we are gathered here today

Friends.

Family.

Loved ones.

We are gathered here today to honour the life of our friend, DaNip.

*sniffs*

Our dear and loving friend DaNip, who grew in this here eighth planter on the right-paw side of the driveway.

*sniffs*

DaNip was a true friend.  A friend whom I, Seville the Cat, knew well.  A friend I could always count upon to get me...

Well...

Nipped.

MOUSES!

Only a few short weeks ago, DaNip was a lush, healthy green plant, livin' the kinda life a catnip plant should live.

I think.

Actually, truth be told, I'm not entirely sure DaNip made it through the winter.  I thought he did.  I was sure he did.  I was sure when Peepers brought my catnip plants out of the garage this past spring, she brought out all eight plants I had been growin' last summer, but now...

Now...

NOW...

NOW I HAVE ONLY SEVEN!

I'VE BEEN ROBBED!

Or more likely, DaNip, the plant that once lived in this here eighth pot sittin' on the right-paw side of the driveway, is no longer with us.

MOUSES!

Why?

WHY?

WHY HAS OUR FRIEND LEFT US???

*sobs*

I, Seville the Cat, have been askin' that very same question since yesterday evenin' when I discovered that in this planter where DaNip once lived, there's nothin' but a shrivelled up somethin' or other that if sneezed upon, would literally turn to dust.

Literally!

TO DUST!!!

Okay, so actually, if I'm bein' really honest here, I DID happen to notice there was a dead plant in that there planter a while back, but...

But...

But I thought it was Peepers' stupid ol' lemon balm plant so I figured, WHO CARES?

Not me, I can assure you.

Like seriously, who the mouses cares if a lemon balm plant is dead?  It's lemon balm.  LE-MON balm.  Stuff stinks of lemons and if there's one thing I know: LEMONS STINK.

MOUSES!

But then yesterday...

Well yesterday, I discovered Peepers' ol' lemon balm plant alive and well growin' in that planter over there...

*points with tail*

...and it made me wonder: If Peepers' lemon balm is still growin'...  If Peepers' lemon balm plant is still alive...  WHAT KINDA PLANT WAS GROWIN' HERE IN THIS PLANTER, AND IS NOW DEAD?

So I did some quick calculations, addin' stuff up with my claws, and...

AND I DISCOVERED I WAS SHORT EXACTLY ONE CATNIP PLANT.

And to think I hadn't even noticed.

*sniffs* 

OH WHAT A TERRIBLE CAT THAT I AM!

*sobs*

WHY?

*grabs hold of Peepers' shirt tail and furiously blows nose into it*

WHY???

*sniffs*

So as we all gather here today to celebrate the life of DaNip - aka the catnip plant that once lived in planter number eight - I ask that we focus on the good times once shared with him.  Her?  Well... whatever.

I ask that we remember all those times last year when we rolled around on DaNip and chomped on his leaves, and managed to get...

Well and truly nipped.

And in celebration of DaNip's life, we will now all go into the backyard where we'll find glasses of iced catnip tea for the peeps and nip mice for the cats, and where we can all get...

One last time, in honour of our friend, DaNip...

WELL AND TRULY NIPPED.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.