This is why we can't have friends over, Peepers. THIS is why.
Oh sure, peeps think the reason we haven't had anyone over in forty-six wee... Um... I mean two hundred and fifty million, three hundred and eighty-seven thousand, two hundred cat seconds, on account of this ol' pandemic thingy, but...
BUT THE REAL REASON is the behaviour of the peep.
Okay, so maybe, well technically it IS on account of the pandemic and shielding and isolatin' and not wantin' to catch fleas... I MEAN COVID, but...
BUT I DON'T WANT ANYONE SEEIN' PEEPER'S CRAZY BEHAVIOUR, EITHER!
A peep can get locked up in a rubber room for behaviour like that.
*holds up paw*
I don't wanna hear it, Peepers. I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT.
NO, YOU CAN'T.
'CAUSE IT'S STUPID AND CRAZY, IS WHY.
Peepers, if I've told you once, I've told a million and forty-six thousand times, THE KITCHEN IS NOT A DANCE FLOOR.
NO, I DON'T.
'CAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE HAVIN' SOME KINDA SEIZURE, IS WHY.
Peepers, NO ONE - and when I say no one, I mean absolutely no one in the entire universe, along with various other alternative universes, and including me - wants to see you tossin' your arms and legs about like that..
THAT'S NOT DANCIN', PEEPERS. IT'S NOTHIN' OF THE SORT!
Oh for mousin' out loud. Peepers, if a cat walks into the kitchen and sees you behavin' like that, said cat is likely gonna call 9-1-1.
Well, I would, I suppose, but I'm not gonna on account of the fact that THE EMTS DON'T WANNA SEE YOUR SO-CALLED DANCIN', EITHER.
I do so know.
'Cause they told me.
Okay, fine. They didn't actually tell me anythin', on account of my not havin' called 'em, ON ACCOUNT OF MY BEIN' TOO EMBARRASSED BY YOUR RIDICULOUS SO-CALLED DANCIN' to let anyone past the front door.
Your supper is ready, Peepers. Now go be a good little peep and eat your din-dins and stop thrashin' about like an octopus outta water.
Although an octopus would have WAY more grace. MAYBE EVEN A LITTLE COORDINATION!
Good grief. I'm gonna have to wash my brain out with soap and water after witnessin' that. There are some things a kitty can never unsee.
Remember to mask up, too.