THE TELEPORTATION DEVICE!" Nissy cried.

Nerissa continued, "There's more talk about the Turks and Caicos Islands joinin' Canada, Seville. Those islands are supposed to be a real tropical paradise.  Sunpuddles and sand as far as the eye can see.  You and I are gonna do a little investigating.  Check those islands out.  Get a paw or two in on the ground floor and plant the seeds that if peeps there wanna join Canada, they should join Nova Scotia, too.  Now, help me get this pot into the flying frying pan."

"That why we're packin' the flower pot?" asked Seville.  "Is it because we're going to be planting the seeds?"

Nerissa rolled his eyes and shook his head with exasperation.  "Nah, the pot is for a plumie.  We're gonna bring back a plumeria tree from the Turks and Caicos Islands for Peep #1 as a prezzie. Heard they grow well there."

Working together, the two brothers managed to get the flower pot into the teleportation device. Grabbing a few snacks for the trip, Nissy climbed in, followed by Seville.  Moments later, the cats were teleporting due south, towards the tropical paradise of the Turks and Caicos Islands.

On the way, Nerissa explained to Seville how the Premiers of Saskatchewan and Prince Edward Island were both hinting they would like the Turks and Caicos to join one of their provinces.  "They were tweetin' stuff 'bout it all over the place," Nissy said, "but anyone lookin' at a map of Canada would see immediately that a union with Nova Scotia makes the most sense, geographically."

"And think about all those snowbirds that travel from Nova Scotia to Florida and Mexico and whatnot. Bet they'd much rather travel to the Turks and Caicos Islands if those islands were part of their own province.  Apparently tourism is a big part of their economy, just like it is with ours.  We have a whole lot in common, you know."

"But I heard that Ottawa put the kibosh on that whole annexation idea," interjected Seville.  "I was nappin' with the news on and that's what I heard."

"We don't need Ottawa, Seville," answered Nerissa.  "I did some background investigatin' and found that way back in 2004, when I was only one-year-old and before you were even born, the Nova Scotia Legislature voted unanimously to invite the Turks and Caicos Islands to join our province. UNANIMOUSLY.  You have any idea how hard it is to get those politicians to vote on anything unanimously?  Almost impossible, I tell you.  They must really want this and I'm thinkin', so do I."

Landing softly on a sun drenched beach, the boys stepped out of the teleportation device.  The warm sand tickled the pads of their paws.  They both stretched out and did what any self-respecting cats would do when confronted with sand...  roll in it. "Ohhh...  a sand bath," moaned Seville, luxuriating in the soft bed that was the beach.

Half an hour later or so, Nerissa stood up in the sand and gave himself a good shake.  "Come on Sivvers," he instructed.  "We need to explore the islands and find ourselves a plumeria tree.  Help me with this flower pot, would you?"

Pushing and dragging the flower pot up a hill and away from the beach, Seville muttered something about how they should have teleported directly to wherever the plumies grew.  The flower pot was proving most uncooperative.

The cats could see beautiful island resorts off in the distance but Nissy wisely suggested they head in the other direction.  "Remember, we're lookin' for a plumeria to take home with us, Seville.  We wanna find one that doesn't belong to anybody.  Peeps workin' in those resorts might object if we take one of theirs."

Eventually they came to a grassy clearing and in that clearing, they found a plumeria tree.  It was the most beautiful tree the cats had ever seen.  Far more beautiful than any of Peep #1's plumies. Not only was it considerably larger than any of her potted plumeria but also, it was blooming. Nerissa inhaled deeply, enjoying the exotic fragrance of the flowers.  "Isn't it glorious?" he asked his brother.

"Sure is," agreed Seville.  "How are we going to dig it up?  We forgot to pack spades."

"Don't need 'em," Nissy explained.  "We're cats.  Cats don't need spades to dig.  Just use your paws."

Nissy climbed up into the plumeria tree to see where he and his brother should starting digging. "Hmmm...  Oh-oh.  We might have a little problem here."

"What kind of problem?" Seville asked.  "You think we'll need those spades after all?"

"Nope.  Not a spade issue but rather, a size issue.  Hmmm....  I'm lookin' at the size of the flower pot we brought with us and I'm lookin' at the size of this tree and I'm thinkin'...  Hmmm..."  He climbed down from the plumeria tree and sat back on his haunches, studying the situation carefully, trying to figure out a way to get the tree into the flower pot.

After careful deliberation Nerissa cried in frustration, "MOUSES!  No way, no how, is this tree gonna fit in that pot, Sivvers."

"Yeah, I kind of figured that," Seville agreed.  "I came to the same conclusion about an hour ago."

"What?  Then what have you been thinkin' about for the past hour?"

"Dinner, mostly," answered Seville.  "It has been a long time since we ate those snacks earlier. Why don't we go find ourselves a restaurant and order up some nosh?  I saw a gorgeous resort over that way," and he pointed a paw in the direction of the beach.  "Bet they have some really nice restaurants over there."

"Yeah...   why not...   whatever.  Looks like the plumie tree is a bit of a bust.  Pick some flowers for Ol' Peepers and put 'em in the flower pot, Sivvers.  That's the best we'll be able to do.  Then we'll head on down to the beach and find ourselves some drinks and some snacks.  They're supposed to have great fishin' in these here islands.  We'll get us some fish and some drinks, enjoy a late dinner and some fun in the sun and then head on back to Nova Scotia.  Maybe I'll try my paw at surfin'. They probably have surfboards to rent.  Come on Sivvers..." and the two cats made their back to the beach area in search of dinner and surfboard rentals.  "Hop to it, Sivvers!  Make sure none of those plumeria flowers fall out of that flower pot.  I'll lead the way."


"Ummm...  Nissy?" Seville's voice was muffled by his efforts to drag the flower pot.  "Wanna help with this..."

"What's that, Seville?  Hmmm...  hold on.  I'm currently calculatin' the best route back to the beach.  Hurry up with that flower pot, huh?  Time's a-wastin' and dinner is a-waitin'!  Try not to dilly-dally quite so much."

"MOUSES!" Nissy muttered under his breath.  "You'd think I was askin' him to do the impossible.  Drag a little flower pot down to the beach.  Really, is that too much to ask?  Mouses, indeed."