Shake, shake, shake... *wiggles tail back and forth while snapping claws* Shake your boo-ty.
No Peepers, not you. You should not be shakin' your booty. You should be...
Well why don't you just sit down.
You ever notice? You ever notice, my friends, how we cats can do lots of stuff and look cute and adorable while doin' said stuff, but when a peep does the very same stuff...
Why just the other day...
Just the other day, I was noticin' this very thing.
Actually, I've been noticin' a lot of things like this, as of late. I mean, when you're a cat cooped up with a couple of good-for-nothin' peeps for three hundred and eighty-one million, twenty-four thousand cat seconds, YOU TEND TO NOTICE A LOT OF THINGS.
Especially the bad things.
Well maybe not so much bad, as uh...
And let me tell you somethin', my friends, MY PEEPS DO A LOT OF STUPID STUFF.
I think they're in some kinda competition, to be honest. A competition of the stupids.
But back to us cats, and more specifically, me.
As a cat, I can stretch out to my full length and look ever-so-graceful while doin' so. Grace could have been my middle name, it could.
If I were a girl.
But peeps? Peeps stretch out to their full length and they're likely to lose their balance and fall down.
As a cat, I can wiggle my butt in the air and look ever-so-adorable while doin' so. Adorable could have been my middle name, it could.
If I had a middle name, that is.
But peeps? Peeps wiggle their butts and all they do is draw attention to the size of said butts. Then they go on reality television.
Why, as a cat, I can even lick my butt, all the while knowin' I'm a clean kitty, which is a good kitty, which makes me even cuter than anyone could imagine.
Even cuter. Imagine that!
But peeps? Peeps start lickin' their butts, and...
Well let's just say, it's not good. Kinda gross, to be exact. Gross and...
DEFINITELY NOT GOOD.
And finally, as a cat, I can blog about lickin' my butt when I have nothin' else to blog about, and you know what?
I CAN GET AWAY WITH THAT.
You know, on account of my bein' a cat and 'cause cats can get away with practically everythin'.
But peeps? Pfft. Well let me just say that if Peepers starts bloggin' about lickin' her butt, I'll be havin' her committed, tout suite.
As in right away.
Peepers! I thought I told you to sit down. STOP SHAKIN' THAT BOOTY ALL AROUND.
Remember to mask up, too.
Some things are just meant to be feline Seville!ReplyDelete
How true, my friend. How true! purrsDelete
As long as no other human sees this behaviour, Seville...then it's okay!ReplyDelete
But what about MY seein' it? I mean... I mean... I mean, there are some things a kitty can never unsee. MOUSES!Delete
Brian's right, Sivvers. Some things are clearly just for the cat realm!ReplyDelete
Yup, 'cause as cats, we're ALWAYS graceful. MOUSES!Delete
People wish that they could be as cool as cats.ReplyDelete
I think you might be onto somethin' there, for sure. MOUSES!Delete
Seville! You don't think all that lockdown has finally driven your Peepers round the bend, do you? Do you think she really might start trying to lick her own butt?! Ewe, gross!!!ReplyDelete
Next thing you know, the peeps will start eating your nip - and then where will you be?
Seville - this is SERIOUS!
I sure hope she doesn't 'cause that would horrible, for sure. To tell you the truth, though, I don't think she's flexible enough, and THANK GOODNESS for that. MOUSES!Delete
Everything cats do is adorable. :)ReplyDelete
It's a fact.Delete
Humans are almost as non-graceful as dogs. I guess they have other things they're good for, though. Like opening the food cans.ReplyDelete
They ARE good at the tin opening stuff, I must admit. Thank goodness they have opposeable claws... I mean, thumbs. PURRSDelete
Seville, yoo haz me and my Momma laffing out loud. The subject of licking butts is deffynitly not blog post material. This all goes to support my theory that us kittehs are indeed superior creatures, but we take pity on da hoomons becuz they would never look gwaceful lifting a leg to lick their patootie. Yoo can quote me. Love, DoriReplyDelete
Nope, they could never do that gracefully, at all. They'd probably fall down on their butts. MOUSES!Delete