it's a good thing

It's a good thing, Peepers.  Really, it is. Really.  IT IS!

For mousin' out loud, Peepers.  Most people would be happy to find out that...

MOUSES!

Anyone know what to do with a broken-hearted peep?

Peepers, would you like to share some of my nip?

I don't have very much nip to share but I'm willin' to share some of what I do have, with you.  If you think it will help, Peepers.

Let's see...

I can spare this much.  Will this much help?  Will this much make you feel better, Peepers?

I know it's not a lot but I don't really have a lot to spare.  And truth be told, the reason I don't have a lot of nip in the first place, is on account of your poor nip-growin' skills.  But since I'm tryin' to raise your spirits here, we won't get into that today.

Of course, tomorrow will be a totally different story.

But today, I'm willin' to share this half paw's worth of nip with you, Peepers.

Well...  Maybe just half of that.  Don't want to leave myself short on the nip front, you see.

Well...  Maybe just half of half of that.

Peepers...  PEEPERS...  PEEPERS!

Oh come on, Peepers.  Cheer up!

MOUSES!

Can someone please help me cheer up this broken-hearted peep?

In case you were wonderin'...

You all know 'bout how Peep #1 has been tryin' to gain the trust of Dionysia, right?  You know Dionysia.  The kitty who showed up at our house on New Years Day?

I know, it's confusin', 'cause at first, Peep #1 called her Here Kitty Kitty but later decided to call her Dionysia or Dionysus, dependin' upon whether Here Kitty Kitty was a boy or a girl.  Of course, Peep #1 never did figure that bit out but that didn't stop her. No sirree.  After a while, Peep #1 named Here Kitty Kitty, Dionysia, which pretty much ensured that she was actually a he, 'cause you all know 'bout my peep and her reputation for givin' girl cats, boys' names, and boy cats, names for girls.  MOUSES!

Anyway, for over eight months now, Peep #1 has been gradually gainin' Dionysia's trust.  At first, Dionysia would run away as soon as she saw the peep comin'.  But in the last few months, the peep has made great progress.  Dionysia comes almost every night for din-dins, waitin' for the peep out on the veranda!  In fact, the peep can even pick her up! And she purrs!  MOUSES!

I was bracin' myself.  I was bracin' myself for the news, for sure.  I figured that any day now, Peep #1 was gonna announce that we were gettin' a new sister.  Or a brother, 'cause - OF COURSE - the little matter of whether Dionysia was a girl or a boy was still unsettled.  Dionysia is not one to walk about with her tail held high.  She's not a confident kitty like me, you see.

But on Friday night...

On Friday night, Dionysia arrived at the front door...

Wait for it...

WEARIN' A COLLAR!

Apparently, Dionysia has a home and a family and we never even knew.  MOUSES!

I need to say that again.  MOUSES!

So now, after more than eight months of workin' on gainin' Dionysia's trust, Peep #1 is heart-broken. Heart-broken 'cause Dionysia already has a home.

You'd think her havin' a home would be a good thing but...

But the peep says that had she known Dionysia was somebody else's kitty way back when, she would never have allowed herself to become so attached.

I SAY, had the peep known Dionysia was somebody else's kitty way back when, instead of spendin' all those evenings trying to gain Dionysia's trust, she could have been spending 'em learnin' how to grow nip.  MOUSES!

And now, after wastin' all that time with matters unrelated to the growin' of the nip, I have but this eighth of a paw's worth of nip to share...

I mean, I have but this sixteenth of a paw's worth of nip to share with the peep, to help make her feel better. MOUSES!

And if that's not bad enough, now the peep is on a quest to find out who Dionysia's real peeps are. Goodness knows how long that's gonna take.  Goodness knows how much more time the peep will be spendin', not growin' nip.

MOUSES!

the cuddle monster

So like I was sayin', Andy, it's like this.  The cuter you are, the more you get picked up and cuddled.  That's why you don't get picked up and cuddled as much as I...

FINE.  You get picked up too.  Yeah, yeah... Cuddled as well.  And kissed.

Wait a minute.  Wait a mousie mousin' moused-up minute.  Were you complainin' that you do or do not get picked up enough?

Oh yeah.  Okay.  Well, the problem is, you're too cute for your own good.  If you were less cute, Peep #1 wouldn't pick you up nearly as much.  And there wouldn't be so much cuddlin' goin' on, either.

And by the way, you still don't get picked up and cuddled as much as I do.  If ever there were a cat to have a right to be complainin' about too much cuddling and stuff, it would be me.  I mean, just the other day...

Yeah, yeah...  Toby gets picked up a lot too.

Toby has two problems goin' on there.  First of all, she's small, like a kitten, even though she's all grown up.  That makes her super cute.  And secondly, she's small, like a kitten, and that makes her really light.  Turns out, the lighter you are, the easier it is for a peep to pick you up.  MOUSES!

So THAT'S why you're always asking for extra treats.  You want to be too heavy for the peeps to pick you up, huh?

Well Andy, that's just not gonna work.

Well I'LL TELL you why.  I was just gettin' to that.  First of all, Andy, you're already the heaviest of all of us cats and Peep #1 is still pickin' you up.  So if you've been aimin' to be too heavy for cuddles, you've failed on that account, for sure.  And secondly, I don't know if you've noticed or not, but the peep picks up those big, heavy bags of manure for the garden and...

NO, I'm not callin' you a big bag of poopies.  MOUSES!

Although if the paw fits...  Uh... What's that?  Ummm....  Never mind.

Andy, I'm tryin' to explain that if Peep #1 can lug around a big ol' bag of manure for the garden, which is pretty darned heavy, she's probably gonna be able to pick you up, too.  I don't think that even you could pack in enough treats to make yourself heavier than a big ol' bag of garden manure.

Although LORD KNOWS you do try.  MOUSES!

Andy, if you're really annoyed by all the cuddling, you should do what Tess does.  You know, how she growls all the time?  Growls at this and that, and that and this, and just about everythin' in between.

Oh yeah, you're right.  Even with all that growling, Peep #1 still picks Tess up and gives her kisses and everythin'.

BUT NEVER FOR LONG!  MOUSES!

Andy, do you even know how to growl?  Not sure if I've ever heard you growl.  I've seen you smacky paw a cat.  Goodness knows, I've been on the receiving end of those giant-sized, part Coon smacky paws of yours, but now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever actually heard you growl.   If you're in need of some growlin' lessons, I hear Tess gives classes in 'em.  Cheap.  MOUSES!

No, that's not how Mason avoids bein' picked up.  Mason never growls either.  But she squirms! She's a squirmy wormy, for sure.  I've heard Peep #1 call her that many a time and once, the doctor even called her a squirmy wormy without knowin' the peep was already doin' that, so obviously, Mason is a true squirmy wormy, for sure.  She can't avoid actually bein' picked up, but is usually able to squirm her way out of the peep's grasp without too many kisses.

Rushton?  Hmmm...  Let me think on that for a bit.

Actually, I don't think Rushy avoids bein' picked up.  Or bein' kissed!  To tell you the truth, I think he kinda likes it.

I know!  MOUSES!

And did you see?  Last night, Peep #1 even picked up - and kissed - Dionysia.  The peep doesn't even know if Dionysia is a girl or a boy yet, and she's already takin' advantage of any opportunity she can, to get close enough to her (or him) and give him (or her) cuddles and kisses and...

You noticed that too, huh?  Yup, Dionysia wasn't all that thrilled with the cuddles.  She's more of a you-may-pet-me-on-the-top-of-my-head-prior-to-feeding-me-out-here-on-the-veranda-but-no-more kinda cat, for sure.

Wait 'til Dionysia finds out 'bout the peep finding us cats so irresistible for cuddling.  Wait 'til she finds out the peep is a cuddle monster.  Wait 'til finds out that if ever there were an award from bein' a cuddle monster, Peep #1 would win said award, for sure.  MOUSES!

What do I do?  What do I, Seville the Cat, do to avoid bein' picked up, cuddled and kissed?

Well...

Well for starters, I shed a lot.  A peep can't pick me up without my leavin' my mark on 'em, so to speak.  And dependin' upon what the peeps are wearin', this sheddin' of mine does avoid a lot of cuddlin'.  You may have noticed that neither of the peeps ever pick me up when they're on their way out the door.

Yeah, you're right.  It IS a totally different story when they return.

Fact is, Andy, I get picked up and cuddled and kissed an awful lot.  Way too much for my liking, to be sure.  It's the price one pays for bein' so gosh darned handsome and cute and cuddly and irresistible, I suppose.

But what can I do?  It's not like I can stop bein' handsome.  Not like I can stop bein' cute.  Not like I can stop bein' cuddly.  Not like I can stop bein' kissable.  Not like I can...

What's that, Andy?  Not like I can stop bein' WHAT?

ANDY!  MOUSES!

And that, my brother, is why you are not picked up and cuddled as much as I.  MOUSES!

hello again

So I was upstairs, trying to mind my own business but finding that rather difficult to do on account of Peep #1 yelling like a banshee, downstairs, when I heard...

"Are you sure Tess is still outside?" I heard the first peep call out to Peep #2. "Because I hear cats upstairs tearing around and destroying the place."

Now there are a couple things I wanna point out 'bout that there statement made by the peep.

Firstly, note how she equates the tearing around and destruction of the upstairs with my sister, Tess.  This is interesting because Tess is known for a lot of things but tearing around and destroying stuff isn't one of 'em.  Nope, that's really not her modus operandi at all.

Sure, Tess growls a lot.  Did I say a lot?  I meant, a LOT.  She growls at anything and everything for any ol' reason at all.  My gosh, she even growls at the weather!  But like I said, tearing around and destroying stuff isn't her style.  She'd rather just growl.  MOUSES!

And secondly, notice how Peep #1 said, cats.  Cats as in the feline species.  Who's to say a couple of rocky raccoons didn't break in here and start ripping apart the upstairs?  It could happen, you know.  Those rockies are pretty darn smart.  MOUSES!

I would also like to reiterate how I compared the Peep's voice to a shrieking banshee.  Well I didn't say she was shrieking and perhaps she actually wasn't but take my word for it, it sure did sound like she was.

When it comes to banshees and my Peep #1's voice, it can be hard to tell the difference, you see. MOUSES!

Anyway...  There I was upstairs, trying to mind my own business, thinking 'bout making an early night of it and contemplating whether I would curl up on a bed or on a night stand when...

Let me explain.  Beds are decidedly more comfortable than night stands which, of course, are made of wood and have neither pillows nor blankies to their names BUT knocking off whatever is on a night stand in order to sleep there is a whole lot more fun than just jumping up on a bed and falling asleep.

Anyway...  There I was, contemplating whether or not I had the energy to knock the lamp and clock radio off the night stand, on account of my being in dire need of a good night's sleep, all the while trying to mind my own business, when I heard Peep #1 downstairs doing her banshee impersonation, and a pretty good one at that, when...

When I opened an eye and who did I see?  I saw a little black kitty.  This, of course, prompted me to say to said little black kitty, "Oh, hello again.  You back in my house?"

The little black kitty then proceeded to wreak havoc in the upstairs of my house.  MOUSES!

That's right, Here Kitty Kitty aka Dionysus aka Dionysia was back.  Again I must say, MOUSES!

After finishing her shrieking banshee impersonation, Peep #1 figured it out.  While she had been out at her caterwauling practice - which I'm thinking might sometimes sound rather banshee-like because I've heard her practice at home and my gosh, it's something no one ever actually wants to hear - Peep #2 had been left in charge of the house. Of course, that meant that the upstairs bathroom window that we use as a secondary access point had been left open after dark.  This, of course, was how Tess got outside when she should have been in and, the peep believes, how the little black kitty got inside.

Now Peep #1 wasn't upset that Here Kitty Kitty aka Dionysus aka Dionysia was in the house.  No sirree.  She was actually pretty happy 'bout that except for the fact that the little black kitty had become frantic and was expressing this frantic state with tearing around this way and that and knocking stuff off things that weren't supposed to be knocked about.

I, of course, let out a big yawn and told Here Kitty Kitty to let me know when she was done with her racing around and destroying of things so that I could get some sleep as, you see, I had by then decided that sleeping on a bed would be far more comfortable than any joy I might have derived knocking stuff off the night stand.

And don't think I didn't notice that even with all the stuff Here Kitty Kitty was knocking about, she totally failed to knock that lamp and clock radio off the night stand for me.  Not that I would have wanted her to do that, of course.  I mean, the fun is IN the knocking of the stuff down.  Some other kitty does it for you and there's no fun at all.  MOUSES!

Anyway, long story short, Here Kitty Kitty was heard racing down the stairs and into the kitchen where later, Anderson was found standing guard.  Yup, he was staring down the steps leading to the basement.  The peeps managed - barely, because you know, they're peeps - to piece stuff together and figure out that the little black kitty was in the basement, probably hiding.  Where she is now is anybody's guess.  The last time she was in my house, she hid really, really well.  I think she has a cloak of invisibility or something.  MOUSES!

The peeps have FINALLY figured out that Here Kitty Kitty aka Dionysus aka Dionysia wants nothing to do with them, except for din-dins on the veranda every evening.  Of course, they have yet to ascertain whether the little black kitty is a boy or a girl and settle down on one name.

I, myself, am trying to get in some extra napping today.  I didn't sleep all that well last night.  You try sleeping after hearing your peep shriek like a banshee.  Not a nighttime lullaby I would recommend to anyone.  Not even my worse enemy.  MOUSES!


                                      *****************************************

Please remember to leave a comment on my blog post "out of the batter bowl" by May 29th, for your chance to win an autographed copy of Linda Reilly's book, Out of the Dying Pan.  It's a great book. You'll wanna read it, for sure.  Purrs.

the experiment

Psst...  Wanna see a peep jump? Hehehehehee...

So Peep #1 was sitting on the chesterfield in the family room, calmly drinking her tea, when all of a sudden, she jumped!

So my brother Anderson was lying on the chesterfield in the family room, next to the peep drinking her tea, when all of a sudden, he ran.

So I, Seville the Cat, was perched on the armoire in the family room, watching the peep drink her tea with Andy lying there next to her, when I laughed and laughed and laughed.  I laughed so hard I nearly fell off that ol' armoire of a perch but luckily for me, I regained my pawing in the nick of time and laughed my paws off some more.  MOUSES!

Apparently, the peep does not enjoy finding bits of kibble in her tea.

It's true.  Not even one.  Not even one measly little piece of kibble for truth be told, there was only one teeny-tiny bit of crunchy kibble in that ol' mug of tea.  And if we're really talking truth here, it wasn't even crunchy.  Not after having been at the bottom of her mug of tea.

And speaking of mugs...

Oh my gosh, you should have seen the peep's face when she spotted that soggy, formerly crunchy, piece of kibble in her tea.  MOUSES!

No one knows HOW the kibble ended up in the peep's tea.

At least that's the official story and I'm sticking to it, for sure.  MOUSES!

Now I have to say, that ol' peep of mine is a vegetarian and I know that our kibble and treats aren't veggie at all so I'm assuming that was the problem the peep had with the kibble ending up in her tea.  That's my working assumption at least.  Andy says there was a grossness factor involved but for the nine lives of me I can't figure out why.  MOUSES!

And speaking of Andy...

Did you hear?  A couple of weeks ago, Andy went to the groomer to be uh... groomed.

Well technically speaking, he didn't go to the groomer, for the groomer at our hospital is allergic to cats.  MOUSES!

So anyway, Andy went to the hospital to be groomed but instead of being groomed by the groomer, he got himself all gussied up by one of the nurses. She did a really good job.  Andy has been strutting his new do all over the place, saying he's a lion now on account of his having a lion cut.  Lion...  Lyin'?  No, lion is what he said, for sure.

Thing is, Anderson has really, really long fur and as the nurse said, it mats just 'cause you looked at it, and once it mats even the tiniest of bits, he won't let the peep touch it at all.  So even though the peep was planning on asking for just a bum wash and shave - 'cause if there's anywhere you don't want your fur matting, it's around your bum area - an appointment for a lion cut was made. MOUSES!

And speaking of shaving...

Actually, I've got nothing for that.

But speaking of Dionysia, aka Dionysus and Here Kitty Kitty, she is continuing to come around although the peep still doesn't know if he is a he or she, a she.  Yup, comes every night for her din-dins and the peep is making real progress.  Last night, she (maybe he) stayed on the veranda while the peep did up her plate.  It's true!  Didn't run away or anything.

And lastly but certainly not least, I've got some exciting news I shall be blogging about on Sunday so you'll wanna check out Sunday's post, for sure.  And next Wednesday I'll be turning in my next book report for Kitty Lit. 101, so you'll wanna read that post, as well.

All in all, I've got a pretty busy week planned which will include more work on my experiment, checking the peep's reflexes and stuff.  If the peep will jump one foot off the ground when finding one piece of kibble in her tea, how high will she jump if she finds two?  Two uhhh...  ummm...  pieces of kibble mysteriously and anonymously placed in her mug by someone other than me.  MOUSES!

hello

Hello.  Hello there.  Hello kitty.

Uh, excuse me but um... who are you?

Better yet, why are here in my house?

Cat got your tongue?

Not answering me, huh?  Hmmm....

Be right back.

                           ************

Hey Mason, do you know who that black kitty is, in the kitchen?

Which one!  How many black kitties ARE there in our kitchen?  MOUSES!

Yeah, that one.  Who is she?  She?  He? Hmmm...  Not sure if she's a girl or a boy, actually.  Truth be told, I didn't ask. MOUSES!

No, I'm not gonna ask the peep.  Peep #1 is useless when it comes to stuff like that.  Might I remind you that you're a girl kitty who goes by the name of Mason?  Mason that happens to be a boys' name?  Same thing with our sister, Tobias.  Peep #1 is responsible for that, you know. Besides, I'm not sure the peep even knows there's a black kitty in our kitchen, anyway.

But you knew there was a strange kitty in our house.  Mason, how did you know that?

You heard her crying during the night?  That was her?  Gosh, I heard her, too.

What's that, Mason?  Why didn't I do something when I heard the little kitty crying?  Actually, I did do something.  I rolled over and told Rushton to shut up.  Guess it wasn't Rushy crying after all, huh?  MOUSES!

Yeah, I probably do owe Rushton an apology over that.  Awww....  MOUSES!

But back to my original question.  Who the mouses is that black kitty in our kitchen and why is she or he there?  Someone invite her over or something?  Did she come for tea?

Too true.  Nosey-Neighbour-Cat never needs an invite to come over to our house.  MOUSES!

Hold on, Mason.  I wanna check on something.

                                                *******************************

Okay, I'm back.  Yeah, she's still there.  Or he.  Still not sure about that.

NO, I'm not gonna ask her if she's a girl or a boy.  You ask a girl kitty if she's a boy and the next thing you know, you're being slappy pawed from here to eternity.  You girl kitties don't like being called boys, for sure.  Believe me, I know.  MOUSES!

Mason, why don't you ask her?

No go, huh?  FINE.  But we can ask her or him what she or he is doing in our house, right?  Come on, Mason.  Come on and ask her with me.

Well look at that!  She just disappeared downstairs. Or he...  Either way, a black floofy tail just disappeared down into the basement.  MOUSES!

Hey Andy!  You know anything 'bout that long-haired black kitty, we don't know, who spent last night in our house?

Really?  REALLY?  You don't say.  So that's the kitty Peep #1 has been feeding outside every night since she saw him way back when on New Year's Day, huh?  That's the kitty she calls Here Kitty Kitty? What a stupid name.  She might as well have called him Hello Kitty like I think I did 'bout fifteen minutes ago.

You're kidding.  Mason, are you telling me that Peep #1 has been calling Here Kitty Kitty, Dionysus, too?  I never knew.  MOUSES!

How's he ever gonna learn his name if she keeps changing it?

And is Dionysus a girls' name or a boys' name?  You think the peep knows?  Probably not.  As I mentioned earlier, Peep #1 never gets stuff like that right.  Forgot about that for a mo.

And she sometimes calls him Dionysia, too?  Is that even a name?  I'm feeling the need to reiterate, as I so often do.  When it comes to the naming of cats, Peep #1 hasn't got a clue as to what she's doing.  MOUSES!

Okay, enough of that.  Back to the question at paw.  What is Here Kitty Kitty or Dionysus or whatever his or her name is, doing in my - I mean, our - house?

NO WAY.

MOUSES!

So what you're both telling me is that this kitty whom we don't really know, who might be a girl or might be a boy, goes by the name of Here Kitty Kitty and Dionysus and sometimes Dionysia, and was calling out during the night (even though I thought it was Rushton, at the time), just walked into our house on his or her own, yesterday, without any kind of invitation, and spent the night and... and...  and...

DOES THE PEEP KNOW?

She doesn't?  How do you know that?

That's right!  Peep #1 put food out for Here Kitty Kitty last night.  I heard her calling his name and everything.  She put the food out on the veranda and then she was calling Here Kitty Kitty and then she came back inside so that Here Kitty Kitty would come and eat on account of Here Kitty Kitty being too scared of the peeps to let the peeps near her.  Or him.  Whatever.  But the bottom line is, the Peep couldn't have known that Here Kitty Kitty was inside the house or she wouldn't have put the food outside on the veranda.  MOUSES!

Hmmm...

Okay, two things.

First of all, this Here Kitty Kitty fellow or gal must have come in through the kitchen window yesterday afternoon when the peeps left it open for us and then gone straight down to the basement, not appearing up here in the kitchen 'til this morning.

And secondly, if Here Kitty Kitty was inside all night, that food the peep put out on the veranda is probably still out there.  Interesting...

You know, the peep has been putting extra special food out there for Here Kitty Kitty, hoping to gain his or her trust on account of his being so scared of the peep.  So that extra special and probably super yummy food is still sitting out there on the veranda, all by itself.  Hmmm...

Excuse me, if you will.  I do believe I hear a snack calling my name.  MOUSES!