Shake, shake, shake... *wiggles tail back and forth while snapping claws* Shake your boo-ty.
No Peepers, not you. You should not be shakin' your booty. You should be...
Well why don't you just sit down.
You ever notice? You ever notice, my friends, how we cats can do lots of stuff and look cute and adorable while doin' said stuff, but when a peep does the very same stuff...
Why just the other day...
Just the other day, I was noticin' this very thing.
Actually, I've been noticin' a lot of things like this, as of late. I mean, when you're a cat cooped up with a couple of good-for-nothin' peeps for three hundred and eighty-one million, twenty-four thousand cat seconds, YOU TEND TO NOTICE A LOT OF THINGS.
Especially the bad things.
Well maybe not so much bad, as uh...
And let me tell you somethin', my friends, MY PEEPS DO A LOT OF STUPID STUFF.
I think they're in some kinda competition, to be honest. A competition of the stupids.
But back to us cats, and more specifically, me.
As a cat, I can stretch out to my full length and look ever-so-graceful while doin' so. Grace could have been my middle name, it could.
If I were a girl.
But peeps? Peeps stretch out to their full length and they're likely to lose their balance and fall down.
As a cat, I can wiggle my butt in the air and look ever-so-adorable while doin' so. Adorable could have been my middle name, it could.
If I had a middle name, that is.
But peeps? Peeps wiggle their butts and all they do is draw attention to the size of said butts. Then they go on reality television.
Why, as a cat, I can even lick my butt, all the while knowin' I'm a clean kitty, which is a good kitty, which makes me even cuter than anyone could imagine.
Even cuter. Imagine that!
But peeps? Peeps start lickin' their butts, and...
Well let's just say, it's not good. Kinda gross, to be exact. Gross and...
DEFINITELY NOT GOOD.
And finally, as a cat, I can blog about lickin' my butt when I have nothin' else to blog about, and you know what?
I CAN GET AWAY WITH THAT.
You know, on account of my bein' a cat and 'cause cats can get away with practically everythin'.
But peeps? Pfft. Well let me just say that if Peepers starts bloggin' about lickin' her butt, I'll be havin' her committed, tout suite.
As in right away.
Peepers! I thought I told you to sit down. STOP SHAKIN' THAT BOOTY ALL AROUND.
Remember to mask up, too.