That's right, my friends. As of today, I've been pretty much stuck here at home with these two good-for-nothin' peeps of mine for seventy-one weeks. In other words, I've been cooped up in a house with 'em for three hundred and eighty-six million, four hundred and sixty-seven thousand, two hundred cat seconds.
And that's a whole lotta cat seconds, for sure.
Now some of you have been askin' if all this stayin' close to home business has been gettin' to the peeps, driving 'em round the bend, and that sort of thing. Well I have an answer for you. Yup, I have an answer, for sure.
WHO THE MOUSES CARES?
I mean, this business with them bein' home all the time and gettin' on my paws is way harder on me than it is on them. And that's an undeniable fact.
Don't believe me, huh? Well you try livin' with my peeps practically twenty-four seven.
But I will admit - BEGRUDGINGLY - that Peepers has been doin' some weird stuff, as of late.
Let me clarify that. She has been doin' some weirder than normal stuff. She's always been a little weird, you see.
Provide examples, you say?
Okay, so last night, Peepers made supper. Now that's not weird, I know. Not even weirder than normal. A peep makin' supper is pretty much par for the course 'round here, on account of my makin' it a habit to never do meal prep or cookin'.
You know, 'cause I'm a cat.
But anyway, you're never gonna believe what the peep made. I'd ask you to guess, but I haven't got all day. Peepers made birdseed. That's right, the peep made birdseed for dinner.
Technically it was called MILLET PILAF, but you and I both know millet is nothin' more than birdseed.
Of course we do.
Next thing you know, she'll be chowin' down on those little thistle seeds and sleepin' in a round bed made of sticks and twigs and things.
Now to be perfectly honest, which I always am, I'm not too concerned with the peep's birdseed eatin' habits. I mean, it's birdseed, right? BIRDseed. Seed meant for birds. It's not like she's snackin' on temptin' treats and the fanciest of the feasts and...
OH MY MOUSES.
OH. MY. MOUSES!
WHAT IF SHE IS?
What if Peepers has been sneakin' into the kitchen late at night, eatin' MY bags of treats and tins of the fanciest of the feasts?
THE HORROR, I TELL YOU. THE HORROR!
Why, if Peepers eats all my food, I, Seville the Cat, could starve. Literally, STARVE!
And Saffron, too.
Remember to mask up, too.