Sunday 13 June 2021

sixty-five weeks


Attention class, today we will be discu...


I SAID, ATTENTION CLASS, today we will be discussin' social distancin' rules.


And I'd appreciate it if you'd at least TRY to pay attention.


MOUSES!


Honestly, we've been at this pandemic stuff for the past three hundred and fifty-three million, eight hundred and eight thousand cat seconds.  You'd THINK peeps would understand all 'bout this by now.


But you know peeps...


MOUSES!


So social distancin' measures 101, lesson one: Keep two metres - that's six paws for you non-metric peeps - between you and all other peeps outside your household bubble, school and work cohorts, and immediate social circles at all times, ESPECIALLY if you're not wearin' masks.


Got it?


Good.


MOUSES!


Social distancin' measures 101, lesson two: KEEP MORE THAN TWO METRES - that's more than six paws for you non-metric peeps - between you and any bears you happen to encounter while out on an evenin' walk.


MOUSES!


I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', bears don't spread COVID.  You're thinkin' that bears aren't a part of this whole pandemic, public health protocol thing, and you know what?


Well...


Well actually, you'd be right about that.


But the thing is...


THE THING IS, KEEPIN' A GOOD DISTANCE BETWEEN YOU AND A BEAR IS STILL A VERY GOOD IDEA.


Yes, I'm talkin' to YOU, Peepers.


MOUSES!


So the other night, Peepers was out for an evenin' stroll when she heard weird noises comin' from someone's yard.  First she thought it was the peeps who live in that house - whom she does know - doin' somethin' weird in their garden, makin' those weird noises and stuff.  Truth be told, however, to make noises that weird you'd have to be doin' somethin' REALLY, REALLY weird, for sure.


Even more weird than usual.


Or...


OR YOU'D HAVE TO BE A BEAR.


MOUSES!


Turns out, even black bears - who previously to this evening encounter, Peepers always considered to be cousins once removed from your standard ol' teddy - ARE A WHOLE LOT BIGGER THAN YOU THINK, WHEN REALLY CLOSE UP.


MOUSES!


That's right, Peepers found herself starin' face to face, 'bout ten paws away, from a Big ol' Black Bear.


In other words, Peepers saw the bear, and...


AND THE BEAR. SAW. HER.


MOUSES!


Social distancin' measures 101, lesson three: KEEP AT LEAST TWENTY PAWS BETWEEN YOU AND A BEAR.  Thirty, if you can manage it but twenty, at least.  And don't assume the bear will maintain that twenty, thirty paw distance.  You, yourself, must be on the ball and make sure the distance is maintained.


Not all bears know how to social distance, you see.


MOUSES!


And there's one more little social distancin' lesson I would like to add.


Now pay close attention class.  This is very, very important, for sure.


Social distanin' measures 101, lesson four: When encounterin' bears, if the bear should decide not to obey social distancin' rules...


Make sure you have a pal or buddy with you!


Six paws away, of course.  That goes without sayin'.


A pal or buddy who can't run as fast as you.


'Cause you know what they say...


They say, you don't have to be able to outrun the bear.  You just need to be able to outrun the guy standin' next to you.


Or somethin' like that.


MOUSES!


***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.



9 comments:

  1. Wow! We have had a bear in our neighborhood recently (totally crazy, because we live in a HUGE city!), and my human saw it on the security cam a few times. But never in person. Tell your human to keep safe!

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  2. Brat and Rags want to know where to get extra paws. They only have 2 handypaws and 2 footypaes each and if there's a bear that isn't enough feets for 2 kittehs@

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  3. I wouldn't have any problem social distancing from a bear!

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  4. MOUSES! She was that close to a bear? And face-to-face??? That is really scary, Sivvers. Social distancing, indeed!

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  5. I hope the bear was at least wearing a mask Or was the bear bare? I'm glad the Peep and the bear agreed to shake paws and go their separate ways.

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  6. Oh My Cod! Your Peep was face to face with Black Death, and she survived! We are extremely relieved the bear wasn't in a confrontational mood. I mean, it knows all about being in Quarantine, since it's a bear and it hibernates all winter. But seriously, so glad all went well. But after that nose to nose meeting, maybe Peep might think about wearing a bell on her shoes to warn bears that she's coming and not surprise them. Hugs! Herman and Dori

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  7. Definitely worth going out for a walk in running shoes. In fact well worth going for a run in running shoes. Better still, maybe get a tread mill or get someoe else to do the run for your peep?
    Purrs
    ERin

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  8. Wow! That is - SCARY!!!
    OUR Human has never met a bear outside of a Zoo, She is thankful to say - though she hears a lot of jackals at night and they sound really close.
    Glad yours managed to outrun the Bear.

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  9. I definitely want even more than 6 feet of distance between myself and a bear.

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I love hearin' from my pals. I really, REALLY do. PURRS.