it's not you

Don't worry, Peepers, it's not you.  It's me.  It's all me.  Well, I mean, Saffy and me.

Okay, so actually...

Actually, it is you.

MOUSES!

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

Because.

Because IS TOO an answer.  I just answered your question usin' the word.

MOUSES!

Okay, so it's like this: the thing is, Peepers, Saffy and I have to wash ourselves right after you touch us.  We HAVE to.  Like, we absolutely HAVE to do so.

We do too have good reason.  You're a peep, Peepers, and it's a well-known fact that peeps are often dirty.

Well dirtier than us cats, that is.  We cats bathe multiple times a day.  Sometimes, multiple times an hour!  ESPECIALLY when peeps get all handsy and stuff.

Peeps, on the other paw, don't.  

Bathe multiple times an hour, that is.  The touchin' us all over, they do.

MOUSES!

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

What about the baths we take rolling 'round on the ground, you ask?  The sand?  The earth?  The ummm...  The dirt?

Well...

Well that would be CLEAN dirt, I do believe.

And nothin' a good shake over the carpet won't remove.

MOUSES!

Hey, who are you callin' an oxymoron?

Oh.  Well, that's a relief.

MOUSES!

But as I was sayin'...

As I was sayin', Peepers, it's really not you.  I suppose.  Well it is, kinda, but you know...   You probably don't need to take it too personally.

But on the other paw...

On the other paw, if you weren't so keen to be touchin' our gloriously clean furs with your grubby ol' hands, you wouldn't get all offended when after you do so, Saffron and I immediately feel the need to take a big bath.  

Goodness knows what kinda germs you peeps might have.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.