Sunday 10 July 2022

it's embarrassin'


I said, it's embarrassin'.


Peepers, I SAID, it's embarrassin'.


I SAID, IT'S EMBARRASSIN'!


Because it is.


Is too.


IS too.


MOUSES!


My gosh, a kitty has to say somethin' like a million gazillion times before said kitty's peep understands.


Even when said kitty is statin' the obvious.


MOUSES!


Peepers, word on the street is, I'm livin' in a zoo.  And let me tell you somethin', ol' peep of mine: cats and dogs in the neighbourhood callin' my house a zoo is embarrassin'.


MOUSES!


Why just this mornin'...


Just this mornin', I looked out the front window over at the red glass bird feeder in which you put the sunflower seeds, and what did I see?  I saw a long dark tail hangin' down from the top dish.  And in case you were wonderin', no, it wasn't Saffron's.  That tail belonged to one of those big dark grey squirrels, it did.  Yup, a big dark grey squirrel must have managed to scale the shepherd's hook thingy and jump from the stand to the top glass dish, before settlin' in for a mid-mornin' snack.  And you know what, ol' peep of mine?  You know what?


THAT'S EMBARRASSIN'.


It is so embarrassin', on account of other cats in the neighbourhood chasin' squirrels and things, keeping 'em out of their yards.  But I, Seville the Cat - bein' the GentleCat I am, and not really likin' the idea of gettin' my own paws dirty - don't.


Plus, they can be kinda fun to watch.


BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT ALL THE NEIGHBOURHOOD CATS ARE LAUGHIN' AT ME BEHIND MY BACK, SAYIN' I'VE LOST CONTROL OF MY OWN GARDEN AND HOUSE, AND AM TOO LAZY OR SCARED TO CHASE AWAY A FEW SQUIRRELS.


MOUSES!


And don't get me started on the neighbourhood raccoons.  They're menaces, they are.  Diggin' up this and diggin' up that.  They never dig up my catnip, of course, on account of the agreement I made 'em sign; but OTHER CATS in the neighbourhood are sayin' I'm too scared to chase 'em away, too.


Okay, so it's really the neighbourhood dogs that started that rumour, but still...


But still, it's embarrassin', I say.  EMBARRASSIN'!


And then there are the birds.


Okay, so I quite enjoy watchin' the birdies flit here and there and just about everywhere, but one of 'em pooped on Saffron's head the other day and...


Okay, so that was part of the show and quite honestly, THE BEST BIRD TV I've seen in years, so...


So even though gettin' pooped on by a bird might have been embarrassin' for Saffy, it wasn't for me.


MOUSES!


But I can't have the neighbourhood cats laughin' at me behind my back!  So it's like this, Peepers...  It's like this: YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING 'BOUT THE SQUIRRELS AND RACCOONS AND ANY OTHER CRITTERS OUT THERE 'CAUSIN' A RUCKUS.  Okay?  Okay.


'Cept for the birdies, of course, on account of my wantin' to see the sequel to Poop on Saffy's Head.


What?  What's that, Saffron?


Excuse me a mo there, Peepers.  Saffron has somethin' to say.


WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?  THAT'S BRILLIANT, THAT IS.  BRILLIANT!


Change of plans, there, Peepers.  The neighbourhood wildlife can stay.  What I now need you to do is print me up some tickets.  Yup, lots and lots of tickets.  Ten bucks a pop and cats, dogs, and peeps can all watch birdies poop on Saffron's head.


What's that, Saffron?


Okay, so Saffy doesn't actually want a repeat performance of the poopin' business, but facts are facts, and the fact of the matter is: THAT'S GONNA BE THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE WHOLE ENTIRE PROGRAM.  No way, no how, are we cuttin' that bit.


My gosh, even I'LL buy a ticket to see that and I don't need tickets on account of the fact that I'm puttin' myself in charge of  this here show.


MOUSES!


***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.



9 comments:

  1. Wow, there's a lot to see at your place, Sivvers. Too bad the neighborhood cats are watching, too. You should most definitely charge them admission -- otherwise, why don't they go watch their own Bird TV???

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  2. And Saffy, sorry that bird pooped on you. They say it's supposed to be good luck. Though, who "they" are is questionable, at best.

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  3. Well, you now have a second career Seville, you're a good zookeeper!

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  4. You sure had me giggling, Seville! We have those critters here, too...and those tree rats are crazy trying to get at the bird food...but they can't, on account of the stovepipes around the poles....they cannot jump high enough or launch from other places, tee-hee!

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  5. Bein' just an indoor cat, it would be embarrsin' to go outside and not know what to do about all them critters, so I understand your pain even though I see you ARE outside and so should know what to do: so, what's up with that? You're assigning the job elsewhere, mmm, good idea!

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  6. You are not alone. We have squirrels in our feeder too but they are entertaining to watch.

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  7. Oh! My! COD! Poor Saffron! And Seville, we have given up on the wildlife. They out number us. We even signed a peace treaty with the crows. We promised them they could have all the moles and field mice that we catch (we are keeping the voles, they are just too tasty). We hope that you guys have a marvellously happy week! Purrs Marv

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  8. Step right up, don't be shy!
    Visit Saffy's Zoo!
    (Seville, you don't want your name on it just in case...)

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  9. Wow, that would quite some show. Poop 2, return of the head sploge! I'm up for that. Now, as to chasing squirrels, I think you do need to get the peep to sort them out in account they chase the birds away and eat their eggs. Do they poop on heads? Maybe check that out, too....
    ERin

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I love hearin' from my pals. I really, REALLY do. PURRS.