Dems the rules, bud. Dems the rules.
I said, DEMS THE RULES. I'm sorry - although actually I'm not - to tell you this, Saffy my man, but dems the rules in this here house.
'Cause they are, is why.
'Cause they are. MOUSES!
Oh for mousin' out loud, Saffy. The rules are: no scratchin', no bitin', no hurtin' the peeps. MOUSES!
'Cause they don't like it, that's why. Peeps don't like bein' scratched or bitten. It hurts 'em. They don't have the protective coatin' of fur we cats have, and they tend to be thin-skinned.
In more ways than one, I have found.
But why what? Why don't they like bein' scratched or bitten, or... Or why don't they have a layer of fur to protect their thin skins?
"Neither. I''m asking why it's a rule that we cats aren't allowed to give Peepers a little bite now and then. WHY?"
Well for starters, Saffron, it's not now and then. I heard Peepers tellin' you not to bite her twice already today.
And I'll probably hear it again, later on.
It appears to be a daily habit of yours. Bitin' the peep, that is. Perhaps even hourly!
"But I never break her skin. I never draw blood. It's just a little love bite, Seville. A little bite telling her I love her to bits."
BUT SHE DOESN'T WANNA BE LOVED TO BITS, SAFFRON! And she CERTAINLY doesn't wanna be loved by bein' bitten. Why can't you just rub up against her legs and purr like we normal cats do?
"I do do that, Seville. Right before I bite her. And often afterwards, too. It's like a little love bite sandwich. A soft little nibble sandwiched between sessions of my purring and winding myself around her feet until she trips."
Well it's gonna have to stop and stop real soon, Saffron. Stop really, REALLY soon. Like as in today, right here, and right now. That last little nibble is the last nibble you'll take. You hear that, Saffron? YOU HEAR?
"Oh I hear you all right. Went right in one ear and straight out the other, in fact, bein' heard on the way."
In one ear and right out the other, you say?
That's kinda what I feared, I'm afraid.
"Seville, I simply don't understand why Peepers complains when I show her affection. When I show her how much I appreciate she's our peep. It makes absolutely no sense to me. Most peeps would be THRILLED to be told by their cats that they're loved. Wouldn't they? Wouldn't they?"
Not in that way.
"I still don't understand, and obviously you don't, either. Come here, Seville. I'll give you a little bite on the ear to show you I love YOU and appreciate YOUR being my brother. You'll see it really doesn't hurt. Not even a bit. Here. Come here! COME HERE AND LET ME BITE YOU, SEVILLE. COME HERE!"
Saffron, you bite my ear and you'll regret it. I don't care if you think it's affection. It's not. It hurts! And you keep that up and Peepers is gonna blow a gasket, for sure.
"What is she going to do? Bite me right back?"
"No, she wouldn't do that, Seville. She wouldn't do that. She promised she'd never, ever hurt me, no matter what. That's what she said!"
Ah-ha! So you ADMIT that bitin' can hurt.
"Well yes, if you don't know what you're doing, it can. Peeps aren't normally biters so they don't know how it's done. Peeps need to stick to tickling the backs of our heads and under our chins."
All I know is, Saffron, if you keep on bitin' Peep #1, she's gonna keep scoldin' you, and I've noticed her scoldin' is gettin' louder and louder and THAT, ol' brother of mine, is hurtin' MY EARS, so stop it once and for all or I'm gonna have to take matters into my own four paws, and...
"Okay, okay... I won't bite Peepers again."
"Well, not in the next hour or so."
"Maybe twenty minutes."
*Saffron stalks off, tail held high*
I probably should have told him 'bout all the germs on peeps' legs. A cat never knows where peeps' legs have been. Peeps don't keep themselves nearly as clean as we cats do, you see. A cat could get really SICK bitin' a peep.
Remember to mask up, too.