Whatcha gonna do, Peepers. WHATCHA GONNA DO?
You know, peeps do a lot of stupid stuff. When it comes to doin' stupid stuff, peeps are professional stupid stuffers, for sure.
But instead of ownin' their stupid stuff...
THEY ALWAYS BLAME SOMEONE ELSE.
Now before I go any further, I should clarify 'bout peeps' lack of ownership of stupid stuff. When I say peeps refuse to accept ownership of their stupid stuff, I'm talking 'bout the stupid stuff they DO. Peeps are more than willin' to accept ownership of the stupid stuff they own, you see. They have no probs acceptin' that, at all.
Case in point: Peepers has an ENTIRE DRAWER FULL of hair scrunchies.
But back to the original topic at paw: PEEPS DO STUPID STUFF ALL THE TIME, BUT PEEPS NEVER ADMIT TO DOIN' THE STUPID STUFF THEY DO.
They blame others for their horrendous stupidity, you see.
And who might those others be?
Well they usually START by blamin' other peeps. Any ol' peep will do. Family, friends, neighbours... The guy they saw drive by the house one night.... Some person who stood behind 'em in line at the grocery store... Family members they don't wanna admit are actually members of their family, at all...
Those kinda peeps.
Eventually, however, their list of peeps to blame runs dry.
And THEN, my friends, they try to blame the cat.
Now when I say try, I do mean TRY, 'cause quite frankly, peeps aren't all that good at blamin' us cats.
Bless their little peep hearts.
I mean, we cats are smart. We're way too smart to allow ourselves to take the blame for stupid peep stuff.
Why, we cats...
WE CATS MAKE SURE WE HAVE ALIBIS!
Especially when we actually might HAVE done somethin' that needs one.
Our innate ability to conjure up an alibi on the tip of whisker, comes in handy when defendin' ourselves after gettin' into mischief, you see.
NOT THAT I, SEVILLE THE CAT, HAVE EVER DONE ANYTHIN' LIKE THAT.
Gettin' into mischief, I mean.
Well not often, at least.
And NEVER unless I've actually been caught.
The thing is - and this is my actual point, you see - peeps shouldn't be tryin' to blame us cats for messes made in the kitchen when no kitty was present at the time to make said mess.
I WAS ASLEEP ON THE CHAIR! is as good an alibi as you'll get.
Seriously, I've even heard it used in court.
Okay, so I heard it used in a courtroom while I was dreamin', but nevertheless....
Nevertheless, IF I SAY I was asleep on the chair, I WAS ASLEEP ON THE CHAIR. Okay?
And if you're lookin' for witnesses, don't look at me. I was asleep, remember? HOW AM I to know who was watchin' me sleep? Huh? HUH?
Remember to mask up, too.