the ol' peep

It's rainin', it's pourin'...

Come on, everybody.  Sing along with me!

It's rainin', it's pourin'.  The ol' peep is snorin'.

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

You're not?  Huh.  Funny, 'cause I'm sure I heard somebody snoring.  Must have been Saffy, then.

MOUSES!

What?  What's that, Saffron?  What's that YOU'RE babblin' on about now?

Snorin'...  Purrin'...  Whatever.

MOUSES!

But in all fairness, Saffy.  You DO have a super loud purr.  If you were a car, Peepers would be takin' you to Dr. T. to check on your muffler.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

My gosh I crack myself up.

MOUSES!

But you know somethin', my friends?  My brother Saffy Saffron Sassifras...

Yes, I STILL call him that, sometimes.

As I was sayin', my brother Saffy Saffron Sassifras does have a super loud purr.  Why, his purr is so loud...

It's SO loud...

His purr is so loud, it's practically deafenin'.

MOUSES!

Not that I, Seville the Cat, am deficient or anythin' like that in the purr department.  I, too, have a super loud purr.  But sometimes...

Well sometimes...

Well sometimes a purr is a whole lot louder when the purrin' is bein' done by somebody else.

It's true.  It's kinda like when Peepers does her caterwaulin'.

Caterwaulin'...  Singin'...  Whatever.

MOUSES!

But back to the point at paw.  As I was sayin', it's kinda like when Peepers starts caterwaulin'.  Oh sure, she THINKS she's caterwaulin' to herself but the truth is, that screechin' can be heard miles and miles away.  Peepers might be hummin' a little tune to herself - SUPPOSEDLY - but the next thing you know, Saffy and I are runnin' for cover and all the neighbourhood dogs are startin' to howl, and...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about NOW?

Fine.  It was just just the one neighbourhood dog who was howlin'.

What?

Fine.  He was probably howlin' at somethin' or somebody else.

BUT SAFFY AND I WERE MOST DEFINITELY RUNNIN' FOR COVER.

And not for the first time, either.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

the voice

Melodious, dulcet tones...

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', I, Seville the Cat, cannot possibly be talking 'bout my peep.

And do you know what?

YOU'RE RIGHT.

MOUSES!

Hehehehehehehe...


So about whom am I talkin', you ask?

Could it be...

Could it be...

COULD IT BE, ME?

Meh, probably not.  To be totally honest - which, by the way, is the best kinda honest to be - my voice is not overly melodious.

Although to be TOTALLY honest, one of the reasons my voice is not melodious is on account of my not likin' the way the word, melodious, sounds.  I mean, it sounds kinda like...

ODIOUS.

MOUSES!

Now if we were talking 'bout Mason's litter box habits...

'Cept Peep #1 says I'm not allowed to talk 'bout my sister's litter box habits anymore.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of Mason, her voice isn't melodious, either.

Mason's voice is more like uh...

Hmmm...

Ever heard a blue jay squawk?  Or better yet, ever heard a whole big angry hoard of blue jays squawkin'?

Yeah, well THAT'S what Mason sounds like when she speaks.

Of course, she only speaks when she isn't purrin', and Mason does purr a lot.  It's sorta her thing, you see.  Purrin', I mean.  But when she's not purrin', she's squawkin' like a crazed hoard of angry blue jays, for sure.

Which, at times, might be confused with a nest full of baby crows askin' for food.

Or a nest of hungry dinosaurs, too.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of blue jays, NOTHIN' gets 'em goin' better than when they hear my Peep #1 doin' her caterwaulin' routine.

Yup, word on the street is that orders have come down, straight from the upper echelons in Ottawa, for Peep #1 to stop singin', these days.  Yup, TOTAL truth.  TOTALLY.  I heard it from a guy, who heard it from a guy, who heard it from a weasel, and everythin'.

MOUSES!

Now Andy's voice...

Well that's a chirrupy kinda thing.

'Cept...

'Cept he chirrups in a really needy and demandin' kinda way.

ESPECIALLY when there's food on the go.

MOUSES!

But back to those melodious, dulcet tones I mentioned before.   Whose voice sounds anythin' like that?

Well...

WELL THAT WOULD BE RUSHTON, OF COURSE.

MOUSES!

Yeah, my brother Rushy does have a really nice voice.   He's not a blue jay impersonatin' cat, for sure.  And he doesn't sound like Peep #1 caterwaulin'...  I mean, SINGIN', either.  He actually sounds pretty nice.  Yup, Rushy has a super sweet voice, for sure.

Not super sweet in a sickly kinda way, of course.

Sweet as in...

Well...

SWEET.

MOUSES!

song and dance

Hold on there Peepers! Let me put on some music for you.

Hmmm...  Now as you're already singing...

Haha...  Singing. HAHAHA!  You're killin' me, Peepers.  *snorts* YOU'RE KILLING ME!

But like I was sayin', since you're already singing *wink wink* your own lyrics, I'll put on something instrumental. Hmmm...

What's that, Peepers?  You're a what?  I can't make out the words to your song on account of all that coughing and sputtering and stuff you're doin'.

And are those dance moves, Peepers?

Okay...  Yeah...  If I tilt my head just so, I suppose those could be called dance moves.  Maybe. Perhaps.  Well...

You ever consider signing up for some dance lessons, Peepers?

What's that, Peepers?  Again with the coughing?  And the sputtering?  What's that you're singing? You're a what?

Oh.  You're a vegetarian.

Well I know that.

Peepers, that's the most stupid lyric to a song I've ever heard.

And you're creating a dance to it?  Really?  REALLY?  MOUSES!

Peepers, sometimes I really wonder 'bout you.  I mean...

Oh there you go again, stomping a paw and coughing and sputtering somethin' about vegetarians and...

Maybe veggies can't sing.  Or dance.  Or...

A RAIN DANCE!  Is that what you're doin', Peepers?  Are you doin' some kind of rain dance?  Why didn't you say so in the first place?  MOUSES!

Truth be told, due to the lack of rain and two out-of-control forest fires at this end of the province, we could really do with some rain, for sure.  A rain dance might be just what the doctor ordered!

On the other paw, seein' you dance the way you're dancin', maybe the doctor himself is what should be on order.

You havin' some kind of fit or somethin', Peepers?

I told you before, I can't understand what you're sayin'!  Singing..  Whatever.

Peepers, no one is gonna be able to understand the lyrics to your new song if you keep coughing and sputtering like that.

YOU'RE A WHAT?

I never said you were.  Not ever.  Never once did I say you were hard of hearing.  MOUSES!

Of course, peeps listenin' to you singing your little song might wish THEY were hard of hearing but...

Oh.  OH!  Oh I can understand you now.  Well good for you, Peepers.  You stopped coughing and sputtering.  Now what were those lyrics you were singing?

And for the record, I'm usin' the word singing very liberally.  Normally, you don't sing.  Normally, you caterwaul.  But normally, you're a whole lot louder and...  Well normally, you're not doin' the whole song and dance routine.  NORMALLY, there is no dancing.

And also for the record, I'm usin' the word dancing very liberally, too.  MOUSES!

Now spit it out, Peepers.  What were you...

MOUSES WOMAN!  When I said spit it out, I didn't mean for you to actually spit somethin' out. What the mouses do you think you're doin'?  Are you havin' another fit or...

What is that little speck you spat out, anyway?  Peepers?

Hmmm...

A fruit fly?  MOUSES!

What's that, Peepers?  You were havin' a glass of wine and there was a fruit fly flyin' around and you didn't notice it and the fruit fly flew right into your mouth and...

What is this?  Tongue-twisting kittens' literature featuring alliteration?  MOUSES!

Alliteration..  Litter...  Hehehehehehe...  *snorts again*  Never mind.

Anyway...

Do you mean to say...  Do you mean to say that all that jumping and hopping and coughing and sputtering and stuff were all on account of your swallowing a fruit fly?

Do I think you've gone and ruined twenty plus years of vegetarianism by swallowing one little ol' fly?

It was very SMALL fly, Peepers. 

Actually Peepers, it was a barely a speck.  It was...

I GET IT NOW!  You weren't so much singing as...

Again, I'm using the word singing very liberally.

But what was actually goin' on is that you were distressed to have swallowed a fruit fly on account of your bein' a vegetarian.  I see...

By the way, why were you dancin'?

You say you weren't dancing.

Well, yeah, I have to kinda agree with you on that.  By the way, you weren't really singing, either, but...

But there was a lot of stomping and jumping and stuff goin' on.

You see Peepers, you're not a very good dancer at the best of times so you can understand why I thought you might be attempting to dance. Attempting.  Attempting as in tryin' to dance without actually dancin'.

There, there, Peepers.  Calm down. Take another sip of your drink and wash away any bad tastes that little ol' speck of a fruit fly left in your mouth and...

What?  More singing?  More dancing? MOUSES!

Oh for mousin' out loud.  By gosh and by golly, I do believe Peep #1 has gone and swallowed another fruit fly.  MOUSES!

hello again

So I was upstairs, trying to mind my own business but finding that rather difficult to do on account of Peep #1 yelling like a banshee, downstairs, when I heard...

"Are you sure Tess is still outside?" I heard the first peep call out to Peep #2. "Because I hear cats upstairs tearing around and destroying the place."

Now there are a couple things I wanna point out 'bout that there statement made by the peep.

Firstly, note how she equates the tearing around and destruction of the upstairs with my sister, Tess.  This is interesting because Tess is known for a lot of things but tearing around and destroying stuff isn't one of 'em.  Nope, that's really not her modus operandi at all.

Sure, Tess growls a lot.  Did I say a lot?  I meant, a LOT.  She growls at anything and everything for any ol' reason at all.  My gosh, she even growls at the weather!  But like I said, tearing around and destroying stuff isn't her style.  She'd rather just growl.  MOUSES!

And secondly, notice how Peep #1 said, cats.  Cats as in the feline species.  Who's to say a couple of rocky raccoons didn't break in here and start ripping apart the upstairs?  It could happen, you know.  Those rockies are pretty darn smart.  MOUSES!

I would also like to reiterate how I compared the Peep's voice to a shrieking banshee.  Well I didn't say she was shrieking and perhaps she actually wasn't but take my word for it, it sure did sound like she was.

When it comes to banshees and my Peep #1's voice, it can be hard to tell the difference, you see. MOUSES!

Anyway...  There I was upstairs, trying to mind my own business, thinking 'bout making an early night of it and contemplating whether I would curl up on a bed or on a night stand when...

Let me explain.  Beds are decidedly more comfortable than night stands which, of course, are made of wood and have neither pillows nor blankies to their names BUT knocking off whatever is on a night stand in order to sleep there is a whole lot more fun than just jumping up on a bed and falling asleep.

Anyway...  There I was, contemplating whether or not I had the energy to knock the lamp and clock radio off the night stand, on account of my being in dire need of a good night's sleep, all the while trying to mind my own business, when I heard Peep #1 downstairs doing her banshee impersonation, and a pretty good one at that, when...

When I opened an eye and who did I see?  I saw a little black kitty.  This, of course, prompted me to say to said little black kitty, "Oh, hello again.  You back in my house?"

The little black kitty then proceeded to wreak havoc in the upstairs of my house.  MOUSES!

That's right, Here Kitty Kitty aka Dionysus aka Dionysia was back.  Again I must say, MOUSES!

After finishing her shrieking banshee impersonation, Peep #1 figured it out.  While she had been out at her caterwauling practice - which I'm thinking might sometimes sound rather banshee-like because I've heard her practice at home and my gosh, it's something no one ever actually wants to hear - Peep #2 had been left in charge of the house. Of course, that meant that the upstairs bathroom window that we use as a secondary access point had been left open after dark.  This, of course, was how Tess got outside when she should have been in and, the peep believes, how the little black kitty got inside.

Now Peep #1 wasn't upset that Here Kitty Kitty aka Dionysus aka Dionysia was in the house.  No sirree.  She was actually pretty happy 'bout that except for the fact that the little black kitty had become frantic and was expressing this frantic state with tearing around this way and that and knocking stuff off things that weren't supposed to be knocked about.

I, of course, let out a big yawn and told Here Kitty Kitty to let me know when she was done with her racing around and destroying of things so that I could get some sleep as, you see, I had by then decided that sleeping on a bed would be far more comfortable than any joy I might have derived knocking stuff off the night stand.

And don't think I didn't notice that even with all the stuff Here Kitty Kitty was knocking about, she totally failed to knock that lamp and clock radio off the night stand for me.  Not that I would have wanted her to do that, of course.  I mean, the fun is IN the knocking of the stuff down.  Some other kitty does it for you and there's no fun at all.  MOUSES!

Anyway, long story short, Here Kitty Kitty was heard racing down the stairs and into the kitchen where later, Anderson was found standing guard.  Yup, he was staring down the steps leading to the basement.  The peeps managed - barely, because you know, they're peeps - to piece stuff together and figure out that the little black kitty was in the basement, probably hiding.  Where she is now is anybody's guess.  The last time she was in my house, she hid really, really well.  I think she has a cloak of invisibility or something.  MOUSES!

The peeps have FINALLY figured out that Here Kitty Kitty aka Dionysus aka Dionysia wants nothing to do with them, except for din-dins on the veranda every evening.  Of course, they have yet to ascertain whether the little black kitty is a boy or a girl and settle down on one name.

I, myself, am trying to get in some extra napping today.  I didn't sleep all that well last night.  You try sleeping after hearing your peep shriek like a banshee.  Not a nighttime lullaby I would recommend to anyone.  Not even my worse enemy.  MOUSES!


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Please remember to leave a comment on my blog post "out of the batter bowl" by May 29th, for your chance to win an autographed copy of Linda Reilly's book, Out of the Dying Pan.  It's a great book. You'll wanna read it, for sure.  Purrs.