Carry the one...
Times sixty again.
Multiply by nine, and...
And one finds that I, Seville the Cat, have been cooped up like a hen in a hen house with two good-for-nothin' peeps now for five hundred and sixty million, six hundred and forty-nine thousand, six hundred cat seconds.
And let me tell you somethin', my friends, this bein' cooped up with peeps is gettin' super old, super fast, for sure.
Why just the other day...
Just the other, I...
Okay, so it wasn't me. It was Saffron. Yeah, Saffron did what I'm about to tell.
NO, I'm not tellin' tales.
I'm statin' the facts.
I know, I know, I know what you're thinkin'. You're thinkin', WHAT DID SAFFRON DO NOW?
Well to tell you the truth, it's not anythin' new. It's somethin' Saffy Saffron Saffers Sassafras has been doin' from day one. Day NEGATIVE one, to be honest, on account of his doin' this, although to a lesser extent, even before he came to live inside the house.
Saffron, my friends, is a biter.
Okay, so that's not quite fair. He only does this with Peepers and he has never, ever, ever broken Peepers' skin, but...
But when Saffron isn't weavin' his body between Peepers' paws... I mean, feet. When Saffron isn't doin' figure eights 'round the peep's feet, he'll grab hold of her pant leg between his front teeth to get her attention. And this is not a good thing, at all, on account of if he ever happened to actually bite Peepers' legs and draw blood, she'd have to go to the doctor for medication and stuff, and when she's at the doctor's office and not home...
WHO WILL FEED ME MY TREATS?
Apparently Saffron doesn't think about these things.
So the peep is tryin' to get Saffron to stop chompin' on her legs but so far it's no good. So far, Saffron isn't payin' any attention to Peepers at all. So far...
Okay, so there was that thing that happened the other night. Wanna hear? This was really good.
So Peepers had just had a bath and slathered on some really stinky flowery lotion all over her legs. Then in the kitchen while makin' tea - the peep, that is, not Saffron. Even though Peepers had short pjs on and her legs were bare, Saffron decided he needed attention and went straight for the legs.
Well apparently, Saffron doesn't like the taste of flowers and lotion and perfume and stuff.
That cat was makin' faces of disgust the rest of the night.
And me? What was I, Seville the Cat, doin', you ask? What was I doin' while Saffy Saffron Saffers Sassafras was contortin' his face with looks of disgust?
Well I was laughin' my tail off, for sure.
Okay, so not really. I mean, my tail IS still attached.
Remember to mask up, too.