Okay, so I'm not talking 'bout THAT Queen. You know the one: Canada's Head of State? Queen Elizabeth II? Yeah, I'm not talkin' about her. And actually...
Well actually, the Queen I am talkin' about has sorta been dethroned or abdicated or whatever you call it when the Queen of Social Distancin' - ie Peepers - has met her match and can no longer be called the reignin' Queen.
That's right, my friends, there's a new Queen in town.
And that Queen would be...
Why Saffron, of course.
Okay, so Saffron is not yet livin' in the house with us, but the fact that she isn't, is kinda why she has become the new Queen.
QUEEN SAFFRON OF SOCIAL DISTANCIN'.
That's right, for the past three hundred and seventy million, one hundred and thirty-seven thousand, six hundred cat seconds, Peepers - aka Peep #1 - has been the Queen of Social Distancin'. Why, that ol' peep of mine can get a non social distancin' peep at the grocery store to back away from her to a safe distance with merely a look...
Look... Wild, crazy-eyed glare... Whatever.
Well, a look and a snarl, to be exact. They can't see the snarl on account of the mask she's wearin', but I bet they can hear it, for sure.
But I was watchin' Peepers givin' Saffron her brekkies this mornin' and I thought to myself...
SAFFRON IS DEFINITELY THE NEW SOCIAL DISTANCIN' QUEEN.
That's right, my friends, Peepers was inchin' her way toward Saffron, tryin' to get as close as she could, and all Saffron had to do was move like a millimetre or so backward and she had Peepers backin' off like no non social distancin' peep at the grocery store has ever backed away from Peepers before.
Why, Saffron didn't even have to move a paw!
Didn't have to snarl, either.
And as for the look Peepers gives to stranger peeps who get too close, well Saffron didn't have to do that at all.
Quite frankly, I don't think she has it in her. Saffron, I mean. Saffron is way too pretty, you see.
Plus, she's a cat.
But that one millimetre body move she made? Why it had Peepers scamperin' away and into the house, lickety-split, it did.
And apologisin' all the way, too!
So it's time for you get your fat, tailless butt off that throne, ol' peep of mine. Saffron is now in possession of the crown.
As it should be.
You know, with Saffron bein' a cat, and all. I mean, we cats rule the roost anyway, right? We're the ones in charge. We're in control. We're the royalty 'round here. We're...
Yeah, yeah, Peepers. Okay, okay. Hold your horses there. Please? PLEASE? With sugar and catnip on top? I promise I'll tidy my nip toys up right away. I...
I'LL TIDY 'EM UP WHEN I'M GOOD AN' READY.
Just don't throw 'em out on me or anythin', okay?
Remember to mask up, too.