Boy-oh-boy, I've got nothin' to blog about today. Nothin'. NOTHIN'! Nothin' as in zilch, nadda, and zippo.
Although, of course...
Of course, I could always blog 'bout the stupid stuff Peepers has been doin'. That's always good for a laugh. But where-oh-where do I start?
Oh, I know! I'll start at the beginnin'.
So at the beginnin' of this here forty-third week - that's two hundred and thirty-four million, fifty-seven thousand, six hundred cat seconds, don't you know - of the pandemic, Peepers was pretty much up to the regular stupid stuff she has a propensity to do. Well, regular plus a couple new additions, I should say.
The week started with her breakin' a plate, you see. Not on purpose, mind you. It's not like she threw it against a wall, or anythin' like that - I don't think - but she broke it, nonetheless. Slipped out of her hand when she was gettin' it down from the shelf. Or so she said.
I, of course, couldn't care less. Nope, not even if I tried. I mean, it was a soup plate. DO I LOOK LIKE A KITTY WHO EATS SOUP?
She's just lucky it wasn't one of MY plates. Now THAT I would have cared about, for sure.
Next on the peep's list of stupid stuff peeps shouldn't do, was when she dropped the needle she was usin' for sewin'.
Not that I really cared 'bout the needle bein' dropped, as at the time she wasn't puttin' her sewin' skills to good use, anyway. In other words, she was sewin' somethin' stupid. A scrunchie for her hair, I do believe. DO I LOOK LIKE A KITTY WHO WEARS HAIR SCRUNCHIES?
Had she been sewin' up a nippy biff bag for me, it would have been different. Now THAT I would have cared about, for sure.
Well after spendin' like two hours or somethin' lookin' for that darned needle in a haystack... I mean, carpet - to make sure it didn't end up in one of my paws, you see - I figured Peepers had done enough stupid stuff for one week...
But OH NO, NOT MY PEEP.
A cat should never underestimate the stupidity of peeps.
So after the stupid broken plate and silly lost needle, Peepers decided to outdo herself, for sure. That was when...
That was when...
That was about when Peepers knocked over the container of bird seed. Not that I actually care 'bout spilled birdseed and ridiculous stuff like that. I mean, DO I LOOK LIKE A KITTY WHO EATS SEEDS MEANT FOR BIRDS?
Had it been my kibble, it would have been a totally different matter. Now THAT I would have cared about, for sure.
So after the four cups of assorted seeds ended up scattered all over the floor...
Well that's when I decided that enough was enough, and sat ol' Peepers down. "YOU BEEN INTO THE NIP?" I said.
Her answer was no.
Then she hiccuped.
And did I hear a slight slur to her words?
Nah, just kiddin' my friends. Peepers was as sober as sober can be. If there's one thing I can say 'bout my peep with one hundred percent certainty, it's that SHE DON'T NEED NO ALCOHOL OR NIP TO BE STUPID AND CLUMSY AND STUFF.
Nope, no sirree. MY peep does stupid clumsy stuff all on her own. Completely sober. No inebriation required.
And in other news... I hear the Government of Nova Scotia is plannin' on introducin' a new statutory holiday. Gonna be called STUPID PEEPERS' DAY, in honour of my peep.
Remember to mask up, too.